I was made to understand that love= respect, trust and tolerance. you dont give what you dont have. if you think a successful relationship just flows on its own then a guess your partner is a saint. been able to tolerate your partner is a sacrifice, compromising certain principles for the sake your spouses is also a sacrifice. me think, a successful relationship is a give and take thing.

alwelldinho:
I was made to understand that love= respect, trust and tolerance.

Love = respect, trust and appreciation and so much more.

you dont give what you dont have.

Exactly.

if you think a successful relationship just flows on its own then a guess your partner is a saint.

My angel.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWgWZFxCkdk

been able to tolerate your partner is a sacrifice, compromising certain principles for the sake your spouses is also a sacrifice. me think, a successful relationship is a give and take thing.

Appreciation, appreciation, appreciation.


Anyway, if you people want to have relationships that feel like hard work and sacrifice, then it is your choice. I don't want it.

alwelldinho:
I was made to understand that love= respect, trust and tolerance. you dont give what you dont have. if you think a successful relationship just flows on its own then a guess your partner is a saint. been able to tolerate your partner is a sacrifice, compromising certain principles for the sake your spouses is also a sacrifice. me think, a successful relationship is a give and take thing.

Good you said you think
I have been in relationships
Solid ones lol
It just flows
It keeps getting deeper
I have learnt to stop trying to please
I just let it happen
Yes we human are subconscious and wanna please the partner we love
But it stopped working that way a long time
Why do you think marriages fail
Cos they tend to change and can't endure anymore
But on the other hand you know this is me and what I can do and no pretence, trust me this world will be a better one

Yes my man knows me with all my loosed bolts and I know him too with his crazy way
No pretence
No hide and seek
If I see a part I can't cope with I take my leave phew
No time trying to fit in what can't
And that's the whole truth

Dyt:


Good you said you think
I have been in relationships
Solid ones lol
It just flows
It keeps getting deeper
I have learnt to stop trying to please
I just let it happen
Yes we human are subconscious and wanna please the partner we love
But it stopped working that way a long time
Why do you think marriages fail
Cos they tend to change and can't endure anymore
But on the other hand you know this is me and what I can do and no pretence, trust me this world will be a better one

Yes my man knows me with all my loosed bolts and I know him too with his crazy way
No pretence
No hide and seek
If I see a part I can't cope with I take my leave phew
No time trying to fit in what can't
And that's the whole truth

Pleasing the ones we love comes naturally and is fun and not a sacrifice. This is why I don't understand why people think it is a sacrifice.

Additionally, the focus should be on the traits we love about our partner. People focus too much on what the partner is lacking instead of focusing on what the person is doing for them and giving. Gratefulness and appreciation go a long way. Complaints don't. I have seen plenty of people suddenly remembering what they had in their spouse, once the person leaves but they were not able to appreciate it when the partner was still around.

Mindfulness:


Pleasing the ones we love comes naturally and is fun and not a sacrifice. This is why I don't understand why people think it is a sacrifice.

Additionally, the focus should be on the traits we love about our partner. People focus too much on what the partner is lacking instead of focusing on what the person is doing for them and giving. Gratefulness and appreciation go a long way. Complaints don't. I have seen plenty of people suddenly remembering what they had in their spouse, once the person leaves but they were not able to appreciate it when the partner was still around.

And this is the imperfection
Forget the ugly side and concentrate on the best you share
We may not be saying same thing but we driving at same point

To me I don't need to make any sacrifices
Mo sorry
Yes I had options to stop nagging and got the best ever but they tend to always say you nag and I get so angry like go please, this is me and I won't change it
Basically they never really understood I do it most times to see how much they can really do endure
My own ways of no pretence sha
I won't still stop nagging anyway
Whistling away and flips hair

@mindful and @dyt, Im really enjoying your two sides of the coin. though I still believe that a successful relationship is all encompassing. the feeling should be natural and where its necessary to make sacrifices, you do.

alwelldinho:
@mindful and @dyt, Im really enjoying your two sides of the coin. though I still believe that a successful relationship is all encompassing. the feeling should be natural and where its necessary to make sacrifices, you do.

