Back to the provider and chores thingy
Personally I think some people take marriage too seriously, like a business agreement
Black and white only and no shades of grey
Where is the love and where is the care
Where is the team work?
What is the common goal
Does it really matter who does what?
Or should the better suited person just do it?
After money and chores there are hundreds of other things that makes up the marriage
Many of which cant be divided into 2
We run a joint account, so everything is jumbled up anyway, but it doesn't matter because its all still ours.
Whoever comes home first starts dinner
Why is it always finance and chores together
Why not finance and child discipline or chores and maintenance or finance and kids homework?
If junior has maths homework, the parent who is better at maths should help him regardless of who brings in more money.

raumdeuter:


The stealing from her, we cannot say for certain, Its only Tiwa that said it.

I am certain if he also had a 50mins video he would say some damaging things should we believe every of what he says too?

I have heard before on this forum that spouses cannot steal from each other or is this only when its the woman doing the taking?

https://www.nairaland.com/42446/woman-steal-husband/3

https://www.nairaland.com/146868/steal-spouse

https://www.nairaland.com/1294705/what-wife-steals-money-she

https://www.nairaland.com/593165/does-taking-money-husband-make/1

https://www.nairaland.com/1257382/what-wrong-taking-money-hubbys

I believe the same set of people who supported wifes "taking from their husband, Would be mad Teebillz "took" from Tiwa. So where is this equality?

I cannot speak for everybody and this thread is not about 'equality' [size=2pt]who started this equality talk sef?[/size]

Teebliz remitting N3m to Tiwa out of N4.5m (keeping N1.5m to himself) and still collecting 40% of the N3m (and later pocketing the N1.8m left for her) is stealing.

You are right she might be lying.

Somebody please help me out here, ever since I was a teenager, having all those endless fights with my brother over chores, like I never really understood why he would want to eat noodles and because I or my sisters were there, we should be the ones to cook it for him, when he had two hands and legs like us, eh! For what na? and when I refuse ,physical combat don start, with him mostly yelling things like, "don't you know you are a girl, nobody will marry you this stubborn Ogbanje girl if you continue like this"

My point is, what does doing these chores take from you men? Just how does it change you from being who you are? I really want to know because I still don't get why it's such a big deal. It's not like women don't/can't do those jobs considered 'hard' I and so many other women, washed cars growing up, turned on the gen, weeded compounds, climbed trees to pluck fruits, etc, so why do you people find it so difficult to do dishes or cook, just why?

Cc
Crackhaus, 5minsmadness, Acidosis etc.

bukatyne:
He doesn't anymore..... instead of contributing half, he contributes nada

And he buys the shoes when it is time to pay school fees? A man has the right to buy whatever he likes.... however, there is time for everything. It is same as a woman changing her bags and shoes while the husband is hustling to pay rent & fees..

Are you serious? So if the man had paid rent in March and while in July time to pay school fees he decides its the time for the wife to do her part? whats wrong with that? I stay awake all night and sleep during the day and you say its wrong to sleep during the day? Did this woman tell you who pays the rent and other bills in her house?

Should the proverbial man start dropping zero?

The husband does nada because the wife would not ask. I do not know who handles the rent though. Every other bill, the wife handles because she doesn't ask him.

If thats true then whats wrong in someone who has been doing solely before take a break to spend on other things that suffered when he was the sole carrier?

If you were the sole carrier for a while and your husand starts to work and earn good, whats wrong in you taking a break and take care of yourself while the party that has been doing nothing before now contribute his own share.?

She has a problem paying half & fully furnishing a house she has not seen the documents while she handles the feeding and all other expenses.

She earns half of his pay.

I want to believe you are just playing the devil's advocate.

She has the option of refusing to pay rents and find where she would stay, She can go outside and rent a house where she wouldnt need to pay rent

Is there anywhere she would leave without paying rents? would she ask her landlord to show her the house documents then?

bukatyne:



Thread was never about equality, it was about roles and the new 'myth' in town that men no longer handle finances once their wives are contributing.

Equality has been mentioned in a few places on this thread

I dont think that men will suddenly stop providing because their wives provide
They may not duplicate what their wife is providing, but they will still spend the money on something else
If ive bought my daughter a dress for a party, then there is no need oga giving me money to buy another dress, but he can still spend the money on a pair of shoes, even if its for himself.
He does have a right to look after himself too

bukatyne:


RIP to her.

