My name is Mukhtar Lawal. I am 48 years old. I would like to share my divorce diaries with you. # DivorceDiaries I was married to my ex-wife Yasmin for 16 years before it all crashed...nothing we could do to salvage our marriage #DivorceDiaries. Yasmin was my first love, we met in secondary school. And we were together like 10 years before we got married. #DivorceDiaries I like to think she is the love of my life. Everything I knew and learnt about loving a woman is from her. #DivorceDiaries. Ever since our divorce I have not been myself. And it crushes me that she seems to have moved on without any regard to my feelings. A rich man stole my happiness and destroyed my life, tempting my woman with riches. Let me tell you what happened. # DivorceDiariesJust before we got married I got a job with a construction company. The pay wasn’t fantastic #DivorceDiaries but it was sufficient to keep a young man happy till the next paycheck. #DivorceDiaries At the time Yasmin was under pressure to get married, especially because everyone in her family knew about us #DivorceDiaries. She told me we had to do something fast if not I would have to face the possibility of losing her. #DivorceDiaries I couldn’t lose her. Especially not to a newcomer.#DivorceDiaries Eventhough I felt we needed more time,for me to be financially stable before we got married,I promised to do the needful I didn’t want to lose my heart and soul. #DivorceDiaries And so, we got married. With my family and I doing our best to satisfy her family’s seeming never ending demands. #DivorceDiaries Yasmin is a Kanuri from Borno, and those people always demand a lot of items for marital rites. #DivorceDiaries The first two years were rough for us as we tried to settle down to life on modest means, with twins on the way... #DivorceDiaries Those days were truly hectic! Sometimes we barely scraped by but our love for each other kept us strong. #DivorceDiaries After our twin boys were born, life completely changed. I got a better job with a better salary. #DivorceDiaries Yasmin got a job with a pioneer telecoms company. As things eased up, I was able to give my beautiful wife the finer things in life. Nothing made me happier than seeing her enjoy her first trip abroad. Alhamdulillah I thought to myself how lucky and blessed I truly was. And then she changed. Yasmin became impatient with me. #DivorceDiaries If she asked for something, and I wasn’t able to provide it immediately then all hell will break loose… #DivorceDiaries at first she would give me the silent treatment and then she advanced to insults and threats. #DivorceDiaries Naturally I was perplexed with her new behavior. #DivorceDiaries To add insult to injury I was always rebuffed when I asked for more children, our twins were already 10 years old…#DivorceDiaries I yearned for more children but Yasmin always said her body needed more time. And this became a major source of tension between us. Our marriage changed. We became those people who argued and cursed and hissed. We were no longer the considerate lovebirds.#Divo rceDiaries Yasmin buried herself in her work and she was always travelling across the country as her company’s operations expanded.#DivorceDiaries. And I had more money and more time to spend with my twins. Yasmin was hardly ever home. #DivorceDiaries Yasmin was hardly ever home. And when we were in bed it felt like I was alone. We were growing apart and living separate lives I missed my wife. I missed her warmth and her laughter. I didn’t want my marriage to be a burden. #DivorceDiaries I wanted it to work. And so I set about trying to mend things. I was determined to make my marriage a success #DivorceDiaries I surprised my wife with a cake just because it was Thursday, I bought bags and jewelry.I apologized for every little thing #DivorceDiaries Women like that sort of thing! #DivorceDiaries I stopped talking about having more kids. I cooked..."candle lit dinner weekly...she couldn't resist my moves #DivorceDiaries I even bought her a brand new Benz. I really didn’t mind how much it cost; I just wanted her to smile at me with love in her eyes again. And it was working. She stopped working late. She drastically reduced her trips, and spent more time with the twins. #DivorceDiaries. And she was back to being like my Amarya again. Sweet words and kind gestures. #DivorceDiaries Life was back to normal. Almost.#DivorceDiaries A friend of mine visited me at home one evening and what he had to say blew my mind...