40 Alleged Quotes from president ROBERT MUGABE that will make your day.

Mugabe my man

Lolzzzzz

Cool

Wow! The one about South Africans is spot on.

This man quote always Crack me up. Tho true but comes in a funny way. Those quotes should be mortalise

"Treat every part of your towel nicely, because the part that wipes your buttocks today will wipe your face tomorrow".

ROBERT MUGABE

a) No sex before marriage If that was God's plan you would receive your penis or vagina on your wedding day.

b) Whenever things seem to start going well in your life, the devil comes along and gives you a girlfriend.

c) Sucking breasts is a survival skill guys learnt at birth. But as how and where girls learnt the act of sucking 'dikks' still baffles me...

d) If you are ugly, you are ugly. Stop talking about inner beauty cos we don't walk around with x-rays.

e) Respect pregnant women because it's not easy walking around with the evidence that you've had sex

f) Dear sisters, don't be deceived by a man who text you "I miss you" only when its raining.......you are not an umbrella.

LOL, All above courtesy of the humorous wisdom of Robert Mugabe.

lol

1. Any man who successfully convinces a monkey that honey is sweeter than banana, is capable of selling condoms to a Roman father. 2. Dear ladies, If your boyfriend didn't wish you a happy mother's day or sing sweet mother for you, you should stop breastfeeding him. 3. He who swallows a complete coconut have absolute trust in his anus. 4. Dear sisters, don't be deceived by a man who text you "I miss you" only when it's raining, because you are not an umbrella. 5. Swimming pool is more useful than Liverpool. 6. If over 15 guys have sucked your breasts, you don't need to call those things "your breasts", It's called COW BELL, OUR MILK! - Repeat after me, OUR MILK! 7. It's hard to bewitch African girls these days. Every time you take a piece from her hair to the witch doctor, either a Brazilian innocent woman gets mad or a factory in China catches fire. 8. All I hear always is, 'No sex before marriage?' If that was God's plan, then you would receive your penis or vagina on your wedding day. 9. The only warning Africans take serious is LOW BATTERY. 10. Men sucking lady's breast is normal because the act was learnt in childhood when they were young but the act of lady's sucking men's d*ck is what baffles me, where did they learn it from? 11. Whenever things seem to start going well in your life, the Devil comes along and gives you a 'girlfriend'. 12. When your clothes are made of cassava leaves, you don't take a goat as a friend. 13. If you have attended over 100 weddings in your life and still single, you are not different from a Canopy. 14. Dating a slim/slender guy is cool. The problem is when you are lying on his chest then his ribs draw adidas lines on your face. 15. If you are ugly, you are ugly. Stop talking about inner beauty because men don't walk around with X-rays to see inner beauty.

16. Respect pregnant women because
it's not easy walking around with
evidence that you've had sex.
17. Some of the girls of today can't even jog for 5 minutes but they expect
a guy to last in bed with you for 2
hours? Your level of selfishness
demands a one week crusade.
18. I stopped trusting ladies when my
class 3 girlfriend left me for another boy all because he bought a sharpener wid
a mirror.
19. Nothing makes a woman more
confused than being in a relationship
with a "broke" man who's extremely
good in bed. 20. Witchcraft is when a 24 year old girl
who cannot jog for 5 minutes expects a
40 year old man to last for 1 hour in
bed.
21. Being dumped by a dark-skinned
girl is the worst thing ever; because anytime you get home and see
charcoal, you become emotional.
22. Women with beauty and no brains,
it is your private parts will suffer the
most.
23. When one's goat gets missing, the aroma of a neighbour's soup gets
suspicious.
24. Its better for a man to be stingy
with his money because he hustled for
it than a woman to deny you a hole she
didn't drill. 25. Even Satan wasn't gay, he
approached naked Eve instead of naked
Adam. Say no to same-sex marriage.
26. If you are a married man and you
find yourself attracted to school girls,
just buy your wife a school uniform. 27. It is every man's dream to remove a
woman's pant one day but NOT when
it's on a drying line.
28. Virginity is the best wedding gift
any man would receive from his newly
wed wife but lately, there's nothing as such any-longer because it'll have
already been given out as a Birthday
gift, token of Appreciation, Job
assurance, Church collection,
Examination marking schemes & for
Lorry fares!" 29. Treat every part of your towel
nicely because the part that wipes your
buttocks today will wipe your face
tomorrow.
30. We are living in a generation where
people “in love” are free to touch each others’ private parts but cannot touch
each others’ phones because they’re
private.”
31. Sometimes you look back at girls
you spent money on rather than send it
to your mum and you realise witchcraft is real.
32. If President Barack Obama wants
me to allow marriage for same-sex
couples in my country (Zimbabwe), he
must come here so that I marry him
first. 33. South Africans will kick down a
statue of a dead white man but won’t
even attempt to slap a live one. Yet
they can stone to death a black man
simply because he’s a foreigner.
34. What is the problem? We now have aeroplanes which can take them back
quicker than the ships used by their
ancestors.
36. Cigarette is a pinch of tobacco rolled
in a piece of paper with fire on one end
and a fool on the other end. 37. A brave man is he who has a
running stomach and still wants to
flatulate.
38. Journalist: Sir don't you think 89
years would be a great time to retire as
a President Mugabe: Have you ever asked the
Queen this question or is it just for
African leaders?
39. Interviewer: Mr President, wen are
you bidding the people of Zimbabwe
farewell? Robert: Where are they going?
40.My dear ladies, please don't buy a
selfie stick when your armpit itself
needs a shaving stick.
Which is your favorite?