I was just doing some stock taking about my life today and I discovered this. When I'm in a relationship, I envy single guys but when I'm single, I envy people in a relationship. I'm still young but not that young anymore, however i'm not emotionally vulnerable. I don't feel the need to be completed by any half. Back then when I was still a student, this trait was a source of strength ‎to me as I was able to steer clear of all distractions and I came out with the best result in my class. However I'm not in school no more and whenever I tell my colleagues that I'm single, they look at me like I'm not okay. My male friends all have girlfriends and a few are married. What was once a source of strength has now become a problem sorta. There's times when I get lonely too but I'm able to get over it quickly. What can I do about this or I should just keep on rolling

Get a girlfriend or fiance. But let me clear you on something vital, if you assume my solution will give you peace of mind, then you must have heard me wrong.

Well,i don't envy those in relationships,i have seen it all and whenever i see a happy union all i do is pray that it last.

Specialbaby:
Well,i don't envy those in relationships,i have seen it all and whenever i see a happy union all i do is pray that it last.

pastor Mrs, is dt so?
0hk tel me more...

When I was in love, I never envied the single dudes

dharay99:

pastor Mrs, is dt so?
0hk tel me more...

heheheheheh.no,i just feel like taking a break for a longggggggggg time.have had my own share of r/shps

No Girlfriend, No Problem
'TeamNoEnvy'

Specialbaby:
heheheheheh.no,i just feel like taking a break for a longggggggggg time.have had my own share of r/shps

hmm if u say so...

Stay away from love and be happy for the rest of your life

@theoptimist298

as much as its better to be single than with the wrong person, only a very sad/lost/miserable person would believe that its better to be single than with a CARING/LOVING/UNDERSTANDING/SUPPORTING/RESPECTFUL/TRUSTWORTHY partner. it is each and everyone of us duty to find such person, and never stop searching until we do. giving up and deciding to be single for the rest of your life is the cheapest/laziest way out for miserable people.

yes, there are bad relationships/people out there but that shouldnt be a reason to believe that they ALL are like that.... comparing being single with "bad" r/ship would be like me saying that its better to be poor because when i became rich people tried to kidnap me and my wife tried to kill me for the inheritance... NONSENSE!!

the important question here IS: which of these following do you think is best: life as a single person without love OR life with a partner who genuinely loves and cares for you?

MRBrownJ:
@theoptimist298

as much as its better to be single than with the wrong person, only a very sad/lost/miserable person would believe that its better to be single than with a CARING/LOVING/UNDERSTANDING/SUPPORTING/RESPECTFUL/TRUSTWORTHY partner. it is each and everyone of us duty to find such person, and never stop searching until we do. giving up and deciding to be single for the rest of your life is the cheapest/laziest way out for miserable people.

yes, there are bad relationships/people out there but that shouldnt be a reason to believe that they ALL are like that.... comparing being single with "bad" r/ship would be like me saying that its better to be poor because when i became rich people tried to kidnap me and my wife tried to kill me for the inheritance... NONSENSE!!

the important question here IS: which of these following do you think is best: life as a single person without love OR life with a partner who genuinely loves and cares for you?

MrBrownJ,

long time. I hope you are fine.

I must admit that I very much enjoy reading your contributions and I agree with most of them.

However, I disagree with this one. Human beings are very different and there are many people out there who value independence more than a committed relationship.

experience my friend,
when i think of what i ve been through, all thoughts of relationship hits hard rocks.

no more sleepless nights, worries, headache, drama, near death experience, stomach ache. body pain, nightmares, starving, unreasonable sacrifice, life in hell bondage blah blah blah.

lastly, avoid the girl name sandra, tall, slim n pretty, she is pure evil.

Goldenheart:
experience my friend,
when i think of what i ve been through, all thoughts of relationship hits hard rocks.

no more sleepless nights, worries, headache, drama, near death experience, stomach ache. body pain, nightmares, starving, unreasonable sacrifice, life in hell bondage blah blah blah.

lastly, avoid the girl name sandra, tall, slim n pretty, she is pure evil.

Lmao. Do I know this sandra?

Mindfulness:

MrBrownJ,

long time. I hope you are fine.

I must admit that I very much enjoy reading your contributions and I agree with most of them.

