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Someone's Experience About Marriage.. by Nobody: 8:04am On Nov 27, 2015 |
My name is Mukhtar Lawal. I am 48 years old. I would
like to share my divorce diaries with you.
# DivorceDiaries I was married to my ex-wife Yasmin
for 16 years before it all crashed...nothing we could
do to salvage our marriage #DivorceDiaries. Yasmin
was my first love, we met in secondary school. And we
were together like 10 years before we got married.
#DivorceDiaries I like to think she is the love of my
life. Everything I knew and learnt about loving a
woman is from her. #DivorceDiaries. Ever since our
divorce I have not been myself. And it crushes me that
she seems to have moved on without any regard to my
feelings. A rich man stole my happiness and destroyed
my life, tempting my woman with riches. Let me tell
you what happened.
# DivorceDiariesJust before we got married I got a job
with a construction company. The pay wasn’t fantastic
#DivorceDiaries but it was sufficient to keep a young
man happy till the next paycheck. #DivorceDiaries At
the time Yasmin was under pressure to get married,
especially because everyone in her family knew about
us #DivorceDiaries. She told me we had to do something
fast if not I would have to face the possibility of
losing her. #DivorceDiaries I couldn’t lose her.
Especially not to a newcomer.#DivorceDiaries
Eventhough I felt we needed more time,for me to be
financially stable before we got married,I promised to
do the needful I didn’t want to lose my heart and
soul.
#DivorceDiaries And so, we got married. With my
family and I doing our best to satisfy her family’s
seeming never ending demands. #DivorceDiaries
Yasmin is a Kanuri from Borno, and those people
always demand a lot of items for marital rites.
#DivorceDiaries The first two years were rough for us
as we tried to settle down to life on modest means,
with twins on the way... #DivorceDiaries Those days
were truly hectic! Sometimes we barely scraped by but
our love for each other kept us strong.
#DivorceDiaries After our twin boys were born, life
completely changed. I got a better job with a better
salary. #DivorceDiaries Yasmin got a job with a pioneer
telecoms company. As things eased up, I was able to
give my beautiful wife the finer things in life. Nothing
made me happier than seeing her enjoy her first trip
abroad. Alhamdulillah I thought to myself how lucky
and blessed I truly was. And then she changed.
Yasmin became impatient with me. #DivorceDiaries If
she asked for something, and I wasn’t able to provide
it immediately then all hell will break loose…
#DivorceDiaries at first she would give me the silent
treatment and then she advanced to insults and
threats. #DivorceDiaries Naturally I was perplexed with
her new behavior.
#DivorceDiaries To add insult to injury I was always
rebuffed when I asked for more children, our twins
were already 10 years old…#DivorceDiaries I yearned
for more children but Yasmin always said her body
needed more time. And this became a major source of
tension between us. Our marriage changed. We became
those people who argued and cursed and hissed. We
were no longer the considerate lovebirds.#Divo
rceDiaries Yasmin buried herself in her work and she
was always travelling across the country as her
company’s operations expanded.#DivorceDiaries. And I
had more money and more time to spend with my
twins. Yasmin was hardly ever home. #DivorceDiaries
Yasmin was hardly ever home. And when we were in
bed it felt like I was alone.
We were growing apart and living separate lives I
missed my wife. I missed her warmth and her
laughter. I didn’t want my marriage to be a burden.
#DivorceDiaries I wanted it to work. And so I set about
trying to mend things. I was determined to make my
marriage a success #DivorceDiaries I surprised my wife
with a cake just because it was Thursday, I bought
bags and jewelry.I apologized for every little thing
#DivorceDiaries Women like that sort of thing!
#DivorceDiaries I stopped talking about having more
kids. I cooked..."candle lit dinner weekly...she
couldn't resist my moves #DivorceDiaries I even bought
her a brand new Benz. I really didn’t mind how much
it cost; I just wanted her to smile at me with love in
her eyes again. And it was working. She stopped
working late. She drastically reduced her trips, and
spent more time with the twins. #DivorceDiaries. And
she was back to being like my Amarya again. Sweet
words and kind gestures. #DivorceDiaries Life was back
to normal. Almost.#DivorceDiaries A friend of mine
visited me at home one evening and what he had to
say blew my mind...#DivorceDiaries He asked me how
my father in law was doing….. He told me casually
that he had seen Yasmin at the airport some months
ago#DivorceDiaries he had seen Yasmin at the airport
some months ago, with her father and they were on
the same flight to Lisbon. I thought he was joking… my
father in law had died 2 years before….. I was
confused
#DivorceDiaries I barely mustered strength to answer
him and say that my Father In law’s health was
improving.
#DivorceDiaries She told my friend that she was taking
her father to a special hospital in Lisbon.
