Dear saddenedsoul, my advice 4 u is 2 let sleeping dog lie. In my own case, i'm a man & i had d same experience some months ago & it almost cost me my marriage... If u decide 2 confront him, b'lv me, none of his answers will satisfy u due 2 d anger in u. So, my own piece of advice is, be patient & tolerant. Pray & giv it some time, & all will be well

Why do you expect him to apologize for going through her private part, did he not pay for it?or was the marriage done free of charge?
Moreover he is the one paying the bills

mylove4him:

Apologise for wetin? I am not sure you are married because if you are, you won't give that kind of advice. Does he apologise for going through her private part? So if he can go through there without apology why does she have to apologise for going through his chat. So chats has become privates to married couples. Nuffin where person no go see for this marriage.

Dapsin2901:
Contact your pastor

This is a faulty advise.

Pls all dis babe wey dey follow follow anoda woman's hubby be warned? Eeheee pls if u r a lawyer or u knw somebody dat knws somebody dat is a lawyer from anambra state precisely from idemili north or south,fair in complexion, average or tall n good looking pls giv her my signature I want to marry b4 xmas..thanks

Spirit1:



You are definitely right. She was the extrovert and he was the smart boy, not social, book worm who did well in school. She had her way with him.
He was probably not noticed in school by other girls because he wasn't social.

Now he has a good job and women are suddenly noticing him.

Since she had her way with him, she is probably neglecting to pay attention to him and massage his ego; which by the way every man likes. Unfortunately other women are doing that to him and he is enjoying their attention.

OP my word of advise : men are like babies, they enjoy attention. They like to be made to feel important. The fact that long term girl friends don't realize this, especially when levels change after graduation is the reason why many university relationships that end in marriages fell.

Shine your eyes. Your man has "grown", other women are looking at him. Change your tactics. Treat him like Prince Charming, that's what they are doing that you are not doing. I bet this guy loves you, but you have to move fast before you loose him. He is no longer your book worm with no social life. Other chics have brought social life to his foot step, beat them in their game.

Good luck

OP, this is one of the best advices here today. Change your game, perhaps your man isn't being made to feel like a man owing to the fact you were used to having your ways with since he's introvert and zero social life.
He may not have started cheating yet but he's pretty nursing the idea. Quickly fight for your man.

God bless your home.

Different strokes...

Hubby and I both have unrestricted access. In my opinion, having unrestricted access to your spouse's phone is the best (unless it's a work phone).

airsaylongcon:


This is where every woman begins to get it wrong. The fact that a man is married to a woman doesn't mean certain things aren't sacrosanct. It may be his relationship with his mum or with his phone. I lock my phone and haven't got a problem with my lady going through it. She however must seek AND obtain my consent to do so

kinibigdeal:


"He stop attending church"! well, that aren't the problem here, the problem now is about your said connection with his family. The issue in discuss aside, every relationship get better if there are interconnection between families. You've got to reestablish your connection with his family and he also have to do otherwise with yours to balance any attitudinal inconsistency in marriage

Thanks again for your advice

Spirit1:



You are definitely right. She was the extrovert and he was the smart boy, not social, book worm who did well in school. She had her way with him.
He was probably not noticed in school by other girls because he wasn't social.

Now he has a good job and women are suddenly noticing him.

Since she had her way with him, she is probably neglecting to pay attention to him and massage his ego; which by the way every man likes. Unfortunately other women are doing that to him and he is enjoying their attention.

OP my word of advise : men are like babies, they enjoy attention. They like to be made to feel important. The fact that long term girl friends don't realize this, especially when levels change after graduation is the reason why many university relationships that end in marriages fell.

Shine your eyes. Your man has "grown", other women are looking at him. Change your tactics. Treat him like Prince Charming, that's what they are doing that you are not doing. I bet this guy loves you, but you have to move fast before you loose him. He is no longer your book worm with no social life. Other chics have brought social life to his foot step, beat them in their game.

Good luck

Brilliant.