Are you saying making time out should be a sacrifice?
Meeting should also be or you taking me out or chatting me up
If you call those sacrifices then I am sorry we never supposed be in a relationship

Dyt:


Are you saying making time out should be a sacrifice?
Meeting should also be or you taking me out or chatting me up
If you call those sacrifices then I am sorry we never supposed be in a relationship

hmmm

alwelldinho:
hmmm

Lol
Just asking na
Are those supposed be part of sacrifices

Yes I am a manager and always bust but I make out time for you (sacrifice) in your own word

If nothing comes naturally except you using the word making sacrifice then that's no relationship

I am. Using my whole life experience as examples here
You tell me you have a meeting but cancelled it cos you wanna be with me and you end up tellingvme that a sacrifice
I will tell you nope
Don't say that
You are here cos you wanna be not you making sacrifice
Who told you those few hours if I don't see you I die


#kidding#

Mindfulness:


Love = respect, trust and appreciation and so much more.



Exactly.



My angel.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWgWZFxCkdk



Appreciation, appreciation, appreciation.


Anyway, if you people want to have relationships that feel like hard work and sacrifice, then it is your choice. I don't want it.

I wish I can see it from your point of view, I go try sha....haha

Dyt:


Lol
Just asking na
Are those supposed be part of sacrifices

Yes I am a manager and always bust but I make out time for you (sacrifice) in your own word

If nothing comes naturally except you using the word making sacrifice then that's no relationship

I am. Using my whole life experience as examples here
You tell me you have a meeting but cancelled it cos you wanna be with me and you end up tellingvme that a sacrifice
I will tell you nope
Don't say that
You are here cos you wanna be not you making sacrifice
Who told you those few hours if I don't see you I die


#kidding#

I guess you know most men will still tag it as a sacrifice. canceling a meeting for your sake is one biiiiigggg SACRIFICE

alwelldinho:
I wish I can see it from your point of view, I go try sha....haha

It has been a process for me so take it easy. The most important thing is to enjoy yourself while being at it.

Dyt:


And this is the imperfection
Forget the ugly side and concentrate on the best you share
We may not be saying same thing but we driving at same point

To me I don't need to make any sacrifices
Mo sorry
Yes I had options to stop nagging and got the best ever but they tend to always say you nag and I get so angry like go please, this is me and I won't change it
Basically they never really understood I do it most times to see how much they can really do endure
My own ways of no pretence sha
I won't still stop nagging anyway
Whistling away and flips hair

I don't get this part. Why would you want your partner to endure anything? Would you like it if he who also decided to check how much you can endure by for example cheating on you?

If anyone asked me how much I can endure, I would say NOTHING! Why would I? Is this is what relationships are for?

Mindfulness:


It has been a process for me so take it easy. The most important thing is to enjoy yourself while being at it.

I sheepishly concur

alwelldinho:
I guess you know most men will still tag it as a sacrifice. canceling a meeting for your sake is one biiiiigggg SACRIFICE

Wow
I never knew


I am sure if he had told me
I would had asviced him go for his meeting but not doing it willingly and using it as reference for me

If my meeting him is not fruitful
I bet he wouldn't have ignored that particular meeting

For me
I like to chase money
Not saying he doesn't worth my time but we should both understand
I personally can't leave my money making

Mindfulness:


I don't get this part. Why would you want your partner to endure anything? Would you like it if he who was checking how much you can endure by for example cheating on you?

If anyone asked me how much I can endure, I would say NOTHING! Why would I? Is this is what relationships are for?

That goes for a man that's pretending duh
If you being real
You won't have issues with my nagging
You know me for it, don't pretend to wanna endure and hoping I will change
I can't change
I flaunt my own bad side but I guess the best part of me always wins sha


Op talking about sacrifices
Endurance lol
I just put in a check and you already raised eyebrow

So my dear
Relationship should be enjoyed and not endured

No matter what
I.can't date and a stingy man not to talk of making sacrifices by enduring
Not in this world
Ori iyemi onije


Stinginess, abuse(any form o) words, physical, emotional
Hell to the fecking no
I am too pretty to stay and suffer
Life is too short
Live every moment like you won't live again
Miolewaku

Dyt:


That goes for a man that's pretending duh
If you being real
You won't have issues with my nagging
You know me for it, don't pretend to wanna endure and hoping I will change
I can't change
I flaunt my own bad side but I guess the best part of me always wins sha


You were talking about sacrifices
Endurance lol
I just put in a check and you already raised eyebrow

So my dear
Relationship should be enjoyed and not endured

No matter what
I.can't date and a stingy man not to talk of making sacrifices by enduring
Not in this world
Ori iyemi onije


Stinginess, abuse(any form o) words, physical, emotional
Hell to the fecking no
I am too pretty to stay and suffer
Life is too short
Live every moment like you won't live again
Miolewaku

I wasn't talking about sacrifices and endurance as part of a successful relationship.

Dyt:

Do I sense you talking about changing for my partner, not accepting me for me?


