Most people in this part of the world or the world in general would argue that the core essence of every relationship is marriage. In other words, every relationship must or should lead to marriage. Unfortunately we don’t live in an apotheosis, and our thoughts on ‘what should be’ and ‘what is’ varies greatly, but that still doesn’t mitigate the important of marriage to most people. You often find many persons setting their life long goals around marital security–assumed marital security. Matter of fact, marriage is placed high on their to-do list before 30…sometimes 40–which is unlikely, because it only common sense that your chances of tying the knot with any reason person reduces as your age increases. This is the case of most women, given their tendencies to age quickly, and often than not they are a dependent variable in the marriage equation–men being the determinant as regards who pops-up the magically question, “Will you marry me?” I would almost like to state here briefly that I’m not a sexist; I’m simply stating what”s obtainable in most societies. whether it’s ideal or not is a question for another day (which i plan to talk about in my next article)

It may sound funny, but i used to think that marriage was a formal structure that allows people have babies legally(if that makes any sense), whatever followed after that was nothing more than a by-product. (For me then) That explained the numerous failed marriages–people are trying to make marriage more than what it was/is.

Looking at it from another angle, I would say children are the product of the love that is been shared between a husband and a wife. It would be narrow and unfair to restrict the purpose of marriage to just making babies.

So the question still stands: Is marriage for everyone? Certainly not. Apart from the fact that is nearly impossible for everyone to get married( given the rough ratio of women to men); and stay married, some people are just not ready; some people will never get ready, and some don’t even know that they are not ready. The society doesn’t understand this and people are pressured by peers, family, even their partners. I remember my one time girlfriend telling how most of her friends were about getting marriage and in my mind I was like:

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In my first year in the university then, and she was about to rounding-up her BSc program. It was understandable though, she was about to go into the real world and she needed some kind of closure–which you can find in the comfort and confines of marriage, but that only put a strain on our relationship. Some would say issues such as this should be discussed at the onset of the relationship, to serve as a guide for both parties, but i would argue that it makes little or no difference. As long as it’s something you’re not ready for it remains a plan, and unfortunately plans do change.

Some of us are products of failed marriages. Most times such marriages are as a result of pressure; people trying to conform to the norms of the society. We can attest to the stigma on single persons who are perceived to be overdue for marriage–most especially ladies, leaving them vulnerable and easy targets for opportunist.

I was having a conversation with a friend mine about a month ago. She was about writing her entrance exams into the university, and out of my own curiosity i asked her what she wanted to study. She made mention of something i found rather belittling because i deemed her smart enough to pursue something more dignifying. In her defense she told me it would make no sense going for something so onerous and demanding when evidently she would end up in her husband’s house. I was petrified that she mitigated her potentials because of her believe that she would end up a married woman whose every need would be taken care of by her husband–an assumed husband who she was hoping to meet sometime in the future,hmm. If finding a husband was that easy we won’t have single women in mass, trooping to singles’ conferences; some of my cousins who are approaching their thirties would have said good-bye to the single life a long time ago. So why would anyone think such or gamble with their lives in such a way? This idea I most confess is so common in this parts. Probably that why we have most women doing trivial things with their lives; not putting enough effort to see their dreams through, because at the back of their minds there is a Mr.Right somewhere waiting to marry them. If you are of that opinion i employ you to have a change of heart,because you will end up very disappointed i promise.And if you by any chance are lucky enough to find a man who would marry you with all your burdens, have it at the back of your mind that you will never have an equal footing in that marriage. You would be sidelined often than not.

The late Myles Monroe made mention of intricacies of a single life in one of his many series about relationships. He differentiated between ‘singleness’ and ‘loneliness’, of which many of us fall under the category of loneliness–incomplete and emotional dependent, etc. He said something powerful and i quote, ‘two people can love each other , and still not be able to live together.’ I feel that’s something we should all think deeply about.

Marriage is not for everyone, and the single life isn’t as bad as people deem it to be. Pursue your dreams, and if the right person comes, fine. And if they don’t you would still be fine without them, because you love and can dependent on yourself (and God most especially)



“loving yourself is enough to see you through life.”


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