Modified: I have made my decision. After engaging him in a lengthy conversation, I have decided to discontinue any future Plans and deny his proposal.

Thanks for your support.

Thread Closed.

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My apologies for the disposable account. This is quite sensitive for my actual nairaland account to be used. I'm sorry. It's quite lengthy but please try to read so you'd understand my position here.

There is this guy I have been dating for 5 years. We are so much in love with each other. And due to our young age (I mean very young), we didn't consider marriage at all. He proposed to me yesterday. It was the biggest moment of my life when he did as it's what I've always fantasised about but there is a problem.

My boss called me to his office yesterday morning at the start of business to surprise me with the good news. 3 years ago, my boss and I started a project. This project is also one that would change my life forever shall it become a success. I and my boss have both sacrificed so many things in our lives just to keep the project going. Last Summer, the project ushered itself into the final stage before deployment and execution. But our company was short on funds. The government agency that was sponsoring us stopped ever since the new government started the TSA (Treasury Single Account). So we lost government support and even support from banks. And our personal funds cannot foot it. So we let it slide and suspended the 3 years long project.

It has been about 8 months since the project file was even touched by anyone. So I technically forgot about it completely. So my boyfriend and I have been spending some quality time together and I spoke to him once about marriage last Christmas. So I don't know if that is what drove him to propose yesterday.

Yesterday, my boss surprised me with the good news. The good news is, we found a new sponsor based in south Africa. Who agreed to foot 75% of the project while we cover the 25% left. It was great news and I was so happy. But my boss told me that we both have to visit the sponsor and provide them with more info on the project and also a presentation to convince them more.

Nairaland, if I go with my boss to south Africa for the sake of this project(My career) I would loose my boyfriend and won't get married to him because the final stage of the project requires 24/7 attention and I won't even be in Lagos where my bf is. I'd be in Abuja. But, if I go on to say yes to my boyfriend, my career and dream is finished. What I spent 3 years building would end.

My boss needs me to present the project to the sponsor. He can't do it alone and no other staff member is as qualified as me in this case because I started the project.

If you are in my shoes, who would you choose?

Please advise.

P.s I told my boyfriend I'd think of his proposal and promised him a decision (Yes or No) by Tuesday(His birthday). So I have about 3 days to make a choice. Help me.

Opportunity knocks once...grab it...it's for Ur future and Ur wedding can wait anytime when ur less busy...if Ur bf understands Ur job,he'll support u all the way...talk to him and let him understand in details...



Good luck in the project.

Take my advice:

CHOOSE YOUR BOSS. CHOOSE YOUR CAREER.

Your boyfriend and marriage won't fix the damages your yes would cause. From your write up, the project is 3 years old and you have sacrificed alot. And even mentioned government once sponsored it. So it must be a big classified project. Don't dwindle your career because of marriage. You have a chance to make it big. My two cents.

Who boyfriend epp sef?

KashyBaby:
Opportunity knocks once...grab it...it's for Ur future...and Ur wedding can wait anytime when ur less busy...if Ur bf understands Ur job,he'll support u all the way...talk to him and let him understand in details...



Good luck in the project.

I fear my talking to him would send him away

BoiledHead:
Take my advice:

CHOOSE YOUR BOSS. CHOOSE YOUR CAREER.

Your boyfriend and marriage won't fix the damages your yes would cause. From your write up, the project is 3 years old and you have sacrificed alot. And even mentioned government once sponsored it. So it must be a big classified project. Don't dwindle your career because of marriage. You have a chance to make it big. My two cents.

Thank you. I really didn't want to break his heart by saying No instantly yesterday or saying no on Tuesday. Perhaps I'd find a way to explain. Thanks sir

Skrim:


Thank you. I really didn't want to break his heart by saying No instantly yesterday or saying no on Tuesday. Perhaps I'd find a way to explain. Thanks sir

If breaking his heart would build and cement your career then it's what you have to do. I know this sounds cold. But trust me, you have to do what you have to do.

BoiledHead:


If breaking his heart would build and cement your career then it's what you have to do. I know this sounds cold. But trust me, you have to do what you have to do.

Thanks again sir

Skrim:


I fear my talking to him would send him away

I don't think so if u only tell him in details...love conquers everything..
Tell him to wait and be patient and u need his support very bad...and besides, if u finished that project at least u have something to tell to Urself that u achieved something in Ur career...

Hmm, A relationship of five good years, he proposed and you said you will think about it, not good if you ask me. Nothing stops you from achieving your career and marriage, its all about ako nu che and communication. i just hate the part of you telling him you will think about it. wonder whats going on in his mind right now.

