am new and I opened this account because am practically confused and i have read nairalander's honest answer to other people's questions. I met this dude and he has become a better person since then and he is amazing. we have our own issues and we forgive each other a lot. we all have our own shortcomings but I have a problem that is gradually becoming huge. its secrecy. I check his accounts and he has plenty of them and I see things that do not look nice, we talk about them and we let it go. what marvels me is that he changes his password immediately I find out that something is wrong. I really want to marry him if this works out but there are a lot of things I would rather stay single than worry about in marriage. when he changes these codes, it looks as if he's hiding things because sometimes I end up still seeing some dirty stuffs again after a long while. I trust him but we are best of friends and the only secret are codes. he says he doesnt check mine so I shouldn't check his and the last time I gave him my password, I haven't changed it since then and I even saw once that he had logged into my account and I didnt feel like he was intruding and it was nothing special to me but I cant just throw away my suspicions and marry someone I don't know in depth. I practically don't believe in keeping privacy between two people who want to start life together, we are both in our mid twenties and i think the next thing on our minds is marriage. we have talked about the changeand he said it wont continue but it is still continuing. I dont know what to do.

This is kinda serious. But, if sincerely the guy really wants you,
he should stop those dirty stuff now.
Dunno how dirty they are but I'd advice you sit him down and let him
know how uncomfortable you are with it.


If you see no changes in him and you still decide to marry him, then I
guess you have to respect his privacy then, i.e, you will only know what
he wants you to know (which I think its not healthy enough for a family)

Or better still, walk away if u cant cope with it anymore!

opssss

marriage is an institution that you will never graduate,

my dear think before you say yes i do and dont come

crying on this forum that men are wicked.

if he really loves you he will desist from what he knows you don't like.

don't be blind by love and make a life mistake you will regret.

I dnt like my bea going through my phone cause of this type of post up there, he just need privacy! Is that too much to ask from u .. Let d dude be joor!

u neva mentioned d kind of code here whether it is facebook code or phone code or twitter code or even bank account code. The bottom line is allow him some privacy. Dont bother spying on him. If he is cheating, he will be surely caught.

You want our advise and you are keeping some informations from us.



What are the secret and dirty stuff u find in his phone? You already have a new Nairaland account so we can't know who you are, why are u still keeping some information. If you want candid advise you have to be forthcoming.

IamLEGEND1:
I'm a little confused here
coz from what you wrote up there
it seems you're the paranoid one.
I have absolutely nothing to hide but I'm a very private person,so if I was ur guy
I would have dumped you long ago.
WTF is wrong with you woman?
mtcheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwww
checking my accounts constantly?
datz messed up mehn!!!

something happened that rose my suspicion. I don't check constantly .if he forgets to log out of my phone, his notifications come in and I may see it, confront him and that's it. he changes the password and logs out.

Op, what did u see when u checked his mobile?

gab264:
Invader's
Op ur dude as u mentioned it up there, is not different from the rest of other dudes out there.
That you snick into his account or whatever, is the easiest way u can depreciate the trust u have for him. Because one way or the other, u migth see somethin strange, which am sure instigated yaa fear rigth now.
He just did the rigth thing to change his password,
For him to have u around him z worth being trusted, though it depends on ur own perspective. don't invade his privacy without his notice, because u migth find what u are actually lookin for.
"""Trust"" I fink is what u are lacking, build your trust for him and leave him to do what is best for him. invading his private life,will not change the fact that he cheats on you or will it change him for that.
Make your decisions now, if u like it the way u are viewing it,then u can go ahead and stick with him till death or let me say till he propose to u, but I will advice u to find your way, now he have not make any move regarding marriage to u,........ because he wants to eat his cake and still have many waiting for him

once he asked a girl for a dm, I confronted him and he blocked me on Twitter. how am I gonna get the trust back because I really love this guy.

Moz22:
Op, what did u see when u checked his mobile?

Moz22:
Op, what did u see when u checked his mobile?