RIP like Rest in Peace or like Rejoice in Paradise.

Next you hear women get older than their husbands not looking at the fundamental issue.

Happy people always look better.

raumdeuter:


This thread is about equality. Equality is the undertone.

A wife contributes "equally", shouldnt a husband contribute to domestic work"equally" to ensure no one is not treated unequal

Why is it about money and not about time and energy?

tearoses:
Back to the provider and chores thingy
Personally I think some people take marriage too seriously, like a business agreement
Black and white only and no shades of grey
Where is the love and where is the care
Where is the team work?
What is the common goal
Does it really matter who does what?
Or should the better suited person just do it?
After money and chores there are hundreds of other things that makes up the marriage
Many of which cant be divided into 2
We run a joint account, so everything is jumbled up anyway, but it doesn't matter because its all still ours.
Whoever comes home first starts dinner
Why is it always finance and chores together
Why not finance and child discipline or chores and maintenance or finance and kids homework?
If junior has maths homework, the parent who is better at maths should help him regardless of who brings in more money.

Its a common saying that women dont joke with money things

While she is cooking maybe the husband is working on kids homework or just keeping them busy, How would life be for her if she doesnt have that person to take care of that? WHat you would hear is I cook and he does nothing

You buy grocery, husband offloads it how easy would it be if you have to do everything? I buy grocery and do nothing.

Cutting your lawn nko? Home owners association would give you a ticket. A woman whose husband worked out of the country and she had to cut the lawn or pay $100 to Mexicans every week knows how much she would have been saving

WOuld the womans or mans life be easier if they stayed alone?

Its when it comes to women spending their money that we hear these long stories but when we decide to break it down to the basics we still see women are the ones who are the net takers even in money

Ask in any relationship bf/gf husband/wife how much gift has the female given compared to what she has received

bukatyne:


I cannot speak for everybody and this thread is not about 'equality' [size=2pt]who started this equality talk sef?[/size]

Teebliz remitting N3m to Tiwa out of N4.5m (keeping N1.5m to himself) and still collecting 40% of the N3m (and later pocketing the N1.8m left for her) is stealing.

You are right she might be lying.

Depends on how they rolled before. Sometings can look very bad when looking in from outside, but the people involved know how it is
Im not sticking up for tibiz but I know that when fight comes, every song becomes an insult or how do our people say it.
they were both fighting for public sympathy so all the stories will have pepper and maggi added.

If you see my uncle and aunty
They take each others money on a daily basis
Big big amounts o!
They jokingly report each other
But that's how they roll and there is no hard-feeling

My hubby and I play fight a lot. The day my daughter described one episode. We could have been arrested

raumdeuter:


This thread is about equality. Equality is the undertone.

A wife contributes "equally", shouldnt a husband contribute to domestic work"equally" to ensure no one is not treated unequal

I went back to the OP to see if I missed something...

This thread is not about equality, I created it. I don't even know what equality in chores ought to mean...How do you split chores down to the middle?

I was focusing more on a woman still expected to pick up most of the chores when her hubby is out of work & stays at home.

Mindfulness:
Why is it about money and not about time and energy?

Time and energy is what you use to make money. And money can replace time and energy.

All you spend time and energy on, can be paid for.

Money time and energy are what is needed to run a house. So they cannot be replaced.

In many cases money can solve many things if you have enough of it. get a nanny, get a maid get several domestic staff and you would be good.

Mindfulness:


Why is it about money and not about time and energy?

Time.....Quality time very important
Energy too
My 7 hour day job is a doddle compared to everything else that needs to be done

We had an event so Saturday morning I went clothes shopping for a very fussy teen
I deliberately didn't take her or we will fight in the shops
Mindfulness I went into 5 shops and bought 5 different dresses and a pair of shoes
We were only going to pick one
Brought them home and she screwed up her face at all 5
Eventually we agreed on one
The 4 are still in my car boot, that I need to take back to the shops for a refund
Now these are the kinds of things that I am talking about.

.....and guess what, she proceeded to wear her bomber jacket on the dress throughout the event

In an unrelated news, I just heard on TV that Janet Jackson is 50 today and pregnant for her wealthy younger Arab husband

probably doesn't have 6packs nor a sexy shirtless body, but has money loads of it

She probably isn't complaining of her too many house helps who ensure she doesnt touch any domestic work, and wouldnt be complaining that its the husband that pays the bulk of the bills

raumdeuter:


Time and energy is what you use to make money. And money can replace time and energy.

