Stop having kids outside wedlock, op. Where I come from kids outside wedlock have no stake in inheritance.

That aside, give him what he wants because as someone pointed out, there's no age limit in education.

raumdeuter:
^^ Well said

You mean it is okay to have two children with no job?
I like the new dayo

Ishilove:
Stop having kids outside wedlock, op. Where I come from kids outside wedlock have no stake in inheritance.

That aside, give him what he wants because as someone pointed out, there's no age limit in education.

And where will that be?

thanks everyone
I appreciate all your comments and advice

I noticed everybody keeps saying I should get married first

kai! I am scared of marriage ooo with all the news u hear everyday concerning married couples and stuff but I will be brave and enter the institution with prayers...

I will start acting all serious about it and we will talk about it tonight when he comes back from work to show I am serious

I will get pregnant 2 or 3 months while preparing for the wedding so I can give birth and wean the child early so I can go back to school.

thanks once again

OP marriage is not eternal damnation, if it ain't working, pack it up. Nothing to fear, just make your kids legit, you owe them that. Your post shows that legitimacy isn't a problem for you. If it really doesn't bother you , then do your thing. I just don't like the idea of being devalued when there is no commitment, the kids are devalued too assuming you are an African.

beebee24:
thanks everyone
I appreciate all your comments and advice

I noticed everybody keeps saying I should get married first

kai! I am scared of marriage ooo with all the news u hear everyday concerning married couples and stuff but I will be brave and enter the institution with prayers...

I will start acting all serious about it and we will talk about it tonight when he comes back from work to show I am serious

I will get pregnant 2 or 3 months while preparing for the wedding so I can give birth and wean the child early so I can go back to school.

thanks once again

is your fiance a graduate?

beebee24:
thanks everyone
I appreciate all your comments and advice

I noticed everybody keeps saying I should get married first

kai! I am scared of marriage ooo with all the news u hear everyday concerning married couples and stuff but I will be brave and enter the institution with prayers...

I will start acting all serious about it and we will talk about it tonight when he comes back from work to show I am serious

I will get pregnant 2 or 3 months while preparing for the wedding so I can give birth and wean the child early so I can go back to school.

thanks once again

If you are planning on going back to study nursing it's better you go in prepared. The 3 year nursing school is no longer feasible in the grand scheme of things nowadays, it is going to take you roughly 6 years whichever way you get in. Either through school of Nursing and Postbasic ish or university.
I'd suggest you get married, take JAMB, gain admission then pop one or two kids before you graduate but then you have to ensure you have capable hands to take care of your children. Nursing training is very rigorous and most married women drops off on the way which often extends/stretches their years of training.

joseph1832:
And where will that be?

Come lemme whisper it

Ishilove:

Come lemme whisper it

Where? My ears or my... If its my ear, be sure to tease it with your tongue.

90% of ladies on this thread are just pressurizing this lady to get married.kilode

armyofone:
You mean it is okay to have two children with no job?
I like the new dayo

I am commenting about the marriage part of it. She said they plan to get married next year, Since she seems to have that settled in her mind then she doesnt need to be bullied about the marriage part, some people who get legally married have a worse relationship than her. So it basically reinforces my opinion that the ceremony is the least important thing, living together and sharing joint life and values is what matters more

She has an NCE and can easily get a teaching job with that

She is 27 already before she gets admitted and finish 6yrs of nursing school plus additional years of ASUU strike how old would she be by then?

raumdeuter:


I am commenting about the marriage part of it. She said they plan to get married next year, Since she seems to have that settled in her mind then she doesnt need to be bullied about the marriage part, some people who get legally married have a worse relationship than her. So it basically reinforces my opinion that the ceremony is the least important thing, living together and sharing joint life and values is what matters more

She has an NCE and can easily get a teaching job with that

She is 27 already before she gets admitted and finish 6yrs of nursing school plus additional years of ASUU strike how old would she be by then?

Dayo you and I both know that the commitment in marriage is a lot more than that of a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship
The law recognises marriage and would step in when things are not going as planned
She is at a disadvantage by not being married and the guy does know owe her anything if he wakes up tomorrow and walks away
She also lives in a society that is not friendly to children who are not born within matrimony

It works for them both. Marriage brings a deeper level of commitment to the relationship for both parties.

tearoses:
Dayo you and I both know that the commitment in marriage is a lot more than that of a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship
The law recognises marriage and would step in when things are not going as planned
She is at a disadvantage by not being married and the guy does know owe her anything if he wakes up tomorrow and walks away
She also lives in a society that is not friendly to children who are not born within matrimony

It works for them both. Marriage brings a deeper level of commitment to the relationship for both parties.

