raumdeuter:


Its a common saying that women dont joke with money things

While she is cooking maybe the husband is working on kids homework or just keeping them busy, How would life be for her if she doesnt have that person to take care of that? WHat you would hear is I cook and he does nothing

You buy grocery, husband offloads it how easy would it be if you have to do everything? I buy grocery and do nothing.

Cutting your lawn nko? Home owners association would give you a ticket. A woman whose husband worked out of the country and she had to cut the lawn or pay $100 to Mexicans every week knows how much she would have been saving

WOuld the womans or mans life be easier if they stayed alone?

Its when it comes to women spending their money that we hear these long stories but when we decide to break it down to the basics we still see women are the ones who are the net takers even in money

Ask in any relationship bf/gf husband/wife how much gift has the female given compared to what she has received

It is not that simple.

Mindfulness:


I prefer the side eye to shopping five outfits in five different shops and then organizing the re-fund in the same number of shops.

Maybe I will surprise her next time and say
Just wear anything you like

tearoses:


Depends on how they rolled before. Sometings can look very bad when looking in from outside, but the people involved know how it is
Im not sticking up for tibiz but I know that when fight comes, every song becomes an insult or how do our people say it.
they were both fighting for public sympathy so all the stories will have pepper and maggi added.

If you see my uncle and aunty
They take each others money on a daily basis
Big big amounts o!
They jokingly report each other
But that's how they roll and there is no hard-feeling

My hubby and I play fight a lot. The day my daughter described one episode. We could have been arrested

True

Na them sabi.

A woman establishing her husband is very wrong. It is against natural order. I don't care about the number of ways even it is by feeding him her own money.


There is nothing wrong with your mentality but be ready to fufil your financial role 100%. Do not expect her not to nag you when you can't provide for her. In fact she is right to withhold her own side of her responsibilities if you can't fulfil yours. After all you are the head, it is abhorrent to act like the tail.

Acidosis:


Yes

Meanwhile, a woman establishing her man can be done in many ways. Personally, I don't think I would be comfortable to beg my wife for money. The best I could do is to "borrow", and make a refund with interest.

raumdeuter:
In an unrelated news, I just heard on TV that Janet Jackson is 50 today and pregnant for her wealthy younger Arab husband

probably doesn't have 6packs nor a sexy shirtless body, but has money loads of it

She probably isn't complaining of her too many house helps who ensure she doesnt touch any domestic work, and wouldnt be complaining that its the husband that pays the bulk of the bills

You are stale

She will be giving him feet rubs and sensual massages to ensure he thinks straight to make more money

On a serious note, theirs is a fantasy for most peeps.

Mindfulness:


I am not bothered.



Good you said almost because women complain all the time.



Women will rather have be peace then be nagging?

Would you Mindfulness rather have peace than nag your man?

Acidosis:


1. Job loss is one of those things humans face daily, so there's absolutely nothing wrong in staying at home, until something good comes up.

2. Oh no, I have nothing against working from home. I've been doing that since 2014.

3. Well, I believe they can work out something good but it shouldn't be permanent. By the way, what would make a man leave his job to stay at home? breastfeeding? cooking? laundry?

tearoses has answered no 3

@ 1 & 2: since you are the one more at home.... do you have an issue with picking up more of the chores?

Mindfulness:


A woman doesn't say: "You have to do chores because I pay the bills too'.
A woman says: 'Help me with the chores because I am also tired from work.'

A woman who makes more money than her husband but spends less time at work will still do more chores because she has more time and more energy. It IS NOT about the money. It is about time and energy.

Are you a mind reader?

@Bold: Always my stance on this issue.

Just Beautiful... where can i stick it on this thread?

Acidosis:


wow!

I must have underestimated these tasks! I may be wrong, but sometimes, I don't see any heavy or tedious task in handling 1, 2 kids in a decent apartment. Of course, I know this isn't applicable to large families, and the luxury homes.

Remember, families can delegate some of these tasks to house helps, siblings, or machines, or ignore till weekends.

Have you handled the bolded before? Asking honestly...

Ignoring till weekend is a killer... you work harder on weekends and worn out again by monday

Acidosis:


To be honest, men believe a woman should know how to cook, and even cook better than any man.

