WHEN a man’s mind is made up to go hunting, it
is almost always a done deal. He simply picks his
dane gun and hunting bag, full of hunting tricks,
and head out. And men are natural hunters. For
them, it does not matter the contents of the pot
of soup in their houses, they must still go after
the game in the forest. That a man has an
elegant zebra at home will not stop him from
going after a squirrel in the bush. It is the way he
is wired. He loves variety and like I have been
told more than once, the excitement of hunting
can only be described by a man. And I heard too
that that is the reason why men are not excited
when women go after them. Men are not wired to
be hunted, pursued. They love being the predator.
You must also agree with me that if a man is a
hunter, he does not really need a reason to go
into the bush. So, all that talk about a man going
hunting because his wife does not know how to
apply make-up does not hold water. Or haven’t
we seen men married to beauty queens straying?
But why men stray is a book I intend to write
someday soon.

Today, I just want to talk about how men hide
behind their professions when they need to go
hunting, check their traps and so on.
Imagine the medical doctor on the day he needs
to ‘take permission’ from his wife to go on call.
‘Honey, that was the hospital again. The way this
CMD (Chief Medical Director) is going, I just may
quit this job. How can I be on call-duty this
weekend? I was there from Friday till Monday last
week. It is Dr Owutu’s turn this weekend. Why is
the man behaving like this, treating me like this?
It’s either he is trying to frustrate me or he just
wants to kill me. Haba, does he not know that I
have a life, a wife who needs me? I think I should
just hand in my letter of resignation. I’m done…’

At this point, the unsuspecting wife tries to pacify
him, calm him down, that it’s just one weekend
and she understands the demand of his job. She
will be there when he returns and will support
him to reach the peak of his career. She kisses
him and sees him off to the car. And off he goes
to his call duty. Oh yeah. But we know who he
will be operating on this weekend, don’t we? He
is just taking the name of the poor CMD in vain.
Oga doctor is on 24/7 duty in the bed and
bedroom of his fine-girl-no-pimples. She has a
long list of complaints and he has all the right
prescription. By the time his latest babe sends
him home on Monday, he will be so used the
‘owner of the thing’ will not be able to get it to
rise to the occasion. And that’s when D-doc will
pour another bowl of invectives on his heartless
CMD. May the Lord forgive some of the sins of
doctors. Some doctors, not all of them.

As for the senior journalist, he is so hardworking
and productive that sometimes he slips into the
reproductive mode, without knowing. In other
words, our prayer for him is: Oh Lord, forgive Mr
Editor for he knows not what he is doing.
Whether there is breaking news or not, the day
bros needs to do his runs, he makes something
break or breaks something. Once his mind is
made up about the new girl, then he has to put
everything in place to write the full story.
Here goes his announcement: ‘There is this
assignment the editor gave me to do and I have
been busy doing other things. Now, he is threat­
ening to give me a query and copy the MD. I
don’t know why the guy can’t understand that my
plate is full.’

Ah, what are you going to do now? His wife asks.
‘I’m to have to stay in that office until I knock
out this story, otherwise there will be trouble on
Monday. Fortunately, there will be some quiet at
the weekend in the newsroom. I will transcribe,
proofread and plan the pages so that by Monday,
I can submit it. The editor has been looking for an
excuse to sack me but I won’t give him one and
considering how hard it is to find in job in the
industry right now, I’ll just have to do what I
have to do.’

Oole, thief! What he has to do is thoroughly do
the ‘front page, back page and centrespread’ of
his new catch. If his wife tries to check him in the
office this weekend, he won’t be there because
the story he wants to write exists only in his
head. He is reproducing not producing. He’s
taking his girl out this friend and pretending to be
free and single this weekend.
Let’s take the politician’s case from another
angle.

Honourable Bello is a successful politician,
whatever that means. He has been around for so
long that he is now a godfather. His wife of over
two decades was used to his long days and even
longer nights. She ha d come to accept the
meetings, the endless entertaining and smiling
until her make-up cracked even when all she
wanted to do was crack the heads of her
husband’s hangers-on. She knew he went hunting
sometimes. She also knew some of the women in
the party also hunted him down once in a while.
But what she didn’t know was that there was a
regular one he had installed in a cosy corner of
the town. She was the one who took him to cloud
nine when political heat threatened to consume
him.

One night , Hon. Bello told his wife he was going
for a caucus meeting. She believed him or
pretended to. He went to his meeting. Two hours
later, his wife called the party chairman in whose
house the meeting was supposed to be taking
place and asked to speak with her husband,
urgently. The party chairman quickly put two and
two together and told ‘Madam’ that her husband
went to the toilet and would call him as soon as
he rejoined the meeting. Chairman quickly called
Honourable about the latest development. He
advised him to ‘postpone the meeting ‘ he was
having in the other house. He counted his teeth
with his tongue and called off his meeting. Fortu­
nately, Abuja is not like Lagos. He got home just
in time before ‘Madam’ could send out a search
party after him.

Nocturnal meetings provide politicians’ cover to
go hunting or to check out their investments.
Lawyers? I’m an unlearned fellow but the learned
guys have cases all over the country, meetings
and briefs even outside the country. It’s just that
some of these cases some of the time are in
certain courts where only Oga and madam argue
their points vigorously until both have proved
beyond reasonable doubt that justice has been
done.

I hope with these few points of mine, I have been
able to convince you that all men are hunters but
not all of them tell professional lies.

Falconey me tooo

falconey:


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does it make me a boko haram member?

falconey:


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lool not yet? Ok wen I become one, u will be d first I'd bomb!

Hmmm

Inspirational ....hmmm nice one op thumbs up

Additional professional lies can be; deadlines for reports, expression of interest, call for proposals or concept notes, midterm reviews and end of project evaluation the whole nine yards can be unleashed...lol