abbey621:


It's not as easy as you think, only successful business people and shady crooks can travel 3 times a year from abroad to 9ja, the financial cost alone is humongous! A well thinking wife will be contented if he comes home once or twice in 2 years, most can't even come home at all within the first 3 years because they traveled on visiting visa and must hustle before they can get working papers.

Well this is just like a two edged sword.

Adaobi12:
Well this is just like a two edged sword.

Yes but life is for those willing to take risks. Choose your glory!

bfatoba:



Seconded... Great minds are calculative and predictive... they plan for future event and take minor sacrifices to avoid considerable losses. OP is not a progressively thinking individual... culturally, we see that all the time, even when your father is around, everyman who visits your place and is related closely to your dad is "your Daddy".... I grew up in that family described by OP and I have nothing but RESPECT for my Father and Admiration for my mother. In the course of your life, as a man, wherever life takes you to provide a better FUTURE for your children, you go. Animals do it for their offsprings, Birds do it for theirs. The sad truth is that the same kids you stay with will eventually resent you for not giving them a better chance. I praise all Fathers who have gone far and wide in trying their best at creating a better future for their family. OP aren't there successful families whose wives cheat with the husband being present in Nigeria. In a country where there are more hotels than Churches and Mosques, I'm very sure the people making use of them aren't just single, lonely, married women.

OP just so we are clear here, whenever the opportunity arises for you to go out of your country for a better Job, that will automatically transition to a better life for you and your family, Please do not take it. and tell your wife too.. you won't take it... if she is half a virtuous woman.. she will beg you to take it.

@Randyhot

am not saying no hustle, but when done at the detriment of your family happiness , its just a bad idea, a humble family life is worth fighting for, even more than silver and gold, no kid wants to be denied a fatherly affection, especialy the male kids.

Billygee2u:

you are being logical.
have you traveled to abroad before?
my humble advice to you and others in Africa who are nursing the idea to leave leave your wives to go abroad for greener pasture is ,better forget the idea and use the money to engage in one legitimate business and God who says he that findeth a wife findeth good thing and obtain favor from the Lord,will surely bless your hustle.
God made them to be one and not two by separation.
what God join together,let no one put asunder.

You're being Illogical, Is this whole scenario possible if say, father works in Abuja and comes home to lagos, Once every 3 months for the weekend? I find that people aren't always truthful, especially in wanting others to achieve as much if not much more than they have. Why would anyone feel the need to discourage others from traveling abroad?, I sincerely hate it when people do that. I'll paint a scenario for you. Lets say you graduate with a Masters in Engineering from a reputable Nigerian University. it took all of the family resources to help you through, you spend the first year of your graduation going to NYSC, serving the country that doesn't provide you with any welfare state. You by all economical translation of the word "waste one year" in service. Only to realize that you've got three brother behind you, and one of them just gained admission, and your parents are looking to you to start "helping" your brothers, while they're simultaneously expecting marriage at the same time. You have a fiance from Univ, she's stuck with you through it all and you've told her, you'll marry her. Your families come together and you do a small marriage ceremony. she concieves... now you have, more responsibilities baring down your throat. Luck smiles at you, you come across an engineering job in Kuwait, you apply. they accept you, they tell you your average pay for an Electrical Engineer is KWD 8226 annually, which is about 5.4Million Naira....

Please decide now, if you won't leave your wife and unborn baby ?

Speechless3:
Its usually the reverse. Leave wife and kids abroad and be "flexing" in naija.

I love the scenery in your dp.

Very soothing and lush landscape. Is it in Nigeria?

bfatoba:



You're being Illogical, Is this whole scenario possible if say, father works in Abuja and comes home to lagos, Once every 3 months for the weekend? I find that people aren't always truthful, especially in wanting others to achieve as much if not much more than they have. Why would anyone feel the need to discourage others from traveling abroad?, I sincerely hate it when people do that. I'll paint a scenario for you. Lets say you graduate with a Masters in Engineering from a reputable Nigerian University. it took all of the family resources to help you through, you spend the first year of your graduation going to NYSC, serving the country that doesn't provide you with any welfare state. You by all economical translation of the word "waste one year" in service. Only to realize that you've got three brother behind you, and one of them just gained admission, and your parents are looking to you to start "helping" your brothers, while they're simultaneously expecting marriage at the same time. You have a fiance from Univ, she's stuck with you through it all and you've told her, you'll marry her. Your families come together and you do a small marriage ceremony. she concieves... now you have, more responsibilities baring down your throat. Luck smiles at you, you come across an engineering job in Kuwait, you apply. they accept you, they tell you your average pay for an Electrical Engineer is KWD 8226 annually, which is about 5.4Million Naira....