However, I disagree with this one. Human beings are very different and there are many people out there who value independence more than a committed relationship.

long time my sista, i am great, hope you are the same...

as for the above in bold, dont get me wrong as you are focussing on the wrong thing... what is important in what i wrote is LOVE, and whether a person is independent or not, they can still be in a "loving" r/ship (its all about each and everyone's needs and desires) ... what i fully disagree on is a person telling me that they'd rather have NO LOVING/CARING partner in their lives than a LOVING/CARING partner (remember, you dont have to automatically be in a committed r/ship to experience LOVE).

the majority of people who are running away from love today are people who got burned/hurt by what they "believed/hoped" was LOVE, and because they are afraid to be burned/hurt again, they therefore decide that they'd rather LACK in that department (and be happy with the life they have) instead of putting themselves out there and"possibly" being hurt again. which i may understand, but it will never change the fact that "having a LOVING/CARING/UNDERSTANDING partner, in whatever life you choose for yourself, will always be better" in each and every possible ways.

theoptimisT: are u shy?
Are u not a guy. Make a move on on female crush they might also have a crush on u.

MRBrownJ:


long time my sista, i am great, hope you are the same....

I am happy to hear it. I am great too, I love life.

It's nice having a discussion with you again.

as for the above in bold, dont get me wrong as you are focussing on the wrong thing... what is important in what i wrote is LOVE, and whether a person is independent or not, they can still be in a "loving" r/ship (its all about each and everyone's needs and desires) ... what i fully disagree on is a person telling me that they'd rather have NO LOVING/CARING partner in their lives than a LOVING/CARING partner (remember, you dont have to automatically be in a committed r/ship to experience LOVE).

The premise that you need someone else to feel love and loved is flawed. You can be full of love for yourself and life itself and just feel great.
Most people believe that they need a partner to feel love and to feel loved but it is not true.

the majority of people who are running away from love today are people who got burned/hurt by what they "believed/hoped" was LOVE, and because they are afraid to be burned/hurt again, they therefore decide that they'd rather LACK in that department (and be happy with the life they have) instead of putting themselves out there and"possibly" being hurt again. which i may understand, but it will never change the fact that "having a LOVING/CARING/UNDERSTANDING partner, in whatever life you choose for yourself, will always be better" in each and every possible ways

You limit yourself when you believe that you need a partner and that you need your partner to behave in a certain way (be loving and caring) to feel love. I feel love all day, every day, for lots of people, the world, life, myself, my car, my job, my pets, my kids, my parents, my siblings, my friends, food, nature. I do not depend on any person / relaionship to feel love.

And there are people who have not been hurt but simply discovered that the monogamous relationships they were conditioned into having one day do not suit their nature. Some people love being alone. Some people prefer flings to relationships. Others love their careers, music or art.

I have the feeling that you believe that everyone is like you.

Mindfulness:

I am happy to hear it. I am great too, I love life.
It's nice having a discussion with you again.

hey again, sorry for my late reply... also, i do enjoy having intelligent discussions with great openminded NLers (like yourself and a few others)

The premise that you need someone else to feel love and loved is flawed. You can be full of love for yourself and life itself and just feel great.
Most people believe that they need a partner to feel love and to feel loved but it is not true.

of course we can all be happy and loving by ourselves, but the important question is: do you really think you can attain the better/greater version of yourself, being single? or better yet, if you were in a r/ship with the right "loving/caring/understanding etc" partner, do you A) believe that the love/emotions you guys experience would be as rewarding/satisfying as what you would experience being single? and B) do you believe that being single/unattached and loving yourself can make you evolve as the greater/better version of yourself, just as much as if/when you have a "loving/caring/understanding etc" partner by your side?

you certainly dont need a partner to feel love, as we should all love ourselves unconditionally 1st. also we have all inherited the love for our parents/siblings (since the day we were born), which we do love for no reason "whatsoever". but such "inherited"love hasnt got the same impact on our minds/life/being, as the love we BUILD/CREATE with a partner. a parent/sibling, you do love them whether you guys are great together or not, whether you get along or not etc, while the love for a partner is a conscious decision to bond with someone that makes you FEEL right/great about yourself, someone that brings wonderful emotions out of you; someone with whom you can let yourself go, and ultimately fulfilling and unlocking the greater/better side of you... and thus elevating you from the version 7 to the version 10 of yourself... and as much as its fantastic/great to be on version 7, version 10 will always be greater, more rewarding.

You limit yourself when you believe that you need a partner and that you need your partner to behave in a certain way (be loving and caring) to feel love. I feel love all day, every day, for lots of people, the world, life, myself, my car, my job, my pets, my kids, my parents, my siblings, my friends, food, nature. I do not depend on any person / relaionship to feel love.

- dont you think that you are the one that limits yourself when you believe that you can achieve emotionally by yourself, just as much (or greater) than what you can achieve with the "right" partner?!
- dont you think that you are the one that limits yourself when you believe that something such as a car/job/pet etc can bring emotions out of you that are similar (or greater) than what the "right" partner would?
- not everything/anyone can unlock the version 10, only the right person/interaction/emotion etc can
now, the important question IS: can someone get to the better/greater version of themselves while being single? and i would have to say, NO!

