Petroking:



See for a man you talk too much. If not because of God i would have ask MODs to ban you because you ask for advice.. we say tell your brother you still looking for the same thing over and over again. it makes no sense

Bro Egbon na werey oooo....He has done some silly stuff in the past. I think I think I will tell him everything when he comes back for any formal marriage stuff so that if he wants to do anything rational or irrational it will be here in Naija....

my nigga...my nigga!! they destroyed your property, they made your mum weep...??

if na me I no go gree...so send that bloody mail and let the truth be known cos you sound to me that you might even take a physical revenge later if they get married..(maybe put ikuku antropopo in the girls food..lol)...so send that bloody mail or you wan make i help you construct am with big big grammar??

see that girl may be nice today but the traits of her dad will resurface someday...even the Bible says a curse extends up to the fourth generation so better eliminate this one before your brothers kids start destroying properties too...


SO SEND THAT EFFIN MAIL...we dey your back!!!

SSpeter:
I am can never be God. I don't want any of those memories......My brother should know the truth. He deserves the truth!.....i can't be part of a family with a man that nearly ruined my family

Your brother surely needs to know the truth. Maybe if he had known the truth in the first place he would not have gone to the extent of wanting to marry the lady.

However, if he still chooses to forgive what happened, it is his choice and it is noble to forgive as well. Send the mail then seat back.

And although sending the mail is the right thing to do here but I think you should also forgive the girl's family. Unforgiveness is worst than cancer, it will eat you up.

Oliviaarims:

Lol... What an advice!

that kyn thing dey pain pesin no be small na.

as a kid,to see someone drag ur parents-who are the best people in the world to you at that time, through the mud,cheat them out of their possessions,make the family business crumble,disgrace them and send you guys packing!

I would say forgive & forget,bt good Lord knows I would do way worse. if I was to be in the OP's shoes, ruining their relationship is just the beginning.

Creamish:
Why is it that children pay for their parent's sins?

it's in the bible, read exodus chapter 20. It's better he let the brother know so that the girl's father will know how it feels to relieve one of his source of livelihood. Let him watch his daughter suffer heartbreak and know what that family passed through but I know the guy will still marry her. Nollywood movie on nairaland

SSpeter:
The thing is my dad had told my sisters a diluted summary of the whole event. He told them subtly that it was a court case one person must win. That I am only being over-reactive. And ladies go always believe hook line & sinker.....So the family meeting may not be a good idea cos sisters already thinks it's just a court case we lost

Its a painful thing to experience. It cuts very deep to see your parents harassed and disgraced. It is truly unforgetable. But with Gods grace it can be forgiven.

Look everyone deserve to know the truth. Your parents are wrong. Lets put your stance aside first. What if your brother found out later, possibly after getting married he would not be happy. He would be bitterly disappointed in all of you and he may resent you guys. So please tell him everything. Dont dilute it. If possible, send the same mail to ur sisters so they can know the whole story.

Am guessing your a christian. Irrespective of the decision your brother takes after reading the mail. You need to try to let go of this bitterness. Its extremely difficult, possibly impossible, but you still need to try. We all make mistakes some more terribly than others but we should try to forgive. Trying and failing is ok, but you should still keep trying. It is a greater sin not to even try at all. Not after Jesus DIED for you. You forgiving them is not for their sake but for yours. Though it may seem impossible but in trying, much more have been accomplished. Please try to let it.

Please dont influence your brother's decision. Just tell him the truth and let him decide. If he choose to marry her, please accept it and support him. Give the lady a chance, for we are not our parents.

Bottom line let it go.

adozie:
Your parents are right. You are WRONG!!!
You are pursuing a personal vendetta and you want to ruin your brothers joy.
The courts ruled in the case, that means that the man who sold the house to your dad erred. You should hold him and his family responsible, especially if you claim the original owner had a will.

