It always hurts when long-term relationships end. The more we see this
person as being the right match for us and the more we picture our futures
with them, the more we expected things to work out.
When we realize the future we once pictured suddenly doesn’t exist
anymore, our sense of heartache and disappointment runs deep.
Reflecting on these painful breakups, we try to figure out why things didn’t
work out, whether there were any red flags we overlooked or what we might
have done differently.
We might determine the other party was afraid of commitment, was always
angry over trivial things or think, “If I had just opened up more, maybe he or
she would have stuck around.”
Sometimes, we have trouble moving on from the relationships we’ve
invested so much time and effort into. We replay the breakup in our minds
over and over again.
We remember what he or she was wearing, the way he or she smelled, the
words he or she spoke and the color of the curtains in the living room. The
memories are so vivid, we begin fantasizing how it could have turned out
differently.
The most brutal moments are when we see he or she defriended us on
Facebook or changed his or her profile picture to one with a new significant
other.
We become obsessed, even a bit possessive. Though we know the
relationship wasn’t right in the end, it still hurts to see the other person
move on. It’s hard to see him or her touching and holding someone new.
We may question, “Why isn’t it me? What does s/he have that I don’t?”
We convince ourselves the breakup is temporary. That this new girlfriend or
boyfriend is just a fleeting romance, a rebound to get over you. We know if
we reached out, he or she would take us back in a heartbeat. We think, “S/
he loves me. Not this other person.”
Maybe they’re just doing this to get back at me, to make me jealous. You
find it difficult to accept the reality of the situation. You can’t imagine your
life without this person.
When the reality of the situation starts to creep in and the pain of the
breakup emerges, we deflect those intense feelings and replace them with a
far easier emotion: anger.
We think of all the annoying traits of the other person: how he snored in
his sleep, how she smacked her gum or how he never separated whites
from darks.
We chew on the wrongdoings, like that one time he forgot your mom’s
birthday or that time she flirted with another guy at the bar. We start
feeling resentful toward the other person.
Maybe we gave up certain opportunities to be with him or her, like turning
down a job in a new city or not going on that around-the-world trip that
was always a dream to take.
Maybe we’re just resentful toward him or her because now, our hearts are in
a million little pieces.
Through the anger, we start making deals with the outside world. We
promise to be better, more attentive partners if we could just get a second
chance. We’ll do anything to postpone the inevitable and to make the
heartbreak and loneliness go away.
When we realize no amount of bargaining will help us, we begin to
bury ourselves in depression. We hide underneath the covers, refusing to
come out of our rooms for days on end.
Pizza boxes, Chinese takeout containers and cartons of Ben & Jerry’s ice
cream litters every square inch of our apartment. We watch “Dirty Dancing,”
“Sleepless in Seattle” and “When Harry Met Sally” over and over to reignite
our belief that true love does exist.
We’ve gone through boxes of tissues, wiping away the endless tears and
the snot dripping from our noses. We wonder if we’ll ever move on. All we
want is for someone to give us a hug and tell us everything will be okay, or
for someone to buy us a few beers to drink the sorrow away.
As the days stretch into weeks and weeks into months, we start finding
ways to cope. We reconnect with the friends we neglected during our
relationship. Maybe we even find ourselves journaling, trying to make sense
of everything that happened so we can start healing.
We start pursuing new goals, anything to distract us from the heartbreak
and disappointment. Maybe we train for a marathon, buy a kayak or take a
feng shui class.
We do anything unrelated to our past relationship. This reminds us that we
have interests and goals outside of the person we spent so much of our
time with. In a sense, we rediscover our identities and we begin to
recognize there is life beyond the breakup.
Without really having known how we got there, we reach a level of
acceptance. We let go of the need to know and find ourselves, and no
longer gnaw over the “whys” and the “ifs.”
At times, it felt like we would never get here. Though there may still be a
lingering sadness, we are making a conscious effort to move forward with
our lives. Maybe we’ll even start dating again.
They say time heals all wounds, but time just makes it easier to endure the
pain. The breakup stings a little bit less as each day, month and year
passes.
Eventually, we do move on with our lives. We find someone else, we marry
him or her, we have children together. But, we never forget the ones we’ve
shared our deepest vulnerabilities with and given our hearts to with reckless
abandon.
No, we never truly get over them. We carry them with us, always. Because
through the heartbreak and disappointment, they demanded we re-examine
our lives, do a little self-reflection and become better versions of ourselves,
so someone else may love us completely.

*cleans lens nd put it on*


yea! i cnt read al diz o!
someone shud summarize it for me *removes lens*

..

sinaj:
*cleans lens nd put it on*


yea! i cnt read al diz o!
someone shud summarize it for me *removes lens*

Don't you ever read anything
Why are you this lazy

So true but u ought to have shorten it.

Ngozi247:

Don't you ever read anything
Why are you this lazy

Aunty Ngozi plz m not lazy

op na true talk wey u yarn us so. nice one!

sinaj:

Aunty Ngozi plz m not lazy

But you always say that you can't read long posts
That's laziness

Ngozi247:

But you always say that you can't read long posts
That's laziness

'Always say'
*whispers* some piple r de lie for we country eh

Nd how did you hear my voice

Tapout:
#gasping 4 breath , I stopped at d 2nd to last paragraph........ I tried sha ,


yeah finding a distraction works out fine...nice @ op

lets tapout jore

sinaj:

'Always say'
*whispers* some piple r de lie for we country eh

Nd how did you hear my voice

Ngozi247:

sinaj:

I will pull out that tongue of yours

Ngozi247:

I will pull out that tongue of yours

eh!

ma daddy will arrest you

sinaj:


eh!


ma daddy will arrest you

Who is your daddy?

Is your daddy better than my daddy.

See, my daddy can by aeroplane. See, my daddy told me that if any body touches me I should report to him and he will beat that person.

See my daddy has money o, if I just ask my daddy for I phone 6 now, he would just go to his room and give me the money instantly.

See, my daddy has many cars o, range rover, bugatti ,limousine even helicopter.
No body can mess with my daddy o.

Ngozi247:


Who is your daddy?

Is your daddy better than my daddy.

See, my daddy can by aeroplane. See, my daddy told me that if any body touches me I should report to him and he will beat that person.

See my daddy has money o, if I just ask my daddy for I phone 6 now, he would just go to his room and give me the money instantly.

See, my daddy has many cars o, range rover, bugatti ,limousine even helicopter.
No body can mess with my daddy o.

aunty you can lie o!

sinaj:


lets tapout jore

4 real....together ??

sinaj:

aunty you can lie o!

I am not lying o.

sinaj:

Lol, I like this girl

Well,I read it all...Time will surely heal wounds..After dating my ex for 5years,we broke up.I thought I was gonna die,but I am so so greatful to God for the break up...Look.ahead.

Tapout:



4 real....together ??

yea

I'm currently in the anger stage.....
Its not her leaving that hurts
Its the girls I let go cuz of her...
Now I'm back to genesis...the very beginning.
And I'm loving it