Ask them in

There is no amount of security one attached to her husband if he is ready to cheat he will surely beat it. To me I won't check my fiancees phone for me not to get heart attack, I won't search pocket fr condoms, I won smell d cloth if oda women perf smell in it. Mine own is God sud make him carry out responsibilities. Infidelity is bad in both parties, ignore as if u don't see him duin it that will make d marriage last. I read punch news or so in 2009, d man wrote it dre that his wife nabbed him making love to her frbds, yet she didn't report to d family, she didn't nag with d husband or query why he did that, she cook for him, make love to him without asking why he slept with her Frnd, it was d husband that now got scared after buyg d wife hummer jeep that d wife still didn't ask him anything neither family make move in solvg problems. For the woman to take that kind of step with strong heart, I belief suru o le se okuta jina. Many of us can't even take half of what d women took. I still beg God to give me cool mind

There is no amount of security one attached to her husband if he is ready to cheat he will surely beat it. To me I won't check my fiancees phone for me not to get heart attack, I won't search pocket fr condoms, I won smell d cloth if oda women perf smell in it. Mine own is God sud make him carry out responsibilities. Infidelity is bad in both parties, ignore as if u don't see him duin it that will make d marriage last. I read punch news or so in 2009, d man wrote it dre that his wife nabbed him making love to her frbds, yet she didn't report to d family, she didn't nag with d husband or query why he did that, she cook for him, make love to him without asking why he slept with her Frnd, it was d husband that now got scared after buyg d wife hummer jeep that d wife still didn't ask him anything neither family make move in solvg problems. For the woman to take that kind of step with strong heart, I belief suru o le se okuta jina. Many of us can't even take half of what d women took. I still beg God to give me cool mindLove your reply. You are so real . What you said is the truth but some of these women here are yet to accept them.

They will soon come for your head. Get ready.

@saddenedsoul I have to ask you to kindly take down this thread. The solution to your problem cannot be found here. You will only end up bombarding yourself with the counsel of some people who are probably coming from some dark demented place themselves or who have been hurt by men in their past so are coming from a place of hate or confusion.

Go and love your husband...sometimes love overlooks what is so obvious and waxes stronger when tested. If you had said he accepted the dating requests from those women then its a different thing. All you said was they were asking him out but not if he accepted to play along.

Your man is a good man. Stop wasting your time on this thread.

1. You married him and vice versa
2. You have known each other for 6 yrs
3. You have been married for 1yr
4. You share the same bed
5. He makes passionate love to you and you reciprocate
6. He enjoys your meals
7. He has never hit you or spoken harshly towards you

CONCLUSSION; HE IS A GOOD MAN...GET OVER IT! Perfect love casts away fear.... the remedy to your heartache is LOVE LOVE AND EVEN MORE LOVE.

I don talk my own. She who has ears let her hear.

A smart woman would have taken a screenshots of the suspicious whatsapp messages and keep them as evidence.

Then confront your husband about what you saw and if he lies about it, show him the evidence. When you catch someone doing sonething bad and he/her still lies about it, then you can trust the person.

Your husband is a cheater.

Saddenedsoul:
Sorry, to bother you all , but I just had to get this off my chest. I recently got married, just little over a year ago. I have had no reason not to trust my husband, in fact I could trust him with my life. My problem started last week when I borrowed his laptop to complete some office work. I found his WhatsApp web was logged in, so out of curiosity, I decided to take a peek. What I found what worrying, I saw lots of messages from women who were literally asking my husband out, planning dates and meet up venues, even when they are all well aware that he is married. Since then I have been paranoid, every word from his mouth becomes suspicious, I get angry at him for no reason; I don't know wether to confront him, because I feel like he's just going to lie to me, I'm very confused , somebody help me.

But wait o, This isn't relevant but

Your husband must be Too Handsome or Very rich (and Generous) , for ladies to be asking him out !!!

Ladies don't ask stingy men out ! so tell him to keep his money is his pocket !

Neverquit:
How did he reply to those messages? Is he coming home late? Or always traveling for business? Etc.

Don't be angry @ him because he's innocent until proven guilty. Also, does he lock his phone? You know your man, study him and go with your intuition.

God bless you. Married people get asked out every time.
What OP has not told us is her Hubby's response to these women.
We all face temptations daily. Resist or fall for it.

Also, is polygamy part of the Hubby's culture or religion? We often forget that and impose our own point of view on lifestyle on others.