Listen, am having the same problem now and I am going to court. My late father wrote a will and gave me, a big landed property, just like he gave my other siblings. I live abroad and before I came back, my oldest brother (first son) had sold more than 30 plots from the land. He claimed he is the first son and had the right to sell, despite a will from our father the owner of the property.
I will have my day in court and the people he sold the land to should not see me as the enemy.

Let your brother have his happiness. Your parents probably know a lot more about the transaction than you do.
Let peace reign.

My friend, better sue your brother now cos he is the person you have a problem with not the people who bought the land. They should at least get some restitution not just forfeiture if you win the case. You will be an enemy to them if u can't man up and do the right thing now.

If u truly respect your brother, u have to tell him the truth....he deserves to know the truth...sooner or later he truth will surface...tell him now...

IamLEGEND1:
that kyn thing dey pain pesin no be small na.

as a kid,to see someone drag ur parents-who are the best people in the world to you at that time, through the mud,cheat them out of their possessions,make the family business crumble,disgrace them and send you guys packing!

I would say forgive & forget,bt good Lord knows I would do way worse. if I was to be in the OP's shoes, ruining their relationship is just the beginning.

Yea... I could understand how the OP must have felt... It hurts real bad!

Thus says the lord " vengeance is mine' live everything for him beside the girl did'nt wrong you rather her parents, remember the execution of christ reconciled Herod and Pilate maybe God wants to call for their repentance through this, oga let bygon be bygon

Inform ur Bros Jor!

SSpeter:
I know this might not be totally right but at least it will make me feel great. Egbon wants to get married in march and automatically I will become the best Man. But I don't want him to get married to her. It is not because of her but the dad.

It all started back in 1998 my dad was having a court case with our supposed in-law over our house. The house was sold to my dad by the late late brother of our supposed in-law. That was even before my dad got married. We have lived in that house for more than 10yrs. My siblings and I were born there. After the death of the brother in 1998 he dragged my dad to court saying his brother was only a benefactor and does not have the legal right to sell the building and their late father made him the executor of His properties according to the late father's will. My parents were partners in business and their office was located at the ground floor of the building where we lived. Their goods were also stored there (plumbing equipment).

Prior to joining the plumbing business, my dad was into commercial inter-state transport services after suffering heavy losses he auctioned what was left and joined my mum in the plumbing business. A year later he was in court with our supposed in-law. The legal battle started in December. Egbon travelled with an aunt of mine who had won a visa lottery the previous year. My sisters were older than the guys. they were already in boarding school. I was the king of the house. My dad suffered many embarrassment at the hands of our supposed in-law. He dragged the case for some years money meant for business ended up in legal battles. My dad had to borrow to pay suppliers. He couldn't not order for new materials anymore and the business eventually collapsed. Extended families gave their support until 2003 when a lagos high court handed our supposed in-law victory

My dad wanted to appeal the judgement but his lawyer told him to get an apartment with whatever he has left. Although my parents thought they hid everything from us. Perhaps my sisters didn't notice because they were not always home but I saw my mum cry severally. I saw the fears in my dad eyes. I listened to their whispering at night I knew we were doomed. Our supposed In-law sold the house to a bank. The bank gave two weeks to evacuate. But before the notice expired they brought sledge hammer and started destroying the building with our properties in it. My dad tried to protest but he was beaten and arrested. For the first time I saw our "Supposed In-law" that day ordering the boys to destroy everything. My dad was later released days after. I went to live with my cousins. My sisters also went to live with my other cousins.

In 2006 I wrote a mail to Egbon I narrated all that happened to him and he vowed he was going to ensure that they payed for it dearly. Few years later, I got admission into the university my parents embraced christ; But I still feel bitter. How time flies, my sisters are both married and it's just me preparing for the life of a bachelor; Until recently my brother told me his plans of getting married, I noticed it because he has visited us more than usual last year and had extensive discussions with my parents. But whenever He came back He still promised my dad that he will never forget all that happened. My dad told him that was in the past but I know what my brother was capable of doing as regards family.