#DivorceDiariesAt first I thought of confronting
yasmin with the barrage of questions in my head
#DivorceDiaries but then a silent voice urged me to
abandon the idea. Instead I decided to investigate
the situation myself without letting my wife know I
wanted to make myself believe that there had been a
mistake. That my friend had mistaken someone else
for my wife. #DivorceDiaries There was no way my
precious Yasmin was travelling to Lisbon with a man
old enough to be mistaken for her father.#Divorce
Diaries There was no way my precious Yasmin was
travelling to Lisbon with a man old enough to be
mistaken for her father.#DivorceDiaries And what on
earth was the reason for her trip? Lisbon of all
places? She had never mentioned Lisbon to me. I was
slowly going crazy My investigations revealed that my
wife had been having an affair with the chairman of
the board of her company. #DivorceDiaries For more
than 2 years… To tell you I was gutted would be an
understatement. That night I took my wife out. I told
her I had a special announcement #DivorceDiaries I
marveled at how excited she was as she got dressed. I
realized I did not know who this woman was anymore.
I was broken
#DivorceDiaries After our meal. I asked her why.
Why what?
Why? Why didn’t you tell me you were sleeping with
Chief Gbadamosi?#DivorceDiaries Why didn’t you tell
me you went on a trip to Lisbon? With him.
So you know..Mukhtar so you have known all this while?
Kai Men are wicked." I don't know what annoyed me
more, her composure or her brazenness #DivorceDiaries
"You lied to me,you made me feel like I was doing
wrong by you,yet you were sleeping with your boss. And
you still call men wicked." "You broke my trust
Yasmin. Why ?"
"Its not like that,I was going to tell you. I have been
trying to tell you that I am leaving you." I froze.
Leaving me?
‘Yes Mukhtar I am leaving you. I don’t love you. I love
chief and we are going to be happy together. ""You
are a good man but chief can get me to places you
have never even dreamt of.’
I was shocked. So she wasn’t even remorseful.
"Mukhtar ka sake ni kawai. Ko da saki daya ne I
don’t mind. Don’t be angry. That’s how God has
ordained it will happen….""Yasmin,listen to yourself.
What about your children? What about our marriage?
Its been 16 years. What about me?"
I was dizzy "My children will be fine as long as you
are alive Mukhtar. "
"I am very sorry to say this but I don’t love you
anymore" #DivorceDiaries In hindsight I realize how
naïve I was thinking my wife would be remorseful for
her infidelity. I was silly not to see she had gone far I
was foolish to think that we could work it out and
forge ahead.
In my mind she would have been sorry. She would have
asked for forgiveness I was very very stupid to think
that Chief Gbadamosi was taking advantage of my
innocent pious wife. Yasmin was her own devil.16 years
and she didn't even bat an eyelid. #DivorceDiaries It
took me 3 months to bring myself to write that
divorce. If not for my mother and my twins I would
have gone insane #DivorceDiariesMy heart is shattered.
My trust was broken, my dreams aborted,my life is in
pieces. I gave her everything. Or I think I did
#DivorceDiaries She gave me pain and rejection. Is
money everything? Was she not comfortable enough?
What did she want? #DivorceDiaries I still take care of
my boys. Yasmin has moved to Lagos doing God knows
what. #DivorceDiariesThe boys and I haven’t heard
from her since the divorce. I hear the chief spoils her
silly with money and gifts #DivorceDiariesThank You
for reading my #DivorceDiaries . I really hope you
learn from my experience...
cc:lalasticlala |
Re: Someone's Experience About Marriage.. by Lucialovely(f): 8:30am On Nov 27, 2015 |
1 Like |
Re: Someone's Experience About Marriage.. by Shoelace1(f): 8:30am On Nov 27, 2015 |
Hmmmmm... |
Re: Someone's Experience About Marriage.. by divinehand2003(m): 8:37am On Nov 27, 2015 |
I am not surprised how marriages come to an abrupt end these days. What amazes me most is the reason given for the dissolution of the marriage. The white man's culture of marrying as many times as possible in one life time is finally getting to us here in Africa. Nobody cares about religious vows anymore, ''till death do us part '' no longer exist. 1 Like |
Re: Someone's Experience About Marriage.. by donmarshia(m): 9:19am On Nov 27, 2015 |
I takes a fundamental belief in what is morally right, not to change from good to bad. The fact that someone acts all good today is not enough. The question is, why do you do the good you do? If it is not based on a strong belief, then you can always waver in times of temptation. 1 Like |
Re: Someone's Experience About Marriage.. by Nobody: 10:36pm On Dec 03, 2015 |
divinehand2003:Thank u ma broda.. i tot i'm d only 1 that thinks dat.. |
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