freecocoa:
if we can't make an effort to love our partner's family, I wonder what kind of families we'll all have.

Please do yourself a great favour: YOUR IN-LAWS ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS. Draw those lines and boundaries in black paint and guard it with a cutlass. Or you will end up one day bitterly regretting that you wanted to "show Love". Nigerian society isn't filled with kind, well meaning people who will understand your mistakes. One of my BiLs gave me this advice.

Example: during my pregnancy, I wasn't too happy with my hubby one day and we were out. His baby sister (10 freaking years younger than me and rude but I have never given her behaviour a thought) decided to come greet me but i wasn't my smiling self. Do you know what she did? She called her mother and told her I didn't like her based on that ONE 10 minute visit (nevermind every other time I met her I was friendly). Is that the behaviour of someone who loves me? Won't someone who loves me have kept quiet and maybe thought "perhaps all's not well" and waited till she saw me in a good mood to ask what happened that day?

Now I draw careful boundaries.

The reason everyone is attacking he OP is because he is not minding his business and is attempting to "put the girl in her place". He should go and mind his business (he's even keeping track of what goes on between man and wife and counting gifts and holidays sef). If he had simply used some wisdom and met the girl one day and said "wow, Auntie is not having it easy and I know you probably have your hands full. Why not once a week, you cook and I'll find a maid, and we can chip in to help Auntie? " Had he done that, the girl would have gotten the hint and been more helpful whilst being glad for the way he handled things.

My mum will certainly not expect me to drop everything daily and stay with her but she will complain just as bitterly as the Auntie if my SiL doesn't and that is the beast of In-Law relationships in our society: what you will accept and take even more from your child, you will crucify another person's child for less than half of that behaviour.

Instead he's threatening her (does he think she doesn't suspect what they're planning?) and idiotically being tactless and worse, majority of the women who answered him are married and he still is too idiotic to wonder why almost all of them (even those that agreed with him) gave the same answer: that he should mind his business and use some tact.

For goodness' sake they are even complaining that she only spent one hour visiting (with a baby). Hian!

Okay this pissed me off to no end. I had to register to respond to this stupidity.

Silly relatives who imagine they have a stake in a couples relationship because they want eye service. It is absolutely annoying. If I hadn't had a similar experience recently I would have joined those castigating the lady. Here is my own experience.

I had a baby recently and my mother in law came, spent some time and left, when she was leaving we gave her gifts and money as always my husband and I would talk and decide what to give and he would let me give the gifts and money. Granted this time it was less than we usually give her because we just had to baby, had expenses to handle and we were a little more cautious.
After she left his cousin showed up claiming he had an interview , okay ohhhhhhh. I noticed the guy was a little condescending but I didn't let myself worry about that because I had my baby to worry about.

I have a none live in maid who comes and goes in the evening.
Anyway his cousin was nice and " respectful " when hubby was around, as soon as hubby left for work he ate breakfast and called me from my room to come and pack the plates, thank God I never knew how to do eye service I ignored him and went back to the room, even in my condition then 3rd week after delivery I never did that to my maid, I would still eat and take my plates to the kitchen myself.

Meanwhile I cook only lunch because I had to sleep when baby was sleeping as baby would keep me up all night, I had soups and stews and would ask the maid to make rice or swallow to go with the soups for him. Hubby hardly ate dinner as he took food to work ate a late lunch and would take fruits in the night or fix himself a sandwich.

This cousin would stay in the sitting room lying down on the sofa changing channels rudely when I had guests. Anyway after that plate stunt I sent my husband a message and was very upset he apologised,called his cousin and when he came back the cousin said he was leaving the next day, even though he claimed he came for an interview he didn't attend any.

After he left, they reported to an elderly family member who called hubby and I these were the allegations :

1. I am lazy, I don't cook amd clean even though I am a house wife

2. I don't work yet I "control" the finances I must have jazzed my husband

3. I was rude to my mother in law

4. I am was not accommodating enough to my in laws

5. He bought me a car

6. I was controlling

7. I am wasting money employing a non live in maid doing big woman just wasting money for nothing.

Meanwhile here is the real situation :

1. Lazy housewife lol; I never pretended to love housework. However hubby felt we were spending too much time apart doing housework instead of enjoying time together hence the decision to hire a house keeper.