I don't think I can stand to watch a woman fix a faulty household appliance or generator and do nothing. The same way I would quickly love to help a lady with a flat tyre, is the same way we see women & food matters.

I'm a man, and I cook my meals, but trust me, I won't be comfortable cooking for a woman everyday. I won't do that.

Meanwhile, I don't think your bro meant any harm, some bros just love to play around, and compliment their sisters. As much as you can, Cook for him and sometimes, make him cook for you

I'm just wondering why it's a big deal to do something you can comfortably do, I mean as bachelors, some men cook their own meals but when a woman enters the picture, they suddenly have a problem doing that, doesn't really make sense to me. I once knew a man who abandoned his meal because his wife who was already asleep before he got home, served him food without water to wash his hands with, like would he die if he just stood up and got the water himself? Yet this woman contributed more than he did at home financially o.

And are you cooking for the woman or for both of you? Why should you see it as solely cooking for her when you will eat out of it?


If the lady knows how to fix tyres, why should it make you uncomfortable to have her fix it?

Don't mind my brother, he will never forget the lessons I thought him, he had to start begging when he saw that commanding didn't work.

I don't see anyone complaining about these scenarios. Besides, it is more about seeing things that need to be done but chose not to do it because I am a man. However in a situation where the woman demads help but the man chose not to help because it is not a chore for a man is disturbing.

A man whose wife comes home late but still expected her prepare a meal for dinner is not ideal. If he decides not to do it because it is not man like then we have a problem.

raumdeuter:


Its a common saying that women dont joke with money things

While she is cooking maybe the husband is working on kids homework or just keeping them busy, How would life be for her if she doesnt have that person to take care of that? WHat you would hear is I cook and he does nothing

You buy grocery, husband offloads it how easy would it be if you have to do everything? I buy grocery and do nothing.

Cutting your lawn nko? Home owners association would give you a ticket. A woman whose husband worked out of the country and she had to cut the lawn or pay $100 to Mexicans every week knows how much she would have been saving

WOuld the womans or mans life be easier if they stayed alone?

Its when it comes to women spending their money that we hear these long stories but when we decide to break it down to the basics we still see women are the ones who are the net takers even in money

Ask in any relationship bf/gf husband/wife how much gift has the female given compared to what she has received

Mindfulness:


You are funny.

And you are predictable.

Let us see how you will twist this source so that you can prove that Bill and Melinda do NOT share chores.

Bill: Playing Bridge is a pretty old fashioned thing in a way that I really like. I was watching my daughter ride horses this weekend and that is also a bit old fashioned but fun. I do the dishes every night — other people volunteer but I like the way I do it.

http://www.today.com/money/ask-him-anything-bill-gates-loves-chores-does-not-play-2D12093105


No need to read between the lines this time around.

Allow me to twist again, he said this:

I was watching my daughter ride horses this weekend and that is also a bit old fashioned but fun. I do the dishes every night — other people volunteer but I like the way I do it.


I guess this is exactly what I implied when I said that a man who helps with chores already enjoys doing them and is not doing it because his wife demands it.
A wife who wants to share chores because she contributes finances when her husband wasn't doing it before is essentially asking for it. I still dare anyone to demand this from their spouse and tell us the outcome.

Anyway, that aside...
What am I saying that you're not saying other than the fact that you want to prove that Melinda Gates doesn't do all the chores?

Who does the laundry?
Who cooks the meals?
Who vacuums and dusts the house?
Etc....

Mindfulness:


Maybe I missed something but it wouldn't make any difference to me anyway.
Why would I be taking care of the household chores alone when doing it together would save a lot of time and energy so that I / we can spend it on more enjoyable activities?




I don't know how clean your homes are but I love it very clean and there is something to do in the house every day.
And it's not about whether I can handle it alone or not but more about shared responsibilities, which we share out of respect and affection for one another. Why would I be spending more time doing chores alone when doing it together allows us to:

- spend more quality time with our child
- spend more quality time together
- have more time to read
- have more time to do sports
- have more time to go out and socialize
- have more time to watch good films
- have more time to take walks
- have more time to have friends and family over
- have more time to relax
- have more time to develop career-wise and thus make more money
- ...

