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Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by sweetcocoa(f): 5:41pm On May 13, 2016
crackhaus:

Is true, I beleaf you gringrin



Now start preaching for the complete abolition of all 'trade practises' in marriage, and please tell your married sisters who didn't behave like Eketem to keep shut make we hear word! grin
You are not nice.grin

You really think BP is reason for men mistreating women? What of men that didn't pay a dime, yet mistreat their woman?
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by Nobody: 5:43pm On May 13, 2016
bukatyne:


What you have here is still couples who are somewhat into the traditional thingy.

What do you think of this:

Men need to be driven to provide i.e. once a woman feels no problem contributing when necessary/ split the bills, the husband slacks and is reluctant to provide.

Cc: cococandy; mindfulness; sweetcocoa; Eketem; misreal; jadelyn007; joseph1832; Ruq; kenfil; Jamean; PresVa; Creamish; Quintee

The statement is somewhat illogical.

If the couple shares the bills, the husband does not need to provide as much as he would have to if he had to provide alone. It doesn't mean he slacks or is reluctant.

Such couples have more money on average and invest more, be it in a bigger house, new properties, dream holidays or you name it. They may also decide to save.

I believe that most husbands whose wives contribute do not slack or become reluctant or lazy but make the best out of the wife's contribution. Well, this would be common sense, I guess.
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by crackhaus: 5:47pm On May 13, 2016
Kachisbarbie:
Food for thought...

This issue has a lot to do with upbringing, if a male child is trained to wash cars, never enter the kitchen... you don't expect him to grow and act otherwise [/font].

I don't think enlightened men play this role thingy. A leader is supposed to LEAD (i.e) he is in front and I follow suit. He washes and I rinse grin...
Lol, exactly...

You'd be surprised to know that a man like Bill Gates has no helps and his wife does all the domestics...and no, she's not a 'housewife'. gringrin
He did not have to fulfill a bride list either to her 'male' uncles and kin..

Now tell me, what is a Nigerian woman's excuse? grin
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by crackhaus: 6:02pm On May 13, 2016
sweetcocoa:
You are not nice.grin

You really think BP is reason for men mistreating women? What of men that didn't pay a dime, yet mistreat their woman?
I never alluded to 'bride price' being the only reason, I just gave an insight as to how the subconscious works in both men and women alike.

As humans, especially in this century of working hard to maintain a certain standard of living, we always want to exert some form of control (however minute) over things or people we spend our money on or do favours for - it's a human thing, and I judge no one for it.


As for those men who don't pay a dime and still maltreat their women, those are the kind of men that get their d!cks cut off or get hot water poured on by their wives.
How dare he? gringringrin

1 Like

Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by kaboninc(m): 6:03pm On May 13, 2016
crackhaus:

You ma'am have gained what I like to call 'integral insight'.

Can't be trying to preach equality and leave some stones unturned.

Everyone needs to be hands-on-deck in the home but no one should be implying that once a woman contributes financially, her husband 'must' contribute domestically - lucky for you if he does, live with it if he doesn't (the reality is that most women will not force it, no be by all dis 'idealized' online opinions).

After all when her village people were cutting his neck with list, and when he was buying all the buyables and paying all the payables and travelling everywhere for honeymoon, equality refused to 'turn up' gringrin


Kikikikikikiki grin grin grin grin grin
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by Nobody: 6:17pm On May 13, 2016
crackhaus:

Lol, exactly...

You'd be surprised to know that a man like Bill Gates has no helps and his wife does all the domestics...and no, she's not a 'housewife'. gringrin
He did not have to fulfill a bride list either to her 'male' uncles and kin..

Now tell me, what is a Nigerian woman's excuse? grin
lol
There are lots of Nigerian homes without helps where the wife isn't a housewife either na.

What's her excuse for what exactly?
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by crackhaus: 6:22pm On May 13, 2016
Kachisbarbie:

lol
There are lots of Nigerian homes without helps where the wife isn't a housewife either na.