Please decide now, if you won't leave your wife and unborn baby ?

I hear you.

Nigerians limit themselves with emotions.

Some US military are deployed overseas for years and what about those living in international space center.

The greatest legacy I can leave for my children is that they can spread their wings.

Even if one is living at home, an unruly wife could be shagging the Mai Guard.

HaneefahRN:

It is pathetic really. I can't allow such for my husband o, if we can't go together then he is nt going anywhere. I can't allow someone to turn me to semi- married at a young age.
There is one of my aunt whose husband travelled over 11yrs ago when their 2nd born was still a baby, the girl is 13 nw, and she has never met her dad other than phone calls. Certainly a man will not stay tht long wtout sex, that's if he has nt married yet, he keeps delaying his wife's coming to join him, and refuses to come home, claiming he can't afford to while not allowing tht beautiful woman go on wt her life wt someone else. Something with one of our neighbours, the man left Nigeria over 20yrs ago and never came back to check on his wife and children not even when the children were getting married other than phone calls once in a while. One of my friend's husband also travelled out soon after their marriage, this is the 4th yr since she last saw him, I pray he comes back soon sha and doesn't waste her time. What sort of life is tht abeg?

Change that your environment. That one that you're surrounded by eloping husbands

Randyhot:
am not saying no hustle, but when at the detriment of your family, its just a bad idea, a humble family life is worth fighting for, even more than silver and gold, no kid wants to be denied a fatherly affection, especialy the male kids.

all Valid points, But how much of your childhood, Ages 2-6 do you remember. a vast number of the population will not be able to tell you, their daycare friends, kindergarten friends, even Nursery school friends, some won't even remember their friends, up till Primary 4. So what are you saying?, that is clearly the time you can really sacrifice and make up for after, As a father. plus we are from a culture where the community raises the children and it isn't just the responsibility of the parents alone.Plus the Dynamics of the family is constantly changing with the times. Male Kids need their mothers more in that age 2-8. You might not really get that, seeing as its a Patriarchal vs Matriarchal society. But I will accept, the importance of the Father all throughout the life of the children is unrivaled, cept only by that of the mother.

abbey621:


I've been living in Atlanta since 2010 so spare me the lecture! My father came to the USA in the 1980s living behind my mom and 2 children. Before he left 9ja, we were all living in a face me and face you house struggling to survive, he just lost his job with NEPA and things were very difficult, imagine what would have happened if he had refused to use his Oluwole visa and chose to stay back in Nigeria? Yes, he suffered a great deal abroad including marrying an obese woman just to get his papers but it all worked out in the end. It took 6 to 7 years for him to fully get himself and in the 10th year he brought my mom to the USA. Looking at their net worth today, I would say they are valued at over 1/2 a billion naira collectively and all was through hard work. My brother and I had to live without both parents for some time but in the end, we are all successful living life to the fullest. What would have happened if dad chose comfort instead of hustling? Be careful how you to talk to people on the internet, some people have been through more than you can ever imagine!

i hope that your dad remembers the "obese" woman once in a while with financial assistance as she was the foundation of your families success.

EgunMogaji:


i hope that your dad remembers the "obese" woman once in a while with financial assistance as she was the foundation of your families success.

