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Help :The Women My Dad Is Sleeping With Have Started To Threaten My Mum by jhasper(m): 11:27am On Jul 15, 2016 |
am the eldest of 4 siblings. My parents have been married for 20 years but I am 24 now because apparently they got wedded a few years after I was born even though the traditional marriage rites were performed earlier. All my life my dad has been abusive towards us and my mum. Physically, emotionally and mentally. I am grateful he did the bare minimum and fed us, plus provide a roof over our heads, we only had clothes during Christmas that we have to manage for the whole year until another Christmas. As for birthday parties no way, my mum would try her best and buy a few bottles of coca cola and sweets and sometimes a small cake. |
Re: Help :The Women My Dad Is Sleeping With Have Started To Threaten My Mum by jhasper(m): 11:28am On Jul 15, 2016 |
From two years old I was sent to live my Uncle
and his wife, I suffered from his wife to the point
where some of them abused and neglected me.
If it wasn't for the neighbours telling my parents
to get me out of there, who knows what would
have happened to me.
At the age of about 9 my dad decided my mum
would stop working and and stay home to take
care of the family.
Growing up we would regularly see and hear my
dad beating her up and
shouting abuses. She would always defend him if
we spoke bad about him saying he is still your
dad no matter what he does and I don't
understand why.
As we grew older we began to have more
courage to speak up to him. Probably from about
the age of 14 till now, but I have lost count how
many times we have tried to reason with him,
write letters to him and cards about how his
behaviour has affected us all and literally crying
and begging for him to change, to listen and
stop. Family and friends have tried and even our
church pastor and his wife but nothing. My mum
still stays with him. Even though we said we will
help and support her. |
Re: Help :The Women My Dad Is Sleeping With Have Started To Threaten My Mum by DullardBuhari(m): 11:28am On Jul 15, 2016 |
Hmmm go down on ur kneels n pray |
Re: Help :The Women My Dad Is Sleeping With Have Started To Threaten My Mum by jhasper(m): 11:28am On Jul 15, 2016 |
The funny thing is that when my Aunt was in an
abusive relationship with my uncle guess who
ran to her aid and made sure my uncle changed?
my mum and dad. My Aunt got gt on her feet,
she started her own business and has been doing
well ever since. My Aunt said her abuse was
nothing on the scale of my mums and ours and
she could not take what my dad has done to us
all. So clearly my mum understands and reasons
but not for herself or so it seems.
My parents travelled abroad, Dad still abused her
emotionally and physically even while there. My
mother now has health issues diabetes, high
blood pressure, high cholesterol, knee pains and
loads of complains.
My dad has multiple marital affairs and mum
accepts this as part of the culture and each time
I try to confront her she tells me not to worry
about that saying in our African way, that dad
can choose to marry another wife and that
having only affairs is not that bad as long as he
is not getting married to another wife. He
showers the women and their kids with money
and gifts and pays for the school fees yet he
complains of no money for my two last siblings
and for my mum and to go see a doctor. On New
year day, he gave them nothing for food while he
went out to see one of his jezebels. The women
he is seeing and sleeping with have started
threatening my mums life also. |
Re: Help :The Women My Dad Is Sleeping With Have Started To Threaten My Mum by jhasper(m): 11:29am On Jul 15, 2016 |
After he tried to strangle her, I forcefully brought
her to stay with me a little, I advised her to file a
complain at any police station that her life is
under threats but my mum is reluctant to do
anything if it involves mentioning my dad as she
says she can't do that to him and has to protect
him that she still loves him.
Now my dad is apparently doing the whole he is
sorry act and my mum buys it. I messaged him
to ask him to explain his behaviour and he told
me it is none of my business and it is an insult
to question him. He says he is a disciplinarian
and not a dictator and he is the best dad in the
world.