All you spend time and energy on, can be paid for.

Money time and energy are what is needed to run a house. So they cannot be replaced.

In many cases money can solve many things if you have enough of it. get a nanny, get a maid get several domestic staff and you would be good.

No sir
you cant possibly always buy time and energy
If you have to be outside the school gates as mummy then you have to be there
A childminder is not mummy
if your kid is going through a phase and needs you, then he/she needs you and you alone.
There are times that you just cant buy the service.

tearoses:


Time.....Quality time very important
Energy too
My 7 hour day job is a doddle compared to everything else that needs to be done

We had an event so Saturday morning I went clothes shopping for a very fussy teen
I deliberately didn't take her or we will fight in the shops
Mindfulness I went into 5 shops and bought 5 different dresses and a pair of shoes
We were only going to pick one
Brought them home and she screwed up her face at all 5
Eventually we agreed on one
The 4 are still in my car boot, that I need to take back to the shops for a refund
Now these are the kinds of things that I am talking about.

.....and guess what, she proceeded to wear her bomber jacket on the dress throughout the event

LOL

You need to learn how to handle teenagers more effectively.

bukatyne:


You have issues with a husband staying at home for a while....

1. A man loses his job unfortunately and has to stay at home a while till he gets another
2. A man works from home
3. He earns the proverbial N200k and wifey earns N1m and someone needs to stay at home with the kids a while.

What is your take on the above ?

1. Job loss is one of those things humans face daily, so there's absolutely nothing wrong in staying at home, until something good comes up.

2. Oh no, I have nothing against working from home. I've been doing that since 2014.

3. Well, I believe they can work out something good but it shouldn't be permanent. By the way, what would make a man leave his job to stay at home? breastfeeding? cooking? laundry?

Mindfulness:


LOL

You need to learn how to handle teenagers more effectively.

LOL I'm looking for a course on this
The girl is giving me a run for my money
Daddy spoils her so, im the wicked witch from the west
Maybe daddy should be the one going on the course

tearoses:
Back to the provider and chores thingy
Personally I think some people take marriage too seriously, like a business agreement
Black and white only and no shades of grey
Where is the love and where is the care
Where is the team work?
What is the common goal
Does it really matter who does what?
Or should the better suited person just do it?
After money and chores there are hundreds of other things that makes up the marriage
Many of which cant be divided into 2
We run a joint account, so everything is jumbled up anyway, but it doesn't matter because its all still ours.
Whoever comes home first starts dinner
Why is it always finance and chores together
Why not finance and child discipline or chores and maintenance or finance and kids homework?
If junior has maths homework, the parent who is better at maths should help him regardless of who brings in more money.

Well, we just romanced marriage, it had been business agreement all along.

Chores (food, cleaning & kids) & finance is the major division.

The thread obviously does not address people who do things jointly or anyone can pick up anything as they see the need. Some husbands wait 3 hours for their wives to make dinner; some wives wait for their husbands before re-filing the gas....

I know a husband who while working out of the state brought home his dirty laundry for the wife to wash... his wife has cooked meals straight from the hospital.... He does not do a chore in the home or discuss with his wife....

And his wife will expect her husband to pay her back when she replaces the curtains or repairs a thing @ home.

I know another wife who would 'apologize' to her hubby if he has to babysit their child for few hours.

Not everyone believes in the 'anyone can do anything' thingy.

raumdeuter:


Time and energy is what you use to make money. And money can replace time and energy.

All you spend time and energy on, can be paid for.

Money time and energy are what is needed to run a house. So they cannot be replaced.

In many cases money can solve many things if you have enough of it. get a nanny, get a maid get several domestic staff and you would be good.

A woman doesn't say: "You have to do chores because I pay the bills too'.
A woman says: 'Help me with the chores because I am also tired from work.'