What's her excuse for what exactly?
Exactly, and no one is hearing their complains.


What's her excuse for demanding a man should contribute domestically because she contributes financially - this is the motivation behind this thread I thought.
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by sweetcocoa(f): 6:23pm On May 13, 2016
crackhaus:

I never alluded to 'bride price' being the only reason, I just gave an insight as to how the subconscious works in both men and women alike.

As humans, especially in this century of working hard to maintain a certain standard of living, we always want to exert some form of control (however minute) over things or people we spend our money on or do favours for - it's a human thing, and I judge no one for it.


As for those men who don't pay a dime and still maltreat their women, those are the kind of men that get their d!cks cut off or get hot water poured on by their wives.
How dare he? gringringrin
I don't agree @ bold, at best, it's an individual thing, there are many men who paid said monies, yet worship the ground their wife walks on, now if these men exist, then your claim is bull.

And if men who don't pay a shi shi also behave in such manner, shouldn't that tell us its not about the money spent?

Men who make mention of BP as justification for their evil attitude, just use that as excuse since they got nothing else.

2 Likes

Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by crackhaus: 6:32pm On May 13, 2016
sweetcocoa:
I don't agree @ bold, at best, it's an individual thing, there are many men who paid said monies, yet worship the ground their wife walks on, now if these men exist, then your claim is bull.

And if men who don't pay a shi shi also behave in such manner, shouldn't that tell us its not about the money spent?

Men who make mention of BP as justification for their evil attitude, just use that as excuse since they got nothing else.
It wasn't an all-inclusive statement madam, I guess I should have made that clear...but you should also know how humans tend to be wired (I put however minute to give the impression that it isn't something most people show but it may be there).




Jeez, you know what?
Just preach for the abolition of the 'trade practises' is all.
Everyone wins, everyone is happy, and there's no need to argue if it's a reason or of it's not when women can remove it from the equation all together.

Some people will still maltreat and be insensitive to their wives regardless, but join hands to give those people one less reason to plus one more reason to respect equality in marriage wink
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by sweetcocoa(f): 6:46pm On May 13, 2016
crackhaus:

It wasn't an all-inclusive statement madam, I guess I should have made that clear...but you should also know how humans tend to be wired (I put however minute to give the impression that it isn't something most people show but it may be there).




Jeez, you know what?
Just preach for the abolition of the 'trade practises' is all.
Everyone wins, everyone is happy, and there's no need to argue if it's a reason or of it's not when women can remove it from the equation all together.

Some people will still maltreat and be insensitive to their wives regardless, but join hands to give those people one less reason to plus one more reason to respect equality in marriage wink
I agree it should be abolished you this crackhead, I am just telling you that, whether abolished or not, it almost changes nothing as it is not the root of the problem but yea, let's not argue.tongue

1 Like

Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by MRBrownJ: 7:09pm On May 13, 2016
bukatyne:
I don't think it is selfishness to stick to gender roles if both parties are fine with it. Besides, some women still stay at home to care for the home front while the man provides.

i meant people today are selfish and its all about me me me, they dnt even care about family/children so long as they have their own selfish desires. women gladly marry rich abusive men, men gladly marry deluded beautiful women.

His expectations were clearly different

only a man "obviously" high on some substance would expect this famous singer to quit her career to become a housewife, so that she could cook diner for her man every night, and play "happy family". its impossible!

A woman who wants to go the traditional route MUST consider finances important else how would they survive? She is bringing the domestics to the union

a woman who desire the traditional route must accept to become a husband's SLAVE... because thats what our mothers were.

Some people believe only the mother is suitable to care for a toddler; some kids have special needs and require their parents esp mother closeby

and you actually believe that a man cant care for his own son, just as good as a mother? i mean, come on, just because men dont like doing certain things, doesnt mean we cant. we simply hand that task to wifey, as she has the time to do such tasks... but does that mean that she should stay home even if there aint NOTHING to do? what will she do now that all kids go to preschool/school? become an expert on Telemundo abi?