My mum says she isn't staying here and wants
to go back to him one day after he has learned
his lesson and suffered, and we should forgive
and forget and we should make up with my dad
everybody makes mistakes and deserves another
chance... |
Re: Help :The Women My Dad Is Sleeping With Have Started To Threaten My Mum by jhasper(m): 11:29am On Jul 15, 2016 |
Growing up sometimes my mum was physically
abusive to my siblings every time dad finishes
dealing with her, she'll transfer the anger. I was
the quiet child so got less of it, when they said
jump, I did. When they said, sit, I did. She was
also emotionally and mentally abusive and
manipulative towards us all and Yes I'm sure she
took out the abuse she received from my dad on
us.
The man has shown no remorse and doesn't
accept that his behaviour is wrong and hurtful
towards others. Saying every relationship has it's
hiccups Yes he is right to a point but not
violence and abuse that is just abnormal
behaviour. She says he is not himself and it
must be juju from the women that's making him
act like this, that when they met he was so kind
and would do everything for her.........
The same lines she has been quoting for years
and refusing to leave dad.
I am so drained from listening to it all, just got
married and want to relax and enjoy my new
marriage. I can't keep going on like this. I don't
know what next to do, please help me. |
Re: Help :The Women My Dad Is Sleeping With Have Started To Threaten My Mum by jhasper(m): 11:38am On Jul 15, 2016 |
DullardBuhari:. thanks bro |
Re: Help :The Women My Dad Is Sleeping With Have Started To Threaten My Mum by bigiyaro(m): 11:38am On Jul 15, 2016 |
I have a similar background, unfortunately there is nothing u can do. |
Re: Help :The Women My Dad Is Sleeping With Have Started To Threaten My Mum by jhasper(m): 11:42am On Jul 15, 2016 |
bigiyaro:. need advice o |
Re: Help :The Women My Dad Is Sleeping With Have Started To Threaten My Mum by moststylish(m): 11:44am On Jul 15, 2016 |
U mean u are 24 and married 1 Like |
Re: Help :The Women My Dad Is Sleeping With Have Started To Threaten My Mum by gsparks01(m): 11:57am On Jul 15, 2016 |
moststylish:are you surprised? |
Re: Help :The Women My Dad Is Sleeping With Have Started To Threaten My Mum by jhasper(m): 11:59am On Jul 15, 2016 |
moststylish:. engaged |
Re: Help :The Women My Dad Is Sleeping With Have Started To Threaten My Mum by jhasper(m): 12:00pm On Jul 15, 2016 |
gsparks01:. don't mind him |
Re: Help :The Women My Dad Is Sleeping With Have Started To Threaten My Mum by Askseek(f): 2:15pm On Jul 15, 2016 |
I'll tell you what you can and should do, be selfish think of yourself and your new family and then put yourself first. As you rightly identified, nothing will change until your mother is ready to effect that change. She is caught in a vicious cycle and the only thing you can do now is to save yourself 3 Likes |
Re: Help :The Women My Dad Is Sleeping With Have Started To Threaten My Mum by Elegantdiva: 3:09pm On Jul 15, 2016 |
The same with my dad.My father never knew how we managed to graduate from the university . never gave us pocket money let alone school fees . we held unto God firmly . Now we av grown and av jobs . last time my dad tried hitting my mum, my sister threatened him that we will take our mum and he will never see us neither will he see his wife. My sister the best is to hold God and keep speaking to God. Every situation has an expiring date. 3 Likes |
Re: Help :The Women My Dad Is Sleeping With Have Started To Threaten My Mum by Elegantdiva: 3:19pm On Jul 15, 2016 |
My dear every situation has an expiring date. My family was once like that until we became adults and had to question my dad. My father never paid our SCH fees nor give pocket money. Neither did any of our relatives came to our aid. My mum had to see us through university ,fed us,pay our house rent and still gave out pocket money. funny thing was five of us gaining admission almost the same time. But God saw us through. Now we are adults,we earn monthly comfortably . I can't remember the last time my father raised hand to hit my mum. My dear Hold God firmly . never lose hope. Just like my mum will always say,once married woman is always a married woman especially when you av females as children . They will be looking unto you. Smday ur family situation will change |