A woman who makes more money than her husband but spends less time at work will still do more chores because she has more time and more energy. It IS NOT about the money. It is about time and energy.

sweetcocoa:
Somebody please help me out here, ever since I was a teenager, having all those endless fights with my brother over chores, like I never really understood why he would want to eat noodles and because I or my sisters were there, we should be the ones to cook it for him, when he had two hands and legs like us, eh! For what na? and when I refuse ,physical combat don start, with him mostly yelling things like, "don't you know you are a girl, nobody will marry you this stubborn Ogbanje girl if you continue like this"

My point is, what does doing these chores take from you men? Just how does it change you from being who you are? I really want to know because I still don't get why it's such a big deal. It's not like women don't/can't do those jobs considered 'hard' I and so many other women, washed cars growing up, turned on the gen, weeded compounds, climbed trees to pluck fruits, etc, so why do you people find it so difficult to do dishes or cook, just why?

Cc
Crackhaus, 5minsmadness, Acidosis etc.

To be honest, men believe a woman should know how to cook, and even cook better than any man.

I don't think I can stand to watch a woman fix a faulty household appliance or generator and do nothing. The same way I would quickly love to help a lady with a flat tyre, is the same way we see women & food matters.

I'm a man, and I cook my meals, but trust me, I won't be comfortable cooking for a woman everyday. I won't do that.

Meanwhile, I don't think your bro meant any harm, some bros just love to play around, and compliment their sisters. As much as you can, Cook for him and sometimes, make him cook for you

Acidosis:


1. Job loss is one of those things humans face daily, so there's absolutely nothing wrong in staying at home, until something good comes up.

2. Oh no, I have nothing against working from home. I've been doing that since 2014.

3. Well, I believe they can work out something good but it shouldn't be permanent. By the way, what would make a man leave his job to stay at home? breastfeeding? cooking? laundry?

Bukky there is your answerr in black and white
Acidosis thinks that women only breastfeed, cook and launder

I laugh in Spanish
Acidosis I invite you to the average home
Then you will see the mega chores that take place
From buying cards and presents for relatives and kids friends
accompanying kids to lessons, events
Airport runs, football practice, ballet, music lessons
running errands - drycleaning, shopping, food preparation, bulk buying, repairs, maintenance, car servicing, gardening.........
As you are cleaning windows, you are wiping down kitchen cupboards and cleaning skirting boards.
You will run back to your day job for a break

tearoses:


LOL I'm looking for a course on this
The girl is giving me a run for my money
Daddy spoils her so, im the wicked witch from the west
Maybe daddy should be the one going on the course

Since she is spoilt and will only wear what she wants and daddy doesn't mind, get her the clothes she wants and enjoy the money they pay you.

raumdeuter:


1. Are you serious? So if the man had paid rent in March and while in July time to pay school fees he decides its the time for the wife to do her part? whats wrong with that? I stay awake all night and sleep during the day and you say its wrong to sleep during the day? Did this woman tell you who pays the rent and other bills in her house?

2. If thats true then whats wrong in someone who has been doing solely before take a break to spend on other things that suffered when he was the sole carrier?

3.If you were the sole carrier for a while and your husand starts to work and earn good, whats wrong in you taking a break and take care of yourself while the party that has been doing nothing before now contribute his own share.?

4.She has the option of refusing to pay rents and find where she would stay, She can go outside and rent a house where she wouldnt need to pay rent. Is there anywhere she would leave without paying rents? would she ask her landlord to show her the house documents then?

1. He doesn't pay rent.
2. Like shoes
3. I will definitely not take a break when there is need to pay a major bill (unless it has been settled fore hand)
4. Raumdeuter!

Mindfulness:


Since she is spoilt and will only wear what she wants and daddy doesn't mind, get her the clothes she wants and enjoy the money they pay you.

Who will get the side eye when she goes to a wedding in jeans and a RL top?
I no gree o!
Meanwhile mum is dressed nice and pikin looks like someone going to the farm
They even lie about the true cost of jaga jaga shoes
I was so happy when their £80 kickers were banned by the school and she came home with a letter.
The shoes they both ganged up and said if mum asks just say it was £40

tearoses:


Bukky there is your answerr in black and white
Acidosis thinks that women only breastfeed, cook and launder

I laugh in Spanish
Acidosis I invite you to the average home
Then you will see the mega chores that take place
From card, present buying for relatives and kids friends
accompanying kids to lessons, events
Airport runs
running errands - drycleaning, shopping, food preparation, bulk buying, repairs, maintenance, car servicing, gardening.........
As you are cleaning windows, you are wiping down kitchen cupboards and cleaning skirting boards.
You will run back to your day job for a break

wow!

