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Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by sweetcocoa(f): 5:41pm On May 13, 2016 |
crackhaus:You are not nice. You really think BP is reason for men mistreating women? What of men that didn't pay a dime, yet mistreat their woman? |
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by Nobody: 5:43pm On May 13, 2016 |
bukatyne: The statement is somewhat illogical. If the couple shares the bills, the husband does not need to provide as much as he would have to if he had to provide alone. It doesn't mean he slacks or is reluctant. Such couples have more money on average and invest more, be it in a bigger house, new properties, dream holidays or you name it. They may also decide to save. I believe that most husbands whose wives contribute do not slack or become reluctant or lazy but make the best out of the wife's contribution. Well, this would be common sense, I guess. |
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by crackhaus: 5:47pm On May 13, 2016 |
Kachisbarbie:Lol, exactly... You'd be surprised to know that a man like Bill Gates has no helps and his wife does all the domestics...and no, she's not a 'housewife'. He did not have to fulfill a bride list either to her 'male' uncles and kin.. Now tell me, what is a Nigerian woman's excuse? |
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by crackhaus: 6:02pm On May 13, 2016 |
sweetcocoa:I never alluded to 'bride price' being the only reason, I just gave an insight as to how the subconscious works in both men and women alike. As humans, especially in this century of working hard to maintain a certain standard of living, we always want to exert some form of control (however minute) over things or people we spend our money on or do favours for - it's a human thing, and I judge no one for it. As for those men who don't pay a dime and still maltreat their women, those are the kind of men that get their d!cks cut off or get hot water poured on by their wives. How dare he? 1 Like |
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by kaboninc(m): 6:03pm On May 13, 2016 |
crackhaus: Kikikikikikiki |
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by Nobody: 6:17pm On May 13, 2016 |
crackhaus:lol There are lots of Nigerian homes without helps where the wife isn't a housewife either na. What's her excuse for what exactly? |
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by crackhaus: 6:22pm On May 13, 2016 |
Kachisbarbie:Exactly, and no one is hearing their complains. What's her excuse for demanding a man should contribute domestically because she contributes financially - this is the motivation behind this thread I thought. |
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by sweetcocoa(f): 6:23pm On May 13, 2016 |
crackhaus:I don't agree @ bold, at best, it's an individual thing, there are many men who paid said monies, yet worship the ground their wife walks on, now if these men exist, then your claim is bull. And if men who don't pay a shi shi also behave in such manner, shouldn't that tell us its not about the money spent? Men who make mention of BP as justification for their evil attitude, just use that as excuse since they got nothing else. 2 Likes |
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by crackhaus: 6:32pm On May 13, 2016 |
sweetcocoa:It wasn't an all-inclusive statement madam, I guess I should have made that clear...but you should also know how humans tend to be wired (I put however minute to give the impression that it isn't something most people show but it may be there). Jeez, you know what? Just preach for the abolition of the 'trade practises' is all. Everyone wins, everyone is happy, and there's no need to argue if it's a reason or of it's not when women can remove it from the equation all together. Some people will still maltreat and be insensitive to their wives regardless, but join hands to give those people one less reason to plus one more reason to respect equality in marriage |
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by sweetcocoa(f): 6:46pm On May 13, 2016 |
crackhaus:I agree it should be abolished you this crackhead, I am just telling you that, whether abolished or not, it almost changes nothing as it is not the root of the problem but yea, let's not argue. 1 Like |
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by MRBrownJ: 7:09pm On May 13, 2016 |
bukatyne: i meant people today are selfish and its all about me me me, they dnt even care about family/children so long as they have their own selfish desires. women gladly marry rich abusive men, men gladly marry deluded beautiful women. His expectations were clearly different only a man "obviously" high on some substance would expect this famous singer to quit her career to become a housewife, so that she could cook diner for her man every night, and play "happy family". its impossible! A woman who wants to go the traditional route MUST consider finances important else how would they survive? She is bringing the domestics to the union a woman who desire the traditional route must accept to become a husband's SLAVE... because thats what our mothers were. Some people believe only the mother is suitable to care for a toddler; some kids have special needs and require their parents esp mother closeby and you actually believe that a man cant care for his own son, just as good as a mother? i mean, come on, just because men dont like doing certain things, doesnt mean we cant. we simply hand that task to wifey, as she has the time to do such tasks... but does that mean that she should stay home even if there aint NOTHING to do? what will she do now that all kids go to preschool/school? become an expert on Telemundo abi? 1 Like |
