Kimoni:


This caught my attention...and I quite agree but do you also realise people give in different ways??

Eg some men are good at giving their time to their families/partners(follow their girlfriends/wives everwhere - market, salon, etc) but score very low in giving monetarily while some give all the money in the world but they are hardly ever available.

It's difficult concluding on who truly loves who by picking solely on how a person gives. Reaching a conclusion is not as simple as you've put it.

nubian999:


So a feminist can't hustle a fool?


She will tell him and if he say's no then her game is wack

Mindfulness:


Damn, you are baaaaad but funny too.

vbiye:
Dear Nairalanders, I need advice, i have been dating this guy for a couple of months now, initially i really liked him but now that i have been spending time with him, his attitude puts me off. He is the kind of guy that believes a woman should take care of herself and all her needs, this is not really a problem for me because i work and earn a good salary, but i have come to notice that he is always complaining of being broke, it's annoying because i know he works with a good oil company, he complains endlessly when his Siblings ask him for money, if i tell him its normal that i used to ask my elders ones for money when i was in school he gets angry and says i never take sides with him on any issue, whenever we are together he is either complaining of being broke, or being angry because his colleagues provoked him at work or he is hassling me for sex and he never takes no for an answer. The only time i asked him for money to make my hair he told me other women carry one hairstyle for 3 months that i should start carrying my own like that too and he didn't give me anything. on my last birthday he said the country's economy is so bad and so he could not afford a birthday gift for me. He always complains that i don't call him everyday but he has never recharged my phone,to make matters worse he is always asking me to borrow him money to fuel his car whereas he has never given me as much as 1k for tfare when i visit him. My question is this his attitude normal with guy's.

freecocoa:
Na sense wey you no get dey worry you like this, if you don't have any sensible thing to contribute to the discussion, just let it be.

I definitely won't become one of those ladies on here that go back and forth with you, trading invectives over nothing.

Play time is over.

Ewuro4:
OP don leave the dude tete, unas still dey here

Yoruba adage says, 'eni tio ba lowo lowo a ni oro gidi lenu' even if he's not buoyant or cash trapped 24/7/365 , his good attitude should speak for him not all the empty bravado oshi. How dare he tell her to carry her hair for 90days, never heard of such ever. He's just a plain stûpid. same fool will turn around to complain she's hitching her scalp excessively. How much is hair sef that he can't take upon himself monthly , e bad reach that side for himself ba?

Dude is just plain stingy period. Whatever idîotic 'test' he or his friends are trying is obviously not working. His type are those that waste all their ample time testing so tey until every wife material leave , then cry foul later in life when they carry oyiboyi enter house.


Crackhaus who tell una say some feminist no dey do aristo? There's always an exception to every rule ya know

crackhaus:

Ioannes:


I just want you to know that it's possible to give without loving, but it never possible to love without giving.

Best words I've read here.
‎
I would like to advise OP to take some time and empty her mind of all worth nots concerning her man. Love him truly and without any form of judgementalism.
Be your best self to him. Stop seeing his not giving to you as some form of disease or virus that must be cut away.

Now concerning your man.‎
Mine works the oil fields too.
Sometimes, there are delays in payments, other times, finances have been committed to other projects, or there are more important things for money to be used for. It is not always as rosy, especially for people who have put in just 2 to 3 years.

That isn't really a source of bother for me because I know that He is a giver, and like you too (with a heart of gratitude) I can comfortably take care of me. This is not to say that I don't ask, infact, I requested for a gadget today, not because the money is not available, but I just like it when he gives me stuff and does stuff for me too (I guess receiving gifts and acts of service are part of your love languages too). Now, what I'm driving at here isn't so much of how much he has to give me or what he does to give me, but more of the character and spirit behind giving.

Someone who happily gives to you or shares with you the things they treasure most (time, talent and money) is simply telling you that they want you in their lives for good, that they're willing to be your partner titilailai
‎‎
When it comes to making that life long decision of marriage, Love is very very important, but there are other variables you must assess. ‎

But first of all, Love this man truly.
Try to practice unconditional love.
What are those things that you desire him to be to you, start being those things to him. Accept him as he is. Let him be.

If you must leave him, let it not be because you have judged him as an oloshious entity and have some form of anger/bitterness towards him.

Let your decision to leave him come from a place where you are at peace with yourself and him, where you bear no grudges whatsoever. Wish him well in his future endeavour. Whatever you do, let Love, true Love, take front seat.‎ Whether he sees it or not, whether he appreciates it or not; you, Vbiye, would be better for it.

crackhaus:

Ahan na, but no be you start to say I no get sense?
Okay I'm very sorry bae, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...you know I love you right?

crackhaus:

Ahan na, but no be you start to say I no get sense?