2. When I met hubby he was a lucky go fella spent money as he made it, I was the opposite helped him start saving, I was working too and taught him then how to change naira to dollars and save in a domiciliary account, then naira was 152 within a year he had saved over $20,000 just by blocking loopholes and being more careful with finances. We had opened a wedding joint account and maintained it after the wedding as a family expense account. I had to stop work but I had savings to carry my weight during my period of unemployment. Hubby trusted me with tracking financial expenditure hence he would let me handle that.

We contribute 60-40 to expenditure even though I am a " housewife"


3. I was rude to mother in law: when I would need to sleep she would want something and would open my door shout until baby and I woke up, I would end up with a migraine and baby would be crying and edgy, so I started locking my door to nap. When i mean she wants something, I mean she can't find the TV remote or has problem changing channels or light goes off in the afternoon and she wants gen on. Meanwhile she hardly helped with baby.

4. I would definitely not do eye service to please anybody, I do things at my own convenience end off

5.The car was because he didn't want me stressing with the old car while pregnant and with the new baby.

6.I was controlling lol, I dont even know how to respond so if a husband and wife mutually agree on financial decisions it means control Lmao no wonder some men die and their wives don't even know their bank accounts such ignorance

7. The house keeper comes in the morning and leaves in thw evening then a few hours weekend. We are fair people, we rejected the " bring a girl from the village and train " issh we didn't want to abuse anybodys child. My mother in law was very angry anytime the lady was closing from work or when she does a new hair do, how dare I allow my maid to have so much freedom, well she is an employee not a slave.


Anyway the elder was so upset when hubby told him what happened he called a meeting and warned mother in law and the silly cousin who apparently heard her complains and came to " fight " for her he told them not to get involved in our marriage and stay in their boundaries. He kuku banned cousin from visiting us since he chose to be so crude

Pls lady, why did you deactivate? So much to learn from you like someone said already. Pls join this section soonest.

Does your hubby have a will? If he doesnt, pls ensure he gets one soonest. There are several companies offering that services now. As much as it's okay for a man to cut off meddlesome relatives to save his home, it's like walking on egg shells for the wife.

God bless your home.

Op, all I read in your post is jealousy! She drives a car, she travels abroad etc and no matter how good or bad you want ple to see this girl in this post, your message will be totally lost.
@all of you saying what if op's aunty is her mother? Listen, mothers go all the way for their children and never expects that the child leaves her or his life cos of her except the insensitive mothers. I ask myself always, can I ever repay my mother for her sacrifices? No! But the repayment is in d fact that you are happy n yu become somebody in life. Now, op's aunty will never expect this much from her own daughter. She will do the omugwo whole heartedly n May not even expect anything in return.
Op, see hen, tell your cousin to get his mother a maid. Unfortunatly, you are d kind of person that will still complain -like why d heck is my cousin wasting money on maid when his wide to be can be the maid just like yu feel its a waste of money taking a Girl that does nothing abroad n wasting money on buying a car for her when she can walk or take bike!

Am not justfying the girl's actiin n I wnt crucify her cos your hatred for her is so glaring n that's y you make a serious issue out of every step and who knows whether thats the reason she is keeping her distance.

The OP and the mother in law placed so much expectations on the woman. Remember the lady came from a different family and might not see anything wrong with what u said she is doing, so communication matters here, besides she just put to bed -CS fa so u guys shld be considerate. And please stop prying into the couple's affairs, the guy too might notice her behavior and they'll know how to settle themselves.
Ur story actually made me remember one of my Uncle's wife, as in I just can't find another word to qualify her worse than lazy, when she even comes around, she sits down watching TV waiting for her 'slaves' to bring food to her, after then she won't even wash her own plate not to talk of one mother-in-laws plate, when my grandma went to take care of her baby for her, she had to use her own money to buy broom to 1st sweep and clean the compound b4 she could stay. A housewife that can't fetch water from tap just outside the house or even wash her own undies and clothes, watches porn even when all her kids are female and many more. But all these ain't our business, afterall na my uncle sow where he is reaping nw. Anytime he comes around and start complaining abt her we just ignore him, we were sha not there when he saw her and got her pregnant.
U'll meet lots of characters, my advice is stay out of their business, if the man later decides he can't cope with her, that's his problem. Find a maid or relative to take care of ur aunt. My two cents!

talk2yommex2000:


Guy relax. There are some things you need to understand as a man. First, the way, tone and manner by which you present the case in the first place (i.e. ur original post) is sentimental. You have painted yourself and the family bad right from the beginning of your post. For you to have been mentioning things your cousin did for his wife-to-be (like the phone he bought for her, taking her to SA, getting her a car etc) sounds childish on your part. I must confess, the part of your post which says you've sent many ladies out of your life doesn't sound so good as well, especially taking cognizance of the fact that you are planning to send this lady out of your cousin's life too, despite having a child for him already.

