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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Is This Normal Or Am I Overreacting? (8526 Views)
Am I Overreacting Or Is It Normal / I Am Beginning To Despise My Parents... Am I Overreacting? / I Think I Think Too Much... Is This Normal?? (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Is This Normal Or Am I Overreacting? by Nobody: 2:06pm On Apr 21, 2016 |
Kimoni: you are making sense here. and I agree with you to a large extent. I'd just like to point out to you that, If you elect to spend time with your loved ones and it isn't quality time because it's always filled with grumblings about how you are always broke and how your loved ones are draining you of money (I believe she did mention that aspect of grumbling and complaining), then it's the same as some multi billionaire business man who spends on his family but buys cheap clothes and worn shoes for them. the quality of the attention you pay to your loved ones be it money or time is what counts. anybody can say the words "I love you", showing it is what matters. again I believe if you love your spouse you will give her both your time and money. it's instinctive I believe. 8 Likes |
Re: Is This Normal Or Am I Overreacting? by crackhaus: 3:59pm On Apr 21, 2016 |
nubian999:A feminist can definitely hustle a f00l 3 Likes |
Re: Is This Normal Or Am I Overreacting? by crackhaus: 4:01pm On Apr 21, 2016 |
Mindfulness: 1 Like |
Re: Is This Normal Or Am I Overreacting? by bukatyne(f): 4:02pm On Apr 21, 2016 |
vbiye: His attitude is definitely not normal.... How broke is he (considering the fact he works) that he can't get a birthday present no matter how little (since the gift matters to you)? You have not told us about his good sides/ what attracted you to him. You might want to step back to re-evaluate the relationship anyways; if he is reluctant to spend on you because you are his babe, what about his siblings? 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Is This Normal Or Am I Overreacting? by crackhaus: 4:04pm On Apr 21, 2016 |
freecocoa:Ahan na, but no be you start to say I no get sense? Okay I'm very sorry bae, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...you know I love you right? |
Re: Is This Normal Or Am I Overreacting? by crackhaus: 4:07pm On Apr 21, 2016 |
Ewuro4:Hehehehehe... I know oo, I'm telling you 3 Likes |
Re: Is This Normal Or Am I Overreacting? by Nobody: 5:07pm On Apr 21, 2016 |
Re: Is This Normal Or Am I Overreacting? by MizMyColi(f): 5:21pm On Apr 21, 2016 |
Ioannes: Best words I've read here. I would like to advise OP to take some time and empty her mind of all worth nots concerning her man. Love him truly and without any form of judgementalism. Be your best self to him. Stop seeing his not giving to you as some form of disease or virus that must be cut away. Now concerning your man. Mine works the oil fields too. Sometimes, there are delays in payments, other times, finances have been committed to other projects, or there are more important things for money to be used for. It is not always as rosy, especially for people who have put in just 2 to 3 years. That isn't really a source of bother for me because I know that He is a giver, and like you too (with a heart of gratitude) I can comfortably take care of me. This is not to say that I don't ask, infact, I requested for a gadget today, not because the money is not available, but I just like it when he gives me stuff and does stuff for me too (I guess receiving gifts and acts of service are part of your love languages too). Now, what I'm driving at here isn't so much of how much he has to give me or what he does to give me, but more of the character and spirit behind giving. Someone who happily gives to you or shares with you the things they treasure most (time, talent and money) is simply telling you that they want you in their lives for good, that they're willing to be your partner titilailai When it comes to making that life long decision of marriage, Love is very very important, but there are other variables you must assess. But first of all, Love this man truly. Try to practice unconditional love. What are those things that you desire him to be to you, start being those things to him. Accept him as he is. Let him be. If you must leave him, let it not be because you have judged him as an oloshious entity and have some form of anger/bitterness towards him. Let your decision to leave him come from a place where you are at peace with yourself and him, where you bear no grudges whatsoever. Wish him well in his future endeavour. Whatever you do, let Love, true Love, take front seat. Whether he sees it or not, whether he appreciates it or not; you, Vbiye, would be better for it. 5 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Is This Normal Or Am I Overreacting? by freecocoa(f): 8:25pm On Apr 21, 2016 |
crackhaus: crackhaus:Na you sabi. But really though, I'd like to know why you think a feminist should never ask her man for money, to have her hair done. |
Re: Is This Normal Or Am I Overreacting? by DipoDee: 9:04pm On Apr 21, 2016 |
MBJ lol I think the Op knows the guy doesn't care about her and it is not about monetary gifts alone. The thing is ladies tend to hold on to relationships 'with prospects' seeing that the dude works in an Oil company and may just be testing her 'wife material' Truth be told, the guy uses Op FOR SEX and there's nothing more to it. He loves her NOT.. Cos even the supposed 'demons' still spend on gals just to get laid. ...abi I lie? 3 Likes |
Re: Is This Normal Or Am I Overreacting? by BuddhaPalm(m): 11:58pm On Apr 21, 2016 |
vbiye: Nope! |
Re: Is This Normal Or Am I Overreacting? by crackhaus: 2:19pm On Apr 22, 2016 |
freecocoa:Errmm, I thought feminists could have everything they wanted and could be anything they aspired to without a man's assistance. Self-sufficiency and independence is your mantra, is it not? Feminism has got to be one of the most expensive ventures to be associated with - from paying half your dates, to buying and driving your own cars, to making sure you have all the latest gadgets at home to ease the workload of chores, to matching everything a man can do penny for penny and kobo for kobo... Surely a woman like this doesn't need to ask for money to get her own hair done, her own hair dammiit. If he offers on his own, then that's a different thing altogether. 2 Likes |