He brought his supposed girl friend (I believe that is all she will ever be) to the house last christmas everyone welcomed her but immediately I set my eyes on her, she looked like the man that was giving orders to tear down our house. I asked her for her surname, when she said ****US, I knew she was the daughter of our long time enemy. When they left, my mum and dad begged me that I shouldn't say anything. That they have forgiven him. She invited my parents and I during the new year but I declined. I have also told my brother I can't be his best man. He thought am joking cos it was via mail. My brother had assured me severally whenever I told him what became of us after then that incident and he told me "I will give up anything to deal with the Man that messed with my family". I guess I will have to tell him the whole truth. But my parents keep calling me every single day to beg. "Saying I should not bring him misery. That they were happy he decided to bring home a cool headed lady".....But I just can't let it go. Unless my brother and I will decide not to be brothers anymore because I will never go to his house if he marries her. I will never associate myself with him or anything that has to do with him.

I have finished typing the truth I want to send the mail to him...I don't know why I am hesitating (I guess my parents will forgive me sooner or later) but he has to know the truth!!!!....i can't dine with my enemy!.....I don't want to see her dad face again....never...I hope am doing the right thing....i think I am.....perhaps I am...

Well, my take is, what if he marries her and gets his fingers burnt?! Won't he blame u for not telling him?!

sweettinz20:
Obey your parents so ur day on earth will be long, u are young and angry,I will also be 2 but ur parents the most affected have forgiven them, u 2 should let it go,but I will also advice u tell ur brother because sooner or later he will know, I pray it is not when they get married because that will be worst, so that he 2 can let the bitterness go, if not it will haunt both families in the future. Don't let the girl pay for something she knows nothing about

And you think the girl knows nothing about it?if she has a conscience she would even feel uneasy going there!

Why is nobody analyzing the court decision. I don't think that the parents should have lost the case in the first place. If the man's brother has no legal right to sell the property then how does the man have. His brother was designated as the will executor (this gives him the power to redistribute the assests as he wants whether or not he had a dialogue with the man). The man should have gone to court immediately after the house was sold and not so many years after his brother's death. I won't be surprised if money changed hands for this court verdict.

Dear Op, pls why are you sending an email? Cant you call your brother on d phone or Skype or see him n tell him to his face?

Unless ur story is not true. Brothers ALWAYS look out for each other. Your parents have their reasons n i respect dt. Dont let your brother marry dt girl without letting him knw

All these' vengeance is for d lord crap' pls ignore it. This is not vengeance, this is survival. Survival of your family. Please also be bold enough to tell the man's daughter.

Your brother had d effect attenuated but u felt it first hand. You are a gentleman OP. I would have told d girl n my brother right there wn they came to ur house

maybe u pple sud settle it before wedding so dat the new bride will not be maltreatedwhen ur bro get to knw

lofty900:
did you even read the write up? Put yourself in his shoes and tell me if you can forgive that. Someone who destroyed their properties

legally...don't forget that

Why do I have a feeling the op's brother already knows she is the man's daughter and is trying to find a way to ruin her life somehow?
Well with a name like that op, I expect you would be more reasonable to forgive them but if you do tell your brother I hope you ask him not to ruin her life cos then her future children might come after yours just as you have gone after her dad's daughter. Your parents are right to let it go. Don't be the one to make this a generational thug of war.

my brother,you have to tell your brother or he'd be living a lie if he married her without knowing the truth.let him know,let him decide if to go on or not with the marriage.it is the truth that sets one free.there is no forgiveness without confession.the father of the girl knows your brother as the son of the man he disgraced.how,in good conscience,can he allo his daughter marry your brother without settling old scores first if he does'nt have an ulterior motive?

jopretty:
And after doing that you'll feel ok, right? Have you thought of how your brother will feel if your action finally destroys his relationship? Guy, your parents have forgiven them, do so for peace to reign. Pls.

and have u thought about how his brother will feel when he finds out? knowing fully well his kid broo is aware and didn't tell him?