This is me a nag, whoever wants to love me will with all my imperfections
If a man is stingy and I know but still loves him, he can't change lai lai, me sticking with him is accepting his imperfections and making it perfect.

This is the logic
Don't hide yourself
Show this is you and trust me you won't ever have any issues to worry

All we want is just that someone that makes us feel perfect
That one that completes us no matter his or her flaws
That one you can go on and on and on with and still crushes on him
That very one made for you
Don't change for me as you will always get back to yourself if something lacks
Just be you and that your complete will meet you half way

Me I kuku have lots of imperfections
I nag
I am impulsive
And some bolt don't just loose, they fly off sometimes ask mynd44


Damn some men stinginess get grades sha

Not changing for your partner. Change for yourself. Change because you want to stop hurting someone. Change because you feel you truly need to.
If you feel your character is not affecting anyone negatively, you don't have to change.

Example, I can't stand someone that lies, total turn off. Now if I discover my partner is a liar, am gonna try to understand why they lie, analyse it critically. Talk to them about their lies, let them see how bad it is affecting the people around them negatively. Let them come to the conclusion that they have to change. Not for me but because it is a bad character. If they are not ready to change, I take a walk because I can't live the rest of my life like that.


Don't hide yourself. Changing is not synonymous to pretence. Pretence is when someone from the example above tries to make their partner falsely perceive that they do not lie anymore. All their efforts will be directed at changing the way their partner sees them.
But when someone is changing, the way they view things change, they are concerned about how everyone around them feels due to their actions. Their focus shifts from how they are seen to how they affect people. They acknowledge that they hurt people with their lies and they sincerely wanna stop that.

There are some imperfection you love someone with, that is if you know you can stand that for the rest of your life. Accepting people's imperfections does not extend to their selfish traits. No one is perfect yes. But there is always a perfect one for everyone.

You can't keep nagging my head off everytime and expect me to stick with you for the rest of my life. Same way I don't expect you to stick with me if something I do hurts you most times, and I refuse to let it go.

My opinion is that if your partner complains about a character of yours to you. Sit down on your own and analyze it first.
How did they tell me? Is he being manipulative about it? Or going commandos on me?
Is that my particular character really hurtful? How would I feel if the tables were turned?
Will me letting go of that character make me loose my self or my identity in the process?
So many things to ponder on. After this is when you can sit with them and talk to them about it and if u wanna change, ask them for help.

Compromise is when I hate rice and he hates beans, but we decided to eat rice and beans mixture. Or eat those food on alternate days.
Compromise is not me coming home to a nagging husband after a hard day work everyday.
Or when my husband refuses to help me financially because he is stingy and not because he is financially incapable. Thats suicidal.

Mindfulness:


I wasn't talking about sacrifices and endurance as part of a successful relationship.

Lol sorry
I quoted you and directed some at the op who thinks endurance and sacrifices makes a successful relationship

Yes certain things "flow" in a relationship. What y'all don't realise is that certain selfish traits would stop the normal flow of a relationship. Thats when sacrifice comes in. Giving up what won't make your relationship "flow".

ToroJah:
Me i want to be loved by the right one too but the wrong ones keep coming my way, any help

Take responsibility. You keep choosing this kind. You saying there's no good person you've come across in all your life? That's a little difficult to believe.

DollyParton1:


Not changing for your partner. Change for yourself. Change because you want to stop hurting someone. Change because you feel you truly need to.
If you feel your character is not affecting anyone negatively, you don't have to change.

Example, I can't stand someone that lies, total turn off. Now if I discover my partner is a liar, am gonna try to understand why they lie, analyse it critically. Talk to them about their lies, let them see how bad it is affecting the people around them negatively. Let them come to the conclusion that they have to change. Not for me but because it is a bad character. If they are not ready to change, I take a walk because I can't live the rest of my life like that.


Don't hide yourself. Changing is not synonymous to pretence. Pretence is when someone from the example above tries to make their partner falsely perceive that they do not lie anymore. All their efforts will be directed at changing the way their partner sees them.
But when someone is changing, the way they view things change, they are concerned about how everyone around them feels due to their actions. Their focus shifts from how they are seen to how they affect people. They acknowledge that they hurt people with their lies and they sincerely wanna stop that.

There are some imperfection you love someone with, that is if you know you can stand that for the rest of your life. Accepting people's imperfections does not extend to their selfish traits. No one is perfect yes. But there is always a perfect one for everyone.

You can't keep nagging my head off everytime and expect me to stick with you for the rest of my life. Same way I don't expect you to stick with me if something I do hurts you most times, and I refuse to let it go.

