I Feel so Angry With My Husband. Help! - Family (7)

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I Feel so Angry With My Husband. Help! - Family (7) - Nairaland

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My Wife Still Sends Pictures To Her Ex Boyfriend, I Feel Cheated & Heartbroken / I Feel My Father -in -law Is Trying To Control Me / Why Are Black Women Always So Angry? - Black Women Share Their Stories (part 3) (2) (3) (4)

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Re: I Feel so Angry With My Husband. Help! by Eddygourdo(m): 7:01am On Apr 04, 2016

olalat:
Yes, im married with kids. A self employed man whose income is nt fixed but has fixed bills to settle at regular interval. So i know what im talking abt. The may be passing through a lot of pressure. Finance, family etc. She has to gv him space but act normal in d house. She shld nt mk d house hot 4 him again. The man may an introvert and again wt of if she is unable to conceive yet nd pressure is mount frm d family wc he may nt like to tell her so as nt to cause friction betw her nd d familw member. Many water do pass under the bridge pls. Ur advice will ruin her home i repeat. She shld nt heed to it. Thanks.

you should learn to understand that women are humans with feelings as well. You highlight Wat you passing through as a man if the house, yet you fail to realise what she is passing through as the woman in ur house. Many times your wife has used the method I explained above but you didn't realise it. Read my suggestions slowly this time and you will understand why it's the best. As a woman is a support to you, do also are you to he and must make efforts to integrate her in ur life. What is she to fear from not implementing my advice. A divorce? Divorce is a small thing compared to living in a marriage that all emotions have left. Thus she better arrest it now by getting his attention. He has to open up to her and change his ways. We all take care if our families and children and it's not easy for any man. So why the fuss with him.

Re: I Feel so Angry With My Husband. Help! by Omoluabi16(m): 7:02am On Apr 04, 2016

I am scared of marriage.

Re: I Feel so Angry With My Husband. Help! by Cavenchy(m): 7:03am On Apr 04, 2016

On a second look at the topic, I think the OP believes her husband has just shown his true colour. And is no longer ashamed to admit he married her for her beauty, the smile he gave when he said those words to her is quite suspicious, considering the fact that he mentioned to her that he was at her mercy then when he didn't want to lose her but now no longer feels the need to keep her happy all the time and could care less what she says or feels. One starts to wonder, is the age difference that much that he suddenly can not even see reason in communicating with his wife? or is he just the kind that feels he is too big to laugh? This might be the case of those local traditionally-inclined men, who believe a wife's purpose is just to warm the bed, cook and give birth to kids, they wont even share their day or business plans with the woman as they believe as long as she doesn't go hungry she has no right to complain. OP I really hope this isn't the kind of man you married? The kind that knows they don't deserve you but because you are materialistic they happily use their money to charm you while courting, smiling and jovial the whole time, knowing they would open your eyes when you eventually place the ring on your finger and say I do. I have seen a man from a popular Nigerian pre-wedding day video interview, say that all that matters to him is for her to say I do, and that he knows his wife is more interested in the honeymoon location, the young pretty wife was there and acknowledged she cant wait to travel to this exotic place, do all the shopping and what not, but he kept saying all that matters is the I do, and with the smirk on his face you could tell he probably would switch his behaviour after that happens. Now while we don't know what happened in their marriage afterwards, I think it's something a wise woman would notice in his behaviour even before marriage, this seems to be common in marriages with long age gaps too and I hope OP isn't a victim of such. However, the things you agreed to do in your previous post would still go a long way in fixing your marriage as it might change how your husband sees you from the 'ceremonial wife' to the 'co-operative helpmeet'. I have written this so other young single ladies on this thread could learn and possibly review their decisions thoroughly before they sign that register. That old ready-made manfriend(won't say bf) smiling all the time and ever ready to part with his cash, might actually be a monk (like someone here said) who is only interested in having a pretty wife to procreate with cos he is already old and under a lot of pressure from society to stop acting irresponsibly in the name of being single.