Re: Help :The Women My Dad Is Sleeping With Have Started To Threaten My Mum by Askseek(f): 5:56pm On Jul 15, 2016 |
Elegantdiva: Am sorry, what exactly are you recommending here cos am a bit confused. You are asking him to hold on, hold on for what, long enough for what exactly. I am confused please clarify |
Re: Help :The Women My Dad Is Sleeping With Have Started To Threaten My Mum by byvan03: 7:20pm On Jul 15, 2016 |
Just face your life, some women are destined to die as GALLANT soldiers in marriage. You can't save her but you can save yourself. 5 Likes |
Re: Help :The Women My Dad Is Sleeping With Have Started To Threaten My Mum by Dajugba: 7:30pm On Jul 15, 2016 |
Wow... Read your story. There is hope, but above all, take it to the Lord in prayers. And always show your mum the maximum love she needs. You're partially the man of the house, you've much roles to play. But at the same time, you can't not go beyond your parents decisions as long your mum still truely care about him. What you people should be concern about is try to convince your mum to stay with any of you, atlest a little while, for if she continue like this, we don't pray to hear the other side, her health comes first. And as for your dad, I guess he should be at is mid or late 40's or 50's from your explanation, and probably when he get to 60, that is probably when he would get things right if he can't get it now. By then he would ve come to realized he has destroy his Godly mandate to build his family with proper love. But never the less, like your mum had said, try to forgive him, and if you don't, you could develop some of his attitude. Because anger make people function without love. Cheer Brother. |
Re: Help :The Women My Dad Is Sleeping With Have Started To Threaten My Mum by Nobody: 7:52pm On Jul 15, 2016 |
Well I guess the only good thing you can take out of this is how not to raise your own family. Be good to your siblings. Be kind to your mother too when she needs it. |
Re: Help :The Women My Dad Is Sleeping With Have Started To Threaten My Mum by nnamdibig(m): 8:07pm On Jul 15, 2016 |
Your mum might have done something terribly wrong that your dad could not forgive her and is only known to just the two of them. That is the only reason a woman should still stay with such an abusive man. as for you guys the children, you guys should let your dad know that you guys are all grown now that he can't be getting away with those things he was doing when you guys were small. 1 Like |
Re: Help :The Women My Dad Is Sleeping With Have Started To Threaten My Mum by Nobody: 8:12pm On Jul 15, 2016 |
I'm very sorry that you had and still have to witness your mother being ill-treated, but one thing is for sure, you will be a better man. It is a pity that the human kind behaviour is unpredictable, hence it is very important that we learn from everything that is happening around us. As Dajugba says, you are partially the man of the house. Unfortunately in situations like these, the abused always behave in such a manner that, one can conclude that they have been hypothesized. What I am saying is, your mother is in no position to make any worthy decision for herself. Trust me I am no psychologist but, the abuse has been going on for too long that she has learnt to suppress the pain. Infact the pain is automatically supressed. I am not trying to give you bad advice, but hey, if talking to your dad has not helped, force is the ultimatum. The one person you should fight is your mother. She won't want to come stay with you because she is now immune to the situation. I say find a way of convincing her more, you know her buttons well. Move her else one day you my friend, will post a different story. 3 Likes |
Re: Help :The Women My Dad Is Sleeping With Have Started To Threaten My Mum by egopersonified(f): 8:21pm On Jul 15, 2016 |
And women are the weaker sex. I pray I live to see the day this theory is disproved. 1 Like |
Re: Help :The Women My Dad Is Sleeping With Have Started To Threaten My Mum by Dajugba: 8:26pm On Jul 15, 2016 |
jagugu88li: Nice one... Learnt from your words aswell. 1 Like |
Re: Help :The Women My Dad Is Sleeping With Have Started To Threaten My Mum by Richy4(m): 8:55pm On Jul 15, 2016 |