My opinion is that if your partner complains about a character of yours to you. Sit down on your own and analyze it first.
How did they tell me? Is he being manipulative about it? Or going commandos on me?
Is that my particular character really hurtful? How would I feel if the tables were turned?
Will me letting go of that character make me loose my self or my identity in the process?
So many things to ponder on. After this is when you can sit with them and talk to them about it and if u wanna change, ask them for help.

Compromise is when I hate rice and he hates beans, but we decided to eat rice and beans mixture. Or eat those food on alternate days.
Compromise is not me coming home to a nagging husband after a hard day work everyday.
Or when my husband refuses to help me financially because he is stingy and not because he is financially incapable. Thats suicidal.

Chai too long but I picked the change part maybe I tried and it never worked
I am sha not a witch that nags all the time
I nag cos that's the only way I let out my anger, jealousy and something
Its something I can't control when I am fumming
So that's my own bad side, I know it and I don't need any man to remind me else I nag again

PiperAlpha:

I beg to disagree with you too Sir. A successful relationship doesn't come natural, and it isn't spontaneous. Sacrifices: time, resources etc must be made. Tolerance, empathy, understanding are all essential ingredients of a "successful" relationship. #my2cents

@op...what's your definition of a successful relationship?

My exact point.
A successful relationship is no fun or flow kinda thing.

Dyt:


Chai too long but I picked the change part maybe I tried and it never worked
I am sha not a witch that nags all the time
I nag cos that's the only way I let out my anger, jealousy and something
Its something I can't control when I am fumming
So that's my own bad side, I know it and I don't need any man to remind me else I nag again

Lol..I know. I ended up writing an epistle.

DollyParton1:


Lol..I know. I ended up writing an epistle.

I hope I haven't started to nag on this thread

Mindfulness:


It doesn't come natural because most of us were trained to think that it requires hard work but from my experience if it requires hard work then something is wrong. If the relationship is right, it flows. You don't feel like you are making a sacrifice for making out time with your spouse, you are keen on doing it. If you don't feel like spending time with your spouse and it feels like a sacrifice to you, what's the point of the relationship?

If I go shopping and see something that my spouse needs, I get it for him when the money is there and I enjoy getting it. I don't think of it as having made a sacrifice.

I don't tolerate my spouse. I appreciate my spouse.

As for empathy and understanding, it is required in all spheres of our life. I don't think it is hard work either.

What you mentioned are not sacrifices. They are basic ingredients needed for a relationship to take off on the right foot firstly.
Sacrifices go depeer than that.

PiperAlpha:



I still stand by my opinion that a successful relationship will not come on a platter of gold. Sacrifice: resources (money), time etc must be made.

Cheers.

I stand with you.

Dyt:


That goes for a man that's pretending duh
If you being real
You won't have issues with my nagging
You know me for it, don't pretend to wanna endure and hoping I will change
I can't change
I flaunt my own bad side but I guess the best part of me always wins sha


Op talking about sacrifices
Endurance lol
I just put in a check and you already raised eyebrow

So my dear
Relationship should be enjoyed and not endured

No matter what
I.can't date and a stingy man not to talk of making sacrifices by enduring
Not in this world
Ori iyemi onije


Stinginess, abuse(any form o) words, physical, emotional
Hell to the fecking no
I am too pretty to stay and suffer
Life is too short
Live every moment like you won't live again
Miolewaku

You realise nagging is a form of abuse. Both words and emotional abuse.

What you describe only exists in an ideal universe not a practical one like ours. Maybe in another parallel universe

DollyParton1:

What you mentioned are not sacrifices. They are basic ingredients needed for a relationship to take off on the right foot firstly.
Sacrifices go depeer than that.

It wasn't me who said they were sacrifices.

DollyParton1:


My exact point.
A successful relationship is no fun or flow kinda thing.

Indeed. Mr. Mindfulness is not a realist. He's taking optimism too far.

Relationships are work; and they require considerable amount of effort to make them work. There will be moments where each party will struggle to love each other - Law of diminishing return, and both need to make a concerted effort to love each other during those moments.

I don't think he has ever been in a long distance relationship perhaps, he would appreciate the fact that sacrifices must be made to keep the fire burning. LDR is another complex relationship that requires a lot of efforts from both parties to make the relationship work. Constant communication, traveling to see each other, to mention but a few are essential of they're going to make the relationship work.

Anyway, we're all wired differently, and we perceive things differently. We agree to disagree.

Between,















Where is my coat of many colors?

DollyParton1:

You realise nagging is a form of abuse. Both words and emotional abuse.

I love this twist


But this thread is very weird sha