Mind you, I am not supporting the said lady in any way, as (in my own opinion) nothing can justify why she can't be nice to her husband's family. She needs to be corrected on that. However, as a man you are, especially as an outsider when considering the union of your cousin and his wife (because it's now their family issue), you don't have to meddle so much in the affair. Truth be told, you know too much already which is not suppose to be. That the lady is bad, not a house material and the decision to leave is neither your responsibility nor your aunt's. Let the husband decides that.

I understand what you are pointing out here, but you need to know your boundary. Also, remember that the lady is from another family bring up. Mind you, what makes sense and acceptable in your family might not really be issue of relevance in other families even if both are same tribe. Just imagine if situations and conditions warrants that the lady in question travel out of the country, or if she works with the government in another state, will the family ask her to relocate or resign from her job to take care of your aunt? At least other means will be employed to ensure that your aunt gets what you wanted for her. I am not saying your sister in law shouldn't be corrected but you shouldn't have a hand in destroying the home of your cousin. There is no human being that is perfect, not even you or myself. What if you succeed in chasing this present one out and your cousin marry another lady taking care of the family but ruining your cousin in some other way. Remember that the marriage is theirs and not yours.

Conclusively, please leave the family (husband and wife) alone, and let them decide what's good for them. Wait till her husband starts complaining about her attitudes before you say she's not a house material. Your cousin might be so pleased with her for some reasons best known to him. Thank you so much as you heed my word. Remain blessed.

Thanks. I really appreciate the way you presented everything.

My apologies to every woman who may have felt hurt by my disposition.

Hmmm. Her only crime was that she became a baby mama 4 your cousin first before the ring.if she was married properly, maybe all this 'see finish ' won't happen. Now that your planning to kick her out, will you take the child from her and care for the child? If she was your sister, won't you want what's good for her and tell her what wrong she's doing? You guys have already hated her even before she joins the family fully. Smh!!!!!!

ismart:
Thanks. I really appreciate the way you presented everything.

My apologies to every woman who may have felt hurt by my disposition.

Thanks to you too for taking your time to read and understand my comment. Actually, where things went wrong was when you are playing a double role. Next time, in a situation like this, whenever you are the OP, leave the judgement (comments) of the matter to the people, while you only respond to questions seeking for clarity on your original post. By this, you will be able to make some good decisions, you will hold on to some good matured advise, and discard the good-for-nothing and meaningless ones. Trying to play the two roles isn't the best option in most cases.

Have a lovely and wonderful day. Enjoy yourself.

This thread is an eye opener

Many ladies in this country poorly trained and are not well brought up..

All they want to do is eat ,,sleep,, fucck,, chat,, instergram,, eat and sleep again..

Our society is finished ooooo

Onegai:


Please do yourself a great favour: YOUR IN-LAWS ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS. Draw those lines and boundaries in black paint and guard it with a cutlass. Or you will end up one day bitterly regretting that you wanted to "show Love". Nigerian society isn't filled with kind, well meaning people who will understand your mistakes. One of my BiLs gave me this advice.

Example: during my pregnancy, I wasn't too happy with my hubby one day and we were out. His baby sister (10 freaking years younger than me and rude but I have never given her behaviour a thought) decided to come greet me but i wasn't my smiling self. Do you know what she did? She called her mother and told her I didn't like her based on that ONE 10 minute visit (nevermind every other time I met her I was friendly). Is that the behaviour of someone who loves me? Won't someone who loves me have kept quiet and maybe thought "perhaps all's not well" and waited till she saw me in a good mood to ask what happened that day?

Now I draw careful boundaries.

The reason everyone is attacking he OP is because he is not minding his business and is attempting to "put the girl in her place". He should go and mind his business (he's even keeping track of what goes on between man and wife and counting gifts and holidays sef). If he had simply used some wisdom and met the girl one day and said "wow, Auntie is not having it easy and I know you probably have your hands full. Why not once a week, you cook and I'll find a maid, and we can chip in to help Auntie? " Had he done that, the girl would have gotten the hint and been more helpful whilst being glad for the way he handled things.