1 Like

Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by Nobody: 7:10pm On May 13, 2016
crackhaus:

Lol, exactly...

You'd be surprised to know that a man like Bill Gates has no helps and his wife does all the domestics...and no, she's not a 'housewife'. gringrin
He did not have to fulfill a bride list either to her 'male' uncles and kin..

Now tell me, what is a Nigerian woman's excuse? grin

When Melinda Gates found that time and time again she was the last one in the kitchen after dinner, finishing off the clearing up, she didn’t simply wring her hands in frustration, she laid down the law: “Nobody leaves the kitchen until mom leaves the kitchen.” And that was that.

Sure, it wasn’t immediately popular with her billionaire husband and three children (“they certainly remember that particular transition,” she says, roaring with laughter) but Gates was adamant that she was not going to pick up more of the slack when it came to household chores simply because she was “mom”.

It’s this kind of [size=18pt]no-nonsense approach to the division of labour in her own home[/size] - which she shares with her children Jennifer, Phoebe and Rory and her husband, Microsoft founder Bill Gates - that is at the heart of a letter released today by the couple in which Melinda calls for the burden of unpaid work that falls disproportionately on women to be redressed globally.

She is, after all, one half of a couple which, aside from being the richest in the world, has put billions of dollars in the past 16 years into changing the lives of disadvantaged people through the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. So when Melinda speaks; many listen.

There is a gap, she says, between the amount of time that women put into unpaid work compared to men. "Whether you’re in a western country where that gap can be 90 minutes or in the developing world where there can be a five hour gap, if we don’t talk about how it robs women of their potential, then we’re not really looking at the issue,” she tells me animatedly on the phone.

“And if we don’t redistribute the work, if we don’t really say: ‘there needs to be a different balance here’, we’re not going to get all the way. We’re not going to let all women reach their potential all around the world or get the big GDP gains that we want.”

For Gates, whose half of the letter is titled ‘More Time’, a nod to the fact that women in developed countries continue to take on more daily unpaid work than men - which is totally unacknowledged. She believes this is a huge problem which has serious knock on effects on society and the economy.

"If we can add 10 trillion dollars to the GDP by looking at the unpaid work that happens at home and really calling it what it is - work - to me it doesn’t make any sense that we’re sitting in 2016 and we’re not labelling it like this.

"Why don’t we call it work and then why don’t we recognise the women who are predominantly doing it?" she asks, her frustration evident.

It is, she says, not just an issue for policy makers - though she has been encouraged to see topics such as paid family medical leave crop up on “both sides of the aisle” during the US presidential campaign - but rather something which starts in the home.

So does Bill pull his weight and do his fair share of household chores? "He’s not much of a cook but he’s really good at doing dishes," she reveals (Bill admits in the letter that he can do "tomato soup" but not much else). And he does the school run too, inadvertently encouraging other dads at his daughter's school to follow suit after the mums went home to their husbands and said: "if Bill Gates can drive his daughter to school, so can you".

But as well as unpaid labour in the home being an issue for couples to discuss openly - Gates is adamant that real change only happens when we address our children's expectations of their roles in society. That's why this joint Bill and Melinda Gates open letter is addressed not to the journalists and politicians looking to see what the world’s richest couple will turn their attentions to next, but rather to America’s school children and, one imagines, her own. “Even in US households today boys are 15 per cent more likely to be paid for their chores,” she says, “and they’re more likely to be assigned outdoor chores. This absolutely affects everyone and that is why we need to talk to boys and girls about this.

“You have to change boys and girls’ expectations when they’re young so that they then take those issues up as they get older and start their own careers and start to have a family.”


The last line reads like a direct message to her kids: “I can’t wait to see where your steps will lead you. Not necessarily in triangles. Not in straight lines, unless that’s what you want. But in any direction you choose.” Did she write with them in mind? “I’m writing it to my daughters, to their friends, and to my son and to his friends," she says. "I imagine a future for them that is even different from the one I’ve had. And I’ve been incredibly lucky, so lucky as a woman. And yet we’re not far enough in the United States.

