One of the things that both men and women do which causes friction in relationships is to give advice (often unsolicited) when what we should really give is support.

In general support sounds like: “I know what you mean; that too bad.” “I totally understand. That happened to me, too, once.” “I am sorry you are going through that.”

By contrast advice sounds like: “You should do this, that, and this other thing” Or what I think is the very worst form of unsolicited advice… health recommendations.

Support: “I am so sorry you going through cancer treatment. Call me if you need anything. I am there for you.”

Advice: “The treatment you are using is bad. You need to see X doctor and use X approach, read X book and try X vitamin.” When it comes to health issues people are scared and unless your advice is asked for it’s best not to say anything that will cause them to second guess the treatments they have decided on.

Support: “I am sorry things aren’t working out with your boy-friend, call me if you want to talk.”

Advice: “You need to dump that guy right now, he is no good for you!” Though I understand it’s tempting to say that to a girlfriend who is clearly dating someone who isn’t worthy of them but, at the end of the day it’s their choice and if you don’t respect that or you run the risk of losing them forever.

Giving advice rather than support feels draining to the giver, particularly if that advice is never followed. It is also annoying for the receiver, especially if the receiver has already decided how to handle something, and most importantly, it is very damaging to a relationship because it can feel a lot like a parent telling what to do. Who wants that?

Also, by pushing your values, ideals and beliefs on someone who hasn’t asked to hear them, you run the risk of making this person feel uncomfortable talking to you, which may leave them with no support at all and in some situations that can make things far worse.

In general, to maintain more balanced relationships be supportive, and unless specifically asked keep the advice to yourself. It will help both feel more like equals in the relationship, and trust me, you will feel better about it.

Respect yourself and your friends enough to honor their choices, whatever they are.

https://dantewest./2015/12/25/save-your-relationships-by-not-giving-advice/

Nice approach to avoiding conflict. Thanks Op.

Ok

When it comes to relationship issues. I speak with wisdom, knowingly fully they will get back again.