Not surprised the females are on your side, if he was the one moving out and you proposed and he said he wil think about it in 3 good days, how will you feel?

You can simply use one stone to kill two birds by accepting his proposal, and still go ahead with your project. But try to make him understand how important the two things are meant to you, so that you guys can work things out. Good luck

jayfrank085:
Hmm, A relationship of five good years, he proposed and you said you will think about it, not good if you ask me. Nothing stops you from achieving your career and marriage, its all about ako nu che and communication. i just hate the part of you telling him you will think about it. wonder whats going on in his mind right now.

Not surprised the females are on your side, if he was the one moving out and you proposed and he said he wil think about it in 3 good days, how will you feel?

I understand. But I didn't know what to say that's why I told him I'd think about it. And for the past 8 months I was free so if start becoming distant now due to work he may think otherwise.

Thanks all the same.

aiye ma le oo!!! and this two ppl above, 1st to comment & 2nd to comment av spoilt my mind to advise u.. MY ONLY PRAYER IS: that Ur BF finds a better person to marry that whenever something big wants to happen in her life, she doesn't have to choose between that so called big thing or Himself, rather, she would put in every effort to try and work things out for both ends to meet!!

MY PRAYER IS: He would find a partner that won't put him in the position of a DISPENSABLE OPTION..
a dispensable option to be decided by nairaland.. IMAGINE!!

I mean, u just put 2 and 2 together and say if I go for this, I can't av this.. and if I go for this other one, I can't have this.. says who? if u really want both, u would sit down with Ur bf and both of u will come out with a way that will make both of u happy!!!

What happened to long-distance relationship

When its not as if you will stay there forever. It's just to go for some weeks. If he can't wait for you then it means he never loved you.

Love/Relationship is all about sacrifice!

jayfrank085:
Hmm, A relationship of five good years, he proposed and you said you will think about it, not good if you ask me. Nothing stops you from achieving your career and marriage, its all about ako nu che and communication. i just hate the part of you telling him you will think about it. wonder whats going on in his mind right now.

Not surprised the females are on your side, if he was the one moving out and you proposed and he said he wil think about it in 3 good days, how will you feel?

Thank you, brother!!

FORGET YOUR BOYFRIEND. YOU CAN HAVE A MILLION WHEN YOU HAMMER! CHOOSE SOUTH AFRICA AND THE PROJECT. CHOOSE THE MONEY MAKER. CHOOSE THE BANK. CHOOSE THE MONEY!

Thank You.
Greene66

How long is the project? E no dey finish? After the project finish, sebi u go come dey find husband ni?

Why not tell bae dat the project will take so so time and you ask him for some time becos ur relationship has become a long distance relationship on a temporary basis. If the project will take 6months or 1 year, no wahala. But if na 4 or 5 yrs, haha, wahala dey oh, una go need to renegotiate oh.

All u guys have to do is to be talking or chatting often. Den u have to come to lagos during weekends at least twice a month so dat bae can fvck ur brains out.

I dont know how ur bae sees tins but so long as u can give me bj every weekend or bi-weekly, am good to go oh work for me oh.

Na my own yeye opinion be dis oh!8-)

DharmyYinks:
What happened to long-distance relationship

When its not as if you will stay there forever. It's just to go for some weeks. If he can't wait for you then it means he never loved you.

Love/Relationship is all about sacrifice!

It's not some weeks. The project is located in Abuja. And that is where I will be for the next 6 months for its final deployment and execution.

The south Africa trip itself is just 4 days. And I'll be back. But once I'm back and all goes well, I'd be moving to Abuja with my boss the next week.

I'm in a tight spot.

obongitiad:
Firstly, TSA did not start 3 yrs ago. Dat part of ur story doesnt add up.

Modify your post. I said last summer when the new government(Buhari) came in.

Skrim:


Modify your post. I said last summer when the new government(Buhari) came in.

Done! And pls next time, say "Pls". Thank you!

Okay, back to biz. So na becos of common 6 months project wey u want throw way 5yrs relationship wey want lead to marriage ba?

Na wa to you oh!

obongitiad:


Done! And pls next time, say "Pls". Thank you!

Okay, back to biz. So na becos of common 6 months project wey u want throw way 5yrs relationship wey want lead to marriage ba?

Na wa to you oh!

It's not like that. The 6 months would change years of my future for better. But I think I'll explain to my bf if he could reason with me

Who boyfriend help?

Skrim:


It's not like that. The 6 months would change years of my future for better. But I think I'll explain to my bf if he could reason with me

Its like how na?