“I know from listening to my kids and their friends—and from looking at polling data about how teenagers see the future—that most girls don’t think they will be stuck with the same rules that kept their grandmothers in the home. And most boys agree with them.

“I’m sorry to say this, but if you think that, you’re wrong. Unless things change, girls today will spend hundreds of thousands more hours than boys doing unpaid work simply because society assumes it’s their responsibility.”

So how do we do make this happen? According to Gates, we have to “recognise the problem, reduce it and redistribute it”. She has pledged to lead the charge by exposing these iniquities (“women in developing countries are spending 100 million hours a day just carrying water”) and taking steps to change them in the coming months - one of the foundation’s primary goals is to ensure women have access to banking services wherever they are in the world. “If they don’t, that leaves them completely out of the economy,” she tells me.

In our telephone conversation, Gates won’t be drawn on who she is rooting for in the US presidential race - a wall seems to come up when I ask her about it - but Hillary would be a pretty safe bet. The Clinton Foundation and the Gates foundation have been collaborating on a project called “No Ceilings”, which gathers and studies data on the progress of women and girls around the world. Gates shared a platform with Clinton and her daughter Chelsea on International Women’s Day last year to launch the project (which was funded by the Gates Foundation) and lay out key goals to help gain equal rights and participation in all levels of society for women.

It’s evident that the two women think alike. “I think Hillary is talking about lots of issues in the campaign which is great,” she says in a measured tone. “She always has, her entire career, talked about things that affect women and girls."

But Gates is confident that women's issues will continue to be debated after this presidential campaign. "I think there’s a good chance there will be some policy change in the United States after this election," she says. "And I think it’s going to happen no matter what. Women are starting to demand it."

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/work/melinda-gates-its-time-for-womens-unpaid-work-in-the-home-to-be/

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Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by Nobody: 7:12pm On May 13, 2016
crackhaus:

Exactly, and no one is hearing their complains.


What's her excuse for demanding a man should contribute domestically because she contributes financially - this is the motivation behind this thread I thought.

Do we need an excuse so that men clean after themselves? undecided

2 Likes

Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by postmann: 9:38pm On May 13, 2016
Bukky, why didn't you tag me? grin Was that a ploy to control bashing or my seemingly controversial view?

If not for Joe whose following brought this thread to my notice, it would have escaped me.

Okay, let me see what you're all about this time: grin



bukatyne:
I wanted to create this thread during Tiwa/Teeblizz's saga however, it slipped. MRBrownJ's views on another thread reminded moi.

So here we go...

In Nigerian society, there has always been strict gender roles in marriage

1. The husband provides (which was/is the major reason he is the 'head') everything or almost everything whether the wife earned or not. He is also the 'sole' decision maker.

It is very important that the husband be the major provider, but his headship doesn't actually depends on his ability to provide or otherwise. His headship is divine and irrevocable. If he fails in his role as a provider, it says alot about his person, but still doesn't take away his divine role as a head.

"Sole decision maker" grin You make it sound like the interest or desire of the wife doesn't matter.
The better way to put it is; he has the last say of all major decisions concerning the family. And his wife is his best adviser.

If a woman is intelligent, yet humble and pleases her husband, she could easily influence her husband's decisions. Men in love normally yeild more to their wives than to their own mothers.


bukatyne:

2. The wife took care of the home aka cooked, cleaned, cared for the kids etc. with little or no assistance from the husband.

Good domesticated men with a healthy sense of family bonding will engage in the above. Esp with the kids. Cooking can be ignored or over looked if he's poor at it.

bukatyne:

Strangely, we have a lot of guys complaining of 'gold digging' ladies and several threads has been opened to encourage/chastise women to earn and contribute/'assist' at home with the home front still largely managed by ladies.

