Omotayor123:

So it shouldn't be reciprocated .. They say marriage is come rain come shine, And so should be relationship. You think it's a bad idea or greedy for a mouth that eat bone to eat meat when it's readily available
What is the essence of staying in the rain with some one who wouldn't allow you stay with him when the Sun shines

Help me ask OP o,why would i nor simply go with the rich man since it is not compulsory for the guy i want to suffer with to settledown with me...so i should lose both ways Some guys lack hindsight

Toks2008:


Very simple

Its about choice based on feelings without affiliations to his potential future fortune.

Thats the point.

When a lady stays with a struggling guy with hope that he makes it someday FOR HER TO START ENJOYING HIS WEALTH then that is parasitic,foolish and totally unreasonable.

If u wanna stay with a struggling guy do so because u love him and not because u are expecting a payback like its a service u are rendering.

i just hope u catch the drift.

Like seriously? If i didnt love him will i stay and struggle with him in d first place....
So it is okay for the guy to move on to another woman after he has finally made it because the one who struggled with him wants a pay check? Why did she struggle with him in d first place wen she had oda better off suitors,so it is okay she lose both ways

i keep saying,this is a risk i for one will not undertake,imagine if d guy i struggle with af dis kind of mindset

superb article....thumbs up bro

misspicy:

Like seriously? If i didnt love him will i stay and struggle with him in d first place....
So it is okay for the guy to move on to another woman after he has finally made it because the one who struggled with him wants a pay check? Why did she struggle with him in d first place wen she had oda better off suitors,so it is okay she lose both ways

i keep saying,this is a risk i for one will not undertake,imagine if d guy i struggle with af dis kind of mindset

Honestly you are confusing yourself.

I dont the mindset you are talking about.

My point is clear...staY with a guy because you love him periiod and if u hve better suitors then take a walk.

Dont stay with a guy because u expect him to make it one day...wat if he does not make it?

Toks2008:


I love your excellent opinionated stands.

If im to advice my daughter i would ask her to follow her heart.

Nevertheless i will also let her understand that she can also be fin independent and must never use a man wealth as a yardstick to choosing a spouse.

A guy that has a job or in business sure have an edge but when a lady loves for the right reasons,wealth becomes inconsequential.

so yes a vision driven man is berrer than a man who is fortunate to have a job or thriving business because take away that job or business and he may nver recover but a man of vision always bounces back.

Nevertheless,the ideology of a bird in hand will always make one settle for a rich guy over an aspiring one but as i wrote,if our ladies can love for the right reason marriages will be more fun and rewarding.

How can you be so much convinced that a rich fella can't rise again after a setback. Remember he started from scratch to attain the feet he once achieved and can still recover, even at a faster pace than someone who has never been rich before due to his vast experience in the hustling field. So we can't be too certain.

A vision driven guy doesn't guarantee he'd succeed. There are countless people out there who may have had vision and people thought they'd attain success but have been stagnant for years. By the way, who's a vision driven guy? Who'd admit they aren't vision driven or won't succeed in life? Everyone is vision-driven in their own capacity and it's not always the case that those who comes off as vision driven ends up rich.

Sometimes the one you think lacks direction and purpose in life ends up successful than the guy with prospect. Everyone in life confesses and belief in themselves that they'd make it in life but how many people actually do make it? Do you know how many intelligent and sharp-witted young graduates who many believed they'd certainly hit top heights but have been frustrated and unemployed for years? So what exactly does vision driven means?

Generally, most time when people see a rich fellow they'd say things like I knew that guy would make it, he was smart and focus but that's because he became rich. There are other people they also thought were smart and would succeed who are living in squalor.

Finally, let's assume there is a group of 20friends, 10 rich and 10 struggling. Let's give them 10years and evaluate their success individually. Do you think more of those rich 10guys would have been come poor while the 10 struggling ones have become affluent? What's the odds of this occurring?.

Ur questions tho........I knw of someone dat cn say yes to all questions but nt no 2 nt cos she can't help or so but cos of wat she has been thru n if a gal says no to all there's a reason

Your Last Point doesn't Make Any Sense at all!!

What does Age has to do with everything you are trying to Say and Explain?? Absolutely Nothing!!

alexis007:
That no. 5 point sef.....
It has some connection with Paedophilia, Yerima and Aisha Buhari.

Exactly My Point!! That Number 5 Doesn't Make Sense!!

I am responding to this post as a career orientated and Independent woman.