Moz22:
Op, what did u see when u checked his mobile?

he beeps other girls he doesn't know and you know when a guy is starting a conversation with a girl that is trying to get the girl's mind and play around. those kind of things are what I see.

DReaper:


he beeps other girls he doesn't know and you know when a guy is starting a conversation with a girl that is trying to get the girl's mind and play around. those kind of things are what I see.

you don't trust him and cos if u did, u won't go checking up his fone. You shdnt av given him ur password either.

IamLEGEND1:
I'm a little confused here

coz from what you wrote up there

it seems you're the paranoid one.

I have absolutely nothing to hide but I'm a very private person,so if I was ur guy

I would have dumped you long ago.

WTF is wrong with you woman?

mtcheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwww

checking my accounts constantly?

datz messed up mehn!!!

I have not met a lady who does not search through a guys phone, from photos to email to whatsapp to screenshots.

Thats an everyday event once there is a female visitor who claims to love me. I dont know for you. How the guy handles the lady's doubts is what matters here..

Some ladies like settling for less.What are you doing with someone who doesn't treat you right? Someone you can't trust , why ?

DReaper:


he beeps other girls he doesn't know and you know when a guy is starting a conversation with a girl that is trying to get the girl's mind and play around. those kind of things are what I see.

The more you police him, the more he gets grounded in that act. He will enjoy you crying over that.

" Tell him you are considering leaving him since he does not want you to trust him. ".. Though you aint going nowhwere. When fighting for love, dont let your enemy know how much you depend on him.

Moz22:
you don't trust him and cos if u did, u won't go checking up his fone. You shdnt av given him ur password either.

he came to see me and a message came in and I saw it too. I asked , he was beating about the Bush and it stopped for a while. I later found out that it happened again with another girl

Moz22:
you don't trust him and cos if u did, u won't go checking up his fone. You shdnt av given him ur password either.

he came to see me and a message came in and I saw it too. I asked , he was beating about the Bush and it stopped for a while. I later found out that it happened again with another girl. I gave him my password because we needed to do something using my account

The first mistake we make is going into any relationship with intention of changing individuals. This is simply killing the relationship before starting and there is no other word for it than selfishness. Gradually you become manipulative and controlling which will choke the life out of your partner. If you are a monkey that loves climbing trees but hate water then don't enter into a relationship with a fish, you can't turn a fish into a tree climbing lover or else he loses his identity. The beauty of life is our exotic nature, we can't all be the same so let your boyfriend be!!!

DReaper:


he came to see me and a message came in and I saw it too. I asked , he was beating about the Bush and it stopped for a while. I later found out that it happened again with another girl. I gave him my password because we needed to do something using my account

and why didn't u change it afterwards...dude just taking u for a ride when he is tru, he will drop

I left my bf coz of D's same issues,,and here he's on nairaland sobbing and searching for a wife.

DReaper:
am new and I opened this account because am practically confused and i have read nairalander's honest answer to other people's questions. I met this dude and he has become a better person since then and he is amazing. we have our own issues and we forgive each other a lot. we all have our own shortcomings but I have a problem that is gradually becoming huge. its secrecy. I check his accounts and he has plenty of them and I see things that do not look nice, we talk about them and we let it go. what marvels me is that he changes his password immediately I find out that something is wrong. I really want to marry him if this works out but there are a lot of things I would rather stay single than worry about in marriage. when he changes these codes, it looks as if he's hiding things because sometimes I end up still seeing some dirty stuffs again after a long while. I trust him but we are best of friends and the only secret are codes. he says he doesnt check mine so I shouldn't check his and the last time I gave him my password, I haven't changed it since then and I even saw once that he had logged into my account and I didnt feel like he was intruding and it was nothing special to me but I cant just throw away my suspicions and marry someone I don't know in depth. I practically don't believe in keeping privacy between two people who want to start life together, we are both in our mid twenties and i think the next thing on our minds is marriage. we have talked about the changeand he said it wont continue but it is still continuing. I dont know what to do.