1 Like

Re: I Feel so Angry With My Husband. Help! by Johnnoo(m): 7:07am On Apr 04, 2016

Its a phase, don't worry, he will change when the time comes. Likewise disconnect from him without rudeness or disrespect.

Re: I Feel so Angry With My Husband. Help! by modelly: 7:07am On Apr 04, 2016

My dear sister, if I were u I will just pray, keeping praying until sometin good happens, neva forget to pray for God to give him grace, to become all that God want him to be

Re: I Feel so Angry With My Husband. Help! by kingsley2rhyme(m): 7:11am On Apr 04, 2016

It's obvious this fellow is not married and doesn't understand there is bound to be financial crisis when married.
If your own advice is for her to leave her marriage for this reason then it shows the type of person you are if you are a female. You think marriage is boyfriend and girlfriend relationship? Oga, grow up.

If you don't have an advice to give, it's better you just read through and don't comment at all.

Madam, pray about the situation, give him some space for him to realize and call for your attention, you can then pour out your mind to him.

familyrocks:
Change too, just start Ignoring him totally, in fact just live as Co tenants. And from your write up it seems he is not doing well financially and your still young so please the second option is leaving that marriage before you get pregnant

Re: I Feel so Angry With My Husband. Help! by PresVA: 7:12am On Apr 04, 2016

Trapnews:

Another TELEMUNDO patient, keeping living in fantasy. I pity the unfortunate fellow wey go marry you with this your mentality

eeeyyaa, so going out , playing games together etttcc is telemundo to you? I pray you find LOVE someday

Don't pity me because I already have a lovely husband who I do those stuffs and more with.. kiss

Your marriage is what you make of it.. you either choose to live as friends or strangers. . All d best. .

Re: I Feel so Angry With My Husband. Help! by IdJack(m): 7:14am On Apr 04, 2016

Hmmmmm Some people comments on Nairaland is something else, how can you advice her to pull out from the marriage?

I am not sure you are married...becos if you do, you will not give this kind of advice to a young marriage that is not even up to a year.
The woman said..the husband told her sometime that he has a lot of financial pressure, a lot of responsibility so i think that might be the cause.

familyrocks:
Change too, just start Ignoring him totally, in fact just live as Co tenants. And from your write up it seems he is not doing well financially and your still young so please the second option is leaving that marriage before you get pregnant

Re: I Feel so Angry With My Husband. Help! by onunwa21(m): 7:14am On Apr 04, 2016

Continue, some1 will soon be happy wit him

Re: I Feel so Angry With My Husband. Help! by olalat(m): 7:16am On Apr 04, 2016

Bros i take care of my home with ease FYI. I just gv u scenarios there. No perfect marriage. Ignoring the man will compound the pressure. It will mk their home hotter i repeat. The fact that ur wife use the technique to calm u down does nt mean it can be generally applied. The fact dt d man didnt open up to his wife is enough evidence 2 show dt hes a diff person to u. Ur advice may their home so i repeat. She should act normal and pray. My one kobo.

Eddygourdo:
you should learn to understand that women are humans with feelings as well. You highlight Wat you passing through as a man if the house, yet you fail to realise what she is passing through as the woman in ur house. Many times your wife has used the method I explained above but you didn't realise it. Read my suggestions slowly this time and you will understand why it's the best. As a woman is a support to you, do also are you to he and must make efforts to integrate her in ur life. What is she to fear from not implementing my advice. A divorce? Divorce is a small thing compared to living in a marriage that all emotions have left. Thus she better arrest it now by getting his attention. He has to open up to her and change his ways. We all take care if our families and children and it's not easy for any man. So why the fuss with him.

Re: I Feel so Angry With My Husband. Help! by funmind(f): 7:17am On Apr 04, 2016

Men sha!

Re: I Feel so Angry With My Husband. Help! by djraymy(m): 7:17am On Apr 04, 2016

Tekevwe:

I'm not the clingy type, if anything I used to be the exact opposite and decided to work on it when I got a few complaints. We both go to work and I get back home by 6pm. He gets in by 9 and just wants to eat, bath, and sleep.