It is healthy when a woman within a reasonable extent, expect financial security from her husband or husband to be. But this must have come after other physical attributes which should endear him to her. It is different from gold digging where she sees her husband or suitor as a cash cow.


bukatyne:

In recent times, we have women handling all the finances due to no fault of the husband and she is still expected to handle most/all domestics even when the husband is home all day. (E.g. Teeblizz accusing Tiwa of not cooking)

grin grin grin
Are you expecting them to switch roles? She is the breadwinner and so he should be the househusband!!!

Well, studies have shown that men are 10times more likely to cheat when they are the stay at home dads. Women are paying the prize already in places like the UK and other developed countries. These type of men are easily winning custody battles of their children and taking half the savings of their wives in cases of divorce.
It's a sick world out there with its head turned upside down.

It takes a man with zero ambition and purpose to sit at home and become a househusband.

bukatyne:

Now to the questions:

1. What makes the husband the head/ sole authority if he expects the wife to contribute to the upkeep without necessarily compromising in domestics?
Firstly, we should come to a basic understanding that the headship of a husband is unquestionable and irrevocable. It is a divine. Having said that, life is give and take. Most working class women will compromise one way or another in her matrimonial obligations. It's unavoidable. But if she puts her family's interest before any other including career, and if she gets her husband's blessings, he would most likely return the favour with his loyalty and support.

The issue of constant neglect of home meals by a wife is a grave error. One with serious negative consequences. No matter how much she contributes to the family coffer, she's most likely to leave her husband grumbling and unsatisfied with serious potential consequences. Home cooked meals set the stage for a happy atmosphere. Many things follow when a wife feeds her husband from her own palms - gratitude, praise, appreciation and good sex are taken for granted.



bukatyne:

2. Why is the average woman who wants to marry/date a financially ok man called a gold digger considering that she is still expected to play her own part?


Except a lady prioritize financial security above all other attributes that makes a man a gentle and lovable partner, she would be judged a gold digger.

Though there's no denying the fact that most modern men are siting on their butts, idling away with the expectation that a woman will share half or even more of his financial obligation.

bukatyne:


3. Why do people frown on a wife who expects her husband to provide all (even women programs emphasize this and call them lazy esp. stay @ home moms) while the wife is expected to handle the domestics majorly?


No woman should be idle. An idle woman is prone to obesity, mental fatigue and can experience intellectual retrogression. And her sex life can hit a setback.
Though raising infants is a full time job, if situation permits, she can get a job that doesn't compromise her maternal and matrimonial duties.

bukatyne:

4. Why is a wife expected to handle the domestics alone when she becomes the breadwinner working outside the home and her hubby is largely at home?

Whatever works for a couple. But because she brings in more on the financial plate, doesn't mean the man should take up the house chores.

Lets be sincere here; How many African women would be proud of a househusband? How many will boast before their friends and tell them hubby babysits and cook and run the errands while she works and bring in the money?

She knows that would be fastest way to humiliate her husband before the public like Tiwa did Blizz.

1 Like

Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by bukatyne(f): 9:41pm On May 13, 2016
@Mindfulness:

Thanks a lot for that article on Melissa & Bill Gates. kiss
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by bukatyne(f): 9:44pm On May 13, 2016
@postmann:

Stop feeling important tongue

I tagged the two peeps who made me actually start the thread. They felt the culture of women looking up to their husbands as providers was obsolete.

Will get back to your epistle.

#modified:

I was actually expecting more proponents of rigid gender roles.

I think you are mixing up a househusband & a husband who is domesticated.

@Tiwa: there was nothing wrong with him being a 'househusband' till he gets on his feet.

I hate to be a parasite and what is my value if I neither contribute money nor domestics? What value was Teeblizz bringing to the table if he wasn't working and expected Tiwa twisting with Patoranking to cook for him? What was his usefulness?

If you say that a husband is still the 'head' whether he provided or not, then it implies he is still the head househusband or not.

Stay at home moms have more time to take care for themselves and family if they are inclined to. I am trying to understand why a wife must earn if she & hubby believes in strict gender roles.

In the grand scheme of things, whose business is it the way my home is run?

