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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / I'm Bored, So Why Not?? Yet Another Feminist Thread! (13900 Views)
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Re: I'm Bored, So Why Not?? Yet Another Feminist Thread! by bukatyne(f): 9:29pm On Jun 19, 2015 |
pickabeau1: How many Nigerian women decide to marry after 35 due to career? Do you think in the Nigerian space, people marry late due to building careers? 1 Like |
Re: I'm Bored, So Why Not?? Yet Another Feminist Thread! by bukatyne(f): 9:32pm On Jun 19, 2015 |
@shollypopzz: Beautiful analysis If they are both working, why can't both partners pitch in to the best of their ability? Superwomen, carry go 2 Likes |
Re: I'm Bored, So Why Not?? Yet Another Feminist Thread! by Nobody: 9:51pm On Jun 19, 2015 |
pickabeau1: Loll, no. That's the last thing I'd say being a firm advocate of the financial independence of women. The problem is, many *woman often think it's their responsibility to make sure everything gets done - and if honey doesn’t do it, they’ll do it. They’ll make arrangements to have somebody come in, they’ll leave their job during their lunch break, be there to make sure the person gets into the house to fix something, and then go back to work. They'll enable people around them - they'll baby their children, and then baby their partner/husband as well! They'll banish the "NO!" at the tip of their tongues at work, despite their already teeming workload. The real problem is, the minute they take on all these expectations, it not only becomes their own expectation of themselves, but everyone else's expectation of them. What they don't know is that saying "No!" when you need to actually gets you ahead, because not only is taking on too much, or "doing it all" stress-inducing, it's counter-productive! These women in the articles obviously needed to delegate, but no they were stuffing mushrooms and then blaming feminism for it instead. Speaking for myself, I'm guilty of over-burdening myself too. I literally micro-manage almost everything. I recently tried to take on a second (part-time) job for the summer (for discounts and savings not gonna lie ) despite already having a commitment, school, and full-time work. I'm crazier than most people at this, so I actually fear for myself sometimes. I know there are people who 2/3/4 jobs (they're superhumans IMO), but I work nights, and it would've been insane to keep at it. I lasted, like, two weeks at the part-time Smiling at customers, and pretending I cared about their existence proved harder than I thought. *I referenced some of The Broad Experience here* 3 Likes |
Re: I'm Bored, So Why Not?? Yet Another Feminist Thread! by Nobody: 10:02pm On Jun 19, 2015 |
pickabeau1:I guess one can say that. The woman is biologically suited to this task due to the anatomy as feeding is a basic instinctLMAO! This is bullsh1t and you know it. Women are better at nurturing because they have boobs?? Bwhahahahahaha! So what happens when the milk dries off?? Do our nurturing ability and skills die down?? You said, men are natural providers, so let me ask you. What the hell are they providing if not food for their family to eat?? I would assume that also makes them nurturing since it is their natural disposition to provide. Or are fathers less likely to feed their kids than mothers?? 2 Likes |
Re: I'm Bored, So Why Not?? Yet Another Feminist Thread! by Nobody: 10:23pm On Jun 19, 2015 |
pickabeau1: I guess you came up with this number because of the increased complications conceiving for most women who are 35+? This is where men have the upper hand in terms of being a parent - they do not have to go through the rigors of having a child. They can be 65 and find a young host to carry their child. (Actually, I sorta take that back. As men get older, their sexual drive reduces, erectile dysfunction is rampant and they begin to suffer from low sperm-count. So, it's not all that rosy for y'all either) Since we understand that this is a shortcoming, women who plan on rearing kids at a much older age are advised to freeze their eggs and use a surrogate. This is a way of coping with that problem, won't you agree?? If you notice, the men in the article who left their wives and you claimed married younger women, already had kids. So the divorce wasn't because their feminist wife couldn't give birth to a child. Feminism is asking more women to marry when they are financially comfortable, not when they are 35+. I understand that some women might not gain financial independence till that age, which is why the writer is blaming feminism but there is also a big risk that comes with giving birth while you are not financially independent. My guess is that, it is left to the woman to decide the lesser of two evils. 3 Likes |
