What Could He Possibly Gain From This Relationship? - Romance - Nairaland
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| What Could He Possibly Gain From This Relationship? by Tallesty1(m): 8:59am On Jun 20, 2015 |
These guys connected online sometime last year and fell inlove. They have been professing love for each other both in words in action since then. They met offline months ago and I think they really connected well because things have been flowing accordingly since their first date. The guy is doing business here (ABJ) and the girl is working in Lagos. Problem started three days ago when the guy called her to know when they will meet again. They chatted about different things and she told him at a point that she doesn't want sex in the relationship. According her, a pastor linked the cause of some the setbacks she's having in life to premarital sex. This new development didn't go down well with my guy so he came to me for advice. I told him that I cannot keep a sexless distance relationship, reason being that if I cannot have sex with my gf then I will atleast have her around me for other things. I also warned him not to allow her to brainwash him with the old manipulative technique of, "If you really love me you would do it". But I still want to know what you guys think of such relationship. What Does A Guy In This Relationship Stand To Gain? 1 Like |
| Re: What Could He Possibly Gain From This Relationship? by MizMyColi(f): 9:01am On Jun 20, 2015 |
It's all about perception. It shapes our reality. If the guy knows of a truth that he can't stay in a relationship without sex, and at the moment, he doesn't see himself getting married to her, he should let her go. If he does this and the lady starts considering sex just to keep him, on no account must he give in, because that'll make him a manipulator and someone who used her. He knows her stand. He knows that if she ends up having sex with him, she'll become a miserable person because she has an already formed thought process. It is better that he doesn't pressurize her into doing it, let her do it if she is psychologically and emotionally ready, for now, there must be other ways she adds value to his life, there has to be....except he loves her not and he is so fixated on sex. Just for education purpose... Since when did sex become an exchange, something to gain or reap from your partner? I'm asking this question based on the context that two hearts beat as one....that they are looking out for the common good of each other. Finally, I'll chirp in this advice.. Act like you trust your partner, trust them actually, until they give you cogent reasons not to trust them. Happy Weekend. 4 Likes |
| Re: What Could He Possibly Gain From This Relationship? by Tallesty1(m): 9:06am On Jun 20, 2015 |
MizMyColi:Thanks sister. The emboldened is what I want to know.... |
| Re: What Could He Possibly Gain From This Relationship? by xynerise: 9:07am On Jun 20, 2015 |
Have they had sex before? |
| Re: What Could He Possibly Gain From This Relationship? by Tallesty1(m): 9:12am On Jun 20, 2015 |
xynerise:Nope...... They met just once and there was no sex. |
| Re: What Could He Possibly Gain From This Relationship? by snakebeat: 9:12am On Jun 20, 2015 |
Absolutely nothing to gain, rather many things to lose... 1 Like |
| Re: What Could He Possibly Gain From This Relationship? by agarawu23(m): 9:13am On Jun 20, 2015 |
which setback are we talking about ? Some ladies just like to play smart |
| Re: What Could He Possibly Gain From This Relationship? by funlord(m): 9:13am On Jun 20, 2015 |
 And you call this a relationship? Abeg your guy is in bondage! Tell him 2 drop that Zero unless he wants 2 do NYSC all over again! |
| Re: What Could He Possibly Gain From This Relationship? by MizMyColi(f): 9:16am On Jun 20, 2015 |
Tallesty1: Was there f0replay? Or is sex same as FP in this instant? I have modified my post. |
| Re: What Could He Possibly Gain From This Relationship? by Sapphire86(f): 9:17am On Jun 20, 2015 |
Human love is always a selfish love! Let her go. Respect her decision. Life is a risk becuz he might be thinking she is prolly smashing some other dude in Lagos and forming pastor thingz for me. So if he can't love her wholeheartedly without sex then move on. It is not compulsory they date. 2 Likes |
| Re: What Could He Possibly Gain From This Relationship? by GeneralQuamdeen: 9:18am On Jun 20, 2015 |
When two people really love and want to be with eachother.. Nothing too much between them can be too much or too less... It doesnt matter if they see eachother too often or too less... Or having sex too often or too less.. The guy is gaining nothing for now.. But he might eventually gain when they get married.. |
| Re: What Could He Possibly Gain From This Relationship? by MizMyColi(f): 9:18am On Jun 20, 2015 |
agarawu23: And some ladies are just sincere in heart and purpose. Deal with it  1 Like |
| Re: What Could He Possibly Gain From This Relationship? by decode55(m): 9:19am On Jun 20, 2015 |
dump that female. Fast |
| Re: What Could He Possibly Gain From This Relationship? by agarawu23(m): 9:24am On Jun 20, 2015 |
MizMyColi:this is not a matter of being sincere or not, you ladies are just trying to be smart. the lady didnt tell the guy about pastor issue while they haven't met. now wey face don jam face she don bring condition  |
| Re: What Could He Possibly Gain From This Relationship? by Tallesty1(m): 9:28am On Jun 20, 2015 |
agarawu23:I tell you. Where was the pastor when she was dating other guys  ? |
| Re: What Could He Possibly Gain From This Relationship? by Tallesty1(m): 9:29am On Jun 20, 2015 |
funlord:  |
| Re: What Could He Possibly Gain From This Relationship? by Tallesty1(m): 9:30am On Jun 20, 2015 |
MizMyColi:I doubt. It was in an open place. I have modified my first mention |
| Re: What Could He Possibly Gain From This Relationship? by Mhizizzy(f): 9:33am On Jun 20, 2015 |
Well Let dem decide demselves |
| Re: What Could He Possibly Gain From This Relationship? by Tallesty1(m): 9:33am On Jun 20, 2015 |
Sapphire86:You are angry.... Calm ur temper. Control your emotions. And read the post again. |
