Too long courtship might be boring at times because even when you court for 10 years, you can’t be sure you know everything about your partner. There are some things about your partner you won’t get to know until after marriage. So, I don’t really subscribe to long courtship. This is my personal opinion, though, so, what is your view on long courtship?

Some people have suggested a minimum of three months while some say minimum of two years. What do you think personally? As for me, I’m particularly uncomfortable with long relationships. Anything more than one year seems to be getting too long for me.

When we are in a relationship, especially where the two people involved are truly committed to it, there are circumstances that can make them court for longer time; say, three to five years or even longer. In such a case, it is not the fault of the lovebirds.

There are things that are very fundamental in a relationship, so much that if they are absent, the relationship will collapse. But all things being equal, where these fundamental things are in place, then, there is no reason why a courtship should stretch into donkey years if the parties involved are genuinely in love.

Mariam is a lady who once lived in the same neighbourhood with me. Her younger brother, Yakubu was my friend. By virtue of our friendship, I became friends with all the members of his family; his sister Mariam, his elder brother Ibrahim, their cousin Yaya, virtually everybody.

Mariam liked me so much and she made me her confident. She was in a relationship with a certain bachelor, KB, as I would want to refer to him. KB, as at that time, was an eligible young man in his early 30s who had life’s comfort. He was working in a reputable firm and was living in a well-furnished apartment. Mariam was in her late 20s. She had finished university and was self-employed, trading in clothes and jewelry from the financial assistance she got from KB. KB was so caring and later he got her a car to enable her do her business without much stress.

When I had confirmed that KB was the one responsible for everything; the car, business, and all that, I started asking questions. Mariam herself could not give reasons as to why they had not formalised their courtship of 12 years as at three years ago. Of course, she wanted him to formalize the courtship but KB kept on procrastinating it.

After I’d been visiting them for almost two years, Mariam had gone to visit KB one Saturday. She thought his apartment needed some cleaning. As she climbed a stool to clean the widow, the stool gave way, and off her legs went. She fell and hit her mouth against the widow. Her lower lip got cut. It was a serious injury. She was rushed to the hospital and her lip injured lip had to be stitched. Till date, Mariam still has that scar and she’s still in courtship with KB.

Personally, I do not subscribe to this kind of delay all in a bid to get it right in marriage.

The other circumstance I talked about saw the two people involved courting for seven years. Unfortunately, they had to part ways but the long courtship wasn’t due to anyone’s fault.

Tunji and his girlfriend, Dupe, met and fell in love. A lot of their friends didn’t believe their relationship was going to last because many of such relationships in school usually didn’t go more than a semester. Tunji and Dupe started dating in their first year in school and by the time they got to their third year, they had become an item. As a matter of fact, they even got the Best Couple on Campus award.

After their graduation in the university, Tunji and Dupe continued their relationship. Both parents already knew about the courtship and everyone who knew them together looked forward to the day they would solemnise the union but that didn’t come to be after seven years of courtship.

Tunji, after his Service year, could not secure a good job. The little he was being paid was scarcely enough for his own upkeep. After seven years, Dupe started getting worried and she told Tunji that they should go ahead and formalise their courtship with the little income they were both generating and that if Tunji was still adamant that they had to wait for things to get better, she was going to quit the relationship. To cut the long story short, Dupe was tired of waiting. Dupe even had to tell Tunji that there was someone somewhere putting pressure on her, asking for her hand in marriage and that if he (Tunji) wasn’t going to do the necessary thing, she would have no choice but to give in.

Tunji, on his own part, didn’t want to take the bold step but wanted things to get better. He believed if things didn’t improve financially before they took the plunge, that sooner or later, they would have problems in the marriage.

After Dupe had waited for more time for Tunji to make up his mind and formalise the courtship and he failed to do so, she gave in to the other man’s proposal.

That was how a relationship that everybody believed was going to end in marriage ended between Tunji and Dupe. But the truth is that, Tunji had a point. Finance is very important in marriage and his fears were genuine. Dupe, on her own part, also was right. Her biological clock was ticking and she wasn’t ready to miss her opportunity of getting married.

Where finance is concerned and perhaps parental consent, in my opinion, it is necessary to put those to rest so that, they won’t come showing their ugly heads after the marriage. A guy who hasn’t learnt to be responsible to his family and even his girlfriend while they’re courting may not be responsible even in marriage. As for parental consent, it is necessary to get the blessing of both parents before going into marriage. They play a great role when the storms of marriage come knocking our doors. If you call the bluff of your spouse’s parents, when you most need them, I’m sorry, they won’t be there for you.

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What the F. is courtship?