After the project is concluded are u going to permanently reside in Abuja or wot?

If Abuja becomes ur permanent base, then there is a problem. If not, I see no problem anywia...

obongitiad:


Its like how na?

After the project is concluded are u going to permanently reside in Abuja or wot?

If Abuja becomes ur permanent base, then there is a problem. If not, I see no problem anywia...

It would become my permanent Base since I would be transferred to the Abuja branch. My job would then be there.

Sir, I actually had a long session of thinking before coming to nairaland but I couldn't come up with anything. My boyfriend works in a Lagos company. If I proceed with the project then I'd be transferred to Abuja permanently as my new branch of our company where I work.

Please go with your boss. Explain to your boyfriend,I'm sure he'd understand.

its so obvious that this lady is still revelling in youth cos i see no debacle here...so u wana tell him no cos of of project,the same u that reminded him bout wedding last year...If this little probs can be twisting ur head like this ,how sure are u that u can carry out that project sef?? I wont advise u oo Kashybaby has said it all,if u like go enter one chance

Skrim:


It would become my permanent Base since I would be transferred to the Abuja branch. My job would then be there.

Sir, I actually had a long session of thinking before coming to nairaland but I couldn't come up with anything. My boyfriend works in a Lagos company. If I proceed with the project then I'd be transferred to Abuja permanently as my new branch of our company where I work.

Hmm! Na wa oh!

Well from the realistic/negative side of tins, the relationship is dead already.

From the optimistic/hopeful side of tins...aka "Fighting For Love", der are some crazy ideas to consider:

1. Maybe u shd consider pushing for ya bf to get a job in ya new Abuja branch...haha...if he has a big ego like me, e go say no! (So my gf go come be my boss? Tah!)

2. Advise him to apply for jobs in Abuja, becos of less traffic and less noise...u can also chip in point one above.

3. Consider a long distance marriage...dats if you guys insist on "fighting for ya love" oh.

Finally, I see the relationship dying a natural death;(... except you guys wanna "fight for love"...

Wish you the best

Justdulla:
its so obvious that this lady is still revelling in youth cos i see no debacle here...so u wana tell him no cos of of project,the same u that reminded him bout wedding last year...If this little probs can be twisting ur head like this ,how sure are u that u can carry out that project sef?? I wont advise u oo Kashybaby has said it all,if u like go enter one chance

Sir, i started the project 3 years ago and I have been running it together with my team including my boss up until last year when we ran out of money. So finishing it this year won't be a problem for me.

But how do you mean by "one chance"?

obongitiad:


Hmm! Na wa oh!

Well from the realistic/negative side of tins, the relationship is dead already.

From the optimistic/hopeful side of tins...aka "Fighting For Love", der are some crazy ideas to consider:

1. Maybe u shd consider pushing for ya bf to get a job in ya new Abuja branch...haha...if he has a big ego like me, e go say no! (So my gf go come be my boss? Tah!)

2. Advise him to apply for jobs in Abuja, becos of less traffic and less noise...u can also chip in point one above.

3. Consider a long distance marriage...dats if you guys insist on "fighting for ya love" oh.

Finally, I see the relationship dying a natural death;(... except you guys wanna "fight for love"...

Wish you the best

I think I would consider the optimistic/hopeful part. I would suggest those to him

Skrim:


Sir, i started the project 3 years ago and I have been running it together with my team including my boss up until last year when we ran out of money. So finishing it this year won't be a problem for me.

But how do you mean by "one chance"?

One Chance is that situation when board a commercial vehicle carelessly without first ascertaining the sort of passengers on board...Project can always come and go,but mind you relatiinship is hard to come by and u claimed to have spend 5yrs building it and now your thinking of saying NO.....i repeat you dont love the dude,you just use am pass time.....I cant imagine i wud date a lady for even 2yrs and she wud tell me no,i wud just assume shes gone insane and take her to one prophet....My Judgement: Accept his proposal on his birthday,a day after tell him what came up and how it wud be beneficial for your career/achievement, elucidate properly what this new responsibility entails and what is expected of you and he would definitely understand...if you think that marriage is easy then Ask linda ikeji ir genevieve why they are still single

In life sometimes, we tend to make sacrifices...when there seem to be no easy way to. But i'd say you offer up everything to God in prayer, making him the foundation of your decision.
Like others have said, I do believe you can achieve everything both ways...it's all depends on your approach to the situation.
Apply wisdom...and remember, communication is key.

You can make it work with your boyfriend, just talk to him.As long as the love is real and he wants the best for you,it will work out fine .But first talk to him and not us.