agabaI23:

Poster,
Find out if anyone is telling her tales about you.
Also try and find out if she has another option. Probably she met another guy she will like to go for but have not made up her mind.
Again find out if she is under a certain kind of stress esp if the new stress has to do with your coming over.

if it would have been possible to find out why she quit her other relationship, it will be of help as that will tell you if she has always been an abusive person.

However for someone you have been with for 2 years to suddenly start misbehaving is not normal.


Something may be wrong. You can only try your best to diagnose what it is and see if it is remediable. If not, you may have to reconsider the
marriage thingy.
[/quote)
@Poster
I dont want to repeat what Agba just said.

Just ask her those questions and see her reactions.

What i discover about ladies is that they pretend a lot,and they can do anything to get what they want.

May be she is been pretending all this while,and since you have fallen in love and your family have accepted her,

she then brings our her true character.

Stop ignoring her calls and text messages,the 3days break is enough.

Call her and tell her your mind,that u cant take it anymore,if she is not ready to change

then you stop the wedding plan.

aktunde:



Very strange, in about 2 months now, she has been using fowl languages on me. Words like, idiot, fool, crazy, mad, bastard, and the worst now, is that she is feeling unsecured. Once she calls me and I don't pick it up on time, its either she accuses me of being with another girl friend or my ex (whom she knows) and other things that piss me off. The she starts using words like "bastard liar, idiot or other bad words on me, even when I am innocent.

funkybaby:



and to add to all that , she is stubborn too?




so it is the man that she wants to marry she is calling such adjectives : ''mad'', ''a bastard'' , an ''idiot'' and ''a fool''
na wa oh.


what now happens when you relocate to live with her in the states ?
live in her house where she is paying the bills at least until you find your feet ?

anyway, i do not believe in bringing third parties into disputes between couples
call her and pour out your mind to her . she will most likely say she is sorry. if she acts the same way again, call off the wedding off asap.

[size=18pt]there is nothing as bad as having an abusive partner. it might be pardonable for a man but a lady, no way !!

you need to be a man and take total control of your relationship.
[/size]  go ahead and marry her at your peril.  you wan open eye enter trouble.  you wonder why she couldnt get any man in america.

sistawoman:

Assumptions can kill a r/s.

You need to lay this all on the table and get to the root of it all. There is something that you are missing in communication with her and there is something that she is missing in communication with you.

How often do you spend time together?

Have you seen her here in the states?

How long has she been here?

Do you plan to visit a couple of months before the I do's?

Has all of your dating been over the phone, internet and long distance?

Is there a "main" thing that yall fight about all the time?

If she is in Maryland I would not mind meditating between you too as I am in MD.

Are you blowing it up or raising your back to assert your manliness?

TheSeeker:

He says he's been with her for 2 years. In my opinion, I think there's more to it than makes the eye. If she suddenly starts to insult him, he as the man in the relationship, might know why she's suddenly nasty. He doesn't have to safely decide and jump to conclusions, he still has to talk to her and know why -- but I'm of the opinion that he knows where she's driving towards. However, I have to tell you though, 60% of Nigerian women who have US citizenship look down on their men because they think they have attained what's the biggest dream for a "lazy African" --- there are a few who are exceptional to this.

I have seen situations where women won Green card lottery and they just took their kids and left the men on their own, I am sure and still convinced that it was done out of unnecessary pride which is common among some Nigerian women. Thank God for civilization, they are getting out to see more of what the outside world has to offer and they are being more respectful these days --- I still make exceptions to women who were raised there from childhood. But the fact still remains 60% of those who leave here to there at rather older age will be puffed up at their men and that is what I think the poster is suggesting especially, as I am certain about, when he must have witnessed a lot of that around him. The questions you asked him are however good, but I don't think any of that could have warranted her to call him names(fool, mad, stupid, shit, bla bla bla) doesn't speak well at all and I don't think any man or woman should stand or endure that in a relationship. Respect is reciprocal and should be accorded to each other in that relationship and none of them should for any reason take advantage of an upper edge they have on the other, to insult or maltreat the other party after all, this is a relationship.

sistawoman:

Would you not agree that anything taken out of context can look/sound horriable?

The Obama photo proved just that this week.

platinumnk:

any small thing he would throw a hissy fit and say im insulting him when if I told anybody the same thing they wouldn't be offended. my dear she is stressed out, take it from me and to me u show aloofness because she is AM citizen.

platinumnk:

as sisterwoman kindle pointed out, there are two sides of the story. I wasn't going to speak on this but I was in the same situation 2 weeks ago. any small thing he would throw a hissy fit and say im insulting him when if I told anybody the same thing they wouldn't be offended. my dear she is stressed out, take it from me and to me u show aloofness because she is AM citizen. are u trying to prove that u don't need a green card or that u love her?

platinumnk:

as sisterwoman kindle pointed out, there are two sides of the story. I wasn't going to speak on this but I was in the same situation 2 weeks ago. any small thing he would throw a hissy fit and say im insulting him when if I told anybody the same thing they wouldn't be offended. my dear she is stressed out, take it from me and to me u show aloofness because she is AM citizen. are u trying to prove that u don't need a green card or that u love her?

sisterwoman do ur magic, and dig deep.
i'll be observing. . .

touchmeder:

that could be a very good reason too, to suddenly burst out and not even realize your being insultive or less patient. the nursing profession is a very demanding one but to consistently act that way should raise alarm bells for any sane person. i am of the opinion that since poster said she was never like this, she can work her way out of the mess too. its a concious thing. i had to do some corrections like this myself after my bf complained that i was no longer patient with him and lashed out too fast.