I wonder why people are attacking her, I too would be worried if I was her. That man should get a life jare and stop obsessing over someone else. If someone is always dependent on you, it will get to a point when that person begins to irritate you.
-Love does not die of starvation but of indigestion.

Mindfulness:


Do you think this is normal? Your spouse is spending excessively and beyond your means and you keep quiet like a mumu? Is it normal?
What next? Will he also try to please her when she tells him that she needs a three.some to be satisfied because he puts herself first over himself, like you said?



Take it easy. You don't have to attack me to make your point.

I know nothing I and anyone says is ever gonna make sense to your likes on this. I guess you've never seen someone who is extremely nice even to a fault. There are people who would give their life for others, maybe one outta a billion.

Practically, there is no one like Jesus christ but I'm sure you would have questioned why Jesus had to endure the beating and died for the world. You would also tag it abnormal. It seems to me, you guys are the abnormal type who doesn't understand the concept of marriage the way God laid it down. You've been brainwashed by education, modernization and self knowledge.

The truth is just that the OP had been programmed to see akward way of doing things in a reltationship has been normal, so she's got a problem with this man. I can bet you the man will not kill himself if she leaves, he is just feeling that way, not going to happen

Another fact is just that, if she divorce which I want her to so she'll see the difference, sure she's not gonna get his type anymore. A pity the man will be mean to any lady that comes his way after that. I would have agreed with the Op if they were still dating, but trust me, all the man is, is not a bg deal as she make it appeared. She can handle that herself.

tearoses:
I didn't want to comment on this thread earlier but just had to
Please hold on to that man well. He is a gem
There is nothing wrong with him, He is doing what he is supposed to do.
Did you expect him to yell at you because you returned late?
He is only treating you like the Queen that you are.
Treat him the same too.
The kids and I always come first too and my husband will do anything for us even if it inconveniences him.
Thats service in marriage.
reciprocate, and it balances out and everyone is happy.
You have a very good man there.
Dont listen to the busy body gossips at the salon who are secretly praying for a man to even notice their new hairstyle, talk less of sitting and chatting with them at the salon. I sometimes go to the barbers with my hubby . . .Kini big deal. I enjoy his presence round me and I even tell the barber how I like his beard shaped
Shebi na my husband.
Pls relax babes and enjoy your man.

We are so used to sob stories that a good man treating his wife well becomes abnormality and a topic for gossip.

I really wished he married an equally innocent pure person so they could appreciate each other

My own husband will come out in the rain soaking wet and open the gate for me and bring me an umbrella so I won't get wet but he will be soaking wet
He doesn't shout at me
He spends all his free time with his family
He goes with me to the salon
We have a joint account and I also have his ATM pins for his other accounts
Some days I am too lazy and he cooks or buys us food to eat
He wants to make love to me all the time
Maybe I should seek divorce lol.

utenwuson:
op. after u finish trying all d advises given above n he didn't learn try mine,

since he obeys and worship u, give him punishment, slap him, tell him 2 do frog jump, tell him 2 cook, clean d toilet, wash d plate, wash ur pants n keep punishing him!

one day, just one fateful day! he ll hold ur hand in d air and say "woman, am tired, am tired of u maltreating me! then d man in him ll rise up 2 ur occasion n he ll beat d hell outa u! u myt even faint n collaps but don't worry! u ll stil come here 2 create another thread on how ur hubby is a dangerous man

I just can't stop laughing
The op should apply this to get her desired results

ojuolu:
you baffled me with your write up. I am sane, normal and Ok yet I do all those things and more for my wife. My job is tasking because I work for an international financial conglomerate but my wife and in extention my kids are my world. EVERYTHING revolve round her. After God, she is next. When I got the present offer with more money and growth potential, I declined for months because it mean spending less time with her than what we are use to.. She and God convinced me to take the job. Her husband is normal and he is in love with her absolutely like what I share with my wife.

Do you also force yourself on your wife when she is busy doing something else, that is important to her, like studying?
Do you also force yourself on your wife every day?
Do you also keep mute when she spends money excessively? Money you don't have?

akinsmyk:


I know nothing I and anyone says is ever gonna make sense to your likes on this. I guess you've never seen someone who is extremely nice even to a fault. There are people who would give their life for others, maybe one outta a billion.

Practically, there is no one like Jesus christ but I'm sure you would have questioned why Jesus had to endure the beating and died for the world. You would also tag it abnormal. It seems to me, you guys are the abnormal type who doesn't understand the concept of marriage the way God laid it down. You've been brainwashed by education, modernization and self knowledge.