If you don't tell your brother now, what happens when he finds out after marriage? He will not be happy with you for keeping such away from him. Please inform him, it seems he feels the same way as you towards the supposed inlaw.

You are young and inexperienced and that is why you don't know the ethics of LOVE N Hate, your parents and your elder brother have seen beyond the wall of hatred, and decide to do the needful, marrying the daughter of your supposed enemy will weaken Him, cos he will begin to regret e era evil he has portion to your family and might even start looking for a way to pay back for his sins, and that is what your parents have seen but anger have blocked your eyes. It's a blessing in disguised kudos to your bro. He is already Revenging the pains. Cheers.

jopretty:
And after doing that you'll feel ok, right? Have you thought of how your brother will feel if your action finally destroys his relationship? Guy, your parents have forgiven them, do so for peace to reign. Pls.

Peace kee.


Keeping silent is just postponing problem. He may 4give but can he 4get? Remember his elder also swore to deal with the enemy, meaning that he hasn't 4given them yet.

The whole ish is messed up, I think he should reveal everything when there's still time for amendments cause the brother will find out someday.

If i was your brother and I found out that you had such info and kept it from me, it will be extremely hard to forgive you.
My advice is, tell your brother. If he loves the girl that much and still wants to marry her, then let them be and forgive and accept her.
Peace is sweeter than war.

lofty900:
we dey him back ooooo.

we support am ohh... What nonsense....

OP no vex is your egbon that dumb? Does the girl not have a surname and does your brother not know anything about his gf n her family not even surname Some pieces are missing here

SSpeter:
I know this might not be totally right but at least it will make me feel great. Egbon wants to get married in march and automatically I will become the best Man. But I don't want him to get married to her. It is not because of her but the dad.

It all started back in 1998 my dad was having a court case with our supposed in-law over our house. The house was sold to my dad by the late late brother of our supposed in-law. That was even before my dad got married. We have lived in that house for more than 10yrs. My siblings and I were born there. After the death of the brother in 1998 he dragged my dad to court saying his brother was only a benefactor and does not have the legal right to sell the building and their late father made him the executor of His properties according to the late father's will. My parents were partners in business and their office was located at the ground floor of the building where we lived. Their goods were also stored there (plumbing equipment).

Prior to joining the plumbing business, my dad was into commercial inter-state transport services after suffering heavy losses he auctioned what was left and joined my mum in the plumbing business. A year later he was in court with our supposed in-law. The legal battle started in December. Egbon travelled with an aunt of mine who had won a visa lottery the previous year. My sisters were older than the guys. they were already in boarding school. I was the king of the house. My dad suffered many embarrassment at the hands of our supposed in-law. He dragged the case for some years money meant for business ended up in legal battles. My dad had to borrow to pay suppliers. He couldn't not order for new materials anymore and the business eventually collapsed. Extended families gave their support until 2003 when a lagos high court handed our supposed in-law victory

My dad wanted to appeal the judgement but his lawyer told him to get an apartment with whatever he has left. Although my parents thought they hid everything from us. Perhaps my sisters didn't notice because they were not always home but I saw my mum cry severally. I saw the fears in my dad eyes. I listened to their whispering at night I knew we were doomed. Our supposed In-law sold the house to a bank. The bank gave two weeks to evacuate. But before the notice expired they brought sledge hammer and started destroying the building with our properties in it. My dad tried to protest but he was beaten and arrested. For the first time I saw our "Supposed In-law" that day ordering the boys to destroy everything. My dad was later released days after. I went to live with my cousins. My sisters also went to live with my other cousins.

In 2006 I wrote a mail to Egbon I narrated all that happened to him and he vowed he was going to ensure that they payed for it dearly. Few years later, I got admission into the university my parents embraced christ; But I still feel bitter. How time flies, my sisters are both married and it's just me preparing for the life of a bachelor; Until recently my brother told me his plans of getting married, I noticed it because he has visited us more than usual last year and had extensive discussions with my parents. But whenever He came back He still promised my dad that he will never forget all that happened. My dad told him that was in the past but I know what my brother was capable of doing as regards family.