2 Likes

Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by bukatyne(f): 9:47pm On May 13, 2016
cococandy:

I got tired of sitting and waiting. Now I'm standing and waiting grin

Eku standing grin

Kisses to omomo for me kiss kiss
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by Nobody: 9:48pm On May 13, 2016
bukatyne:
@Mindfulness:

Thanks a lot for that article on Melissa & Bill Gates. kiss

You're welcome. wink kiss kiss

I love this family. Melinda is a GREAT woman. I knew she would take no nonsense. cheesy

As if she has nothing better to do than to clean the BIG house. PUUUUUULEASE!! grin grin grin grin grin

Who wants to spend countless hours scrubbing dirt? I know who but let me not hurt anyone's feelings.

I prefer to spend my time doing more enjoyable activities. smiley cool

1 Like

Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by bukatyne(f): 9:50pm On May 13, 2016
Eketem:



I told my father that I am against any sort of list or bride price. I explained the dangers to him in today's world. We debated and he came to my side. He declared no list or bride price, we simply did the ceremony and used the funds saved to build a life together

Good one.

What tribe are you from? Was your husband still given an engagement list?

P.S.: I admire that you decided no BP and you stood your ground.

I also agree that abolition of BP is a great way to go.
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by bukatyne(f): 9:54pm On May 13, 2016
Eketem:


Okay this is unfair and undeserved. We all have different opinions and learn from each other calling the OP childish is not very nice.

I have a different view from some women here and we have been arguing with respect to each other, calling someone childish and insinuating she has marital issues because of this topic is not nice.

Thanks dear.
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by bukatyne(f): 9:58pm On May 13, 2016
Octobertwentysix:
y
The plain truth .You have just said it all. In my former neighborhood the women made so much fun of my husband for helping me out especially when they see him hanging out the laundry which I washed they also called him a woman wrapper, my hubby loved shopping and also dressing up our little girl in fact he buys all her clothes and a woman called me aside and told me am not wise for allowing my husband do all the shopping cos I would not have any extra cash especially during Christmas when all other women usually hammer well I didn't blame them cos they are all sit at home mum as they usually call themselves. Sometimes we women are the architect of our own misfortune. And the most pitiable thing is that their men lord over them, I feel sorry for them. I ran into one recently she had just taken a teaching job and she confessed that her husband now respects her cos she now contribute to the family. I tell you its only when I come to nairaland that I see topics like this out there in the real world many women I have come across are very comfortable with the idea that the man is the Lord and master. Until the woman gives herself respect and become an asset and not a liability then we will keep talking about this. Can't imagine a so-called stay at home mum who spend all day watching telemundo while the husband is out there hustling still expects the husband to help out in the name of equality.

A woman who is a stay @ home mom surely doesn't expect her hubby to be active in domestics just how the husband will not expect her to contribute to PHCN's bill.

The roles have been clearly defined.

Why she doesn't have her husband's respect is another matter.
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by postmann: 9:59pm On May 13, 2016
bukatyne:
@postmann:

Stop feeling important
tongue

I tagged the two peeps who made me actually start the thread. They felt the culture of women looking up to their husbands as providers was obsolete.

Will get back to your epistle.

grin
That's only a little tease. A little knock on your hard shell.
I like your response.
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by bukatyne(f): 10:00pm On May 13, 2016
Octobertwentysix:
Women do am from Kalabari in Rivers State my bride price was handed over to me on the day of the traditional rite I still remember the women telling to put it in my handbag and spend it on anything I like not to talk about the big box of different wrappers which I don't even use and some families charge as high as 200k amidst other things/money for family members no wonder our men always feel like lords after the marriage.

Woaw!

Can a woman decide not to collect since it is to her directly?
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by bukatyne(f): 10:04pm On May 13, 2016
Kachisbarbie:
Food for thought...

This issue has a lot to do with upbringing, if a male child is trained to wash cars, never enter the kitchen... you don't expect him to grow and act otherwise (Anaghi amu aka ikpa n'ochie _ for my igbo peeps tongue .