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by Nobody: 7:10pm On May 13, 2016 |
crackhaus: When Melinda Gates found that time and time again she was the last one in the kitchen after dinner, finishing off the clearing up, she didn’t simply wring her hands in frustration, she laid down the law: “Nobody leaves the kitchen until mom leaves the kitchen.” And that was that. Sure, it wasn’t immediately popular with her billionaire husband and three children (“they certainly remember that particular transition,” she says, roaring with laughter) but Gates was adamant that she was not going to pick up more of the slack when it came to household chores simply because she was “mom”. It’s this kind of [size=18pt]no-nonsense approach to the division of labour in her own home[/size] - which she shares with her children Jennifer, Phoebe and Rory and her husband, Microsoft founder Bill Gates - that is at the heart of a letter released today by the couple in which Melinda calls for the burden of unpaid work that falls disproportionately on women to be redressed globally. She is, after all, one half of a couple which, aside from being the richest in the world, has put billions of dollars in the past 16 years into changing the lives of disadvantaged people through the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. So when Melinda speaks; many listen. There is a gap, she says, between the amount of time that women put into unpaid work compared to men. "Whether you’re in a western country where that gap can be 90 minutes or in the developing world where there can be a five hour gap, if we don’t talk about how it robs women of their potential, then we’re not really looking at the issue,” she tells me animatedly on the phone. “And if we don’t redistribute the work, if we don’t really say: ‘there needs to be a different balance here’, we’re not going to get all the way. We’re not going to let all women reach their potential all around the world or get the big GDP gains that we want.” For Gates, whose half of the letter is titled ‘More Time’, a nod to the fact that women in developed countries continue to take on more daily unpaid work than men - which is totally unacknowledged. She believes this is a huge problem which has serious knock on effects on society and the economy. "If we can add 10 trillion dollars to the GDP by looking at the unpaid work that happens at home and really calling it what it is - work - to me it doesn’t make any sense that we’re sitting in 2016 and we’re not labelling it like this. "Why don’t we call it work and then why don’t we recognise the women who are predominantly doing it?" she asks, her frustration evident. It is, she says, not just an issue for policy makers - though she has been encouraged to see topics such as paid family medical leave crop up on “both sides of the aisle” during the US presidential campaign - but rather something which starts in the home. So does Bill pull his weight and do his fair share of household chores? "He’s not much of a cook but he’s really good at doing dishes," she reveals (Bill admits in the letter that he can do "tomato soup" but not much else). And he does the school run too, inadvertently encouraging other dads at his daughter's school to follow suit after the mums went home to their husbands and said: "if Bill Gates can drive his daughter to school, so can you". But as well as unpaid labour in the home being an issue for couples to discuss openly - Gates is adamant that real change only happens when we address our children's expectations of their roles in society. That's why this joint Bill and Melinda Gates open letter is addressed not to the journalists and politicians looking to see what the world’s richest couple will turn their attentions to next, but rather to America’s school children and, one imagines, her own. “Even in US households today boys are 15 per cent more likely to be paid for their chores,” she says, “and they’re more likely to be assigned outdoor chores. This absolutely affects everyone and that is why we need to talk to boys and girls about this. “You have to change boys and girls’ expectations when they’re young so that they then take those issues up as they get older and start their own careers and start to have a family.” The last line reads like a direct message to her kids: “I can’t wait to see where your steps will lead you. Not necessarily in triangles. Not in straight lines, unless that’s what you want. But in any direction you choose.” Did she write with them in mind? “I’m writing it to my daughters, to their friends, and to my son and to his friends," she says. "I imagine a future for them that is even different from the one I’ve had. And I’ve been incredibly lucky, so lucky as a woman. And yet we’re not far enough in the United States. “I know from listening to my kids and their friends—and from looking at polling data about how teenagers see the future—that most girls don’t think they will be stuck with the same rules that kept their grandmothers in the home. And most boys agree with them. “I’m sorry to say this, but if you think that, you’re wrong. Unless things change, girls today will spend hundreds of thousands more hours than boys doing unpaid work simply because society assumes it’s their responsibility.” So how do we do make this happen? According to Gates, we have to “recognise the problem, reduce it and redistribute it”. She has pledged to lead the charge by exposing these iniquities (“women in developing countries are spending 100 million hours a day just carrying water”) and