Okay I'm very sorry bae, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...you know I love you right?

vbiye:
Dear Nairalanders, I need advice, i have been dating this guy for a couple of months now, initially i really liked him but now that i have been spending time with him, his attitude puts me off. He is the kind of guy that believes a woman should take care of herself and all her needs, this is not really a problem for me because i work and earn a good salary, but i have come to notice that he is always complaining of being broke, it's annoying because i know he works with a good oil company, he complains endlessly when his Siblings ask him for money, if i tell him its normal that i used to ask my elders ones for money when i was in school he gets angry and says i never take sides with him on any issue, whenever we are together he is either complaining of being broke, or being angry because his colleagues provoked him at work or he is hassling me for sex and he never takes no for an answer. The only time i asked him for money to make my hair he told me other women carry one hairstyle for 3 months that i should start carrying my own like that too and he didn't give me anything. on my last birthday he said the country's economy is so bad and so he could not afford a birthday gift for me. He always complains that i don't call him everyday but he has never recharged my phone,to make matters worse he is always asking me to borrow him money to fuel his car whereas he has never given me as much as 1k for tfare when i visit him. My question is this his attitude normal with guy's.

freecocoa:
Na you sabi.

But really though, I'd like to know why you think a feminist should never ask her man for money, to have her hair done.

vbiye:

I really want to reply every point you think you have made here but on second thoughts i dont have to prove anything to you. I am just sorry for you that came from a family where giving your younger ones financial aid when they need it makes them beggars, glad to tell you am not from such and i have a younger one who can testify to that.

crackhaus:

Errmm, I thought feminists could have everything they wanted and could be anything they aspired to without a man's assistance.
Self-sufficiency and independence is your mantra, is it not?

Feminism has got to be one of the most expensive ventures to be associated with - from paying half your dates, to buying and driving your own cars, to making sure you have all the latest gadgets at home to ease the workload of chores, to matching everything a man can do penny for penny and kobo for kobo... Surely a woman like this doesn't need to ask for money to get her own hair done, her own hair dammiit.
If he offers on his own, then that's a different thing altogether.

freecocoa:
Feminism is a movement founded to see that woman have the same rights as men, how you translate it to meaning I must never ask my man for money beats me.

I don't know what you think a relationship to be, but I know it's not a competition between me and my man. It is two people who care about each other, being there for each other.

crackhaus:

Spot on..
It was founded on that principle. Unfortunately, you people seem to have mutated it into something else.

The fact that you're even arguing this and telling me how comfortable you are asking for money from your man to make your own hair after everything y'all have been fronting for us here on NL, just shows why people don't take you Nairaland feminists seriously.

Does your role model Beyonce or Chimamanda look like they need a man's money to make their hair?

freecocoa:
firstly I don't front and definitely not for strangers.

Secondly, this hair do thingy wasn't about me, you just made it so and yea, I will be comfortable asking my man for whatever I like, for different reasons and the most important one being, we care about each other and got each other's backs, therefore how we decide to run our affairs, isn't anyone's business. That I may ask him for money with which to have my hair done, doesn't mean I can't take care of myself, just like I would go to the market, buy stuff with my money, cook and feed him, doesn't mean he can't feed himself.

I don't know if you've ever been in a loving and genuine relationship but if you have, you will know that logic doesn't always apply here.

I don't ever remember telling you Bey and Amanda, are my role models as I don't even have any, I don't see how their lives should be a yardstick to measure mine.

crackhaus:

Okay then.

Just that I thought that for anyone to be a feminist, they gotta have at least one mainstream feminist they look up to.
Not having any role models is...hmmmm..., well, never, mind.

freecocoa:
That's the mistake you make, there is no rule that says, you must be a certain way to be a frminist, just about anyone can be a feminist.

Prostitute o, armed robber o, kidnapper, pedophile, murderer, housewife, etc. You just have to agree that women deserve equal rights as men, finish.

I am my own person, I don't need any role model, of what use is one?

Dude, I'm not gay.

Wanting a man, is not the same thing as needing one. If I have a man in my life, it is because I want him and if he's in my life, then I must make him feel needed. That's what we do for love.

crackhaus:

I see.


My satisfaction with all these so far is that you Freecocoa have admitted to needing a man, your man's money - there is yet hope.
Now waiting on the next self-professed NL feminist to openly and brazenly admit this too.

Just in case you missed it before

freecocoa:
check my other post, it's been modified.

Why won't I need his money if he is my man? You don't know anything about love, do you?

crackhaus:

Chai, she's still repeating it... Lmao...

What does love have to do with you needing your man's money? You only take money from those you love because it is your love language abi?
And I'm the one who doesn't know anything about love...

It's official!
Freecocoa is no feminist, call yourself one again and get stoned.

freecocoa:
Shey because it is money? I take it you didn't read my post about making your loved ones feel needed. I take his money because he has to feel like I need him, that is where love comes in, I tire for you o.

I am and will remain a feminist even when I go to hell.

crackhaus:

No, you are and will remain a woman even when you go to hell...

unscripted:
would u mind to tell your story on a platform where more people can learn from it .. if the answer is no [ kayodeowoeyesegun@gmail.com]
wud love and appreciate a positive response