Amaechi E Don Do Abeg
This fight between Wike and Amaechi is extending to extra time. These combatants continue to fight even though elections are over and a Governor has emerged. Salvos about destroyed houses, corruption, refusal to move into Government House continue to be the order of the day. The way they are going, they would soon start telling us of each other's smelly armpits and which soap they use to bath. I think some level of maturity should be shown by these little boys especially on Amaechi's side. He has had his time under the sun, he should allow Wike concentrate on building his own Government. I feel Amaechi is missing the Governorship and really has not spiritually left Government House. He should concentrate on maintaining relevance in Buharis Government at the centre otherwise he would loose out totally.
This is my honest opinion, I am really getting bored with this catfight and I suspect Rivers people on both sides of the divide feel the same way. So Bros leave Wike alone, we already have heard it all, he is corrupt, he rigged, he has a big head, he is Patience Jonathan's houseboy, he rigged FIFA election we have heard it all, let's just move on. As for you Wike, I don beg for you now, you too respect yourself and keep quiet. Just be silent for once and enjoy your five minutes on the saddle until we here from the courts. Let's begin to see action. You hear.


Ifeanyi Ubah Has Called Me O
As I was standing at the fuel Queue at Onipanu waiting to buy fuel, my phone kept ringing. I was not in the mood for any call, I had been standing on this queue for over one hour with no sign of getting fuel even though I had settled like two area boys who all promptly took my money and disappeared. So you can imagine my state, when I decided to take my call during a short break to drink pure water before I returned to the queue. I heard this sleepy almost sexy voice with a nice Igbo accent. I first taught it was my Landlord who is from Nnewi, as I never pay rent na I have been avoiding his calls but the caller immediately identified himself as the one and only Sir Ifeanyi Ubah. I was shocked and immediately left the queue and asked for the 13 million Litres of fuel so that I can collect only 25 Litres. He laughed and reintroduced himself and immediately went into the reason for this call. He was reaching out to me to explain very clearly is position and why he took the action he took during the last strike an action which I was critical about. My brother, by the time Chief Ubah finished with me, I was more knowledgable than the OPEC President on petroleum matters. The call took more than an hour and he carefully and slowly took me through all the issues concerning fuel and its delivery in NIGERIA, his role, his stance against the marketers, his love for NIGERIA and the need for me to get the facts right. By the time he finished, they had stopped selling fuel and I stood there like a fool with my empty jerrycan. I looked and felt so stupid, here was I in a fuel queue with no fuel and on the phone talking to someone who claims to have control of over 70% of total fuel storage in the country. The contradiction hit me and I just laughed and walked back home. My bro, I don hear, I no fight again, but help me with just 25litres, I still dey queue one week after your call o.


I Declare My Asset
I am following the examples of my new leaders to declare my own asset. But the difference here is that I am declaring mine in public so that Nigerians can see all I own before I swear my oath of office. I have just been elected as the new President of the Bow tie club. By the way, the Bow tie club is a club of all those who supported all failed candidates from the baba himself Jona boy to Obanikoro. The club was established to ensure that next time we fashion out strategies that would allow us see the wind of change better and support winning candidates instead of the Agbajes of this world. So here goes, find my total and full belongings as I enter office.

I own one Yoruba wife, six pairs of shoes, one LG TV set, eight Shirts, six bags of cement, two jerrycan of fuel, one housegirl,two paintings of a naked Fulani girl, one old model Toyota Corrolla, N6,000 in my FCMB accounts, shares in defunct Guardian Express Bank, one soccer boot given to me by Etim Esin, four books including Lola Shoneyins, trials of Baba Segi, twelve CDs, Nico Mbargas sweet mother Album given to me by my late Grandmother and my most important asset of all, my ATM Card.

So that is it. I have decided to run an open and transparent Government and have started by openly declaring my asset in public so that my people would not have to file the public information act or go through any stress to find out what I am worth.


Governor Oshiomole As A Case Study
When Governor Oshiomole declared his latest asset, the very beautiful and delectable Mrs Oshiomole of Cape Verde, me of all people could not stop wondering just how he did it. This was beyond gubernatorial powers but could have only been as a result of the charisma that comes with wearing all those well starched khaki safari suits. The woman fine no be small and this has led me to greater research. Why is that the older ones are getting the young, nubile and fine to heaven damsels. From Oshiomole, to the Alafin of Oyo who parades three exquisite fair skinned works of art, to chief Okoya and now the Emir of Daura who at over 80 has just smashed all time record by throwing in our face a Kim kardashian, statuesque figure -daring other 80 year olds to beat that. These old men who you would think can barely walk, talk less of getting it up are really pushing we young men into the bush in this competition. Ojukwu won his Bianca with a Book of Poems, Abiola used wealth and humorous jokes and excessive libido, Fela married 27 and we young men are just watching. My research question is simple, why are the old men winning? What is it about old age that is so attractive to light skinned and extremely beautiful women? I am carrying out surveys asking light skinned women why they find these old men so attractive and will soon publish my findings. Till then, I beg the Buhari administration to come out with a law that suspends these marriages until we can get a level playing ground. The old men are winning o. What are the old women waiting for, they should join in this battle by marrying far younger men, so that we have equal employment opportunity for our youths.
Thank you.




Buharis cabinet - I Offer My Services
I have been waiting infront of Jagabans Ikoyi house with my CV, hoping to submit it. I am totally convinced that I can serve NIGERIA perfectly as the new Petroleum Minister. The news that The President is currently looking like making himself the Petroleum Minister has not deterred me. Look, I am better qualified for this post than him for the simple reason, that my almost permanent stay on the fuel queue has exposed me to the dynamics of the petroleum industry. By mere seeing a Petroleum Tanker I already know if it is empty or not, I also know when the price on the dispenser does not tally with the quantity that has just been sold. I also know from the smell if the fuel is adulterated or not and by simply dabbing the fuel and spilling it on the floor I can also gauge the true quality. These and other attributes make me better Qualified than the President to serve in the Petroleum Minsitry. Mr President over a career queuing at filling stations, I know those who cheat in their dispensing and those who sell according to best practices. I am not corrupt and will not fly private jets to OPEC meetings, I will go by Arik so that I get there late and avoid getting our quota cut. I will work with my new friend Ifeanyi Ubah to destabilize the marketers Union thereby ensuring that there will be no crippling strikes during the life of this administration. So please consider my candidacy, as soon as I get fuel to buy, I'll come meet with you to discuss extensively my plans for the Ministry. Thank you.


Sahara Reportes dares Robert Mugabe

I just finished watching the video clip on YouTube. Laugh want kill me. A man who has held on to power for over 30 years came to celebrate democracy and watch a seamless transfer of power from an incumbent to the winner of an election. He is really shameless o., what was going on in his mind during the celebration as he sat there and watched the ceremony. For once, I supported the unprofessional antics of these Sahara people. The lady taunted him with questions of when he would bring about change in Zimbabwe and was ridiculed and laughed at by Nigerians who never allow these kinds of opportunities slip by. Mugabe should never have been invited to that ceremony and should be treated as a pariah until he frees Zimbabwe. I can just imagine what was on his mind as the tiny girl was heckling him, I am sure he was just wishing they could just disappear and appear in Harare, that girl and her master Sowore would have seen pepper. Kai, just go Mugabe.

Loud whispers - the book
This compilation is almost ready. It's the total summation of all of these articles. So all those I have yabbed and did not get to read it either as a result of imprisonment or house arrest now have the opportunity to buy the book and read. Alibaba, the famed comedian wrote the forward and my picture is there. So please people start making your orders, I have to pay school fees. Give me a call.


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