See nairalanders with diff opinions. I refused to be confused.

damogul:
@saddenedsoul I have to ask you to kindly take down this thread. The solution to your problem cannot be found here. You will only end up bombarding yourself with the counsel of some people who are probably coming from some dark demented place themselves or who have been hurt by men in their past so are coming from a place of hate or confusion.

Go and love your husband...sometimes love overlooks what is so obvious and waxes stronger when tested. If you had said he accepted the dating requests from those women then its a different thing. All you said was they were asking him out but not if he accepted to play along.

Your man is a good man. Stop wasting your time on this thread.

1. You married him and vice versa
2. You have known each other for 6 yrs
3. You have been married for 1yr
4. You share the same bed
5. He makes passionate love to you and you reciprocate
6. He enjoys your meals
7. He has never hit you or spoken harshly towards you

CONCLUSSION; HE IS A GOOD MAN...GET OVER IT! Perfect love casts away fear.... the remedy to your heartache is LOVE LOVE AND EVEN MORE LOVE.

I don talk my own. She who has ears let her hear.

Good man? In your dictionary abi

byvan03:



You can't pick his phone right in front of him? Well am sure you are aware of the deal before you married him. These things don't start in a day, it has always been there .

This is true.. I wonder why people will keep crying when they saw the sign during courtship/relationship and will still go ahead without solving the issue thinking the other person will change.

Honestly, I see no reason why couples should hide their Fones from each other..
attitude lik this breed suspicion and before we know it..

truthsayer007:


Good man? In your dictionary abi

Are you married? If not then you lack the kind of comprehension and issue assessment that marriages present. In my dictionary he is a good man. Good has its degrees and is different from being a perfect man. Good means he is very acceptable in nature and character. Again I say..yes he is a good man.

Madam, am not married yet, as a matter of fact am still in the university buh i will tel you this, go and watch WAR ROOM. It might look like nothing yet but when you do you will find out the power of PRAYER and I bet you after that he will find those ladies irritating if at all he's cheating and he'll come begging you. If you really want to save your marriage watch that movie#peace

damogul:



Are you married? If not then you lack the kind of comprehension and issue assessment that marriages present. In my dictionary he is a good man. Good has its degrees and is different from being a perfect man. Good means he is very acceptable in nature and character. Again I say..yes he is a good man.

Oga, He his not !

If you are not interested in illicit relationship, then don't condone it at all.

Don't accept chats from women, ignore their chats, delete them and don't act nice.

its not so hard to do that, Unless you have a plan to smash them in the future.

Actually he his a Badoo who plans to smash them in nearest future !

Saddenedsoul:
He did nothing, just continued emotionlessly like nothing happened, driving me to the brink of craziness.

Probably suprised u're disturbing urself over nothing....moreover u don't even know thhe kind of war he is fighting just to put them off

I'm very sure that if he goes through your whatsapp chats, he MUST find stuffs that will make him to not trust you again.

Are you saying that you don't flirt with other men? Or that other men does not hit on you and even ask you out eversince you married him? Even here on NL, I'm sure you do flirt with your real moniker.

You women will always nag a man to death. You suspect a lot and do the worst.

]i believe that you sow the charts,what was it all about.are they flowing on the same way or is he trying in any way to change the topic? If by the charts you sow, your husband is innocent,then know that there are many girls chasing your husband but you are the luky one he choose to be with.don't allow people to give you the wrong advice.lean from Victoria Beckham, she said that her husband is too handsome that women must Chase him. She didn't alow all the gossip to distroy her home. Your getting angry will push him to those women. Make your home, pls don't break it.

•Step 1 - Buy a new sim card then add him on Whatsapp.

•Step 2 - Send him a message and fob off all suspicions by feeding him with a very believable story as regards how you got his contact.

•Step 3 - Flirt with him and review his replies(this must be done only after a high level of trust has been built between the two of you, otherwise he would begin to have inklings that might just put a kibosh on the whole exercise)

•Step 4 - If he flirts back, asks for your nüdes; agrees to a lunch date and whatnot then your husband is most likely cheating on you with the bevy of female 'admirers' on his Whatsapp; either that or he is back-watering between honouring his marital vows and cheating on you.

PS: If he doesn't flirt back or goad you on when you seduce him with your come-hither messages then he's living on the straight and narrow.

If you cannot do this then inform him of your discovery; and tell him you feel very uncomfortable about it but be quick to add that you understand that it isn't entirely his fault.