Nope, he can't even remember her name. Omo Lasgidi we bad like that

bfatoba:



Seconded... Great minds are calculative and predictive... they plan for future event and take minor sacrifices to avoid considerable losses. OP is not a progressively thinking individual... culturally, we see that all the time, even when your father is around, everyman who visits your place and is related closely to your dad is "your Daddy".... I grew up in that family described by OP and I have nothing but RESPECT for my Father and Admiration for my mother. In the course of your life, as a man, wherever life takes you to provide a better FUTURE for your children, you go. Animals do it for their offsprings, Birds do it for theirs. The sad truth is that the same kids you stay with will eventually resent you for not giving them a better chance. I praise all Fathers who have gone far and wide in trying their best at creating a better future for their family. OP aren't there successful families whose wives cheat with the husband being present in Nigeria. In a country where there are more hotels than Churches and Mosques, I'm very sure the people making use of them aren't just single, lonely, married women.

OP just so we are clear here, whenever the opportunity arises for you to go out of your country for a better Job, that will automatically transition to a better life for you and your family, Please do not take it. and tell your wife too.. you won't take it... if she is half a virtuous woman.. she will beg you to take it.

@Randyhot

I totally agree with the both of you and I'm currently in the same boat anyways.

If my wife wants to cheat, she can go right ahead and do that, but it won't stop me from ensuring I get the best for my daughter by taking up expat opportunities as they arise; Hardship locations pay better and it does translate to a better life for your family, so I don't get what some people are saying on here. I would rather be out here working, than taking positions which would not be able to cater wholly for my family in Nigeria, just in the name of 'not missing' those moments.

So all the blame is on the husband now? Interesting!

What about the wife? Was she forced to marry someone who lives abroad and was she forced to have two kids for the same person?

martineverest:
that's the best....i don't fancy distant marriage...i would rather marry in a place where I reside

you can say that again..

HaneefahRN:

It is pathetic really. I can't allow such for my husband o, if we can't go together then he is nt going anywhere. I can't allow someone to turn me to semi- married at a young age.
There is one of my aunt whose husband travelled over 11yrs ago when their 2nd born was still a baby, the girl is 13 nw, and she has never met her dad other than phone calls. Certainly a man will not stay tht long wtout sex, that's if he has nt married yet, he keeps delaying his wife's coming to join him, and refuses to come home, claiming he can't afford to while not allowing tht beautiful woman go on wt her life wt someone else. Something with one of our neighbours, the man left Nigeria over 20yrs ago and never came back to check on his wife and children not even when the children were getting married other than phone calls once in a while. One of my friend's husband also travelled out soon after their marriage, this is the 4th yr since she last saw him, I pray he comes back soon sha and doesn't waste her time. What sort of life is tht abeg?

The Things Women have held man back from... sad thing is you have no Idea what those men are facing, where they are. There are those that went to the US, who have no status, they live on the fringes, saving to come back home, and once they leave to come back home, knowing fully well they can never go back there again, because they've been staying there for that 10-15-20 years an illegal, working the lowest of the lowest of Jobs, and still providing for the same people that are back home. If you live your life according to the demands of a woman, you will move 20 steps forwards, 20 days of the month, and 10 steps back.. that 5 days of the month... the remaining 5 days, she won't like you.

onatisi:
then pray he gets a good job and money because if not,after 2 years with rising cost of financial responsibilities,you will be the one to tell him to go and look for job anywhere in the world . The smell of money will be the only thing u will want

he doesn't av to "get" a good job, he can create good jobs. Having a family is a job on it's own and decisions made shd be in the interest of the family. I personally cannot live single while married, I just can't. Everything has to be worked around that fact. If someone has to relocate, we do it together with proper planning.

MsGlobalwonder:
seriously, nothing beats having your man warm your bed everyday, always. The breathe, the warmth, the peace... I can go on and on. That is how I want mine to be and so shall it be.

Men also love it..... But the thing that will make that stay at home rosy....na outside e dey

abbey621:


I've been living in Atlanta since 2010 so spare me the lecture! My father came to the USA in the 1980s living behind my mom and 2 children. Before he left 9ja, we were all living in a face me and face you house struggling to survive, he just lost his job with NEPA and things were very difficult, imagine what would have happened if he had refused to use his Oluwole visa and chose to stay back in Nigeria? Yes, he suffered a great deal abroad including marrying an obese woman just to get his papers but it all worked out in the end. It took 6 to 7 years for him to fully get himself and in the 10th year he brought my mom to the USA. Looking at their net worth today, I would say they are valued at over 1/2 a billion naira collectively and all was through hard work. My brother and I had to live without both parents for some time but in the end, we are all successful living life to the fullest. What would have happened if dad chose comfort instead of hustling? Be careful how you to talk to people on the internet, some people have been through more than you can ever imagine!

