You can't help someone if he or she doesn't feel he needs help. Your mum needs to realize she needs help. She needs to make peace with herself and tell herself that she has endured enough, and she needs to be alive firstly for herself and also for her kids. Our mothers hide under the umbrella of "I am staying because of the kids" but they fail to realize that even the kids wants them out of the sufferings they are passing through. And to all those recommending prayers, yes I agree prayer can solve all problems but there are some issues that requires prayer and "self determination and resolution". May God help us not to ever miss it in marriage because that sacrament dey fear me die. If it's not an issue of an abusive partner, it will be issues of irresponsible fathers who only bear the title father but never lives up to the responsibility of the word itself. But there are still good fathers out there, may God bless them abundantly. Op that's life for you and I am sure you have learnt a lesson from your parents case, so please don't ever make your wife feel less of a human. May God help us.

Richy4:


My dear I agree with u but no matter how much a woman should invest in a relatioship, she should value her peace and rest of mind...It doesn't take much this days for someone to give up the ghost.....

if that woman should give that marriage a break, and act like the husband never existed, she might be surprised how the man will be crawling back like a prodigal son...

I don't know but this kind of thing makes me fancy western culture...No white woman can take half of this.. not to talk of taking it whole..

Hypocrites to the core if you ask me. They pretend like abuse doesn't exist in their world. Whites carry a "double Phd" in covering up their true colours. They have mastered the art of making us black people want to be them, or should I say think better of them. See them divorcing a few months before one of them retires, grand-life-crisis. Their shelters (victims of abuse house) are always in affluent residents. Fortunately, we all know places of that nature are far away from the average person to witness to it. You don't find them begging because again, they have specialized caregivers for their needy. Never in my life have I seen a Whiteman admitting to be HIV+, unless obviously he/she is "part of a formation", Trust Fund Organisation in this case, where millions will be dropped and guess who is heading the account?... Your guess is as good as mine.

But I do understand were you come from.


[quote author=Quintee post=47600695]
. So, a woman should create a life for herself at least.[/quote]

I'm with you all the way

Sorry about your plight. It's too late to change your mom now. Face your own marriage and don't interfere in theirs again.
It's hard especially when you see your mom hurting but what are you going to do?
Talk, beg, pray, bring in mediators? As if you haven't done all that. Just take it that she's resigned to dying at his hands if it comes to that.

It's her life. Toughen up and let her live with her choices.

jhasper:

.
need advice o

No you don't.

You know exactly what needs to be done yet you procrastinate and expect Nairalanders to spell out the obvious to you.

Your mother isn't getting younger. She's got a myriad of serious health issues inclusive of high BP and exposure to STDs.

Yet you wait?

Perhaps you should start looking up the prices of coffins.

jhasper dis time around, ur story is fully baked and realistic....

I really don't know what to say. Some families are so dysfunctional. Chai!!

Thank God for my own. I grew up in a family where there's mutual love and respect between the spouses so the notion of spousal abuse is alien to me. Mum is Iron Woman and I've been raised that way. How can a woman allow herself be so messed up?

Chai!