how does a guy ask his girlfriend's parents/father for her hand in marriage?

So men on the forum who are married, how did you ask her parents/father for their daughter?  A friend will be asking his girlfriend's dad soon and he needs some ideas.  Her parents are Nigerian and they live in Lagos.

I am not comfortable with the idea of asking a girl's parents for her hand. I mean, what is that? If the parents don't accept me, am I going to walk away? And what happens if the parents accept my "proposal" but the girl says "no"? Will they force her or try to convince her on my behalf? Doesn't this mean that I see my future wife as a child under her parents and not a woman? I don't like this idea at all!

I've always thought that what happens is that you propose to your woman, and then if she accepts, then you visit your parents together and tell them "we're getting married!" Or the woman goes to her mother and said "Seun asked me to marry him and I said 'yes'!" Or, "Seun asked me to marry him and I'm wondering if I should accept" But definitely not, "Seun wants me to marry him and I want your permission". Who wants to marry a child?

Ok, I realise that I've not answered your question yet. Here is a link that might be helpful:
> http://www.ehow.com/how_9810_ask-girlfriends-father.html

Take kola nut and elders. The elders will do the job. All u have to do is sit and watch. And then you see your girl. Am i wrong?

Seun:

I am not comfortable with the idea of asking a girl's parents for her hand. I mean, what is that? If the parents don't accept me, am I going to walk away? And what happens if the parents accept my "proposal" but the girl says "no"? Will they force her or try to convince her on my behalf? Doesn't this mean that I see my future wife as a child under her parents and not a woman? I don't like this idea at all!

I've always thought that what happens is that you propose to your woman, and then if she accepts, then you visit your parents together and tell them "we're getting married!" Or the woman goes to her mother and said "Seun asked me to marry him and I said 'yes'!" Or, "Seun asked me to marry him and I'm wondering if I should accept" But definitely not, "Seun wants me to marry him and I want your permission". Who wants to marry a child?

Ok, I realise that I've not answered your question yet. Here is a link that might be helpful:
> http://www.ehow.com/how_9810_ask-girlfriends-father.html

well my bf is also planning to do this but its more of a formality/respect for the father, my dad knows he's going to do it cause i already told my dad that this is the person i want to marry so he is just formally voicing his intentions to the father and asking for his blessing then he'll propose...

monister

this is a good one, im actually having the same problem. My girlfriends parents want's to meet me,, there's hevy pressure on her to bring home her boy-friend and i'm so confused on the "would they like me" factor..
She's the only girl af a muslim family im a christian, we are both of the same age range, she's expected to be getting ready for marriage while im not seeing it in 3 yrs time.... all these factors dont favor me one bit, yet i just have to go, to make matters worse none of her family members know me and we've been dating for like 4 yrs now..

Man im not a confuesd man?

@timmy, u've been dating for 4years n u dont know any of her family memebers
thats too bad, even if her folks are not staying in the same place as u are,u're supposed to have met her sister/brother/cousin/aunty or whatever.
knowing some of the family members already makes it easy for the man. u feel at home when u want to formally meet the parents.
@allonym,as hot-angel said, the elders will actually do the job so let ur friend relax. the elders on both sides will do the talking so far the couples have agreed to marry each other.

you forget gentleone that many people are students in a country where very little of their family reside. If they goto school in the US, and their family is in Nigeria, when would they meet (especially now where you'd rather finish your degree than take a chance at not getting your visa renewed).

For elders to do the talking, that assumes that on both sides they are willing to approve the marriage.

However, this is still an issue. So, when we get to be elders, what exactly are our young ones expecting us to do?

@niceone: its not really like that sha, but i accept all blames, i was just feeling a liitle bit inferior about the whole relationship, she is very beautiful, fresh and well kept while was a nomal lagos boy working round the streets of lagos looking for a company to design a website or fixing a bad HDD to buying a new motherboard for a client. i Just decided to keep away until "i meet up" hope u understand.. well now im big, fresh, got a good account, getting a car soon and now clients beg me.. but ive already spoilt my impression though i know her younger brother, but not enuff to say i know her family..

@allonym even if u guys are studying abroad, i'm sure u stay with one relative or family friend or whatever abi? so its really no excuse.

@timmy,its not too late, u can start getting to know them now n please don't feel inferior or anytin, just be yourself. all d best

nope, you live at school on in an off campus apt. There aren't any relatives around.

I'm guessing you are not a college age student.

ok fine, even if u stay on campus or an apartment, u can still speak with them on phone! there's really no excuse for not meeting any of ur girl's family for four years!

I think the meeting he talks of is a face to face one. It is quite different from a phone conversation. Talking to someone on the phone is one thing. When you must go in person, especially if you are asking for a hand in marriage, its entirely something else. Besides, if her parents were against her having a bf, they might find it easier to wait until they know they were serious, rather than getting the girl potentially in trouble over nothing.

I think it's a necessary formality. Though the girl's parents might have known the man before, there should still be a time when the girl will bring him home formally.

ok

ok, i know i have nothing to say that would be of help to you, so somebody please help him/them

@gentleone tanks a billion but i really wish it were that easy being your self, but ill'd try and probably go during the break (x-mas) 'cos she's in school right now

In actual fact, there's no big deal about meeting ur girlfriend's parent for her hand in marriage. It just a formal thing. Nothing so serious to fidget about.
All you need to do is just be urself, relax and feel comfortable around them for your good intention towards their daughter.
No parent would want to marry their daughter afterall!
cheer up brother!

thanks Aderonke, its the first time i'm seeing your post on this forum, are you new?

All the same sha ill take your advice and be myself. But wait a minute, I don't even know myself, who am i? Someone please help me discover myself"

If you don't know yourself, you probably should not be thinking about marriage at all!

timmy:

thanks Aderonke, its the first time i'm seeing your post on this forum, are you new?

All the same sha ill take your advice and be myself. But wait a minute, I don't even know myself, who am i? Someone please help me discover myself"

yea, i'm new. we'll get to know each better as time goes on...
but wat a pity, u want to get married and u no sabi ur sef? r u sure u really know who u want to marry then?
think veeeery well o!
a word is enough for d wise
anyway, no shakings... nothing dey happen!
abi no b so?

she's expected to be getting ready for marriage while im not seeing it in 3 years time....

@seun dont think i said i was ready for marriage, all they just need is to see what i look like.
@Aderonke, na so o nothing det happen

But really guys i need to really know who i am but how?

u know what timmy, first sort urself out, then take the next step. cos if u havent gotten ur bearings then this topic shd be non existent . totally agree wiv seun forget marriage for the time being.

timmy is not the author of this topic

yes ohh, i'm not the author of this thread and i'm not ready for marriage either at least not in the next 3 yrs. im still young now habba!!

oooooooooooooooopppppppppppp

sorry bro

@ timmy,
then y do u take it as a burden to know urself? since u r not ready for marriage until 3years time, i think u shld exercise patience by standing infront of a mirror from now on and ask urself who am i.
I'm sure one day ur reflextion in d mirror will give u a definite answer dat u needed to hear!
cheers

Aderonke, nice to read from you anyway sha the mirror thingy, i do dat every morning infact ive being duin dat for some 3 yrs now and all i see is one butt naked confused looking fella.. if by now the Morrow thingy is not working, then it sure wouldnt work... just give me another prescription

go for marriage couselling or something... they stand d better position to show DA WAY!

marriage couselling kee!!, ha dats to the xtrim oh, i'm not down with marriage yet and most times councillors dont give the right nformation one needs

what, you dont believe me, its true now