Courtship is very important and
necessary for any intending couple to
observe, if they want to enjoy their
marriage. When I listen to some
couples share their problems, I
sometimes wonder if they really
courted. Courtship enables you to
know each other's strengths and
weaknesses, likes and dislikes; it
enables you affirm your decision to
marry the person or confirm your
need to run far away from them.
However more often than not, couples
spend their courtship preparing for
the wedding rather than getting to
know each other. I recently had a
conversation with a young protegee
of mine who is preparing for her
wedding. While discussing, I asked
her fiance's preference on some
issues concerning the wedding.
She replied, ‘I don’t know ma”.
“How come you don’t know? Didn’t
you both discuss it?” I asked.
“No, we didn’t ma”, she answered.
"Well you should have discussed it so
both of you are on the same page”, I
told her.
I asked a few more questions about
her fiancé and she would either reply
with, “He hasn’t told me” or “I don’t
know” or “We haven’t discussed it”.
So after a while I asked her, "what
have you discussed?" To my surprise,
they haven’t covered many things I
considered essential yet they will be
getting married in a few weeks.
I think there is a gap here. Usually,
there are classes for couples who are
engaged and preparing for their
wedding but singles are hardly taught
what to do during courtship.
How can two walk together unless
they agree? How can they agree if
they do not discuss?
This piece is for #‎Singles‬ . Although
this is not an exhaustive list, I trust it
covers the most important things you
need to discuss and agree on during
courtship.
#1.Compatibility in Faith: If Christ is
the foundation of your marriage you
need to ensure that you both have the
same foundation. Discuss your
salvation experience, faith experience
and testimonies, level of
commitment, acceptance of the Bible
as final authority. Do we pray
together, study the word together, etc
in marriage?
#2. The concept of Headship and
submission: Often after couples
marry, they realize that their concept
of headship and submission is at
variance. The man wants a woman
who never argues with him, while the
woman sees herself as a partner and
must have a say. Combine them and
wahala begins! Having this
discussion again and again helps a
couple agree on what their roles are.
#3. Money: Money is a major source
of conflict in marriage. There is a
need to discuss who will do what and
share expectations of each other. Will
the man be the sole breadwinner? Or
will it be a proportional sharing of
expenses. Will you share a bank
account? Keep individual accounts?
Both? How money will be sourced
and managed must to be ironed out.
#4. Life in Marriage: A couple needs
to be upfront with each other about
what they would like to alter or
change in marriage. If you would
prefer a housewife or would rather
your wife not work, it should be
discussed and agreed on during
courtship. Springing such surprises
on your spouse can lead to distrust. If
you are planning to leave the country
or change your career etc, you need to
discuss it. Also talk about how tasks
will be shared in the home: cleaning,
cooking, washing dishes, yard work,
car repairs, shopping for food, and
household stuff.
#5. Relatives and in-laws: This is
another trouble spot for many
marriages and you need to observe
this area. Discuss their role in the
marriage (if any), visitation rights
and duration, financial obligation to
both parents, how you would interact
with them. Ladies should do well to
find out how other wives (where
applicable) are treated. Do you
present a united front to them and
deal with them as a couple or do you
deal with them individually (not
advised). Share your culture on
expected roles.
#6. Mode & Place of Worship: This is
particularly important where the
couple attend different
denominations. A decision needs to
be reached on where they would
worship as a family or if a new place
of worship will be chosen, where the
children will go as well as the
doctrines they will imbibe.
#7. Health History and Genetics: This
goes without saying and should be
cleared up before getting engaged. If
there is any trouble, even if you have
received your healing, you need to
disclose it so your partner makes an
informed decision. Previous health
challenges, surgeries, etc
#8. Children: Number of children,
projected spacing between children
and possibly, their names should be
decided. What are the standards of
behavior? What are the appropriate
ways to discipline them?
#9. Goals & Life Ambitions: A lot of
people complain that their partners
are laid back and have no ambition,
its important to know what your
partners ambition is and the level of
the ambition. Some are too driven
and would do anything to get where
they are while some are laid back and
are no talk. So don’t just take his/her
word for it, search for actions to
corroborate. Pursuit is the evidence of
desire.
#10. How to Quarrel: This is the last
but not the least. I read a book before
getting married and learnt that there
is a need to agree on how to fight. As
a couple you will disagree many
times so it’s good to have a guideline
to clean, healthy and godly
disagreements. For example you can
agree on: No name calling, no
sleeping on separate beds no matter
what, no refusal to cook/eat when
angry, and always settling matters
before bed. It can also be a code word
for the other party to know when to
stop talking, no verbal or physical
abuse (very important). It’s a time to
learn how to disagree on issues and
still avoid hurting the personality of
your partner. How you fight is
important because a lot couples
damage their emotional connection
when they quarrel over small issues.
The purpose of these discussions is
to get to know the other party better
and know whom you are marrying as
well as what to expect from the
marriage. Sometimes, after these
discussions, some couples go their
separate ways; it is better than to
divorce after 2 years. Still, most
couples are able to work it out and
agree on what is best for them
thereby creating a win-win situation.

Good article.

All these non ending sermon on courtships and relationships self

this is one of the best piece i have read on this platform

D poster below me..pls summarize d whole sermon ...in quote