No to talk of the amount of Relatives that got to have a better life through your father.

MsGlobalwonder:
he doesn't av to "get" a good job, he can create good jobs. Having a family is a job on it's own and decisions made shd be in the interest of the family. I personally cannot live single while married, I just can't. Everything has to be worked around that fact. If someone has to relocate, we do it together with proper planning.

dare i say it... if an Opportunity arises for me to be in a better position and it meant, my wife and kids staying without me... and she refuses.. I might start seeing that wife as an enemy of progress.. and that might very well lead to the end of that relationship.... options are, take my children to my mother and file for divorce and go. If it was for my wife, i would gladly support her too. Marriage is about looking for the best interest of the family and if that means one going first, then thats what it will take.

Reason with your brains and not your emotions.

someone said something quite polite as this

Billygee2u:


you are being logical.
have you traveled to abroad before?
my humble advice to you and others in Africa who are nursing the idea to leave leave your wives to go abroad for greener pasture is ,better forget the idea and use the money to engage in one legitimate business and God who says he that findeth a wife findeth good thing and obtain favor from the Lord,will surely bless your hustle.
God made them to be one and not two by separation.
what God join together,let no one put asunder.

and then you went ahead to respond with a fight like this:

abbey621:


I've been living in Atlanta since 2010 so spare me the lecture! My father came to the USA in the 1980s living behind my mom and 2 children. Before he left 9ja, we were all living in a face me and face you house struggling to survive, he just lost his job with NEPA and things were very difficult, imagine what would have happened if he had refused to use his Oluwole visa and chose to stay back in Nigeria? Yes, he suffered a great deal abroad including marrying an obese woman just to get his papers but it all worked out in the end. It took 6 to 7 years for him to fully get himself and in the 10th year he brought my mom to the USA. Looking at their net worth today, I would say they are valued at over 1/2 a billion naira collectively and all was through hard work. My brother and I had to live without both parents for some time but in the end, we are all successful living life to the fullest. What would have happened if dad chose comfort instead of hustling? Be careful how you to talk to people on the internet, some people have been through more than you can ever imagine!

umhhhh
maybe i dont understand English anymore
but if someone asks me if I've been to Japan before, the answer is NO, i've not been, but i've watched some japanese movies
I dont think he was trying to diss youu

Aniomaman81:


I totally agree with the both of you and I'm currently in the same boat anyways.

If my wife wants to cheat, she can go right ahead and do that, but it won't stop me from ensuring I get the best for my daughter by taking up expat opportunities as they arise; Hardship locations pay better and it does translate to a better life for your family, so I don't get what some people are saying on here. I would rather be out here working, than taking positions which would not be able to cater wholly for my family in Nigeria, just in the name of 'not missing' those moments.

what will you truly be missing in todays day in Age, you'll skype your daughter as much as she wants, she can tell you all about everything. And when it comes to the cheating, Ignorance is Bliss. Don't ask Don't tell.... is the motto in the Army. Life goes on. I wonder O, if WW3 breaks out now..... Nigerian women won't allow their men to go an defend them because they might get Hot at night.
Simple Minds ... Just Can't DEAL.

esere826:
someone said something quite polite as this



and then you went ahead to respond with a fight like this:




umhhhh
maybe i dont understand English anymore
but if someone asks me if I've been to Japan before, the answer is NO, i've not been, but i've watched some japanese movies
I dont think he was trying to diss youu

It's obvious you know the English language but you are not well versed in the art of interpretation or suggestive criticism! When someone issues a statement like this:

have you traveled to abroad before?
my humble advice to you and others in Africa who are nursing the idea to leave leave your wives to go abroad for greener pasture is ,better forget the idea and use the money to engage in one legitimate business and God who says he that findeth a wife findeth good thing and obtain favor from the Lord,will surely bless your hustle.