Re: I'm Bored, So Why Not?? Yet Another Feminist Thread! by pickabeau1: 10:31pm On Jun 19, 2015 |
bukatyne: Your question is not clear make your own observation then we can discuss Shollypopzz:I will agree that difficulty in conception is one of the reasons which also led to men avoiding older women So there is a double whammy - ease of conception, fewer partners willing to marry them. Aside from the cost of such a procedure, will a woman in her 40s be the best placed to start the parenting gig.. another question Yes i am sure this will become more popular as the years go by.. freezing I agree.. that was why the woman who wondered why she was alone was called naive |
Re: I'm Bored, So Why Not?? Yet Another Feminist Thread! by pickabeau1: 10:39pm On Jun 19, 2015 |
EnlightenedSoul: Stress... maybe this is why women live longer and now the modern woman is getting a load of the stress men were wont to take on Do we expect a reduction in the gaps between male and female life expectancies... Feminism the great leveller |
Re: I'm Bored, So Why Not?? Yet Another Feminist Thread! by Nobody: 10:48pm On Jun 19, 2015 |
pickabeau1:I actually edited my post, this is the edit: (Actually, I sorta take that back. As men get older, their sexual drive reduces, erectile dysfunction is rampant and they begin to suffer from low sperm-count. So, it's not all that rosy for y'all either) You're right, women aged 35 and above are going to have difficulty attracting men their age because most are married and those that have never been married and are willing to start a family, see the conceiving complication as a big issue. Your "what do you propose" question comes to mind. I think the more society accepts the idea of freezing one's eggs and using a surrogate, the better for us all. Aside from the cost of such a procedure, will a woman in her 40s be the best placed to start the parenting gig .. another question What do you mean by that?? Will a MAN in his 40s be best placed to start the parenting gig?? |
Re: I'm Bored, So Why Not?? Yet Another Feminist Thread! by pickabeau1: 10:53pm On Jun 19, 2015 |
Shollypopzz:yes advances in science show that older men have genetic issues too the question is now in what propoertion viz-a-viz older females
I guess we have to see how it goes with this acceptance Nothing like fresh eggs though... i know that is psychology... Did u hear of the women who had a child from cells harvested from her ovary in Belgium.. superb news.. i hope the cost can come down sufficiently to provide help to people whose ovaries are damaged to no fault of their own HAHA.. must u try to equalise everything More often than not, A man in his 40s will have a younger female in the parenting gig... now thats the fact |
Re: I'm Bored, So Why Not?? Yet Another Feminist Thread! by Nobody: 11:12pm On Jun 19, 2015 |
pickabeau1: Except I don't know what parenting means, are you saying the younger you are, the better you are are at being a parent?? I am not talking about the conceiving process. |
Re: I'm Bored, So Why Not?? Yet Another Feminist Thread! by pickabeau1: 11:30pm On Jun 19, 2015 |
Shollypopzz: Nope..you got it wrong I said a older man who has no experience will have a younger woman with him...unlike the case of the woman starting parenting late |
Re: I'm Bored, So Why Not?? Yet Another Feminist Thread! by Nobody: 6:40am On Jun 20, 2015 |
Shollypopzz:Aww! This is wickedness to the core 1 Like |
Re: I'm Bored, So Why Not?? Yet Another Feminist Thread! by babygirlfl: 9:19am On Jun 20, 2015 |
Shollypopzz Excellent analysis. 1 Like |
Re: I'm Bored, So Why Not?? Yet Another Feminist Thread! by bukatyne(f): 9:47am On Jun 20, 2015 |
pickabeau1: My questions are clear |
Re: I'm Bored, So Why Not?? Yet Another Feminist Thread! by bukatyne(f): 9:51am On Jun 20, 2015 |
EnlightenedSoul: I was like that When I was much younger before I learnt the sweet power of delegation Now, living a stress free life as much as possible Nobody takes Superwoman title to heaven And smart work NOT hard work is rewarded 2 Likes |
Re: I'm Bored, So Why Not?? Yet Another Feminist Thread! by Kimoni: 11:01am On Jun 20, 2015 |