My mum will certainly not expect me to drop everything daily and stay with her but she will complain just as bitterly as the Auntie if my SiL doesn't and that is the beast of In-Law relationships in our society: what you will accept and take even more from your child, you will crucify another person's child for less than half of that behaviour.

Instead he's threatening her (does he think she doesn't suspect what they're planning?) and idiotically being tactless and worse, majority of the women who answered him are married and he still is too idiotic to wonder why almost all of them (even those that agreed with him) gave the same answer: that he should mind his business and use some tact.

For goodness' sake they are even complaining that she only spent one hour visiting (with a baby). Hian!

If I had known this on time, I wouldn't be regretting by now. Thank u

I wonder o.Even 3females supports the crazy OP,i am very sure they have never had CS experience before,maybe they never had a baby or were only lucky to have virginal birth.

Ngokafor:









....Please ignore the lousy idjiot called op and his equally rabid supoorters.A woman who has CS is who these clowns are hyperventilating about ...Insensitive rogues.They keep talking about 'you will be a Mil one day blabla'..which sensible woman will expect her daughter who had had CS,nursing a baby alone to have that energy for extra washing,cooking e.t.c,how much more a DIL??...except the woman is a witch?? ...doesnt she have any other blood relations to help out?



@op if out of the wickedness of your soul,a mere sadistic cousin like you connives and sends this lady out instead of minding your business,thereby denying that child the opportunity to grow up with his or her parents together...then you will grow old and die without a child yourself...you wont even have the opportunity of a 'babymama'sef..nonsense.

That was how my cousin's in law called her aside when they met before the wedding and told her she has to love their family even more than her own family. That she must be calling the husbands immediate family everyday, like person when no get work. This my cousin that doesn't even call her own mum like that, very caring and kind but bad with calls.
I was standing beside her and overheard when the man told her this.
I just shook my head because they have already caused a division and that girl, wisely, will always keep them at arms length. Its obvious they see her as a mere inlaw and not as a daughter. Else, the language would be different i.e. take us as your family.

How can you mandate someone to love you more than her own family. Is love forced?

What they displayed during the wedding proper, nko? Packing the money the couple is being sprayed with for themselves and passing bitter comments that made the bride look very sad. Even when they didn't contribute one kobo to the wedding. It was the groom, the brides family and the bride that paid for it all.
We had to call the girl aside and warn her to be very careful of those so-called in laws. If she is wise (and she is), she will dine with them with a very long fork.

We her family are also ready. She is a girl with a family. She didn't come out of a tree. We didn't give her to them to be kicked about like football.


See how this OP even put it. "This Girl Is About To Be Kicked Out". Like football kwa? God forbid bad thing and bad inlaws.

Na cousins bad pass,had a terrible experience too with one,i gave birth to my first baby,only what she could do is bath baby and cook for few days,na me go arrange everything needed for bathing,and will be the one to clear the things and pour dirty water away,i was so pained that time cos i was going through pains,but i had to do them,who will do it for you in london?As soon as my mum came,she did everything,all i do is sleep,eat,breastfeed.Thank God for my mum.,no one like your own blood.

Kimoni:


Pls lady, why did you deactivate? So much to learn from you like someone said already. Pls join this section soonest.

Does your hubby have a will? If he doesnt, pls ensure he gets one soonest. There are several companies offering that services now. As much as it's okay for a man to cut off meddlesome relatives to save his home, it's like walking on egg shells for the wife.

God bless your home.

smartigo:
persin way dey take Nl serious go just get high blood pressure I really enjoyed how u made ligh of the situation.

Now let me serious here. Can't you feel how angry n frustrated op is? Obviously smtin is awry. The said lady might be guilty after all. The only downside of this is: the op is taking it too personal. Maybe their family is closely knitted.

The lady may be on a revenge mission sef. Odikwa risky o!

In my book, the lady may only be guilty if her baby is a yr plus and her CS wound has healed properly.

I have a family friend who had her baby through CS. The first 3months the younger sister was taking care of the baby for her except when the baby required breastfeeding. Her CS wound opened up because she is alwasy trying to help too around the house so she wont be tagged lazy. Anyway, she went for Re stitching .nobody told her to relax again.