And there are people who have not been hurt but simply discovered that the monogamous relationships they were conditioned into having one day do not suit their nature. Some people love being alone. Some people prefer flings to relationships. Others love their careers, music or art.
I have the feeling that you believe that everyone is like you.

yes, i do believe that whatever the issue is, having the right partner by your side would always be more rewarding (emotionally/physically) than being single... the important word here is RIGHT PARTNER. its not about believing that everyone should be like me, but more like believing that you will always be stronger as a loving/caring/understanding couple than by yourself... and as much as many are managing (lol) on their own, it doesnt change the fact.

MRBrownJ:


hey again, sorry for my late reply... also, i do enjoy having intelligent discussions with great openminded NLers (like yourself and a few others)

It would be nice to see you around more often.

of course we can all be happy and loving by ourselves, but the important question is: do you really think you can attain the better/greater version of yourself, being single? or better yet, if you were in a r/ship with the right "loving/caring/understanding etc" partner, do you A) believe that the love/emotions you guys experience would be as rewarding/satisfying as what you would experience being single? and B) do you believe that being single/unattached and loving yourself can make you evolve as the greater/better version of yourself, just as much as if/when you have a "loving/caring/understanding etc" partner by your side?

See, the emotion is the emotion. If you feel great you feel great. What difference does it make what triggers it?

you certainly dont need a partner to feel love, as we should all love ourselves unconditionally 1st. also we have all inherited the love for our parents/siblings (since the day we were born), which we do love for no reason "whatsoever". but such "inherited"love hasnt got the same impact on our minds/life/being, as the love we BUILD/CREATE with a partner. a parent/sibling, you do love them whether you guys are great together or not, whether you get along or not etc, while the love for a partner is a conscious decision to bond with someone that makes you FEEL right/great about yourself, someone that brings wonderful emotions out of you; someone with whom you can let yourself go, and ultimately fulfilling and unlocking the greater/better side of you... and thus elevating you from the version 7 to the version 10 of yourself... and as much as its fantastic/great to be on version 7, version 10 will always be greater, more rewarding.

Again, it is a false premise to believe that you need a relationship to reach the peaks of good feelings. Don't get me wrong, I am not talking you out of the value of a healthy relationship. they are great but I have come to experience that we do not need them to feel great and we can't have them if we don't. You actually know it because you know how important it is to love oneself first. Happy people have happy relationships and unhappy people end up in unhappy relationships so the happiness starts with you and a relationship is an extra, not a necessity.

- dont you think that you are the one that limits yourself when you believe that you can achieve emotionally by yourself, just as much (or greater) than what you can achieve with the "right" partner?!

I don't limit myself. I am not against relationships. I just don't hold my partner responsible for the way I feel. When I was younger and needy, I used to mess up every single relationship. I decided to stay alone for a while and just when I was enjoying being single the most, I met a wonderful person and the relationship unfolded beautifully because it was based on my knowing that I can be happy with or without the person so I didn't put so much pressure on the person.

- dont you think that you are the one that limits yourself when you believe that something such as a car/job/pet etc can bring emotions out of you that are similar (or greater) than what the "right" partner would?

Not at all, I just see how many options I have to feel good without obsessively focusing on one person.

- not everything/anyone can unlock the version 10, only the right person/interaction/emotion etc can
now, the important question IS: can someone get to the better/greater version of themselves while being single? and i would have to say, NO!

From my personal experience: It was the time when I was feeling the loneliest that I discovered my true strength. The darkest time in my life was my greatest teacher. It was then that I was able to go beyond my limits and be who I am today. It didn't take place in the comfort of a relationship.

yes, i do believe that whatever the issue is, having the right partner by your side would always be more rewarding (emotionally/physically) than being single... the important word here is RIGHT PARTNER. its not about believing that everyone should be like me, but more like believing that you will always be stronger as a loving/caring/understanding couple than by yourself... and as much as many are managing (lol) on their own, it doesnt change the fact.

Don't you know that emotionally unhealthy individuals attract unhealthy relationships?
Therefore, it is important to be happy first, to love oneself first to enjoy the benefits of a healthy relationship, to be able to attract the "right" partner at all.

I am not sure anything like a "wrong" partner exists at all because I believe that life brings people to us that we need to learn certain lessons so I think that what we call the "wrong" partner can be considered the "right" one in retrospective as he or she helped us figure out what we want and don't want and what we need to do about it.


[size=3pt]I am not hitting on you here but I need to say that I think that you are very special. Consider it to be some sort of sisterly e-love. And yes, I find such encounters very rewarding too. There is love everywhere. [/size]