In this posters and in most situation in Nigeria the marriage doesnt make any difference.

What law is set to protect anyone in marriage in Nigeria? They dont even give alimony. Anyone can walk out of a marriage with nothing binding

If the guy walks away while married, what does he owe her?

The poster said her family does not really care about her and the guy brought up the topic of marriage and she was the one who shelved it. Her plan is to get married at her own pace in 2017 why is she browbeaten into the marriage thing by posters?

The guy has shown enough good faith in all the years they have been together and not married, He has shown more committment than many people who are married. that is why she is going ahead with him

beebee24:
about the marriage issue

we didn't get married years back cos we had nothing... I mean nothing, just his bed when I visited but as soon as I gave birth tins started to turn around and I shunned marriage when he talked about it, I told him I wanted to go to school instead... so we planned getting married 2017 cos I finished school last year November, while I look for a job this yr but I no see better job

we have been planning the traditional and court marriage next year July which is my birthday, but now that I want to further my education and he wants a child, we have concluded I try and get pregnant early next year since my mom has already given his parents the bride price list...

raumdeuter:


In this posters and in most situation in Nigeria the marriage doesnt make any difference.

What law is set to protect anyone in marriage in Nigeria? They dont even give alimony. Anyone can walk out of a marriage with nothing binding

If the guy walks away while married, what does he owe her?

The poster said her family does not really care about her and the guy brought up the topic of marriage and she was the one who shelved it. Her plan is to get married at her own pace in 2017 why is she browbeaten into the marriage thing by posters?

The guy has shown enough good faith in all the years they have been together and not married, He has shown more committment than many people who are married. that is why she is going ahead with him

I like this!

Mindfulness:
I like this!

I'm surprised you like it. What do you like about it?

raumdeuter:


I'm surprised you like it. What do you like about it?

Everything.

That marriage would not necessarily protect her.
That people should respect that she wants to get married at her own pace.
That the guy has shown himself to be a responsible person and a good man.

Mindfulness:
Everything.

That marriage would not necessarily protect her.
That people should respect that she wants to get married at her own pace.
That the guy has shown himself to be a responsible person and a good man.

Good. Why I was surprised was because most of the female posters hammered about being married, While I have always been of the opinion that living together sharing highs and lows of life and being committed to one anothers success are what matters in a male-female relationship not exactly the marriage ceremony. I once had the discussion with bukatyne

There are several people in this our country both educated and illiterates who just moved in and several yrs together they are still together while people like Solomon Akiyesi have been married like 4 times

raumdeuter:


Good. Why I was surprised was because most of the female posters hammered about being married, While I have always been of the opinion that living together sharing highs and lows of life and being committed to one anothers success are what matters in a male-female relationship not exactly the marriage ceremony. I once had the discussion with bukatyne

Some people argue from the religious perspective. For them marriage is sacred and I respect it though I do not share their views.
I am more in agreement with your opinion that a marriage ceremony is not what matters at the end of the day if the laws of the country do not protect marriages and the people involved. To me the ceremony is nothing than a romantic party that brings two families together if no legal benefits follow.

There are several people in this our country both educated and illiterates who just moved in and several yrs together they are still together while people like Solomon Akiyesi have been married like 4 times

Whether you are married or not, the happiness and success of a relationship depend on other more important factors.

raumdeuter:


I am commenting about the marriage part of it. She said they plan to get married next year, Since she seems to have that settled in her mind then she doesnt need to be bullied about the marriage part, some people who get legally married have a worse relationship than her. So it basically reinforces my opinion that the ceremony is the least important thing, living together and sharing joint life and values is what matters more

She has an NCE and can easily get a teaching job with that

She is 27 already before she gets admitted and finish 6yrs of nursing school plus additional years of ASUU strike how old would she be by then?

most times people think I am weird when I tell them marriage is not happiness........ oga thanks for this comment... I wish people knew how committed this guy is ?not everybody will betray you, most girls look at the looks and financial situation of a guy before they enter a relationship with, that is why they have problem, even though we fought when my son was 3yrs and we didn't talk for a year, he kept paying my school fees and was always angry and upset when I reject money or help from him but I have talked him into the court marriage so as to make everything legal and we would do it before this year runs out cos I must to get pregnant before December o

^^Mindfulness read the above and tell me how many married women can confidently say their legally married husband got them covered like this guy for the OP

The OP was very vulnerable, most people would have taken advantage of her easily but the guy didnt

[quote author=oloyede252 post=45615302] 90% of ladies on this thread are just pressurizing this lady to get married.kilode[/quote


when I saw your username I thought it was someone from his family that commented

I for explain tire today
will be Mrs oloyede officially by next year

raumdeuter:
^^Mindfulness read the above and tell me how many married women can confidently say their legally married husband got them covered like this guy for the OP