I agree to a very large extent with all that has been written in terms of the pressure women face trying to balance their career and the home. It's not easy I must confess, no point in denying that. Yes, women are multi-tasking but in the end, we are still humans. However, I disagree that she blames it on Feminism. I am very ignorant of what feminism is so I can't even blame it on what I don't understand. I will also not blame societal expectations, inshort, I blame no one if I get depressed. I'll rather take full responsibility. As you climb up the ladder in your career, it gets hotter, the competition gets real. And sometimes, as a woman, ur battle to cto the top is multi-faceted. You have to deal with the rigors of the job itself, and the men sometimes become an additional challenge - you have to fight the stereotype that woman are not suppose to be leaders even when you merit it; then you have to manage the home front - hubby, kids, etc So truly, you can get a nervous breakdown from all these. Personally, how do I cope ? "Look like a girl, act like a lady, think like a man, work like a boss". The moment you step into that office, you become a man; if you are the boss, then be the boss. Nothing to be shy about. No stereotypes inside that wall. To survive outside the office, you cannot let society dictate to you. About 6 months after I finished Youth Service in Naija, I had gotten a job and needed to get a ride badly. I was constantly working very late in the office and commercial transportation was getting riskier by the day. Then, I got all sorts of advices from people. Some said I shouldn't get a car at all, some said I should get a very small one - Why? Just because I was a young girl who needed to attract suitors. Hahahhahahahhahahaha of course I didn't listen to all the BS. I not only got a ride but got a driver as well. And life couldn't be sweeter after that. Did I also tell you that suitors started pouring in? As a woman, I have since learned that you must not always allow society dictate to you but if you do, then it's your fault. Society does understand half the pressures you are facing. If as a lady you earn so much, you have to let your money work for you. Men are very good at this. You have to outsource a lot of ur traditional roles and do what you know how to do best. "Supervise". Get a nanny, get a cook, get a driver, cultivate personal relationships with ur kids teachers' at school. Build a strong support system for yourself at home, make them happy and you will live happily ever after. Of course, society will call you lazy, millennial woman, all sorts of names but really, what do you care? The ultimate is that you are healthy, happy, relaxed and fulfilled. @pickabeau - have I addressed any of the points? I don't know ooo As per the late marriage and divorce ish, what's the evidence that it's their careers that make women marry late or get divorced? Are women without jobs faring any better?? I think it's just one of those sweeping statements people make so I won't address that. 1 Like |
Re: I'm Bored, So Why Not?? Yet Another Feminist Thread! by Kimoni: 11:05am On Jun 20, 2015 |
bukatyne: Hahahahahhaha Life become very sweet when you learn how to delegate baa |
Re: I'm Bored, So Why Not?? Yet Another Feminist Thread! by babygirlfl: 11:29am On Jun 20, 2015 |
bukatyne, kimoni and enlightenedSoul, your write-ups are refreshing. 2 Likes |
Re: I'm Bored, So Why Not?? Yet Another Feminist Thread! by pickabeau1: 12:14pm On Jun 20, 2015 |
Kimoni:Seems most of the respondents are in sync with the observations but disagree with the conclusion so the issues exist..yes?
I agree but the question remains... why do women have to manage the home front.. according to shollypopz This is the core of the question.. to be or not to be This is the superwoman question... A lady getting a car is not always about society but a function of the societal or economic status in a few years this will be a thing of the past and be a normal thing All my siblings had cars immediately they finished school and it never affected their relationship
I agree with you Delegation can help with the stress Why do u not want to address the late marriage/divorce angle She is saying even men who bought into the 50.50 model are leaving their partners of many years after the kids have left the roost to settle with younger, less independent women. Thoughts? |
Re: I'm Bored, So Why Not?? Yet Another Feminist Thread! by Kimoni: 1:25pm On Jun 20, 2015 |
babygirlfl: Thanks 1 Like |
Re: I'm Bored, So Why Not?? Yet Another Feminist Thread! by Kimoni: 1:42pm On Jun 20, 2015 |
pickabeau1: Of course the issues exist.
Why do I manage the home front? Manage in terms of cooking, cleaning, and the general co-ordination at home? I accept that it's my role and I am happy doing it. I discussed my views about family roles in the Boy's thread, remember? We all have our various roles to play within the family. I dont belong to the school of "anybody can do it". We could help one another out at some point but the resposibility of a particular role lies with a specific person.
That was just an example to show you how society expects you to conform to some standards as a female, but which are not in her best interest.