1.Can you start a life with a man in one room a.k.a FACE ME I FACE YOU?
Yes, I dated a young man living in face me I face you with his parents while my family was middle class.I even sent him money when he was broke. We broke up because I moved.For some women, its not possible for them to marry such guys because its difficult for them to run into such people in the first place . Their social circle does not extend that far. Just like female Celebrities that marry rich guys, its not because they are picky. Its simply because these are the men they meet.
Another reason, women do like men who can provide for them- its a natural thing .so most women will find someone who can take care of them.

2.Can you marry a struggling man who has no regular job? A man without a job or struggling. It depends really! Are you sitting at home watching TV 24/7 or are you out there trying to get a Job or business. Also, If I bring in the income, are you willing to keep up with the housework and perform duties as a stay at home dad. A marriage is a life commitment and I will reconsider if a man will be a financial drain.
Your point about maybe his business blows or not, It does not matter. If a relationship is not working out for you, it isn't.

3.Can you have a very low budget marriage?: Yes I can! This is because I don't like being the center of attention. If you and your fiancee want a flamboyant wedding.. go for it . If you don't want it, then don't do it. People in the real world communicate!

4.Can you marry a man who loves you but is not your preferred spec?:Marriage is a life-long commitment. You cannot go into it with a person whose flaws you cannot accept. Its like going to the market to buy a shoe, you keep trying it and walking with it to see if the shoe fits! Why would I marry a man who does not fit me? The only thing i will say is that you should not be unrealistic. But if a man/woman has a major flaw that you cannot accept better to move on.

5.Can you marry a man with a wide age gap to you: Marrying someone that is Significantly older than you is not really convenient. Especially when its much younger and much older. A 20 year old woman and a 40 year old man have nothing in Common. There are usually regrets. Barring unforeseen circumstances, It's likely you will become his nurse, sexual libido will be very different. Both of you cannot retire together, his friends are way older than yours and same with their wives too, It will be harder to make couple friends, power inbalance etc.. This one is your choice

Man....... .. 30 years

Lady...... .. .23 years

Is a perfect match.

Even 35/20 is also perfect match.
MOST MEN of such age difference rarely beat up their wives because they always see them as FIRST TENDER DAUGHTERS. Of which you know how men treat their first daughters.

I and My fiancée for next year's marriage have an age difference of 10 and she's very smart.

I have dated older ladies who rarely impressed me.

1 and 2: NO

3,4,5: YES

No.5 is lubbish of course .

Omotayor123:

Me too.. Is that why we are still Single

Re-answer these questions at age 35 God keep us.

Sabrwahaqqo:
No.5 is lubbish of course .

Apparently you are not catching the drift at all especially when you can't back up your opinion with intelligent discussion.

I have seen many 25year old ladies turn down advances from a single 40year old guy saying he is too old for them and hoping that the 27year old boyfriend will marry them just for the guy to still be running around at 30 and at 28 she starts to cry that they are after her from the village.

I also stated emphatically that this does not hold true in all cases but i have lost count of situations that confirms my assertion.

Toks2008:




Apparently you are not catching the drift at all especially when you can't back up your opinion with intelligent discussion.

I have seen many 25year old ladies turn down advances from a single 40year old guy saying he is too old for them and hoping that the 27year old boyfriend will marry them just for the guy to still be running around at 30 and at 28 she starts to cry that they are after her from the village.

I also stated emphatically that this does not hold true in all cases but i have lost count of situations that confirms my assertion.

Till I see a report from a widespread survey, am sorry your claim remains one smelly poo abeg

missyadorable:
1 and 2: NO

3,4,5: YES

Issokay as long as you cant date a man in a face me i face you else na you dey deceive yourself.
As fore number 2 i wish you well in your hunt for a made or gainfully employed man and when you see one please walk up to him and propose marriage to him.

Sabrwahaqqo:


Till I see a report from a widespread survey, am sorry your claim remains one smelly poo abeg

You are either a teenager or in your 20s so i understand your stand-view. I am certain in years time you will remember this and say oh so its true.

Whatever rocks your boat.

raayah:
I am responding to this post as a career orientated and Independent woman.

1.Can you start a life with a man in one room a.k.a FACE ME I FACE YOU?
Yes, I dated a young man living in face me I face you with his parents while my family was middle class.I even sent him money when he was broke. We broke up because I moved.For some women, its not possible for them to marry such guys because its difficult for me to run into such people. Their social circle does not extend that far. Just like female Celebrities that marry rich guys, its not because they are picky. Its simply because these are the men they meet. Most rich educated men either marry their high school sweethearts or rich women.. check the statistics.