taking steps to change them in the coming months - one of the foundation’s primary goals is to ensure women have access to banking services wherever they are in the world. “If they don’t, that leaves them completely out of the economy,” she tells me. In our telephone conversation, Gates won’t be drawn on who she is rooting for in the US presidential race - a wall seems to come up when I ask her about it - but Hillary would be a pretty safe bet. The Clinton Foundation and the Gates foundation have been collaborating on a project called “No Ceilings”, which gathers and studies data on the progress of women and girls around the world. Gates shared a platform with Clinton and her daughter Chelsea on International Women’s Day last year to launch the project (which was funded by the Gates Foundation) and lay out key goals to help gain equal rights and participation in all levels of society for women. It’s evident that the two women think alike. “I think Hillary is talking about lots of issues in the campaign which is great,” she says in a measured tone. “She always has, her entire career, talked about things that affect women and girls." But Gates is confident that women's issues will continue to be debated after this presidential campaign. "I think there’s a good chance there will be some policy change in the United States after this election," she says. "And I think it’s going to happen no matter what. Women are starting to demand it." http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/work/melinda-gates-its-time-for-womens-unpaid-work-in-the-home-to-be/ 2 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by Nobody: 7:12pm On May 13, 2016 |
crackhaus: Do we need an excuse so that men clean after themselves? 2 Likes |
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by postmann: 9:38pm On May 13, 2016 |
Bukky, why didn't you tag me? Was that a ploy to control bashing or my seemingly controversial view? If not for Joe whose following brought this thread to my notice, it would have escaped me. Okay, let me see what you're all about this time: bukatyne: It is very important that the husband be the major provider, but his headship doesn't actually depends on his ability to provide or otherwise. His headship is divine and irrevocable. If he fails in his role as a provider, it says alot about his person, but still doesn't take away his divine role as a head. "Sole decision maker" You make it sound like the interest or desire of the wife doesn't matter. The better way to put it is; he has the last say of all major decisions concerning the family. And his wife is his best adviser. If a woman is intelligent, yet humble and pleases her husband, she could easily influence her husband's decisions. Men in love normally yeild more to their wives than to their own mothers. bukatyne: Good domesticated men with a healthy sense of family bonding will engage in the above. Esp with the kids. Cooking can be ignored or over looked if he's poor at it. bukatyne: It is healthy when a woman within a reasonable extent, expect financial security from her husband or husband to be. But this must have come after other physical attributes which should endear him to her. It is different from gold digging where she sees her husband or suitor as a cash cow. bukatyne: Are you expecting them to switch roles? She is the breadwinner and so he should be the househusband!!! Well, studies have shown that men are 10times more likely to cheat when they are the stay at home dads. Women are paying the prize already in places like the UK and other developed countries. These type of men are easily winning custody battles of their children and taking half the savings of their wives in cases of divorce. It's a sick world out there with its head turned upside down. It takes a man with zero ambition and purpose to sit at home and become a househusband. bukatyne:Firstly, we should come to a basic understanding that the headship of a husband is unquestionable and irrevocable. It is a divine. Having said that, life is give and take. Most working class women will compromise one way or another in her matrimonial obligations. It's unavoidable. But if she puts her family's interest before any other including career, and if she gets her husband's blessings, he would most likely return the favour with his loyalty and support. The issue of constant neglect of home meals by a wife is a grave error. One with serious negative consequences. No matter how much she contributes to the family coffer, she's most likely to leave her husband grumbling and unsatisfied with serious potential consequences. Home cooked meals set the stage for a happy atmosphere. Many things follow when a wife feeds her husband from her own palms - gratitude, praise, appreciation and good sex are taken for granted. bukatyne: Except a lady prioritize financial security above all other attributes that makes a man a gentle and lovable partner, she would be judged a gold digger. Though there's no denying the fact that most modern men are siting on their butts, idling away with the expectation that a woman will share half or even more of his financial obligation. bukatyne: No woman should be idle. An idle woman is prone to obesity, mental fatigue and can experience intellectual retrogression. And her sex life can hit a setback. Though raising infants is a full time job, if situation permits, she can get a job that doesn't compromise her maternal and matrimonial duties. bukatyne: Whatever works for a couple. But because she brings in more on the financial plate, doesn't mean the man should take up the house chores. Lets be sincere here; How many African women would be proud of a househusband? How many will boast before their friends and tell them hubby babysits and cook and run the errands while she works and bring in the money? She knows that would be fastest way to humiliate her husband before the public like Tiwa did Blizz. 1 Like |