Only a wicked soul. Male or female will talk trash about the lady going to help a sick woman. Go to the market and cook for her. If this is not evil and Wickedness I wonder what they will call it.
And you think witches only fly at night ?
If the aunty is so good how come her son in SA didn't organize money for maid. Abi him send the money for her and she ate it. Waiting for breastfeeding mother to come and wash her up.
The OP should bury his head in shame.

Twah

talk2yommex2000:


Thanks to you too for taking your time to read and understand my comment. Actually, where things went wrong was when you are playing a double role. Next time, in a situation like this, whenever you are the OP, leave the judgement (comments) of the matter to the people, while you only respond to questions seeking for clarity on your original post. By this, you will be able to make some good decisions, you will hold on to some good matured advise, and discard the good-for-nothing and meaningless ones. Trying to play the two roles isn't the best option in most cases.

Have a lovely and wonderful day. Enjoy yourself.

Thanks. I see that doing anything meaningful for MIL is an abomination. What a life.

I am jobless because I decided to spare my time to cater for a loving aunt who isn't my mother in the first place. If she isn't my mother, what could have made me spend such a time with a heartless MIL?

What a life.

Joblessness gave me over million naira from virtual task.

It's so unfortunate that when you are not 9-5 person people think you are silly without realising that this is 21st century and technology has made so many things possible.

I gave an asset I own to a broker and we agreed on $3000 reserve and a $5000 Buy It Now tag.

That's what technology does.

So many jobs have be moved to China, India, Indonesia as a result of outsourced jobs lol.

Look at the thousands of Nigerians that have lost their jobs in recent months. Among those, a huge chunk of them, would feel the world has ended not knowing that with their skills and years of experience, people are willing to pay as much as $100-5000 at places like Upwork.com. depending on the task. And if you package yourself very well,.. You can earn over $5000 every month from home. There more place like this on the web.

I am on the verge of undergoing training from a guy I met here who does as much $3000-10,000 per job.

So many fools think everything has to be about sitting your ass on table from 9-5 before you can get money to do anything.

I don't belong to that school of thought.

I have turned 10k naira to 80k within 7 days in my life time and i have done this more than 20 times.

Life has gone past the 9-5 people.

Take away the job of many, take away every money in their bank account... I will beat them off the street!

I can be anywhere any time I want.

Thanks once again for your matured input.

ismart:
Thanks. I really appreciate the way you presented everything.

My apologies to every woman who may have felt hurt by my disposition.

Apologies accepted!
Go and sin no more!


*you don lose*

ismart:
Thanks. I see that doing anything meaningful for MIL is an abomination. What a life.

I am jobless because I decided to spare my time to cater for a loving aunt who isn't my mother in the first place. If she isn't my mother, what could have made me spend such a time with a heartless MIL?

What a life.

Joblessness gave me over million naira from virtual task.

It's so unfortunate that when you are not 9-5 person people think you are silly without realising that this is 21st century and technology has made so many things possible.

I gave an asset I own to a broker and we agreed on $3000 reserve and a $5000 Buy It Now tag.

That's what technology does.

So many jobs have be moved to China, India, Indonesia as a result of outsourced jobs lol.

Look at the thousands of Nigerians that have lost their jobs in recent months. Among those, a huge chunk of them, would feel the world has ended not knowing that with their skills and years of experience, people are willing to pay as much as $100-5000 at places like Upwork.com. depending on the task. And if you package yourself very well,.. You can earn over $5000 every month from home. There more place like this on the web.

I am on the verge of undergoing training from a guy I met here who does as much $3000-10,000 per job.

So many fools think everything has to be about sitting your ass on table from 9-5 before you can get money to do anything.

I don't belong to that school of thought.

I have turned 10k naira to 80k within 7 days in my life time and i have done this more than 20 times.

Life has gone past the 9-5 people.

Take away the job of many, take away every money in their bank account... I will beat them off the street!

I can be anywhere any time I want.

Thanks once again for your matured input.

*yawns*

Yet, you nor fit hire care-giver for your auntie?"

KanwuliaJara:



*yawns*

Yet, you nor fit hire care-giver for your auntie?"

Virtual money ni. N'a for dream him dey see the millions.

Ngokafor:







..@Chillisauce's comments here are so hilarious..i don laugh tire!

Don't mind the op. Old man in small boy clothing.

Chillisauce:




Virtual money ni. N'a for dream him dey see the millions.

Quite "noisy" for a dude!
Too much estrogen I swear!