I don't think enlightened men play this role thingy. A leader is supposed to LEAD (i.e) he is in front and I follow suit. He washes and I rinse grin...

Lols @ he washes, you rinse.

His upbringing and his values determines how he views these issues.
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by bukatyne(f): 10:06pm On May 13, 2016
sweetcocoa:
Nobody wants to address what I said about religion abi? Okay o, you people should keep running from the truth.grin


The bible already said women were made for men but the man wasn't made for the woman, it says women should submit to their husbands, you go to church everyday and you are told how Sarah used to call Abraham her lord, you are told to emulate her and whatnot, yet you people are here solely blaming BP, oya na.

Don't even get me started on islam.angry

Religion/people's understanding & interpretation also pays a very huge part.
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by bukatyne(f): 10:12pm On May 13, 2016
tearoses:


1. I didnt quite understand what you are saying here
Are you saying that once women contributes the man stops feeling the need to provide?

2. You didn't answer my questions above

Is it okay for a man to expect his wife to get out of bed at 2am to go and switch the gen on or off?
Should she kill a snake if she sees one in the house?
Should she be in charge of repairing and servicing the car?

3. You do know that its easier to go to work and make money than doing all these chores
8 hours at work and he is done to put his feet up
the 16 hours left nko?
Is that for the woman only to deal with?

1. Yes, you got me. Got it from my colleagues though I think it is very strange. They had examples in and out of the office sha lipsrsealed

2. Those duties are really not part of the domestics and does not occur frequently.

3. I so agree with you that's why I feel the traditional method especially when the wife equally works is bullshit.
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by bukatyne(f): 10:14pm On May 13, 2016
Jahblessme:
If you are being maltreated because of brideprice,pls set up standing order monthly to his account and pay off so that you can be set free.
If you highlight to your parents that you will be punished after marriage because you were sold as property,i'm sure they will reject all lists and monies.

Truth is if a person is a jerk,he will keep on being a jerk.

tBillz made the mistake of just being a lay about in the marriage.Work you no wan work,stay at home dad you no sabi,it's only to eat peoples wives food and whinge that he's an expert in.So he was entirely useless and not contributing anything to the home.Stay at home Dad is not a crime,if agreed he locks down the homefront while wifey hustles since shes better at it.If he had accepted his role in the marriage would we be hearing stories that touch? You cannot be entirely hopeless,the other partner will resent it.
Money isnt all that makes a home function,2 partners joining hands together forgetting gender is the answer.The outcome should be what is the best for the family in that situation,not i'm a man or i'm a woman.Do the one you can do or the one your abilities allow you to.

I believe it is when there is insecurity that you start hearing arguments of who is head of home.When you encourage your partner by your deeds and support,when you show you are sensible and you are willing to sacrifice anything for the good of your home pride included..you will inspire love,respect and loyalty without useless arguments.

Eg in a situation where the woman earns like £100,000 and the man earns £20,000 ,childcare for the kids £20,000 yearly,it's more sensible that woman goes and does the work while man arranges the home.Being stay at home parent is HARD WORK! Running after kids,meals,cleaning etc.Bloody exhausting! Both partners have free access to finances and make joint decisions the most sensible one winning out.I cannot understand why this arrangement cannot work between 2 sensible people.It's far better than lying around and moaning about being head of home.

My opinion though




Hmmmmmmmm

Good one.
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by bukatyne(f): 10:19pm On May 13, 2016
Mindfulness:


The statement is somewhat illogical.

If the couple shares the bills, the husband does not need to provide as much as he would have to if he had to provide alone. It doesn't mean he slacks or is reluctant.

Such couples have more money on average and invest more, be it in a bigger house, new properties, dream holidays or you name it. They may also decide to save.

I believe that most husbands whose wives contribute do not slack or become reluctant or lazy but make the best out of the wife's contribution. Well, this would be common sense, I guess.

This was my point & I was 'defeated' with examples... Two or three I know personally amongst others angry

They said wives must always demand from hussy whether they have it or not so they do not forget their 'duties'.
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by cococandy(f): 10:52pm On May 13, 2016
bukatyne:


Eku standing grin

Kisses to omomo for me kiss kiss
Lol.