2.Can you marry a struggling man who has no regular job? A man without a job or struggling. It depends really! Are you sitting at home watching TV 24/7 or are you out there trying to get a Job or business. Also, If I bring in the income, are you willing to keep up with the housework and perform duties as a stay at home dad. A marriage is a life commitment and I will reconsider if a man will be a financial drain.
Your point about maybe his business blows or not, It does not matter. If a relationship is not working out for you, it isn't.

3.Can you have a very low budget marriage?: Yes I can! This is because I don't like being the center of attention. If you and your fiancee want a flamboyant wedding.. go for it . If you don't want it, then don't do it. People in the real world communicate!

4.Can you marry a man who loves you but is not your preferred spec?:Marriage is a life-long commitment. You cannot go into it with a person whose flaws you cannot accept. Its like going to the market to buy a shoe, you keep trying it and walking with it to see if the shoe fits! Why would I marry a man who does not fit me? The only thing i will say is that you should not be unrealistic. But if a man/woman has a major flaw that you cannot accept better to move on.

5.Can you marry a man with a wide age gap to you: Marrying someone that is Significantly older than you is not really convenient. Especially when its much younger and much older. A 20 year old woman and a 40 year old man have nothing in Common. There are usually regrets. Barring unforeseen circumstances, It's likely you will become his nurse, sexual libido will be very different. Both of you cannot retire together, his friends are way older than yours and same with their wives too, It will be harder to make couple friends, power inbalance etc.. This one is your choice

Excellent argument and ironically you just rephrased the write up because i agree with you entirely.

ronald4lif:


How can you be so much convinced that a rich fella can't rise again after a setback. Remember he started from scratch to attain the feet he once achieved and can still recover, even at a faster pace than someone who has never been rich before due to his vast experience in the hustling field. So we can't be too certain.

A vision driven guy doesn't guarantee he'd succeed. There are countless people out there who may have had vision and people thought they'd attain success but have been stagnant for years. By the way, who's a vision driven guy? Who'd admit they aren't vision driven or won't succeed in life? Everyone is vision-driven in their own capacity and it's not always the case that those who comes off as vision driven ends up rich.

Sometimes the one you think lacks direction and purpose in life ends up successful than the guy with prospect. Everyone in life confesses and belief in themselves that they'd make it in life but how many people actually do make it? Do you know how many intelligent and sharp-witted young graduates who many believed they'd certainly hit top heights but have been frustrated and unemployed for years? So what exactly does vision driven means?

Generally, most time when people see a rich fellow they'd say things like I knew that guy would make it, he was smart and focus but that's because he became rich. There are other people they also thought were smart and would succeed who are living in squalor.

Finally, let's assume there is a group of 20friends, 10 rich and 10 struggling. Let's give them 10years and evaluate their success individually. Do you think more of those rich 10guys would have been come poor while the 10 struggling ones have become affluent? What's the odds of this occurring?.

You are drifting the topic though but the embolden is well articulated and i agree with you.

What im just trying to explain is that no woman should date a man because she hopes that the guy will make it in future..infact that is a criminal act

Many Naija babes have this criminal and potentially dumb and parasitic mindset that they are with a struggling guy in order to be a good beneficiary of his speculated future wealthy status.

What if he never makes it? what happened to loving a man for who he is and not who he may become?
I think there is something fundamentally wrong with the mindset of many Nigerian ladies and until they change this appalling mindset,they will never have value in the eyes of any man whether they struggled with him or met him as a wealthy man.

Rich guys go broke and broke guys hit it big and that is just life for you so every reasonable and focused lady should never ever stay with a struggling guy because she hopes he makes it one day.Its one thing to expect progress for your man and another to patch up with a man with a dominant hope that he makes it and then spends on you. huuh!

Toks2008:


You are either a teenager or in your 20s so i understand your stand-view. I am certain in years time you will remember this and say oh so its true.

Whatever rocks your boat.

The thing is you fail to understand you can't just generalize on most af these things.


Anyway, how far you see is how far you think thus your conception and conclusion . So, I think I understand you too

Sabrwahaqqo:


The thing is you fail to understand you can't just generalize on most af these things.


Anyway, how far you see is how far you think thus your conception and conclusion . So, I think I understand you too

I have come to a conclusion that many people have always seen the word "many or most" to mean all and this indeed is funny.

Toks2008:


I have come to a conclusion that many people have always seen the word "many or most" to mean all and this indeed is funny.

Lol. Well, it's because 'majority carries the vote'

Toks2008:


You are drifting the topic though but the embolden is well articulated and i agree with you.