This kind of story is the type that makes me feel like throwing up... To think that your mum is really suffering like that in the name of marriage and insisting to stay is what i really do not understand....was it the stigma of being branded a divorcee that she was scared of? I don't know about Nigeria but there's no stigma anymore... Maybe you should remind her one last time that life is just once... She should not live the rest of her life unhappy.. I understand people will advise you to pray.. Yes pray but while you were waiting for his answers, your mum should go and cool off ...It doesn't take much for someone to give up the ghost these days.... 1 Like |
Re: Help :The Women My Dad Is Sleeping With Have Started To Threaten My Mum by thelish(f): 1:01am On Jul 16, 2016 |
byvan03: Funny u@ gallant 2 Likes |
Re: Help :The Women My Dad Is Sleeping With Have Started To Threaten My Mum by Nobody: 9:44am On Jul 16, 2016 |
egopersonified: Never happening my dear, never happening. Have you heard what FEMALES say when a lady is raped or say a child. You find questions like, what was she doing there in the first place?...see her attire....why would you stop when a man is calling, then claim you don't want sex? LADIES DON'T LOVE LADIES AND MEN ARE SILENTLY OBSERVING. This kind of talk makes them think that whatever treatment they give us is initiated by us. We never stand together and condemn them. Instead we want them to believe we understand them, until it hits you, too late unfortunately. We crave them cheering or approving of the stupidity we at times display, just so we appear to be understanding. They are using us against ourselves and winning at it. We are not responsible for their current mentality about us, but have a hand, a big one too 3 Likes |
Re: Help :The Women My Dad Is Sleeping With Have Started To Threaten My Mum by toyeem(f): 2:06pm On Jul 16, 2016 |
nnamdibig: You really think so. I'm sure you've not been privileged to meet such men. I know lots of them,they are not only abusive but also very manipulative. @op, I've seen issues like this several times and you are the one to help your mother out. Next time he tries to abuse her, take a trip down home and let him know you won't tolerate any of it and be firm but polite about it. He would respect this since you are no more dependent on him. |
Re: Help :The Women My Dad Is Sleeping With Have Started To Threaten My Mum by Quintee(f): 2:41pm On Jul 16, 2016 |
Richy4:True that there is little or no stigma attached to leaving. One of the reasons she may be reluctant is that she might have invested a lot in the marriage. For instance, consider a situation where she contributed financially to building their house or jointly owns assets with the man. In a country like Nigeria, where the judicial system is messed up, she will most likely be left with nothing at the end of the day. Issues like this is why I believe a woman should have her own world apart from that of the marriage. A man's investment in Nigerian marriage is as good as investing in his future. The average Nigerian woman's investment in marriage is as good as investing in her spouse which she may not even reap in situations like the Op's own. So, a woman should create a life for herself at least. |
Re: Help :The Women My Dad Is Sleeping With Have Started To Threaten My Mum by titane: 3:39pm On Jul 16, 2016 |
this thread dey vex me sha. |
Re: Help :The Women My Dad Is Sleeping With Have Started To Threaten My Mum by Richy4(m): 5:59pm On Jul 16, 2016 |
Quintee: My dear I agree with u but no matter how much a woman should invest in a relatioship, she should value her peace and rest of mind...It doesn't take much this days for someone to give up the ghost..... if that woman should give that marriage a break, and act like the husband never existed, she might be surprised how the man will be crawling back like a prodigal son... I don't know but this kind of thing makes me fancy western culture...No white woman can take half of this.. not to talk of taking it whole.. |
Re: Help :The Women My Dad Is Sleeping With Have Started To Threaten My Mum by Thermythorpe(f): 10:17pm On Jul 16, 2016 |
My parents travelled abroad, Dad still abused her emotionally and physically even while there. My mother now has health issues diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, knee pains and loads of complains. .[/quote] so, even after getting the above some people are still telling OP to "take it to d lord in prayer" , seriously?? maybe you will take a drastic step when its a different story.. Dis thread dey vex me |
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