I'll relay the kiss. Thanks smiley
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by cococandy(f): 10:57pm On May 13, 2016
This is perfect.
I can't imagine it said better
Jahblessme:
If you are being maltreated because of brideprice,pls set up standing order monthly to his account and pay off so that you can be set free.
If you highlight to your parents that you will be punished after marriage because you were sold as property,i'm sure they will reject all lists and monies.

Truth is if a person is a jerk,he will keep on being a jerk.

tBillz made the mistake of just being a lay about in the marriage.Work you no wan work,stay at home dad you no sabi,it's only to eat peoples wives food and whinge that he's an expert in.So he was entirely useless and not contributing anything to the home.Stay at home Dad is not a crime,if agreed he locks down the homefront while wifey hustles since shes better at it.If he had accepted his role in the marriage would we be hearing stories that touch? You cannot be entirely hopeless,the other partner will resent it.
Money isnt all that makes a home function,2 partners joining hands together forgetting gender is the answer.The outcome should be what is the best for the family in that situation,not i'm a man or i'm a woman.Do the one you can do or the one your abilities allow you to.

I believe it is when there is insecurity that you start hearing arguments of who is head of home.When you encourage your partner by your deeds and support,when you show you are sensible and you are willing to sacrifice anything for the good of your home pride included..you will inspire love,respect and loyalty without useless arguments.

Eg in a situation where the woman earns like £100,000 and the man earns £20,000 ,childcare for the kids £20,000 yearly,it's more sensible that woman goes and does the work while man arranges the home.Being stay at home parent is HARD WORK! Running after kids,meals,cleaning etc.Bloody exhausting! Both partners have free access to finances and make joint decisions the most sensible one winning out.I cannot understand why this arrangement cannot work between 2 sensible people.It's far better than lying around and moaning about being head of home.

My opinion though



3 Likes

Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by Mamatee07: 11:10pm On May 13, 2016
Eketem:
Some men want traditional women some women want traditional men. They should find each other get married and save us all this plenty debate jare.

Some women will die before they let their husbands cook or even change a diaper while some men will object to their wives contributing to family upkeep.

Modern women should be modern through and through this starts with rejection of the payment of bride price. A man practically buys a woman from her family and community in some areas, I saw one list almost a million or more self, he has to pay the whole community to marry the woman, some women would be flattered by that not understanding the significance of the process. A man who pays all that and does all the list thing would have some sort of feeling of ownership, he is expecting a woman who will play traditional roles not after paying and spending that much to have a woman shouting equality.

We women have to start from the Genesis of the inequality ; rejection of bride price and wedding list. The man has also been trained by his parents, what then is the justification of paying her family off to marry her? A marriage both of them are supposed to enjoy and build together.


I have heard women say they can only support their family at their discretion same way men would say they can only support in house work at his discretion too

It is a two way streak. If a couple wants to have some level of equality then start from the beginning, share bills and share roles.

Two grown adults should sort their marriage issues out.


I never let anyone collect bride price for me and no one will collect for my daughter
Because the way some guys here open mouth and say they own a woman unto bride price! Never

1 Like

Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by Mamatee07: 11:17pm On May 13, 2016
sweetcocoa:
Bride price is not reason for a man thinking he owns a woman(these days atleast), religion is.


How much is this bride price that we no go hear word for? It's even ordinary one naira in some places sef.

Plus, it's not like the woman gets any share in the said BP, so why should any man think to put his wife through hell because he gave some villagers small change? Some men don't even pay any monies, some married the women on credit yet they treat these women like trash.


Since time immemorial, we've been hearing that women were made for men, just what do you think that tells the men?

I don't think religion is the problem as much as people choosing to distort religion for their selfish reasons.

Have you noticed ho they harp on submission and how God hates divorce yet they won't talk about how God hates adultery and fornication except it a woman involved of course !

4 Likes

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