What im just trying to explain is that no woman should date a man because she hopes that the guy will make it in future..infact that is a criminal act

Many Naija babes have this criminal and potentially dumb and parasitic mindset that they are with a struggling guy in order to be a good beneficiary of his speculated future wealthy status.

What if he never makes it? what happened to loving a man for who he is and not who he may become?
I think there is something fundamentally wrong with the mindset of many Nigerian ladies and until they change this appalling mindset,they will never have value in the eyes of any man whether they struggled with him or met him as a wealthy man.

Rich guys go broke and broke guys hit it big and that is just life for you so every reasonable and focused lady should never ever stay with a struggling guy because she hopes he makes it one day.Its one thing to expect progress for your man and another to patch up with a man with a dominant hope that he makes it and then spends on you. huuh!

Yes one should marry for love that's good and fine, but then again there are somethings to put into consideration before we fall in love. For most today's men is ass, curves and boobs, while for most women wealth top's their list.

In light of this, a woman saddled with two choices of men, one rich and the other poor would likely settle for the rich one even as she'd either genuinely or falsely claim to love him. Only a few would settle for the broke one because he's got prospect.

Love in itself is determinable by circumstances we find ourselves. Our ability and inabilities to secure comfort and financial security to a woman determines the love we'd derive. Love is who you are and what you've made of yourself in life. I'd be deceiving myself if at a certain age I haven't achieved anything in life then hope or expect my 'choice' lady to love me because I have "prospect". Who prospect help?

Suffice to say we have come to a common ground based on your last paragraph. People shouldn't settle with someone because they feel they've got prospect, they should coz they love them. Whatever love means sha. Peace!

Toks2008:


Issokay as long as you cant date a man in a face me i face you else na you dey deceive yourself.
As fore number 2 i wish you well in your hunt for a made or gainfully employed man and when you see one please walk up to him and propose marriage to him.

Lol...Am not the cause of your frustration,ok? There is something called social class! Get that into your head.As a student,i lived in a self contain apartment n drove a car,what biz do I have wt a man who lives in face me I face you n has no steady source of income,no matter how small? how and where we go even take meet sef?A man who has no source of livelihood has no business chasing women,not to talk of marriage.

Only your number 1 and 3 points make any sense.

Why should a guy who doesn't have any source of income be looking to add the weight of an extra mouth to his burdens? Why should any reasonable girl say yes? Just so she can be called mrs?

You should realise that there are deal-breakers for any sort of relationship. Traits the absence of which cannot be overlooked. Women also have deal-breakers. You should respect that.

Age... The age thing is personal. Some guys can marry ladies older than them, but some guys would rather die first before that happens. No one has come out to rebuke the latter class of guys for their stance. Why is the female stance on age an issue?

Anyway I think you people place too much emphasis on getting married. What's the use saying yes to these just to get into a marriage that would leave you feeling caged and desperate to escape?

Take some time to read some of the many ridiculous divorce cases springing up everyday. Some of the ladies involved said yes to these things. Years later they are screaming no. Maybe they are still better than those who get married late, no matter how good the marriage turn out.

missyadorable:

Lol...Am not the cause of your frustration,ok? There is something called social class! Get that into your head.As a student,i lived in a self contain apartment n drove a car,what biz do I have wt a man who lives in face me I face you n has no steady source of income,no matter how small? how and where we go even take meet sef?A man who has no source of livelihood has no business chasing women,not to talk of marriage.

You really need to learrn how to communicate intellectually.

Who is frustrated? apparently you must possess that attribute that turns me off the most in women which is low IQ. Cant you discuss like a mentally sound person without baseless attacks?

Please go learn how to communicatee iintellectually on a social platform and stop making a mess of yourself.

You must be an arrogant and proud lady to believee you can not meet an upwardly struggling guy because of your social class.smh

Even as a comfortable man i dont pray to meet your type in my dreams howbeit real life.

Oahray:
Only your number 1 and 3 points make any sense.

Why should a guy who doesn't have any source of income be looking to add the weight of an extra mouth to his burdens? Why should any reasonable girl say yes? Just so she can be called mrs?

You should realise that there are deal-breakers for any sort of relationship. Traits the absence of which cannot be overlooked. Women also have deal-breakers. You should respect that.

Age... The age thing is personal. Some guys can marry ladies older than them, but some guys would rather die first before that happens. No one has come out to rebuke the latter class of guys for their stance. Why is the female stance on age an issue?

Anyway I think you people place too much emphasis on getting married. What's the use saying yes to these just to get into a marriage that would leave you feeling caged and desperate to escape?

Take some time to read some of the many ridiculous divorce cases springing up everyday. Some of the ladies involved said yes to these things. Years later they are screaming no. Maybe they are still better than those who get married late, no matter how good the marriage turn out.