The truth is just that the OP had been programmed to see akward way of doing things in a reltationship has been normal, so she's got a problem with this man. I can bet you the man will not kill himself if she leaves, he is just feeling that way, not going to happen

Another fact is just that, if she divorce which I want her to so she'll see the difference, sure she's not gonna get his type anymore. A pity the man will be mean to any lady that comes his way after that. I would have agreed with the Op if they were still dating, but trust me, all the man is, is not a bg deal as she make it appeared. She can handle that herself.

Well, I am not Jesus and I am not nice to people who are not nice to me; I avoid them.
I love myself first and this is what you are supposed to do too. The Bible says "Love your neighbor as yourself" and not Love your neighbor more than yourself.

Mindfulness:


Love? Is it love when you force yourself on someone even though the person is busy studying? Is it love when you don't respect that someone needs time on their own?

Well, I agree it is not love but people should stop
getting married to partners who doesn't fit their
lifestyle.

I believe the man has always been that way and
it is selfishness on the lady's part to want him to
change just because she can't cope with it.

Why marry someone who over-pampers you ?

if divorce u will end up in hell fire if you die in divorce becos it is sin. and I wish if you divorce and remarry that you will get married to a man that will beat at least two times in a week. Nonsense. the Bible commanded the men to be giving honor to women as weaker vessel. so it right for a man to pet a woman and even to beat a wife is sin. so rejoice is a great gift other are looking for. all I sense is that you hate his presence and stature. stop hating all those thing about him if you are doing so and pet your husband too

Mindfulness:


Well, I am not Jesus and I am not nice to people who are not nice to me; I avoid them.
I love myself first and this is what you are supposed to do too. The Bible says "Love your neighbor as yourself" and not Love your neighbor more than yourself.

Madam, I can see where the problem lies. True the bible says love your neighbor as urself but here we're talking about his wife and not just a neighbor. U nd d OP saw d man as a neighbor who should mind his business and cared less what happened to her....its a pity.

You need to read your bible very well and ask questions about God's stand and take on marriage, you would understand this man is doing all that, all he needs his moderation, so unfortunate the one who should help with that choose to nag and complain.

You need to understand when a man told you that what her husband is doing is just good. All the men advising her would love to do that to their wives too but had been taught through bad experience by the ladies.

The point you agreed on with the OP was that her man was the clingy type....well I'v got no more to say. Its crystal clear they're not fit for each other....She should file for a divorce so the man can get someone who will appreciate those qualities while she gets someone who cared less about her. My lady will appreciate me going with her to the saloon, I know its romantic but I don't have that kind of time...

She's making a mountains outta a mole hill....this issue is very simple....I thought she's experienced, never knew she's a learner at making her man adjust a bit to what she wants.

I agree with some, this is what happened when someone who had done lot of things and had experience so much that their system is now used to that way of life....Love and care as the husband shows is poisonous and choking to them.

If the Op has not been eyeing a man out there, she should be able to fix this

neocortex:


Well, I agree it is not love but people should stop
getting married to partners who doesn't fit their
lifestyle.

I believe the man has always been that way and
it is selfishness on the lady's part to want him to
change just because she can't cope with it.

Why marry someone who over-pampers you ?

I was thinking the same! Well said!

akinsmyk:


Madam, I can see where the problem lies. True the bible says love your neighbor as urself but here we're talking about his wife and not just a neighbor. U nd d OP saw d man as a neighbor who should mind his business and cared less what happened to her....its a pity.

And you should learn not to take every word in the Bible literally. The word neighbor is translasted differently in different languages.

You need to read your bible very well and ask questions about God's stand and take on marriage, you would understand this man is doing all that, all he needs his moderation, so unfortunate the one who should help with that choose to nag and complain.

No, I don't have to read it; not everyone in this world is a Christian and so isn't the Christian concept of marriage.

You need to understand when a man told you that what her husband is doing is just good. All the men advising her would love to do that to their wives too but had been taught through bad experience by the ladies.

It is good for whom? She doesn't enjoy it and it backfires at him. So how is it good?

The point you agreed on with the OP was that her man was the clingy type....well I'v got no more to say. Its crystal clear they're not fit for each other....She should file for a divorce so the man can get someone who will appreciate those qualities while she gets someone who cared less about her. My lady will appreciate me going with her to the saloon, I know its romantic but I don't have that kind of time...

Does your Bible now recommend divorce on grounds of incompatibility?

She's making a mountains outta a mole hill....this issue is very simple....I thought she's experienced, never knew she's a learner at making her man adjust a bit to what she wants.