I don't know what kind of women you socialize with and I don't care to know but I would much rather read a book / the newspapers than scrub the floors and toilets.



Very good point.
The problem is that many young girls, who are planning on having a job, do not know what they are getting themselves into with a man who was brought up to treat a woman like a maid. Later they suffer and their relationships too.

I would strictly discourage any girl to get herself into a family where she will willingly take on the double load of having to work and having to do the chores all by herself because her husband feels that he has no responsibilities other than brining in money and sees nothing wrong with the fact that his wife is working twice as much.

I don't want to look a lll worn out at the age of 40. Life has much more to offer than chores.



I know. I married such a man.



It is not even about money in the first place. It is about fairness. If the two of you work from 9-5 and you come home and expect her to continue working while you have the luxury of relaxing, then something is seriously wrong.

If the woman is willing to take this nonsense .... well, not my problem, at the end of the day.



I don't want to force anyone.

I have one question (more like three that are all linked), and I hope that you'll answer...

Were you born in Nigeria, lived in Nigeria, and for how long?



There's a reason I ask and if my suspicions are anything to go by, you might have already figured out why.
But in case you haven't, let me know so I explain in my next response.

crackhaus:

I have one question (more like three that are all linked), and I hope that you'll answer...

Were you born in Nigeria, lived in Nigeria, and for how long?



There's a reason I ask and if my suspicions are anything to go by, you might have already figured out why.
But in case you haven't, let me know so I explain in my next response.

The most mysterious person on NL is asking questions in bold.
I don't give interviews for free.

crackhaus:

Allow me to twist again, he said this:

I was watching my daughter ride horses this weekend and that is also a bit old fashioned but fun. I do the dishes every night — other people volunteer but I like the way I do it.


I guess this is exactly what I implied when I said that a man who helps with chores already enjoys doing them and is not doing it because his wife demands it.
A wife who wants to share chores because she contributes finances when her husband wasn't doing it before is essentially asking for it. I still dare anyone to demand this from their spouse and tell us the outcome.

Anyway, that aside...
What am I saying that you're not saying other than the fact that you want to prove that Melinda Gates doesn't do all the chores?

Who does the laundry?
Who cooks the meals?
Who vacuums and dusts the house?
Etc....

Then they better enjoy doing them.

crackhaus:

Would you Mindfulness rather have peace than nag your man?

Why ask when you already know the answer.

tearoses:


Maybe I will surprise her next time and say
Just wear anything you like

I think it could be fun.

sweetcocoa:
Somebody please help me out here, ever since I was a teenager, having all those endless fights with my brother over chores, like I never really understood why he would want to eat noodles and because I or my sisters were there, we should be the ones to cook it for him, when he had two hands and legs like us, eh! For what na? and when I refuse ,physical combat don start, with him mostly yelling things like, "don't you know you are a girl, nobody will marry you this stubborn Ogbanje girl if you continue like this"

My point is, what does doing these chores take from you men? Just how does it change you from being who you are? I really want to know because I still don't get why it's such a big deal. It's not like women don't/can't do those jobs considered 'hard' I and so many other women, washed cars growing up, turned on the gen, weeded compounds, climbed trees to pluck fruits, etc, so why do you people find it so difficult to do dishes or cook, just why?

Cc
Crackhaus, 5minsmadness, Acidosis etc.

You sef, clearly you've always been the rebel...it's very clear now - only you are atheist, feminist, and so much more..

Let me ask you the question I put in bold in another context;
What does it take from you to cook noodles for your own brother? Rebel and stubborn much?

I'm thinking you got on the defensive probably because he demanded it and did not ask nicely, yes?
If so, hasn't this been my point all along?

A woman should not bring that leg of "now I'm contributing to finance, my husband has to contribute to chores" especially when this man has never or doesn't do any of these chores before...why is this so hard for y'all to comprehend?

This is exactly the negative outcome of 21st century media exposure.
Easy-to-mislead women of our generation go on the internet or TV to read/see other women who talk about how their fathers and husbands assist with this and that... my husband helps with this, my father helped with that when we were growing up and bla bla bla.
What they fail to mention however, is that they or their mothers didn't force the men to be like that, these men were and are contributing to chores because they want to and enjoy doing it. Simple and short!