I must have underestimated these tasks! I may be wrong, but sometimes, I don't see any heavy or tedious task in handling 1, 2 kids in a decent apartment. Of course, I know this isn't applicable to large families, and the luxury homes.

Remember, families can delegate some of these tasks to house helps, siblings, or machines, or ignore till weekends.

tearoses:


Equality has been mentioned in a few places on this thread

I dont think that men will suddenly stop providing because their wives provide
They may not duplicate what their wife is providing, but they will still spend the money on something else
If ive bought my daughter a dress for a party, then there is no need oga giving me money to buy another dress, but he can still spend the money on a pair of shoes, even if its for himself.
He does have a right to look after himself too

@Bold:

They need to pay a fine...

I deliberately did not bring it in so it doesn't muddle up the discussion and have peeps dividing along groups.

@ post:
I said same o, I was given examples. I am sure about 4 people will not say same thing if they had not seen examples. You know when you are the only one saying it is not so and others are saying see titi, see shola, see uche and you remember their stories and shut up . Others even give you personal experience and you go woaw!

bukatyne:


Well, we just romanced marriage, it had been business agreement all along.

Chores (food, cleaning & kids) & finance is the major division.

The thread obviously does not address people who do things jointly or anyone can pick up anything as they see the need. Some husbands wait 3 hours for their wives to make dinner; some wives wait for their husbands before re-filing the gas....

I know a husband who while working out of the state brought home his dirty laundry for the wife to wash... his wife has cooked meals straight from the hospital.... He does not do a chore in the home or discuss with his wife....

And his wife will expect her husband to pay her back when she replaces the curtains or repairs a thing @ home.

I know another wife who would 'apologize' to her hubby if he has to babysit their child for few hours.

Not everyone believes in the 'anyone can do anything' thingy.

I guess it works for them
and just as it sounds so weird to me, I guess the share chores and share finance thing will sound weird to them too
I guess bottomline is everyone should do what suits their relationship
I must be honest. NL has opened my eyes to a lot of things

The problem will only arise if someone from "camp A" marries someone from "Camp B"

tearoses:



Who will get the side eye when she goes to a wedding in jeans and a RL top?
I no gree o!
Meanwhile mum is dressed nice and pikin looks like someone going to the farm
They even lie about the true cost of jaga jaga shoes
I was so happy when their £80 kickers were banned by the school and she came home with a letter.
The shoes they both ganged up and said if mum asks just say it was £40

I prefer the side eye to shopping five outfits in five different shops and then organizing the re-fund in the same number of shops.

At the end of the day, her husband will expect her to direct and manage those numerous helps, to ensure that the kid is fed and so on and so forth.

Their lifestyle is the exception. Let's talk about the average homes, the people around you.

raumdeuter:
In an unrelated news, I just heard on TV that Janet Jackson is 50 today and pregnant for her wealthy younger Arab husband

probably doesn't have 6packs nor a sexy shirtless body, but has money loads of it

She probably isn't complaining of her too many house helps who ensure she doesnt touch any domestic work, and wouldnt be complaining that its the husband that pays the bulk of the bills

tearoses:


I guess it works for them
and just as it sounds so weird to me, I guess the share chores and share finance thing will sound weird to them too
I guess bottomline is everyone should do what suits their relationship
I must be honest. NL has opened my eyes to a lot of things

The problem will only arise if someone from "camp A" marries someone from "Camp B"

When the wife starts the hubby has not replaced money for what she replaced, I am like till I remember he doesn't do jack at home and I say I'm sure he will pay

Mindfulness:



RIP like Rest in Peace or like Rejoice in Paradise.



Happy people always look better.

True

Acidosis:


wow!

I must have underestimated these tasks! I may be wrong, but sometimes, I don't see any heavy or tedious task in handling 1, 2 kids in a decent apartment. Of course, I know this isn't applicable to large families, and the luxury homes.

Remember, families can delegate some of these tasks to house helps, siblings, or machines, or ignore till weekends.

Most households are busy
Some things you have to do yourself
You wont believe how many Emails I have written today
Many of us also have extra curricular activities and hobbies even as adults that take up a lot of time
Older siblings also provide pastoral care for the junior ones plus other family commitments.
It takes a lot to run a household