How To Be A Good Listener In A Relationship/marriage - Romance - Nairaland
Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / How To Be A Good Listener In A Relationship/marriage (718 Views)
How To Be A Good Listener To Ur Girl.... / Perfectmate Counseling For Relationship / Marriage Advice / 4 Ways To Be A Good Listener In Your Relationship (2) (3) (4)
(1) (Reply)
| How To Be A Good Listener In A Relationship/marriage by natureblack(m): 9:23am On Jun 04, 2015 |
THE CHALLENGE "You're not listening to me!" your girlfriend/wife says.'But I was,' you tell yourself.Evidently,though,what you heard is different from what she said.As a result,another argument erupts. You can avoid these conflicts.First,though,you need to understand why you might miss important details in what your lady is saying _ even though you think that you are listening. WHY IT HAPPENS You are distracted,tired,or both.The kids/neighbours are yelling,the television is blaring,and you are thinking about a problem you had at work/school.Now she starts talking to you _ something about expecting visitors tonight.You nod "OK",but did you really hear what she said ? Likely not. You make assumptions.This has been called damaging form of "mind reading".You assume that there is a hidden message behind your lady's words,when in fact you may be reading too much into the situation.For example,suppose your lady says."You've spent a lot of extra time at work this week."Interpreting this as criticism,you say:"It's not my fault! I have to work extra hours because you are running up my bills." "I wasn't blaming you!" shouts your lady _ whose original intention was merely to suggest a relaxing weekend together. You look for solutions prematurely."Sometimes I just want to express how I feel," says Ishilove,* "but Lalasticlala wants to tell me how to fix it.I don't want to fix it.I just want him to know how I'm feeling." The problem? Lalasticlala's mind is racing to find solution.As a result,he will probably miss some or all of what Ishilove is saying. Whatever the cause of the problem,how can you become a better person? WHAT YOU CAN DO Give your complete attention.Your lady has something important to say,but are you ready to listen?Perhaps not.Your mind may be on other things just now.If so,do not pretend to listen.If possible,put aside what you are doing and give your lady your full attention,or perhaps you could ask her to wait until you are able to do so. Agree to speak one at a time.When it is your turn to listen,resist the urge to interrupt or disagree.You will get your turn to speak.For now,just listen. Ask questions.This will make you better able to understand what your mate is saying.Ishilove,quoted earlier,says:"I love it when Lalasticlala asks questions.It shows me he's interested in what I'm saying. Listen for the message,not just the words.Note what is conveyed by body language,eye movement,and tone of voice."That's fine" might really mean "That's not fine"_ depending on how it is said."You never offer to help me" might really mean "I feel I'm not important to you".Try to get the real message,even if it is not spoken.Otherwise,you may end up debating over what was said instead of what was meant. Be sincerely interested in your lady.Active listening is,not mere technique,but an act of love.When you have genuine interest in what your lady is saying,listening becomes less forced and more natural. 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: How To Be A Good Listener In A Relationship/marriage by Nobody: 9:31am On Jun 04, 2015 |
jw.org. The only thing missing are the scriptures |
(1) (Reply)
Quotes And Pix To Help In Relationships / The Game. / Are You That Type Of Woman...? A Must Read For Ladies/women
(Go Up)
| Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 14 |