She doesn't make him do anything. He chooses to oblige to any caprice of hers and that's the problem.

I agree with some, this is what happened when someone who had done lot of things and had experience so much that their system is now used to that way of life....Love and care as the husband shows is poisonous and choking to them.

I don't think it is love when you force yourself on people.

If the Op has not been eyeing a man out there, she should be able to fix this

Fix what?

[s]

AdeMoss:
Your husband is fixated. His situation is similar to a 2 years old baby that is still addicted to breastfeeding. He needs to learn how to stop.

[/s]

Thank god for good men out there.

Eketem:


We are so used to sob stories that a good man treating his wife well becomes abnormality and a topic for gossip.

I really wished he married an equally innocent pure person so they could appreciate each other

My own husband will come out in the rain soaking wet and open the gate for me and bring me an umbrella so I won't get wet but he will be soaking wet
He doesn't shout at me
He spends all his free time with his family
He goes with me to the salon
We have a joint account and I also have his ATM pins for his other accounts
Some days I am too lazy and he cooks or buys us food to eat
He wants to make love to me all the time
Maybe I should seek divorce lol.

Eketem:


We are so used to sob stories that a good man treating his wife well becomes abnormality and a topic for gossip.

I really wished he married an equally innocent pure person so they could appreciate each other

My own husband will come out in the rain soaking wet and open the gate for me and bring me an umbrella so I won't get wet but he will be soaking wet
He doesn't shout at me
He spends all his free time with his family
He goes with me to the salon
We have a joint account and I also have his ATM pins for his other accounts
Some days I am too lazy and he cooks or buys us food to eat
He wants to make love to me all the time
Maybe I should seek divorce lol.

God bless your hubby and strengthen your home.

tearoses:


God bless your hubby and strengthen your home.

Amen and yours too

Mindfulness:


Well, I am not Jesus and I am not nice to people who are not nice to me; I avoid them.
I love myself first and this is what you are supposed to do too. The Bible says "Love your neighbor as yourself" and not Love your neighbor more than yourself.

great post.

if anyone is offended by my comment, thats also great.

tpiadotcom:


great post.

if anyone is offended by my comment, thats also great.

bukatyne:


This is a description of a typical 'Nigerian' wife not capable of respecting a husband who loves her.

She is his first love with no previous experience of hurt So He is still pure

The story began to bend when she said He welcomed her with water from traffic instead of shouting like a normal husband I don't know How she jammed this 'abnormal husband'; they are certainly not in the same class.

She even denied him sex for weeks and mismanaged his money because....

She cannot respect him because she is not wired to respect gentle guys.

I pray she gets What she is looking for.

Cc: cococandy & babygirlfl

It's really unfortunate, actually meaning that the typical Nigerian woman will have no respect for a decent man. Let them enjoy it the way they want it, the 'animal husbandry style'. I hope she finds the human beast she seek.

Mindfulness:


And you should learn not to take every word in the Bible literally. The word neighbor is translasted differently in different languages.



No, I don't have to read it; not everyone in this world is a Christian and so isn't the Christian concept of marriage.



It is good for whom? She doesn't enjoy it and it backfires at him. So how is it good?



Does your Bible now recommend divorce on grounds of incompatibility?



She doesn't make him do anything. He chooses to oblige to any caprice of hers and that's the problem.



I don't think it is love when you force yourself on people.



Fix what?

Madam, I'm done nagging.

coolsix:
If it's some women they would take advantage of the man and turn him to something else.

Anyway Op, you need to express your feelings towards him concerning his attitude.

Exactly

ransomed:
Woman needs are insatiable. Are you sure it is not that Otumokpo that is working contrarily? I mean the love portion you innocently spiked in his drink when you were dating. Have you forgotten? Reverse it and he becomes the battery, authoritative and misery type. The choice is yours.

Yes, that's how men who have been jazzed, behave.

But the op did not say she jazzed him. If she had, she wouldn't be this worried.

Frederick07:
Sometimes when you ask the devil for things he gives you exactly what you wish for, are you sure you have never prayed or did charm to get a man "who worships and adores you" because that would be karma being a real biitch,

just saying :-

#Team_Careful_What_You_Wish_For

Hm

wemmi:
@Op..I really don't why u are here.You shud be having this conversation with him.Marriage is suppose to be a personal rlshp not sumthing u sun dry on Nl for kids and immature ones to say all sort of trash.please talk to him.

Seconded !

commitcrime:
Hmmmmm


Since u want sincere mature advice. I ll oblige u.

You re a fool!