| Re: What Could He Possibly Gain From This Relationship? by MizMyColi(f): 9:40am On Jun 20, 2015 |
agarawu23: And what difference does it make, there are issues you discuss on a face to face basis, just so you can see exactly what their reaction is. Let's even assume she speaks truthfully, what is your take? Do you always have to throw the baby out with the bath water? Do you know that Sex as believed by most people is something sacred, which should not be engaged in except a covenant like marriage is entered? Are you aware that perception shapes people's reality? That you and I see no biiig deal in PMS doesn't mean it's the same for everyone. They believe there will be negative consequences and it almost always plays out that way. I am not putting down your assertion that she could be playing smart, but unlike you, I choose to see the cup as half filled, not half empty. Which ever way you look at it, playing smart or not, the fact is that she is not ready, if he doesn't like her enough to exercise some patience and see how things pan out, while not being dead to his sense(s) of reasoning, he should let her go. It is simple and short like that. 1 Like |
| Re: What Could He Possibly Gain From This Relationship? by xynerise: 9:45am On Jun 20, 2015 |
Tallesty1:They should have defined their relationship before now. |
| Re: What Could He Possibly Gain From This Relationship? by Sapphire86(f): 9:49am On Jun 20, 2015 |
Tallesty1: I'm not angry. The first quote is what I read from father in the Lord. If he doesn't know what to gain other than the color of her panties then ...... |
| Re: What Could He Possibly Gain From This Relationship? by XavierBlue(m): 9:50am On Jun 20, 2015 |
Pastors spoiling maps for guys since world war 1. Tell him not to let the sexless relationship she proposed get into their way, if he loves her, he should conceed to her. As the relationship grows brighter, believe me, she'll give in. XavierBlue |
| Re: What Could He Possibly Gain From This Relationship? by ronald4lif(m): 9:59am On Jun 20, 2015 |
Complete waste of time to me. He should equally tell her that his pastor told him he shouldn't spend money on a woman he isn't married to and that such actions is responsible for some of his setbacks in life. Let's see how the relationship would survive without sex and money exchanging hands. Nonsense! |
| Re: What Could He Possibly Gain From This Relationship? by Tallesty1(m): 10:01am On Jun 20, 2015 |
Sapphire86:What else can he gain in this particular relationship. That's what I wanna know.... |
| Re: What Could He Possibly Gain From This Relationship? by agarawu23(m): 10:01am On Jun 20, 2015 |
MizMyColi:really? If the Lady is a kinda of girl that's straight forward, she should have told the guy 'This is a no sex relationship' because at times I see know reason why ladies will start a relationship and put a 'no sex condition', you can keep your body to yourself and accept Christ as your bf. not all guys can deal with a 'no sex relationship' Instead of involving yourself in a relationship that is ganna make you do what you don't want to do, stay out of relationship until you are ready to marry. You ladies jump into relationship especially when you notice their is something you can gain from him. The guy might be rich and 'maybe' he had been sending the girl lot of gift and cash but the Lady didn't see the guy as her future husband but cos of greed she couldn't stay out from the relationship. Why the sudden pastor issue? if the Lady is honest, I see know reason why she should hide anything from the guy. 1 Like |
| Re: What Could He Possibly Gain From This Relationship? by Nobody: 10:02am On Jun 20, 2015 |
All these naija boiz they don't even know what their problem is, they all want to marry virgins but they complain when their lovers refuse to have premarital sex with them.. Gosh, men are to complicated |
| Re: What Could He Possibly Gain From This Relationship? by naijaboiy: 10:05am On Jun 20, 2015 |
[b]Distance relationship? Gain? You can hardly think you are gaining anything from a distance relationship especially the man. What keeps you is the hope that something better will happen in the long run and all your wait will not be a waste. This lady in question probably is looking into the future with this guy. Like marriage. She may have indulged in pre-marital sex and then the guys may have absconded from the relationship. Now I think she really wants this one to work and so she doesn't want to give in to sex just easily so it won't be like the past experiences. Using her pastor to put this story may be a cover up but it's the message that's important. Now it's not really easy. For now it doesn't seem like the guy is gaining anything but if he can exercise a little patience he would gain more. If their love is true. But nobody should be forced or coerced into doing what they don't want do emotionally. So if he feels like he's not contented with the situation on ground he can quietly part ways. But in my opinion,,he should be patient.[/b] |
| Re: What Could He Possibly Gain From This Relationship? by naijaboiy: 10:06am On Jun 20, 2015 |
6ty6ix:Madam! This is not a thread for all those "naija boys" "naija girls" rants. If you don't have any sensible advice just stay in one quiet lane and observe. 2 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: What Could He Possibly Gain From This Relationship? by agarawu23(m): 10:07am On Jun 20, 2015 |
Tallesty1:oga dont trust that Lady. I know their type. she just wanna waste the guy's time. They are both matured and can make decision on their own. if the Lady Is a Virgin, then the guy can adapt if he wish to (,but must confirm she is truly one) but If the Lady no be Virgin, forget am, na scam things |
| Re: What Could He Possibly Gain From This Relationship? by ronald4lif(m): 10:08am On Jun 20, 2015 |
agarawu23: Top notch boss. The emboldened speaks volume and a tough word of advice. I'd conserve that for rumination. |
| Re: What Could He Possibly Gain From This Relationship? by agarawu23(m): 10:12am On Jun 20, 2015 |
ronald4lif:oga na so e suppose be |
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