I rarely comment except I see real post.

As HookupCity.com contributor, I believe that I have experience enough to know what to say.

From the look of things, one is more focused than the other and since you are a woman and he a man, both aren't on same level in terms of maturity or goals, even though you in your mid twenties.

It's generally belief that women mature more than men of same age bracket and that's clearly defined in your proposition on here.

Though you would hear people say no point invading into other's privacy but what's the point of being in a serious relationship if I can't be free with someone I am dating, especially when we are thinking of getting married?

It's practically unfair and I don't support such, except I don't consider marrying that person.

He still want to have fun and enjoy himself; basically due to certain unannounced reasons, either known or latent, which you should find out on your own. Are you denying him sex? Have you cheated on him in the past but turned a new leaf after an ensued quarrel? Could he be trying to avoid something such as being heartbroken (yeah, most guys use dating multiple ladies as defence mechanism) and so on. Only you can find that out.

What would I suggest? After re-evaluating yourself and you know you didn't cause any of these, directly or indirectly, speak to him some more and if he refuses to change, please leave him and look for someone that will respect you enough to not hide anything from you, leave with your dignity in tact and your head high.

OP you have MAJOR trust issues! Why would you want to log into his accounts?
Is it shared too? Is it not enough you snoop around checking his wall and his profiles?
See, if you can't learn to trust him and mind your business, then quit and wait for a man you can weight his balls before and after he gets home to see if he cheated that day!

I don't support whatever is the dirty stuff you claim to see on his phone but i am totally against the need for you to be logging into his account to view what sef

octopusfreaky:
I left my bf coz of D's same issues,,and here he's on nairaland sobbing and searching for a wife.

my dear, haven suffered some nasty relationship experience, I do not support any form of torture. It's good you left. Most people, like my ex, do not know the value of what they have until it's gone.

HookupCity.com

Squad4:
OP you have MAJOR trust issues! Why would you want to log into his accounts?
Is it shared too? Is it not enough you snoop around checking his wall and his profiles?
See, if you can't learn to trust him and mind your business, then quit and wait for a man you can weight his balls before and after he gets home to see if he cheated that day!

I don't support whatever is the dirty stuff you claim to see on his phone but i am totally against the need for you to be logging into his account to view what sef

I take an opposing view to you stance.

Trust can not be undermined in atmosphere where two matured persons are planning to get married. Trust meter should be reading right, fully filled, if you really care or love the person.

If I were in the Op's BF shoes, I see no big deal if my supposed future wife wants to read my account or go through them.

HookupCity.com

Booty talks all over everywhere.

Op, go get charm and start getting him to do wareva U want him to do exactly the way you want him to . PM me, I know a potent babalawo

Moz22:
and why didn't u change it afterwards...dude just taking u for a ride when he is tru, he will drop

exactly... I think it's prudent for the OP to tread with care as I don't think that they are in same wavelength of thoughts and that's a red flag; while one person is thinking marriage (the OP), the other isn't (her boyfriend). The signs are always there but we allow our emotions to cloud our reasoning, thereby negating of forms of logical mechanism. And then, what we have often feared sets in--heartbreak.


HookupCity.com

2sex:
exactly... I think it's prudent for the OP to tread with care as I don't think that they are in same wavelength of thoughts and that's a red flag; while one person is thinking marriage (the OP), the other isn't (her boyfriend). The signs are always there but we allow our emotions to cloud our reasoning, thereby negating of forms of logical mechanism. And then, what we have often feared sets in--heartbreak.


HookupCity.com

hmmm..you've said it all

DReaper:


once he asked a girl for a dm, I confronted him and he blocked me on Twitter. how am I gonna get the trust back because I really love this guy.

both of you are still young and irritating to stick to eachother now,so let him enjoy his life, and you too enjoy yours,,if he is ready to settle down, you surely would know that,,