KanwuliaJara:


Quite "noisy" for a dude!
Too much estrogen I swear!

Since 2 days him still dey make noise for our ears.
Him never use him money organize maid oh. He is waiting for a breastfeeding mother with 4month old baby to go help his own aunty.

I'm sure the baby is less than that. Him go soon tell us say the baby Don grow teeth

KanwuliaJara:


Apologies accepted!
Go and sin no more!


*you don lose*

Oh him Don apologize?
Him get luck.

OP pls go and make sure these women are well protected and taKen care of. As man of the house no dey around. You should Step up and protect his household.
No be only to destroy you sabi.
Try doing something positive for once.

Chillisauce:

Oh him Don apologize?
Him get luck.
OP pls go and make sure these women are well protected and taKen care of. As man of the house no dey around. You should Step up and protect his household.
No be only to destroy you sabi.
Try doing something positive for once.

Loooool @ nor be only to destroy you sabi.

Chillisauce:


Since 2 days him still dey make noise for our ears.
Him never use him money organize maid oh. He is waiting for a breastfeeding mother with 4month old baby to go help his own aunty.

I'm sure the baby is less than that. Him go soon tell us say the baby Don grow teeth

The dude na something else sha..
The aunty sef na waya!
A real MIL NIGHTMARE TO BE!

Well OP much as you took sides already,and ur criticism was not constructive,you still have a point.I am not married but I know one thing for sure that no matter what,this is africa.the moment a lady decides to be married,she should be ready to take up certain responsibilities.she needs to be matured not really by age but at heart to handle situations especially with inlaws.when she knew she couldn't help her mother-in-law with chores,a simple phonecall will go a long way.just check on her and let her know you care and are concerned.I believe we women should treat our in-laws thesame way we will like to be treated.if after you've done your best,they still complain or are trying to take advantage of ur niceness(if there's a word like that)ehen den u are free to put them in their place.My opinion though

ismart:
i see. But she wasn't smart when my aunt was taking care of her right? Or my aunt was stupid at that time right?

Who is enslaving who in this case or don't you realise you will grow old too for calling my aunt grump. You see, this is the stupidity. Tick tock tick tock... You will soon reach my aunt,s age. Ozwo!

dnt mind her, sm pple jux type anything jux for typing sake, we reap wat we sow, feel for ur aunt, jux try ur best n take care of her.

Miami11:


But the lady has just given birth, it's not like she is strolling the streets doing nothing, am assuming you are a man, you have never had your abdomen torn in layers to pull out a baby, then go home with an abdominal wound to heal, while taking care of a baby 24 hours. Besides the lady is alone with hubby abroad, how much do you think this poor first time mother can handle? Why are Human beings this insensitive.

I understand the lady gave birth 4 to 7months ago through C S and the mother in law took care of her for some times( may be weeks or months) including bathing her and the baby according to op, but for the lady to completely abandon the woman is insensitivity, I can tell you that I v gone through surgical operation b4, mine was spleenetomy in which my stomach was cut opened and my spleen was completely removed due to rupture of spleen from car accident and I know what it means to be in that condition and I can tell you that after more than a month in the hospital, the second month I was back to my duties despite the doctor's advice.

On your second point about her being taking care of her baby alone says alot about her immediate family and explained her insensitive and uncaring bad habit. Does that means she does not have family that could have assisted her since the only mother in-law that has been caring for her is down on the sick bed unattended to by her.
If so, that is one hell family that I can't pray to marry their daughter, if nobody can come and assist her or could it be that she is a bad person that even her friends and family could not spare some time to assist her.

Well what ever the case may be, anybody that could manage his/her pains to care for your own pain deserves every sacrice you can make to ease their own pain, sadly the lady in question did not have that kind of wisdom and many girls here too doesn't think it worth it.

That is one of the reasons why we are having bad children now a days because their are too many bad parents who lacks simple human value.

With many comments I have been reading on Nairaland, Facebook etc shows we are increasingly lacking values, wisdom and society cordial relationship and I don't see us producing a better society because most of our future parents are already showing poor characters.

Wat d girl is doing is so wrong n it shows she has no good intensions for dt family wen she finally comes in, dias a saying dt wen a girl marries a man, she also marries d entire family of dt man, dias nuthn wrong in taking care of a woman dt took care of u wen u had a cs. Let her nt forget dt we reap wat we sow, she ll get old oneday n God ll give her daughter -in- laws dt ll treat her like trash. Someone made a comment dt she's smart bt I say she's plain stupid, wateva we sow----------we reap.