Your husband loves u so much that he dotes on u. All men would normally do that but men like me dated bitches so we transformed and became assholes.

If ur husband worships u. It is normal

It is left for u to take the obeisances in humility and reciprocate.

If u turn him into an asshole. Babe I promise u. You ve lost him forever.

P.S
I realise it is easy being an asshole than a gentleman

#TEAMASSHOLE

These creatures called ladies....what exactly do they want??

akinsmyk:


Madam, I'm done nagging.

I didn't think your contributions were nagging.

teemy:
[b]
Over many years of observation, I realised that people end up despising most what they at one time appreciated.
- Teemy

I salute your sense of reasoning about this matter. You deserve one crate of egg.

Op I know wat u re going thru...almost on d same shoe wit u

Mindfulness:


Do you also force yourself on your wife when she is busy doing something else, that is important to her, like studying?
Do you also force yourself on your wife every day?
Do you also keep mute when she spends money excessively? Money you don't have?

"force" i did not read that anywhere in the write up.
Secondly is she rational to spend excessively?
Please let her go ahead and divorce because if her mind is made up, it is made up.

My dear u are one of the lucky ones. Why do you complain? If I had a husband like yours, I will die the happiest woman on earth. How cld you even complain? Khai! God gave u one of the rarerest specie of men in the universe & you complain? Why not come swap places with me? You have a wonderful husband. The rest you can handle with wisdom.

enstack:
I had to create a new account just to post this as it's quite sensitive. It's quite lengthy too but I'll be brief. I need mature and friendly advice from people here.

When I first met my husband, it was in a library. We talked briefly and we became close. I have had past relationships in my life so I was careful as possible. I realised that he had no past relationship. He was a typical virgin and was new and I was his first girlfriend. So I felt comfortable with him. He was so kind and loving so I agreed to marry him.

Now it has gotten worse. Everytime he does anything I want without asking questions. At first I enjoyed it but now I'm starting to worry about him as it's getting out of hand. He does not display any act of manliness in the house. He behaves like my puppet or my foot stool. The other day he was watching the soccer game and I just jokingly mentioned how boring it was and I would prefer the faith channel. He changed the channel to the faith channel just like that. Even at work he would be calling me and texting me I am even scared he would loose his job if his employer finds out.

I have no time for myself.. he is always around. Sometimes if I say no to his advances for sex he would act like I am a wicked woman who has cheated him or rubbed him of his right. He would give me the silent treatment for weeks until I give in. On Sunday he insisted on going with me to the salon and it's now embarrassing as every Sunday my mates in the salon would gossip about how my husband is the only man amongst women making their hairs because his wife is there. I try to talk to him but he would feel so sad like I have taken smething away. I don't understand.

If I'm studying at night, he would suddenly begin to romance me and strip me of my clothing without saying anything first when he can see I'm studying. If I rebuke him, he would be very sad. Every time he must have one intimate relation with me everyday and life does not work that way. I don't know if it's immaturity or he is sick mentally. The day I returned home 11pm due to huge traffic jam, I was expecting him to be furious like any other man.. he was with all smiles even offered me water and collected my bag and books. Christ.

I need sincere help. I told his family that I'll file a divorce if this continues as I cannot live like this. It's no longer love but idolatry. I thought it's wives that are submissive.. he is the one submissive. Anything I ask... he grants even silly things. Things that a real man would query before granting.

I am sure that if I ask him to bathe in acid he would do it. I'm sick and tired of this marriage. Just a year. The last quater he gave me his ATM to spend when I went for training in Abuja. When I was spending excessively he was quiet about it until I returned and found it he was broke that i wrecked him. I was wondering what happened to him. Why didn't he talk?

Please Nairalanders what is happening? I love him still and divorce would be my last resort. I need your advice and help on how to fix this because I don't know what to do anymore.

Thank you all.

Funny how you didn't notice this during courtship.

But are you the domineering type? Yeah, some women have the domineering streak that could enfeeble a man who has had a domineering mother ,especially in a fatherless home.

Sadly, the world today has turned a good percentage of men into effeminate beings who actually believe that being a "yes" man to a woman is now the hallmark for feminine endorsement (Hello feminism).

You said you love him, so good. So work it out. It's marriage now and not just any relationship.

But one thing's for sure, if his wuzzy behaviour isn't a childhood maladjustment from his upbringing, it could be you .

shininglite:
Women are very confused set of species.. Op pls divorce him nd watch another woman catch him like a ball..in ur mind u tink he cant do without u abi?

ur deserve a man that would use you as a punching bag

are you telling me that you dont know that this story is cooked and was written by a man.