But y'all (apologies for including you) don't bother to ask this question:
Was your husband always hands-on with chores or did you make him so just because you contribute to the finance?

I'm giving you an assignment, ask women who say stuff like that (you can start with your NL friends) and gauge the responses - you will struggle to see one who will honestly say that she's the one who demanded/told/persuaded/asked their husband to assist with chores.
Even in a case where he does it once or twice, how often does he do it...or don't they eat and clean everyday?


****
Back to your question, doing chores take absolutely nothing from me (can't speak for the majority), I know how to take care of my own shiit...I've not dated any girl that will come and be using cooking and cleaning to form for me, I won't even give her face one bit.. mehn OYO oo!
But the moment I see a proper Nigerian woman for that matter going on about how her husband must contribute to house chores, my automatic response is usually 'tor, abi na wetin dis one dey feel like sef' lol.

You married a man who assists? Happy for you.
You didn't? Sister get used to it cos I'm honestly yet to see a man who will suddenly become what he wasn't before, just because his wife brings in some money. She can try to make him, but shouldn't complain if that line of action backfires.

D2diff:
At the end of the day, her husband will expect her to direct and manage those numerous helps, to ensure that the kid is fed and so on and so forth.

Their lifestyle is the exception. Let's talk about the average homes, the people around you.

The average Nigerian middle class family have househelps, have relatives staying with or have grown kids who take care of most of these chores

These are the people around me, while financing the house no one would help with that and the bulk of it falls on the man.

bukatyne:


It is not that simple.

You can also say its not that difficult

Mindfulness:


Why ask when you already know the answer.

I'm not your man, how the hell am I supposed to know the answer?

tearoses:


Most households are busy
Some things you have to do yourself
You wont believe how many Emails I have written today
Many of us also have extra curricular activities and hobbies even as adults that take up a lot of time
Older siblings also provide pastoral care for the junior ones plus other family commitments.
It takes a lot to run a household

Hmn, I have to start preparing for the tasks ahead. Thanks for the insight

D2diff:
A woman establishing her husband is very wrong. It is against natural order. I don't care about the number of ways even it is by feeding him her own money.


There is nothing wrong with your mentality but be ready to fufil your financial role 100%. Do not expect her not to nag you when you can't provide for her. In fact she is right to withhold her own side of her responsibilities if you can't fulfil yours. After all you are the head, it is abhorrent to act like the tail.

Does natural order allow men to do domestic chores?

If we are cancelling natural orders it should be in all aspect like heavy lifting, spending in relationship, "women first" manta, proposing and everything that has to do with natural order

D2diff:
I don't see anyone complaining about these scenarios. Besides, it is more about seeing things that need to be done but chose not to do it because I am a man. However in a situation where the woman demads help but the man chose not to help because it is not a chore for a man is disturbing.

A man whose wife comes home late but still expected her prepare a meal for dinner is not ideal. If he decides not to do it because it is not man like then we have a problem.

I am sure many women when the generator spoils they wait for their husband to fix it, or when there is an engine light on in the car they just park it and wait for the husband to come fix it . Is that disturbing to you as well because they feel its not a chore for a woman

A woman whose lawn is overgrown would she take cutlass and weed it? I know most would wait for their husband to be back home to do the manly chores

sweetcocoa:
I'm just wondering why it's a big deal to do something you can comfortably do, I mean as bachelors, some men cook their own meals but when a woman enters the picture, they suddenly have a problem doing that, doesn't really make sense to me. I once knew a man who abandoned his meal because his wife who was already asleep before he got home, served him food without water to wash his hands with, like would he die if he just stood up and got the water himself? Yet this woman contributed more than he did at home financially o.
And are you cooking for the woman or for both of you? Why should you see it as solely cooking for her when you will eat out of it?

If the lady knows how to fix tyres, why should it make you uncomfortable to have her fix it?

Don't mind my brother, he will never forget the lessons I thought him, he had to start begging when he saw that commanding didn't work.

You know how to drive right? but when your bf is around and you are going out together who does most of the driving? You were probably driving yourself but once a man enters the picture you suddenly became lazy to do it

Same with weeding your lawns, fixing your electrical works etc

D2diff:
A woman establishing her husband is very wrong. It is against natural order. I don't care about the number of ways even it is by feeding him her own money.