I don't agree that the issue is peculiar to career women so it's a non-issue here. |
Re: I'm Bored, So Why Not?? Yet Another Feminist Thread! by pickabeau1: 2:42pm On Jun 20, 2015 |
Kimoni: the reciprocity of gender roles is the issue here you don't believe in reciprocity? no...? on late marriage n midlife divoices OK..since you don't see it as an issue..no problem then |
Re: I'm Bored, So Why Not?? Yet Another Feminist Thread! by bukatyne(f): 8:33pm On Jun 20, 2015 |
babygirlfl: Thanks 1 Like |
Re: I'm Bored, So Why Not?? Yet Another Feminist Thread! by bukatyne(f): 8:38pm On Jun 20, 2015 |
Kimoni: Extremely |
Re: I'm Bored, So Why Not?? Yet Another Feminist Thread! by bukatyne(f): 8:57pm On Jun 20, 2015 |
pickabeau1: I am mobile So cannot address individual points in quotes. How Does feminism increase the stress? I am assuming that by home front you mean chores basically. Why should a working wife be the only one to manage the home? A single lady getting a car issue is very much societal: exceptions to the upper class. I have heard it from several people different cultures all Nigerians I asked earlier that How many Nigerians do you know wanted to build a career before marriage? Not start working/earning? How many do you know purposely delayed marriage till late 30s because of their career? 50:50 model as in? Divorce @ older stages of marriage is not necessarily as a result of career building. As the article pointed out, When the children leaves the roost. If their marriage was rocky, they might wait till all the kids leave before they split. In Nigeria, it is the MIL travelling from one child's house to another or the husband gallivanting with friends about. I read in Japan, divorce rates spike up @ retirement because the couple now have to be together. I know a couple whose marriage is still standing because they both leave the house early and come back late. If they Stay 3mths together, they will either divorce/separate or go back to the drawing board. @Marrying less independent women: on the average, a 55yr old man would have built enough to live comfortably (since they had a career). A 20+ lady who would marry a 55yr old is. oobviously not ready to earn. Let's look for 55yr Olds who marry less independent 40+ ladies. And What is your definition of independent. IMHO: This article doesn't speak to the Nigerian society. |
Re: I'm Bored, So Why Not?? Yet Another Feminist Thread! by pickabeau1: 9:55pm On Jun 20, 2015 |
bukatyne:which stress do u refer Except you refer to the expected increase as a result of managing a career and a family..yes?
What do you propose on the home front? These women in the article(i assume u read it) had men who helped them yet the men left them after the kids had left the home Dont get the point here I never denied they were issues with females and cars in Naija
I know a lot..u mean males or females? I know females in their 30s who are just marrying.. other are still searching
50/50 means the men are involved in home management.. did u read the article at all ok...when they divorce. what kind of women do the men go for?
Why marry an old woman when younger models exist |
Re: I'm Bored, So Why Not?? Yet Another Feminist Thread! by bukatyne(f): 10:36pm On Jun 20, 2015 |
pickabeau1: Yes. You got me How does feminism increase the stress of building a career + home? @Home front: each couple find their rhythm. Is there any evidence to prove that the men left because they were helping in chores or doing 50:50? Does it mean that a man not doing chores makes the marriage last longer? Whatis ccorrelation between doing chores and divorcing When the kids have left? Are the ladies & guys marrying 35+ doing So because they want to build a career first or they married @35+ because they found someone at that age? I read it What Does 50:50 mean? I wash two plates, you wash the remaining two or What? How do you share chores 50:50? @Japan, the article did not say. It was focused more on divorce rates after retirement If men will not marry older women then we cannot judge If they are moving to less independent women or If they are moving to younger women 1 Like |
Re: I'm Bored, So Why Not?? Yet Another Feminist Thread! by Nobody: 12:08am On Jun 21, 2015 |
Shollypopzz: Where exactly did you say grew up?,because in Nigeria where I was born and raised,according to their latest amendment of constitution, kids of 11 yrs are allowed to be taken as wives and women are meant to be in the kitchen while men supercedes. But that's TOTALLY UNFAIR bro buhari |
Re: I'm Bored, So Why Not?? Yet Another Feminist Thread! by pickabeau1: 10:45am On Jun 21, 2015 |
bukatyne: well... i assumed it was selfevident that managing a home n building a career will have more challenges
ok
well..the article implied men were leaving for women who made them feel like men after living for years with women who were like men...
marrying late because they r building career n no one available yet
ok... no problem..... |
Re: I'm Bored, So Why Not?? Yet Another Feminist Thread! by Nobody: 8:38pm On Jun 21, 2015 |
pickabeau1: The gap between male and female life expectancies is due in large part to the significantly higher rates of homicide and suicide among men. |
Re: I'm Bored, So Why Not?? Yet Another Feminist Thread! by Nobody: 8:40pm On Jun 21, 2015 |
babygirlfl: Thanks 1 Like |
Re: I'm Bored, So Why Not?? Yet Another Feminist Thread! by Nobody: 8:43pm On Jun 21, 2015 |
bukatyne: Yh, I need to work on that big-time. It's a process, isn't it? |
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