His office is just five minutes from the house and he works for himself so I know its not Lagos traffic. I just feel we should share how both our days went sometimes. He also does the same on weekends when he's home and keeps to himself. I let him be for a few hours and when I try to go to him he's cold still, like he wants to be alone.

I'm beginning to feel lonely.

maybe he's an introvert

Re: I Feel so Angry With My Husband. Help! by PresVA: 7:17am On Apr 04, 2016

sykeng:
.I like ur write up but i hate this part (go for a woman in your class) that means u agreed to the points the person you quoted made. for me i prefer women that have style than class. hope you the know the difference?

I understand you but my comment about class still stands

You meet a girl, she lives a flamboyant lifestyle, you can't meet up yet you stress yourself? After you come crying about how she has milked you dry? Calling her names? undecided

When you can choose a woman you have same perception with?

Re: I Feel so Angry With My Husband. Help! by huntax(m): 7:21am On Apr 04, 2016

Tekevwe:

I'm not the clingy type, if anything I used to be the exact opposite and decided to work on it when I got a few complaints. We both go to work and I get back home by 6pm. He gets in by 9 and just wants to eat, bath, and sleep.

His office is just five minutes from the house and he works for himself so I know its not Lagos traffic. I just feel we should share how both our days went sometimes. He also does the same on weekends when he's home and keeps to himself. I let him be for a few hours and when I try to go to him he's cold still, like he wants to be alone.

I'm beginning to feel lonely.

The way he's behaving,it feels like he has discovered something about you (or someone told him something false about you) but chooses not to confront you. It might not be the case but judging by your story, that's the best scenario I can conjure up. In my opinion, this has nothing to do with work and stress, but everything to do with you. No matter how tough things might be, when I come home to my wife, her warm welcome should be enough to soften me for a little while at least.

Re: I Feel so Angry With My Husband. Help! by smartn09(m): 7:22am On Apr 04, 2016

Tekevwe:
I got married to my husband a some months ago. Before we got married we dated for a while and my husband was the smiling type, though I noticed he bones a lot with his siblings.

Our courtship was great. He used to give me practically everything I wanted (affection and care) even before I asked. He showered me with so much love that I thought I was dreaming. I saw some other qualities in him and felt he would make a great husband.

The first week of our marriage, my husband changed, started boning round the house and withdrew into himself. His office rent was due that month so I felt that was cause and let him be. Several months down the line and things re d same or even worse. He gets home boning, eats and goes straight to bed. If I try gisting with him he answers in monosylables and you can see the disinterest on his face.

The only time he smiles at home is when he wants to be intimate. That's the only time he's soft with me now and the only time I feel connected to him. I asked him if I offended him in any way and he says no, that the pressure of providing for a new family is getting to him.

I didn't play hard to get cos I don't believe in such so I don't know why the change.

There are some other qualities I discovered in him that I never saw while we were dating. I jokingly told him he has changed and that day he smiled and said he had to give me all I wanted cos he didn't want to lose me since I'm a pretty girl. Now that we re married its like he can't be bothered with trying anymore.

Also deep down I don't tink he loves me and feel he just married me cos he isn't so young anymore (almost 40) and he's parents were mounting pressure on him. He's snappy with me now which never used to happen.

He also has a wall built around him that I can't seem to penetrate. I feel so depressed each time I'm home, being married to a man I feel no connection to.

I don't know if this is what marriage entails. If it is, then please, married folks should hint me so I can adjust my mindset to this new change.

Also, what can I do to break through and get through to him?

Dear madam, You can check if your husband is a cultist, being a Christian does not make him immune to cultism, every average cultist always want to be alone, he may likely get a flat for you elsewhere to be visiting at his own time. The only way is to discover and declare your readiness to get involved and you will enjoy the best of him.If not he will be seeing you as a little girleeeee! that he can only crack joke with at his own time.

Re: I Feel so Angry With My Husband. Help! by funmind(f): 7:22am On Apr 04, 2016

PresVA:
eeeyyaa, so going out , playing games together etttcc is telemundo to you? I pray you find LOVE someday

Don't pity me because I already have a lovely husband who I do those stuffs and more with..