Re: Is This Normal Or Am I Overreacting? by tmanuelle(m): 3:37pm On Apr 22, 2016 |
vbiye: I think u should also try and respond to the part where he made it clear that u have 'gold-digging' traits in u. But I will put it as u being too expectant in a relationship, rather than think of what u can add to it. All these said, if the guy really did all these, then I think he can still work on himself some more. But then work on your orientation too...for example u dont expect him to recharge your phone before u can place a call to his phone if you are really having a relationship with him and I don't remember u stating that "he s the type that doesnt call u @all but expects u to call him all the time". Until u insert this in your write up, I will ask u if u recahrge his phone too before he calls u? |
Re: Is This Normal Or Am I Overreacting? by freecocoa(f): 4:52pm On Apr 22, 2016 |
crackhaus:Feminism is a movement founded to see that woman have the same rights as men, how you translate it to meaning I must never ask my man for money beats me. I don't know what you think a relationship to be, but I know it's not a competition between me and my man. It is two people who care about each other, being there for each other. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Is This Normal Or Am I Overreacting? by crackhaus: 10:19pm On Apr 22, 2016 |
freecocoa:Spot on.. It was founded on that principle. Unfortunately, you people seem to have mutated it into something else. The fact that you're even arguing this and telling me how comfortable you are asking for money from your man to make your own hair after everything y'all have been fronting for us here on NL, just shows why people don't take you Nairaland feminists seriously. Does your role model Beyonce or Chimamanda look like they need a man's money to make their hair? 3 Likes |
Re: Is This Normal Or Am I Overreacting? by freecocoa(f): 10:47pm On Apr 22, 2016 |
crackhaus:firstly I don't front and definitely not for strangers. Secondly, this hair do thingy wasn't about me, you just made it so and yea, I will be comfortable asking my man for whatever I like, for different reasons and the most important one being, we care about each other and got each other's backs, therefore how we decide to run our affairs, isn't anyone's business. That I may ask him for money with which to have my hair done, doesn't mean I can't take care of myself, just like I would go to the market, buy stuff with my money, cook and feed him, doesn't mean he can't feed himself. I don't know if you've ever been in a loving and genuine relationship but if you have, you will know that logic doesn't always apply here. I don't ever remember telling you Bey and Amanda, are my role models as I don't even have any, I don't see how their lives should be a yardstick to measure mine, and oh! You don't know what they need. |
Re: Is This Normal Or Am I Overreacting? by crackhaus: 10:55pm On Apr 22, 2016 |
freecocoa:Okay then. Just that I thought that for anyone to be a feminist, they gotta have at least one mainstream feminist they look up to. Not having any role models is...hmmmm..., well, never mind. My satisfaction with all these so far is that you Freecocoa have admitted to needing a man, your man's money - there is yet hope. Now waiting on the next self-professed NL feminist to openly and brazenly admit this too. 2 Likes |
Re: Is This Normal Or Am I Overreacting? by freecocoa(f): 11:04pm On Apr 22, 2016 |
crackhaus:That's the mistake you make, there is no rule that says, you must be a certain way to be a frminist, just about anyone can be a feminist. Prostitute o, armed robber o, kidnapper, pedophile, murderer, housewife, etc. You just have to agree that women deserve equal rights as men, finish. I am my own person, I don't need any role model, of what use is one? Dude, I'm not gay. Wanting a man, is not the same thing as needing one. If I have a man in my life, it is because I want him and if he's in my life, then I must make him feel needed. That's what we do for love. |
Re: Is This Normal Or Am I Overreacting? by crackhaus: 11:07pm On Apr 22, 2016 |
freecocoa:Lmao... Am I the only one reading this? You show love by making a man feel he's needed financially? |
Re: Is This Normal Or Am I Overreacting? by freecocoa(f): 11:14pm On Apr 22, 2016 |
crackhaus:check my other post, it's been modified. Why won't I need his money if he is my man? You don't know anything about love, do you? 1 Like |
Re: Is This Normal Or Am I Overreacting? by crackhaus: 11:21pm On Apr 22, 2016 |
freecocoa:Chai, she's still repeating it... Lmao... What does love have to do with you needing your man's money? You only take money from those you love because it is your love language abi? And I'm the one who doesn't know anything about love... It's official! Freecocoa is no feminist, call yourself one again and get stoned. 2 Likes |
Re: Is This Normal Or Am I Overreacting? by freecocoa(f): 11:42pm On Apr 22, 2016 |
crackhaus:Shey because it is money? I take it you didn't read my post about making your loved ones feel needed. I take his money because he has to feel like I need him, that is where love comes in, I tire for you o. I am and will remain a feminist even when I go to hell. |
Re: Is This Normal Or Am I Overreacting? by crackhaus: 8:23am On Apr 23, 2016 |
freecocoa:No, you are and will remain a woman even when you go to hell... 2 Likes
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Re: Is This Normal Or Am I Overreacting? by freecocoa(f): 8:29am On Apr 23, 2016 |
crackhaus:That too. |
Re: Is This Normal Or Am I Overreacting? by unscripted(m): 5:38pm On Apr 29, 2016 |
would u mind to tell your story on a platform where more people can learn from it .. if the answer is no [ kayodeowoeyesegun@gmail.com] wud love and appreciate a positive response |
Re: Is This Normal Or Am I Overreacting? by Nobody: 10:24pm On May 05, 2016 |
unscripted:pls i only put it here to seek advice, i don't want it on a more publicized platform/forum . |
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