So in your world,only guys with jobs have source of income and men who are hustlers or strugglers dont have a source of iincome.

Sometimes i wonder why people read but fail to comprehend.

So a guy who makes an average of 1k a day struggliing for a better life should waiit until he starts making 5k or 10k a day before he considers settling down with a lady shey...

Wahala dey.

Please go and google the life story of the world top 10 richest and you will be amazed at their humble beginings.

This artcle is not about few fortunate ladies who got married to one wealthy dude but for countless number of those on the other side of the divide.

Toks2008:


So in your world,only guys with jobs have source of income and men who are hustlers or strugglers dont have a source of iincome.

Sometimes i wonder why people read but fail to comprehend.

So a guy who makes an average of 1k a day struggliing for a better life should waiit until he starts making 5k or 10k a day before he considers settling down with a lady shey...

Wahala dey.

Please go and google the life story of the world top 10 richest and you will be amazed at their humble beginings.

This artcle is not about few fortunate ladies who got married to one wealthy dude but for countless number of those on the other side of the divide.

I'd ignore the snide remarks.

You noticed that I used 'with no source of income' instead of 'hustling/struggling' and presumed I thought them synonymous. I don't.

Struggling/hustling only explains the effort a person puts forth against the odds. It's always relative to your goal.

If Student A badly wants to make a first class and works very hard at it but cannot seem to break out of the 2.1 zone year after year, he's struggling.

If student B has his sights on a 2.1 cgpa but lags behind no matter how hard he tries, he's struggling.

Now if student C is in the 2.2 zone but isn't perturbed enough to put in more effort, he isn't struggling.

My point is, struggling is a big umbrella that covers many situations. It's the goal that matters. A man may be struggling to become very rich, while another man is struggling to feed himself up to twice daily. My post applies to the latter.

It doesn't make any sense for such a guy to think of feeding another extra mouth when he cannot feed his own comfortably. Marriage is serious business with real responsibilities.

No need talking about hustling cos it has nothing to do with financial status. Even billionaires hustle.

What has the life of the richest men got to do with refusing to marry a man struggling to feed himself? Aren't there hardworking persons who started out very poor and still ended up very poor? Some of them made the unfortunate choice of swimming with baggage when they could barely keep themselves afloat.

Oahray:
I'd ignore the snide remarks.
You noticed that I used 'with no source of income' instead of 'hustling/struggling' and presumed I thought them synonymous. I don't.
Struggling/hustling only explains the effort a person puts forth against the odds. It's always relative to your goal.
If Student A badly wants to make a first class and works very hard at it but cannot seem to break out of the 2.1 zone year after year, he's struggling.
If student B has his sights on a 2.1 cgpa but lags behind no matter how hard he tries, he's struggling.
Now if student C is in the 2.2 zone but isn't perturbed enough to put in more effort, he isn't struggling.
My point is, struggling is a big umbrella that covers many situations. It's the goal that matters. A man may be struggling to become very rich, while another man is struggling to feed himself up to twice daily. My post applies to the latter.
It doesn't make any sense for such a guy to think of feeding another extra mouth when he cannot feed his own comfortably. Marriage is serious business with real responsibilities.
No need talking about hustling cos it has nothing to do with financial status. Even billionaires hustle.
What has the life of the richest men got to do with refusing to marry a man struggling to feed himself? Aren't there hardworking persons who started out very poor and still ended up very poor? Some of them made the unfortunate choice of swimming with baggage when they could barely keep themselves afloat.

Very well then.

daintyprincess:
Ur questions tho........I knw of someone dat cn say yes to all questions but nt no 2 nt cos she can't help or so but cos of wat she has been thru n if a gal says no to all there's a reason

Help as in?

When does it become a favour to be with a struggliing guy?

Maybe you should explain better.

misspicy:

Like seriously? If i didnt love him will i stay and struggle with him in d first place....
So it is okay for the guy to move on to another woman after he has finally made it because the one who struggled with him wants a pay check? Why did she struggle with him in d first place wen she had oda better off suitors,so it is okay she lose both ways

i keep saying,this is a risk i for one will not undertake,imagine if d guy i struggle with af dis kind of mindset

Thank you my sister... You are on point. No mind OP

Why shouldn't you marry a man that is your preferred spec?
If you love a tall,short dark,fair,six packs,pinklipped,slim,fat,huge guy,go for him and don't rush to any man undesirable to you.

If you never lived in a face-me-i face,why should you settle with a man that lives such life all because you want to be a Mrs?