Your marriage is what you make of it.. you either choose to live as friends or strangers. . All d best. .

Congrats! but do you think it is realistic when the family is in debt? I think the person that quoted you has some points too undecided

Re: I Feel so Angry With My Husband. Help! by Nobody: 7:23am On Apr 04, 2016

My dear, your husband is your husband don't believe in ehn give him space or that, you have the right to be clingy because that's the only way u can protect,know him more. How can u let your husband be on his own when u are suppose to call him regularly while he's away from home to check on him and even flirt before he gets back so that you can do wink

. Your husband might be going through some emotional issues and he hasn't find anyone to share it with, he needs someone to talk to and that person is you. Here is the game , that moment you both are done with sex which is always His happiest moment, go on your kneels and ask him to share His worries with u. He has a lot to tell you.

Tekevwe:
I got married to my husband a some months ago. Before we got married we dated for a while and my husband was the smiling type, though I noticed he bones a lot with his siblings.

Our courtship was great. He used to give me practically everything I wanted (affection and care) even before I asked. He showered me with so much love that I thought I was dreaming. I saw some other qualities in him and felt he would make a great husband.

The first week of our marriage, my husband changed, started boning round the house and withdrew into himself. His office rent was due that month so I felt that was cause and let him be. Several months down the line and things re d same or even worse. He gets home boning, eats and goes straight to bed. If I try gisting with him he answers in monosylables and you can see the disinterest on his face.

The only time he smiles at home is when he wants to be intimate. That's the only time he's soft with me now and the only time I feel connected to him. I asked him if I offended him in any way and he says no, that the pressure of providing for a new family is getting to him.

I didn't play hard to get cos I don't believe in such so I don't know why the change.

There are some other qualities I discovered in him that I never saw while we were dating. I jokingly told him he has changed and that day he smiled and said he had to give me all I wanted cos he didn't want to lose me since I'm a pretty girl. Now that we re married its like he can't be bothered with trying anymore.

Also deep down I don't tink he loves me and feel he just married me cos he isn't so young anymore (almost 40) and he's parents were mounting pressure on him. He's snappy with me now which never used to happen.

He also has a wall built around him that I can't seem to penetrate. I feel so depressed each time I'm home, being married to a man I feel no connection to.

I don't know if this is what marriage entails. If it is, then please, married folks should hint me so I can adjust my mindset to this new change.

Also, what can I do to break through and get through to him?

Re: I Feel so Angry With My Husband. Help! by olalat(m): 7:25am On Apr 04, 2016

Dont be scared bro. Its easier than imagined if u marry ur own wife. Just pray nd pray. Make it a prayer point.

Omoluabi16:
I am scared of marriage.

Re: I Feel so Angry With My Husband. Help! by idealsico(m): 7:26am On Apr 04, 2016

Sorry, Op. Is your husband a member of APC? Otherwise I can not see the reason why he should display a complete opposite of whom you perceived him to be. Note: I dont belong to any party.

Re: I Feel so Angry With My Husband. Help! by 1miccza: 7:26am On Apr 04, 2016

Eddygourdo:
You marriage is very young and being that you never had the fine tuning phase during courtship. You both are having it now. Too bad he is pulling away while you are pulling closer and it's frustrating you.

You need to do the reverse affection method, pull away in character too. I don't mean emotionally, but it's a game to get his attention. Whenever he smiles at you frown and be disinterested though give him Wat he wants. Ignore him alot and give him the cold shoulders without it being very obvious. Continue thus till you have his attention and he starts asking you Wat the problem is.

Even when he asks, tell him nothing. Give him more cold shoulders and hide ur cheerfulness. This character if it drives him nuts then it's proof he loves you and was going through a phase

Give him more cold shoulders till he gets angry at ur behaviour and flips out. It only then that you table his offences to you. Hopefully you both would have a heart to heart talk and he would open up to you on what u is killing him

This is a fine tuning phase and if handled properly will pass, making ur marriage stronger

You are completely on point!!! That would worke 105 percent.. Nice one.....