There is nothing wrong with your mentality but be ready to fufil your financial role 100%. Do not expect her not to nag you when you can't provide for her. In fact she is right to withhold her own side of her responsibilities if you can't fulfil yours. After all you are the head, it is abhorrent to act like the tail.

If a woman refuse to lend her husband some money to establish himself, there are other alternatives (microfinance, etc). Overall, I believe roles and regulations are ideal in a home; it only becomes questionable when these roles are enforced and made mandatory.

Some of us live peacefully with roommates in school for years without enforcing any role. We naturally know and do what is necessary by virtue of love, the need for a peaceful coexistence, etc.

Mindfulness:


The most mysterious person on NL is asking questions in bold.
I don't give interviews for free.

Lol, I'm not that mysterious.
There are few peeps on this same section who know exactly who I am.

You on the other hand, I doubt if anyone on NL has even seen your face...especially someone of the opposite sex

Answer the questions please, and I'll answer any of yours... I give you my word.

bukatyne:


tearoses has answered no 3

@ 1 & 2: since you are the one more at home.... do you have an issue with picking up more of the chores?

Sadly, I'm happily single. My decision to work from home might change on my wedding day

Meanwhile, if I discover that my wife's job is taking all her time, I won't hesitate to fire her at her workplace

Mindfulness:


Then they better enjoy doing them.

Is this the realistic response or the Mindfulness response?

I'm sure there are chores that even you don't enjoy doing.

What makes you think that I believe that it is ideal? I used to fix minor issues with our generators. I fix my light bulb. I change the fuse of my sockets and sometimes I socket itself (It has been a very long time though). And if I can't I have a phone to call a technician.


The homes that I know, they call someone to weed it. Besides, it is not a day-to-day chore and a phone call is all you need. However it may also interest you to know that I have operated a lawnmower before and I used to weed our vegetable garden with my brothers.

This is coming from a girl with 4 younger brothers. I am okay if my brother kills the chicken while I remove the feather.

I can as well ask myself why I need a marriage. My point is why is that you cannot just do the things you do before marriage especially if your partner is swarmed. Why should I be in a marriage where I can't trust my partner to help me out or care for his home because he thinks it would reduce the testosterone in his body or make him less of a man?

If he is ready to be traditional. He must be ready to provide all the money including the cost of ordinary salt and we shall what he spends over the financial reality of the chores I do. Money is everything, isn't it?


Can I also mention that most of you guys are not taken the structure of modern family and economy into consideration? Gone are those days where most homes have a 'sister or brother or child' in the house that helps the wife with house chores.

raumdeuter:


I am sure many women when the generator spoils they wait for their husband to fix it, or when there is an engine light on in the car they just park it and wait for the husband to come fix it . Is that disturbing to you as well because they feel its not a chore for a woman

A woman whose lawn is overgrown would she take cutlass and weed it? I know most would wait for their husband to be back home to do the manly chores

It seems like I am convincing you already . Like I said there is nothing wrong with it but be prepared to weigh your contribution via hers. you also need to know that providing the finances does not mean that she doesn't do more work than you do.

You think it is easy to get money just like that .


By some of you, it is either you lived with those who were exactly your type or you were the type that fails to do his own of communal chores?

Acidosis:




If a woman refuse to lend her husband some money to establish himself, there are other alternatives (microfinance, etc). Overall, I believe roles and regulations are ideal in a home; it only becomes questionable when these roles are enforced and made mandatory.

Some of us live peacefully with roommates in school for years without enforcing any role. We naturally know and do what is necessary by virtue of love, the need for a peaceful coexistence, etc.

1? That was a sarcastic reply to the moniker I quoted
2? Men can do all the heavy lifting. You are physically stronger and if you do not want to we can as well do it ourselves. What about childbirth too? Will you handle it yourself?
3) Natural order does not include stuffs like that. It is very obvious bro.
4) We are talking

raumdeuter:


Does natural order allow men to do domestic chores?

If we are cancelling natural orders it should be in all aspect like heavy lifting, spending in relationship, "women first" manta, proposing and everything that has to do with natural order