Onegai:


Please do yourself a great favour: YOUR IN-LAWS ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS. Draw those lines and boundaries in black paint and guard it with a cutlass. Or you will end up one day bitterly regretting that you wanted to "show Love". Nigerian society isn't filled with kind, well meaning people who will understand your mistakes. One of my BiLs gave me this advice.

Example: during my pregnancy, I wasn't too happy with my hubby one day and we were out. His baby sister (10 freaking years younger than me and rude but I have never given her behaviour a thought) decided to come greet me but i wasn't my smiling self. Do you know what she did? She called her mother and told her I didn't like her based on that ONE 10 minute visit (nevermind every other time I met her I was friendly). Is that the behaviour of someone who loves me? Won't someone who loves me have kept quiet and maybe thought "perhaps all's not well" and waited till she saw me in a good mood to ask what happened that day?

Now I draw careful boundaries.

The reason everyone is attacking he OP is because he is not minding his business and is attempting to "put the girl in her place". He should go and mind his business (he's even keeping track of what goes on between man and wife and counting gifts and holidays sef). If he had simply used some wisdom and met the girl one day and said "wow, Auntie is not having it easy and I know you probably have your hands full. Why not once a week, you cook and I'll find a maid, and we can chip in to help Auntie? " Had he done that, the girl would have gotten the hint and been more helpful whilst being glad for the way he handled things.

My mum will certainly not expect me to drop everything daily and stay with her but she will complain just as bitterly as the Auntie if my SiL doesn't and that is the beast of In-Law relationships in our society: what you will accept and take even more from your child, you will crucify another person's child for less than half of that behaviour.

Instead he's threatening her (does he think she doesn't suspect what they're planning?) and idiotically being tactless and worse, majority of the women who answered him are married and he still is too idiotic to wonder why almost all of them (even those that agreed with him) gave the same answer: that he should mind his business and use some tact.

For goodness' sake they are even complaining that she only spent one hour visiting (with a baby). Hian!

I perfectly understand the angle you are coming from and if you read all my posts on this, you'll see I blamed the OP for not minding his business and thinking the lady owed them anything, having said that, I still maintain you can't teach a grown woman how to be nice.

I understand boundaries very well, but I won't bear in mind that my in-laws can't be my friends(the kind of family I'll be married into matters to me), I'll just do my part like the person I am who knows it's best to be kind to people and let them do theirs, one thing I know for certain is that no one, in-law or whoever can tell me how to live by counting or reporting me to anyone, for what na? If I haven't seen families, in-laws included live like normal families who fight and make up, it would be different.

Any lady that cant accept your mother as her own and treat her with the same treatment she expects you to give her own .
child or no child.
introduction or no introduction.
engagement or no engagement.
DUMP HER or HIM
All should bear in mind that you reap what you sow
Part or All of who one is today is all thanks to one mother

KanwuliaJara:


Meaning what?
To take care of young woman and to take care of A GRUMPY, OOOOOLD WOMAN na de same?

If you dey find "slave" to buy, una nor sabi wia "baby farm" dey?

The girl is smart o!
Never start what you can't finish!

What do you mean by grumpy old woman?
If you were the MIL and your DIL did same to you i hope you would still refer to yourself as grumpy old woman.

KanwuliaJara:


This is the age of BABY MAMMAS and PAPPAS, and you dey for NL dey make noise?
Why all the insults?
What is your pain in all this?
If your aunty needs help, gerrrrrof the damn "net" and move in with her!
Next time, tell your "over-sabi-sabi" aunty to stop looking for a "replacement daughter"!
Una nefa marry the babe, una don dey gossip and PLOT!

The BABE don decode una tey tey ke!
Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo proud of her!
Shiooooooooooor!!!!!

I feel the purpose for all your nasty comments has been achieved you got a lot of likes from all your comments
*claps*congratulations.and what do you mean by"replacement daughter"
the lady is getting married to the said Aunty son.
If she no make the lady "replacement daughter" na who she go make "replacement daughter" (you)

This is Nigeria and we have cultures, it jst shows that the lady doesn't have a good upbringing, she doesn't have to even wash cloths or sweep or stress herself to win the love of her mother inlaw, jst a bit of love and respect, from what I jst read I can conclude dat she doesn't love ur coz.