It shows the person has a preformed idea about his or her audience and this preformed sentiment allowed him to write in a condescending tone. If only he knew that the person he was replying was not only abroad but doing quite well, I'm absolutely sure he would have revised the statement!

MsGlobalwonder:
he doesn't av to "get" a good job, he can create good jobs. Having a family is a job on it's own and decisions made shd be in the interest of the family. I personally cannot live single while married, I just can't. Everything has to be worked around that fact. If someone has to relocate, we do it together with proper planning.

ok ooo . I no go argue oooooo. I pray it all works out the way you want.

HaneefahRN:

It is pathetic really. I can't allow such for my husband o, if we can't go together then he is nt going anywhere. I can't allow someone to turn me to semi- married at a young age.
There is one of my aunt whose husband travelled over 11yrs ago when their 2nd born was still a baby, the girl is 13 nw, and she has never met her dad other than phone calls. Certainly a man will not stay tht long wtout sex, that's if he has nt married yet, he keeps delaying his wife's coming to join him, and refuses to come home, claiming he can't afford to while not allowing tht beautiful woman go on wt her life wt someone else. Something with one of our neighbours, the man left Nigeria over 20yrs ago and never came back to check on his wife and children not even when the children were getting married other than phone calls once in a while. One of my friend's husband also travelled out soon after their marriage, this is the 4th yr since she last saw him, I pray he comes back soon sha and doesn't waste her time. What sort of life is tht abeg?

how come you are surrounded by ppl with negative experiences?

onatisi:
ok ooo . I no go argue oooooo. I pray it all works out the way you want.

amin Jesu!!

If you want the sex Afam, egbon you can come and collect it.
My children must get the best of me.

Ironically when a woman is given the choice of leaving her family for a job abroad with a very promising future and fantastic salary ,they never see anything wrong then in leaving their family > >
That is when they will be telling the man they are working for him and the kids
Women are queer species

abbey621:



It's obvious you know the English language but you are not well versed in the art of interpretation or suggestive criticism! When someone issues a statement like this:

It shows the person has a preformed idea about his or her audience and this preformed sentiment allowed him to write in a condescending tone. If only he knew that the person he was replying was not only abroad but doing quite well, I'm absolutely sure he would have revised the statement!

uhmmm English is quite dynamic sha.. and probably subjective.
i learnt the hard way

only out of curiosity and small talk, whereabouts are you based?

..cheers

/
I don't think anyone goes into marriage to live apart.

All you can do is keep praying that "it shall not be your portion".

Some people who thought they would fly in this world ended up crawling.

Even though the scenario is a sad situation, everything happens for a reason.

I met a gentleman in Guangzhou, China who overstayed his permit. Back in the days, he would be
deported on arrest. But in recent times, he will be cleared like a container. For him, it has become
a case of "damned if you, damned if you don't" that is, stay in China hoping for the best vs. submit
yourself to the authority and be detained in China hoping for the best.

\

esere826:



uhmmm English is quite dynamic sha.. and probably subjective.
i learnt the hard way

only out of curiosity and small talk, whereabouts are you based?

..cheers

USA but the company I work for makes me travel over the world.

bfatoba:


dare i say it... if an Opportunity arises for me to be in a better position and it meant, my wife and kids staying without me... and she refuses.. I might start seeing that wife as an enemy of progress.. and that might very well lead to the end of that relationship.... options are, take my children to my mother and file for divorce and go. If it was for my wife, i would gladly support her too. Marriage is about looking for the best interest of the family and if that means one going first, then thats what it will take.

Reason with your brains and not your emotions.

what I can infer from your submission: you are single and apparently don't know what it is to be married. We all learn daily, i'm learning too; please go learn what it means to be married.

helovesme:


Another very realistic and sensible comment. kudos !

Ok, I hope this would also be sensible to you!
Please come and marry me and let me travel abroad, Please.

abbey621:


USA but the company I work for makes me travel over the world.

Donald Trumps people

Good that you travel round the world meeting new and diverse cultures
nothing can take away from the joys of expanding ones world view beyond national barriers