Re: I Feel so Angry With My Husband. Help! by taryur(m): 7:32am On Apr 04, 2016

[quote author=doskie post=44386865]sister. he doesn't love you. I know where hes standing. I don't love my gf for instance. we actually dont have enough mutual interest. if I get married to her by any circumstance beyond my control, I think I'll do exactly what im reading about your man. the feeling wasn't there. if you were observant enough, I think you should have known prior to the marriage. marriage that is founded on such base as age, material comfort, physical looks and all are bound to be maintained only with difficulty. take time to fall in love if its still possible.
Secondly. why did you not find out why he wasn't jovial with his siblings. did you ignore such a major red flag? did you ask questions about his past? have you told his brothers about this development? what did they say? is the sex between you too good? like... where you guys having sex before you got married? has he noticed changes in you too that he cannot communicate in order not to hurt you? does he have another lady outside? what about friends with benefits? how long did you know him? was he rich when you met him? he may not love you if you didn't play a role in his life. one of sacrifice. I drop my pen.[/quote

though,i wouldnt agree with u totally that OP's husband doesnt love her but u r spot on in all u av said. d most important of all...."ignoring and boning his family" .she should av found out the reason for that. now,its like she is just starting courtship.what she should av done then,she is gona have to do them now that she is in d marriage.its a hard way to learn bt OP doesnt have a choice. just follow what the person I quoted said and as u get answers to those,you would gotten a direction on how to prepare,else,u would be praying amiss. God bless u n ur home.

Re: I Feel so Angry With My Husband. Help! by barnabas91: 7:34am On Apr 04, 2016

Cholls:
My brother Eddygourdo I give you a thumbs-up. but I will disagree based on the fact that their marriage is still young.

When you have husbands or likes, don’t distract yourself from your partner. Try enjoying it with him instead of living two separate lives, or just express it and be there sometimes to support him so that he can feel inclusive to your life. You should push him and encourage him.

For the most part I know you women would only have a problem with your husbands if his selfish about it. Why be in a relationship when you can’t live together and share differences so that you can appreciate or simply learn more from each other.

One thing that might also help is if the wife tried to show some interest in what her husband enjoys. Maybe from there he could come out of is shell.

eddyguordo is totally right wit his words, u guys are even sayin dsame tin.
With what he said, d man wil finaly realises himself.
If a man is takin himself too important to his woman, iif she turn out not to care of his attitude and act normal, d man wil come to his senses, thinkin of hw to please her back.
Speaking from experience

1 Like

Re: I Feel so Angry With My Husband. Help! by merrymaker2: 7:36am On Apr 04, 2016

[Egbon, u no gada. Na we heaf u say dey knock like honda? U no evn see gud car cpmpare us wt..lolquote author=EggovinMma post=44361955]Lol.
Maybe you should give him a little bit of space.Its just a moody phase that will eventually phase off. Men with their wahala. You can't just satisfy them, their head dey knock anyhow like HONDA engine.

Try and go back to your own shell. Be sweet but still give him space, enough that he will notice. [/quote]

Re: I Feel so Angry With My Husband. Help! by mcangelo(m): 7:36am On Apr 04, 2016

He never tasted Osogbo weed before and someone gave him that as a wedding gift.

Remedy:
Plenty caring
Continue loving
Massaging after work
Special dishes
Love him the more

Re: I Feel so Angry With My Husband. Help! by BlackAlbino6(m): 7:37am On Apr 04, 2016

peedeeasobie:
You noticed he was always boning with his siblings and you didn't bother to ask him why because he was smiling with you!

Selfish girl!

a typical lifestyle of most Nigerian girls. They demand expensive items from you not minding your level of earnings, neither do they care whether you have some family relatives to cater for.

When your husband to be was showering you with expensive gifts, smiled only with you at the expense of his relative you felt that was love em?

Op u re just on point.

I still wish her a beautiful marriage life.