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by bukatyne(f): 9:41pm On May 13, 2016 |
@Mindfulness: Thanks a lot for that article on Melissa & Bill Gates. |
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by bukatyne(f): 9:44pm On May 13, 2016 |
@postmann: Stop feeling important I tagged the two peeps who made me actually start the thread. They felt the culture of women looking up to their husbands as providers was obsolete. Will get back to your epistle. #modified: I was actually expecting more proponents of rigid gender roles. I think you are mixing up a househusband & a husband who is domesticated. @Tiwa: there was nothing wrong with him being a 'househusband' till he gets on his feet. I hate to be a parasite and what is my value if I neither contribute money nor domestics? What value was Teeblizz bringing to the table if he wasn't working and expected Tiwa twisting with Patoranking to cook for him? What was his usefulness? If you say that a husband is still the 'head' whether he provided or not, then it implies he is still the head househusband or not. Stay at home moms have more time to take care for themselves and family if they are inclined to. I am trying to understand why a wife must earn if she & hubby believes in strict gender roles. In the grand scheme of things, whose business is it the way my home is run? 2 Likes |
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by bukatyne(f): 9:47pm On May 13, 2016 |
cococandy: Eku standing Kisses to omomo for me |
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by Nobody: 9:48pm On May 13, 2016 |
bukatyne: You're welcome. I love this family. Melinda is a GREAT woman. I knew she would take no nonsense. As if she has nothing better to do than to clean the BIG house. PUUUUUULEASE!! Who wants to spend countless hours scrubbing dirt? I know who but let me not hurt anyone's feelings. I prefer to spend my time doing more enjoyable activities. 1 Like |
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by bukatyne(f): 9:50pm On May 13, 2016 |
Eketem: Good one. What tribe are you from? Was your husband still given an engagement list? P.S.: I admire that you decided no BP and you stood your ground. I also agree that abolition of BP is a great way to go. |
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by bukatyne(f): 9:54pm On May 13, 2016 |
Eketem: Thanks dear. |
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by bukatyne(f): 9:58pm On May 13, 2016 |
Octobertwentysix: A woman who is a stay @ home mom surely doesn't expect her hubby to be active in domestics just how the husband will not expect her to contribute to PHCN's bill. The roles have been clearly defined. Why she doesn't have her husband's respect is another matter. |
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by postmann: 9:59pm On May 13, 2016 |
bukatyne: That's only a little tease. A little knock on your hard shell. I like your response. |
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by bukatyne(f): 10:00pm On May 13, 2016 |
Octobertwentysix: Woaw! Can a woman decide not to collect since it is to her directly? |
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by bukatyne(f): 10:04pm On May 13, 2016 |
Kachisbarbie: Lols @ he washes, you rinse. His upbringing and his values determines how he views these issues. |
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by bukatyne(f): 10:06pm On May 13, 2016 |
sweetcocoa: Religion/people's understanding & interpretation also pays a very huge part. |
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by bukatyne(f): 10:12pm On May 13, 2016 |
tearoses: 1. Yes, you got me. Got it from my colleagues though I think it is very strange. They had examples in and out of the office sha 2. Those duties are really not part of the domestics and does not occur frequently. 3. I so agree with you that's why I feel the traditional method especially when the wife equally works is bullshit. |
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by bukatyne(f): 10:14pm On May 13, 2016 |
Jahblessme: Hmmmmmmmm Good one. |
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by bukatyne(f): 10:19pm On May 13, 2016 |
Mindfulness: This was my point & I was 'defeated' with examples... Two or three I know personally amongst others They said wives must always demand from hussy whether they have it or not so they do not forget their 'duties'. |
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by cococandy(f): 10:52pm On May 13, 2016 |
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by cococandy(f): 10:57pm On May 13, 2016 |
This is perfect. I can't imagine it said better Jahblessme: 3 Likes |
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by Mamatee07: 11:10pm On May 13, 2016 |
Eketem: I never let anyone collect bride price for me and no one will collect for my daughter Because the way some guys here open mouth and say they own a woman unto bride price! Never 1 Like |
Re: Roles In The 'nigerian' Family by Mamatee07: 11:17pm On May 13, 2016 |
sweetcocoa: I don't think religion is the problem as much as people choosing to distort religion for their selfish reasons. Have you noticed ho they harp on submission and how God hates divorce yet they won't talk about how God hates adultery and fornication except it a woman involved of course ! 4 Likes |
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