The OP was very vulnerable, most people would have taken advantage of her easily but the guy didnt

I am with you on this.

beebee24:



most times people think I am weird when I tell them marriage is not happiness........ oga thanks for this comment... I wish people knew how committed this guy is ?not everybody will betray you, most girls look at the looks and financial situation of a guy before they enter a relationship with, that is why they have problem, even though we fought when my son was 3yrs and we didn't talk for a year, he kept paying my school fees and was always angry and upset when I reject money or help from him but I have talked him into the court marriage so as to make everything legal and we would do it before this year runs out cos I must to get pregnant before December o

All i see in your posts is just a jolly fellow. Wish you the best dear.

[quote author=beebee24 post=45645082][/quote]congrat.looking forward to your wedding..mrs oloyede in advance.

raumdeuter:


Good. Why I was surprised was because most of the female posters hammered about being married, While I have always been of the opinion that living together sharing highs and lows of life and being committed to one anothers success are what matters in a male-female relationship not exactly the marriage ceremony. I once had the discussion with bukatyne

There are several people in this our country both educated and illiterates who just moved in and several yrs together they are still together while people like Solomon Akiyesi have been married like 4 times

This topic again

They are already living together and doing all the shindgin so why can't they just do a small court ceremony and be legal?

I don't believe that her getting married will make the guy more faithful or change the dynamics of their union..... It surely makes the kids legal.

"I have been with my fiancé since when 6yrs ago and we have a brilliant 4yrs old boy"

I don't understand the arrangement, you guys are not yet married even after the first baby and he wants another one?
If this is the case then I want to believe he just wants children and not raise a family the proper way, hence you are his tool to achieve that. BTW, what makes you think he will train you in nursing school after the birth of the baby? People renege on their promises you know.

I will advice you go ahead to sponsor yourself, don't tie your life to someone who gives you selfish conditions to achieve your dreams... at least you have a child, having another at 30 is not bad. Besides, if he doesn't want to get married to you kindly move on with your life, you can still marry someone else.

If he didn't want to train children at his old age he should have started having them at 25years...mtcheew


PS: why do I feel that this man is married to someone else and the marriage has not had children yet so he is spreading his risk? Just thinking, considering their age gap and his reluctance. Na wa o!

Mindfulness you see wetin I dey talk?

raumdeuter:


In this posters and in most situation in Nigeria the marriage doesnt make any difference.

What law is set to protect anyone in marriage in Nigeria? They dont even give alimony. Anyone can walk out of a marriage with nothing binding

If the guy walks away while married, what does he owe her?

The poster said her family does not really care about her and the guy brought up the topic of marriage and she was the one who shelved it. Her plan is to get married at her own pace in 2017 why is she browbeaten into the marriage thing by posters?

The guy has shown enough good faith in all the years they have been together and not married, He has shown more committment than many people who are married. that is why she is going ahead with him

Dayo you missed the other aspect and that is the level of commitment from both parties when you are married
Half of the things you can do for your wife you can never do for a girlfriend
When you disagree, you both work harder at resolving it
You also work harder at making things work and each other happy
Thats what makes her different from everyone else. She has earned that right and therefore should enjoy special privileges and vice versa.

I dont like using celebrities as examples, but they are probably the only people that you and I both know
What I mean is that you wont know my aunty kemi and I wont know your uncle Michael
Davido, whizzy and the other baby daddys are not married to the mothers of their children and so don't feel the need to work at anything.

The poster said herself that she and her man fought and didn't speak for a year
If they were to be married, there is a high possibility that the issue would have been thrashed out and resolved before the year was up.
Can you imagine not speaking to your wife for a year?
Both parties benefit from that extra commitment of marriage and I would have said the same to the man too.

raumdeuter:
Mindfulness you see wetin I dey talk?

Yes, my friend, but something else caught m attention. I will call you out on another thread.

My dear, I will advice you to have another child now, waiting 3 or more years , you never know, a woman's fertility is a bit unpredictable, I had a friend who mistakenly Got pregnant while we were at uni, she wanted to get rid but her mother did not let her, she had the child and after two years got pregnant for same guy but got rid cos she wanted to have a career, by then she was 25, two years after she started having irregular periods, series of tests, in short she was diagnosed as having primary ovarian failure- menopause at 27, She is in her 40's now , she always bless her mother for not letting her get rid of d baby then, dats her only child today, what am saying is , and this I will say to my own daughter when you start having children, then have the numbers you want as quick as u can, not too much delay or gap , anything can happen with fertility for no reason. Cheers