Re: I Feel so Angry With My Husband. Help! by missjahiniekpe(f): 7:37am On Apr 04, 2016

SAMBARRY:
Maybe he wants his me time and you're not giving him his space or you're so clingy.let him be.tearoses efemena,chillisause,kanwulia jara and co over to you

*Drops mic*

Let's see what the next person has to say.meanwhile first to comment. Royal Roy where is my prize

He should have remained single if he wanted 'the me time' married couples can't afford the me time.

Re: I Feel so Angry With My Husband. Help! by chronique(m): 7:38am On Apr 04, 2016

Every man has a breaking point and a melting point,every man has a mumu button that when touched,will make him soft like a puppy. Get to work and start looking for the mumu button and keep pressing it until he starts laughing continuously like a jackass. Don't be a lazy wife;marriage aint for the faint hearted.

Tekevwe:
I got married to my husband a some months ago. Before we got married we dated for a while and my husband was the smiling type, though I noticed he bones a lot with his siblings.

Our courtship was great. He used to give me practically everything I wanted (affection and care) even before I asked. He showered me with so much love that I thought I was dreaming. I saw some other qualities in him and felt he would make a great husband.

The first week of our marriage, my husband changed, started boning round the house and withdrew into himself. His office rent was due that month so I felt that was cause and let him be. Several months down the line and things re d same or even worse. He gets home boning, eats and goes straight to bed. If I try gisting with him he answers in monosylables and you can see the disinterest on his face.

The only time he smiles at home is when he wants to be intimate. That's the only time he's soft with me now and the only time I feel connected to him. I asked him if I offended him in any way and he says no, that the pressure of providing for a new family is getting to him.

I didn't play hard to get cos I don't believe in such so I don't know why the change.

There are some other qualities I discovered in him that I never saw while we were dating. I jokingly told him he has changed and that day he smiled and said he had to give me all I wanted cos he didn't want to lose me since I'm a pretty girl. Now that we re married its like he can't be bothered with trying anymore.

Also deep down I don't tink he loves me and feel he just married me cos he isn't so young anymore (almost 40) and he's parents were mounting pressure on him. He's snappy with me now which never used to happen.

He also has a wall built around him that I can't seem to penetrate. I feel so depressed each time I'm home, being married to a man I feel no connection to.

I don't know if this is what marriage entails. If it is, then please, married folks should hint me so I can adjust my mindset to this new change.

Also, what can I do to break through and get through to him?

Re: I Feel so Angry With My Husband. Help! by janway(f): 7:40am On Apr 04, 2016

give him back in his own coin, then he will seat back, new marriage, and he his giving attitude, see me see wahala oo. just tell him u want to go and spend some time with ur parents , that u are missing ur parents and d attitude he his giving to u his becoming unbearable. let's see his reactions.

Re: I Feel so Angry With My Husband. Help! by ucjesuso: 7:40am On Apr 04, 2016

sister the only thing is that we are in the time of change. so change is now affecting every thing in nija. am sorry because it enter your home, do not worry because it will soon be over

Re: I Feel so Angry With My Husband. Help! by Bunker1(m): 7:40am On Apr 04, 2016

That's how ritualist act, before taking on they actions, maybe his about to go spirtual, so pray harder. Or you just talk about plans without thinking where the income will come from.

Re: I Feel so Angry With My Husband. Help! by Xerum(m): 7:42am On Apr 04, 2016

There are some other qualities I discovered in him that I never saw while we were dating. I jokingly told him he has changed and that day he smiled and said he had to give me all I wanted cos he didn't want to lose me since I'm a pretty girl. Now that we re married its like he can't be bothered with trying anymore.

The bolded part is very indicative of what might be wrong in yr marriage. I am very sorry to say this, he clearly just admitted he does not love you and that there is hardly any chemistry, bonding or anything that connects you guys beyond him finding you pretty (Superficial).

Hence his being nice whenever he feels the urge to make use of your perceived beauty (by him) to satisfy his needs. There is more to a marriage than just liking a person or the outward beauty of a partner.

You might want to speak to him on the bolded comment and ask him how he would have felt, if you said same to him. It is a shame you are going thru this just a few months after your marriage. Try and focus on the things that you love doing and do things that will make you happy. Life is short dear. Wish you all the best.

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