#DivorceDiaries He asked me how my father in law was doing….. He told me casually that he had seen Yasmin at the airport some months ago#DivorceDiaries he had seen Yasmin at the airport some months ago, with her father and they were on the same flight to Lisbon. I thought he was joking… my father in law had died 2 years before….. I was confused #DivorceDiaries I barely mustered strength to answer him and say that my Father In law’s health was improving. #DivorceDiaries She told my friend that she was taking her father to a special hospital in Lisbon. #DivorceDiariesAt first I thought of confronting yasmin with the barrage of questions in my head #DivorceDiaries but then a silent voice urged me to abandon the idea. Instead I decided to investigate the situation myself without letting my wife know I wanted to make myself believe that there had been a mistake. That my friend had mistaken someone else for my wife. #DivorceDiaries There was no way my precious Yasmin was travelling to Lisbon with a man old enough to be mistaken for her father.#Divorce Diaries There was no way my precious Yasmin was travelling to Lisbon with a man old enough to be mistaken for her father.#DivorceDiaries And what on earth was the reason for her trip? Lisbon of all places? She had never mentioned Lisbon to me. I was slowly going crazy My investigations revealed that my wife had been having an affair with the chairman of the board of her company. #DivorceDiaries For more than 2 years… To tell you I was gutted would be an understatement. That night I took my wife out. I told her I had a special announcement #DivorceDiaries I marveled at how excited she was as she got dressed. I realized I did not know who this woman was anymore. I was broken #DivorceDiaries After our meal. I asked her why. Why what? Why? Why didn’t you tell me you were sleeping with Chief Gbadamosi?#DivorceDiaries Why didn’t you tell me you went on a trip to Lisbon? With him. So you know..Mukhtar so you have known all this while? Kai Men are wicked." I don't know what annoyed me more, her composure or her brazenness #DivorceDiaries "You lied to me,you made me feel like I was doing wrong by you,yet you were sleeping with your boss. And you still call men wicked." "You broke my trust Yasmin. Why ?" "Its not like that,I was going to tell you. I have been trying to tell you that I am leaving you." I froze. Leaving me? ‘Yes Mukhtar I am leaving you. I don’t love you. I love chief and we are going to be happy together. ""You are a good man but chief can get me to places you have never even dreamt of.’ I was shocked. So she wasn’t even remorseful. "Mukhtar ka sake ni kawai. Ko da saki daya ne I don’t mind. Don’t be angry. That’s how God has ordained it will happen….""Yasmin,listen to yourself. What about your children? What about our marriage? Its been 16 years. What about me?" I was dizzy "My children will be fine as long as you are alive Mukhtar. " "I am very sorry to say this but I don’t love you anymore" #DivorceDiaries In hindsight I realize how naïve I was thinking my wife would be remorseful for her infidelity. I was silly not to see she had gone far I was foolish to think that we could work it out and forge ahead. In my mind she would have been sorry. She would have asked for forgiveness I was very very stupid to think that Chief Gbadamosi was taking advantage of my innocent pious wife. Yasmin was her own devil.16 years and she didn't even bat an eyelid. #DivorceDiaries It took me 3 months to bring myself to write that divorce. If not for my mother and my twins I would have gone insane #DivorceDiariesMy heart is shattered. My trust was broken, my dreams aborted,my life is in pieces. I gave her everything. Or I think I did #DivorceDiaries She gave me pain and rejection. Is money everything? Was she not comfortable enough? What did she want? #DivorceDiaries I still take care of my boys. Yasmin has moved to Lagos doing God knows what. #DivorceDiariesThe boys and I haven’t heard from her since the divorce. I hear the chief spoils her silly with money and gifts #DivorceDiariesThank You for reading my #DivorceDiaries . I really hope you learn from my experience... cc:lalasticlala

Hmmmmm...

I am not surprised how marriages come to an abrupt end these days. What amazes me most is the reason given for the dissolution of the marriage.
The white man's culture of marrying as many times as possible in one life time is finally getting to us here in Africa.
Nobody cares about religious vows anymore, ''till death do us part '' no longer exist.

I takes a fundamental belief in what is morally right, not to change from good to bad.

The fact that someone acts all good today is not enough.

The question is, why do you do the good you do? If it is not based on a strong belief, then you can always waver in times of temptation.

divinehand2003:
I am not surprised how marriages come to an abrupt end these days. What amazes me most is the reason given for the dissolution of the marriage.
The white man's culture of marrying as many times as possible in one life time is finally getting to us here in Africa.
Nobody cares about religious vows anymore, ''till death do us part '' no longer exist.

Thank u ma broda..
i tot i'm d only 1 that thinks dat..