He would most likely try to turn it on you and accuse you of not trusting him or for making unwarranted forays into his private space, so be well prepared.

Just sit down and think of the smartest way to go about it.
A softy-softy approach would be the wisest way IMO.

An all-out confrontation would only aggravate issues especially if your suspicions are eventually proved to be ill-founded.

My two pennyworth.

Emaprince:
I'm very sure that if he goes through your whatsapp chats, he MUST find stuffs that will make him to not trust you again.

Are you saying that you don't flirt with other men? Or that other men does not hit on you and even ask you out eversince you married him? Even here on NL, I'm sure you do flirt with your real moniker.

You women will always nag a man to death. You suspect a lot and do the worst.

oga, calm down na, we are trying to help her out...not to start accusing her too na !

lets leave her own part alone for now. she is the current victim

Saddenedsoul:
Thank you, I appreciate.

u ar very welcome dear.dont giv urself unneccesaary worries. blive it is well nd enjoy ur marriage

momove4real25:
Am still single, but at back of my mind I av it that men are polygamous in nature. A colleague of said to me that didn't I kW we women are like fruits of difrent species that men are fruit salad meang they always want to av another taste one day. With that it won't bug me if my man cheats but he shouldn't bring dat person home. I will make sure I carry out all my responsblities give him support so that d blame will be on him if nabbed that he is cheatg me. I won't choke him BKS no matter how u do that a man that will cheat will definitely do, madam my advise is take is easy, don't challenge with slap like, stylishly study on what he sees in d oda women, if na make up I beggi start applyg, if na dressing u also sud upgrade, if na bedmatic styles u too improve BKS Una don sign d contract. But don't give urslf heart attack BKS he is cheatg, if somedy die or run mad a cheater remains a cheater

Ur correct sha!!!!!!

Ur saying Cuz u bliv he can't bring disease to you @ home....he can get HIV out side and push it to innocent u.....

It is easy to say....

Saddenedsoul:
Sorry, to bother you all , but I just had to get this off my chest. I recently got married, just little over a year ago. I have had no reason not to trust my husband, in fact I could trust him with my life. My problem started last week when I borrowed his laptop to complete some office work. I found his WhatsApp web was logged in, so out of curiosity, I decided to take a peek. What I found what worrying, I saw lots of messages from women who were literally asking my husband out, planning dates and meet up venues, even when they are all well aware that he is married. Since then I have been paranoid, every word from his mouth becomes suspicious, I get angry at him for no reason; I don't know wether to confront him, because I feel like he's just going to lie to me, I'm very confused , somebody help me.

Years back, I had the same issue, loads of women asked me out indluding those I had never met,yes anonymous, what I am sure of is that if you don't handle this with care it's going to ruin your relationship, how do I help, it's not a one shoe fits all size advice so I need to ask you some certain questions too.

I am not there yet, but I have passed your road before.God bless your marraige

First of all don't trust anyone to avoid head & heart ache, I ve bn there! What's ur hubby's response? Is he ignoring them or making plans? Were they (women) asking him out or does he ask some out? Pls just be prayerful cos some men are rotten, they can pretend as well.

Saddenedsoul:
Sorry, to bother you all , but I just had to get this off my chest. I recently got married, just little over a year ago. I have had no reason not to trust my husband, in fact I could trust him with my life. My problem started last week when I borrowed his laptop to complete some office work. I found his WhatsApp web was logged in, so out of curiosity, I decided to take a peek. What I found what worrying, I saw lots of messages from women who were literally asking my husband out, planning dates and meet up venues, even when they are all well aware that he is married. Since then I have been paranoid, every word from his mouth becomes suspicious, I get angry at him for no reason; I don't know wether to confront him, because I feel like he's just going to lie to me, I'm very confused , somebody help me.

PLS LOVINGLY LAY D ISSUE BEFORE HIM WITH ALL HUMILITY,DEVOID OF ARROGANCE. TELL HIM D TRUTH.HE WILL DO TWO THINGS: OWN UP AND DESIST FORTH WITH OR KEEP CALM/QUIET BUT EFFECT D NEEDED CHANGE U DESIRE AND DESERVE. BUT U ALSO MUST NOT RAISE ANY DOUBTS.THANK ME LATER.