He brought his supposed girl friend (I believe that is all she will ever be) to the house last christmas everyone welcomed her but immediately I set my eyes on her, she looked like the man that was giving orders to tear down our house. I asked her for her surname, when she said ****US, I knew she was the daughter of our long time enemy. When they left, my mum and dad begged me that I shouldn't say anything. That they have forgiven him. She invited my parents and I during the new year but I declined. I have also told my brother I can't be his best man. He thought am joking cos it was via mail. My brother had assured me severally whenever I told him what became of us after then that incident and he told me "I will give up anything to deal with the Man that messed with my family". I guess I will have to tell him the whole truth. But my parents keep calling me every single day to beg. "Saying I should not bring him misery. That they were happy he decided to bring home a cool headed lady".....But I just can't let it go. Unless my brother and I will decide not to be brothers anymore because I will never go to his house if he marries her. I will never associate myself with him or anything that has to do with him.

I have finished typing the truth I want to send the mail to him...I don't know why I am hesitating (I guess my parents will forgive me sooner or later) but he has to know the truth!!!!....i can't dine with my enemy!.....I don't want to see her dad face again....never...I hope am doing the right thing....i think I am.....perhaps I am...

Bro, this is coming late from me
My advice for you is to tell your brother bout the girl. But on the other hand, god said we should forgive and forget. It's easy to forgive but forgetting is the hard part. Buh you have to try as much as to forgive. Just take it that it's the father of the girl that offended you and not her. Don't push the sin of the father to the daughter.
Thank you.

themilanway:
Call a family meeting that involves your parent,married sisters and your brother.

Tell every one present your findings about who the girl in question is and ask them to verify your claim from your parents.

Tell your brother to his face that you won't be part of his marriage to the girl but that doesn't change or stop your love for him.

Also let him know that you are not making decision for him regarding whether he marry the girl or not,you are only setting the record straight for prosperity.

The decisio on whether to forgive and forget should your brother against your expectation goes ahead with the marriage lies only with you.

Then again,be prepared to be held responsible if your brother meets your expectation and decides to dump the girl and some how cant/couldnt get a direct replacement or replica of the afore mentioned girl.

Its a two edge sword.

An igbo parable says"The mind is a bag".

May good reasoning and wisdom guide you

you spoke wit wisdom bro. More greeze

@OP if your brother finds out himself later ko? , better he finds out before he gets marrried after would be worse

lofty900:
did you even read the write up? Put yourself in his shoes and tell me if you can forgive that. Someone who destroyed their properties

property wey dem for don regain/rebuild by now, wat hapind to the word "forgive", 1998 till now and d op is still carrying the wrong deeds on his mind, mehn dat guy can kill if u comment wrongly on his thread if he can't forgive even after about 18yearsa, so u sef for no 4giv, so u sef for no forgive if nah u?

ull choose to ruin ur loved one's happiness cos of a wrong from 18years back

He needs to know the truth, both u and your parents owe him that irrespective of anything, but that notwithstanding if ur brother wish to marry her lend him ur support. U can as well forgive, the lady in question is innocent of the deed at such u can't judge her based on her father's action.

SSpeter:
I am can never be God. I don't want any of those memories......My brother should know the truth. He deserves the truth!.....i can't be part of a family with a man that nearly ruined my family

Your brother deserves to know, i agree. You are pissed off. Your parents are more matured and see no point in holding such grudge to the grave, i agree with thm too.

I feel telling your brother will make you feel better and will save a lot of future misunderstandings. Be prepared, your brother may not feel the strong feelings you have since he wasnt a witness and may still want you to make peace for the sake of his desire.

If he decides proceed with the marriage (which almost certainly would), i encourage you to tell him how you feel but support him the best you can.

If you declare war on your family, the enemy would have won another fight with your family. If you remain close to your brother, your family may survive. Vengeance is God's. Justice delayed is not denied.