This is not really a difficult one for me though, becuase my mind is made up already.
Why will your elder brothers mostly your immediate elder brother that is only 2 years older than you are be dictating who you should marry,mostly when you are above 30 as a lady i.e in your early 30s.

The man am marrying is an igbo guy, obviously a xtian, while i am yoruba, from a muslim home, but am now a xtian.when i discussed this with the eldest of us all, he did not frown against the fact that he is a xtian, but only paused for a sec when i told him he is an igbo guy, but did not frown against it after that, he only told me to invite him over so he can talk with him, and dis is somebody i was thinking was going to give me headache over this issue.

Just this afternoon, my immediate elder bro called and was saying all sort of things, how i will not go to aljanna if i marry a xtian/igbo, how he is not going to attend my wedding, and this are pple that did not marry their wives in a proper way o, that whenever i remember i always feel bad, they are now trying to choose who to marry for me.

As for me, i am very much ok with who am going to marry, and by God's grace, there is not going to be any problem now or in future.

we are looking at early next year for our wedding,i.e the introduction first, then after wihich we will proceed for the court, and the church wedding.

N.B there might still be issue from them regards the church wedding if dey eventually agree with me on my choice of man, but muslim wedding is one wedding i do not like atall, and it has never bin in my dictionary


My conclusion with my elder brother before this one called this afternoon is to bring my man over to his place on sunday i.e on sallah day, he also said he is going to invite them over i.e my other brothers, what i need is an advise on this issue so that i wont be rude to any body, becuase i have never been rude to any of them before.

Just talk to them and let them know that this man is the one who you think you will be happy with and no matter what happens you will be marrying him. Do it all with tact because you dont want to alienate anyone in the process. How about your parents how do they feel about this?

Abi, what about your parents?
I think you've given him too much power in the past that's why he's has so much voice in your marriage plans. But first, how's your relationship with him?

Ha in this modern age.That was then and not now.Aren't you mature enough 2 know what is good 4 you.

@poster

i like that name mafolayomi

Why do your brothers think that threatening not to show for your wedding ceremony will change anything. People just like to make life complicated all in the name of culture. What do your parents have to say? Did your brother raise you or something?

Thank you all for your wonderful contributions. My parents are late, and no they did not raise me, the one i stays with presently is my mum's first born, and does not even know how i survive and i dont blame them because they all have their responsibilities.presently am in sch, 400l, and non of them have contributed anything to this, infact, informing them atall that i am getting married is just to fulfil all righteousness. @ stillwater, u ar right if u say i have given dem too much power, and i think this is the time to seize that from them, cos they are getting me pissed off already. More contribution are welcome please. Thanks all for always been there.
@ candylips, thank you, thats one of my late father's names

Jus take it easy and make sure you know what you are doing. As for siblings , some of them can be a pain in the ass!

@Poster

I believe me, I know that what many families go through as a result of inter-tribal marriages.

What you should know is that your brother doesen't see love in that union; all he wants is that his sister must marry someone that favours them not minding whether you love him or not. And believe me, so many girls have made wrong choices simply because they wanted to please their families and I can assure you that they are regretting it now.

I won't want you to fall under that category that's why I had to post here.

Here's what you should do. I believe that you're quite matured; so you must let them know that whatever decision you make now would affect you either positively or negatively in future. You must let your brother know that you love this man; and since both of you are compatible you have on intentions of leaving him just because you want to please them.

If he still insist on you leaving him, then ask him to give you at least three genuine reasons(apart from tribalism and religious seasons) that should make you leave him. If he can't give any, then I would suggest that you go ahead with the wedding.

Finally, don't be rude to them when your bring your fiance for that visit; or else they might use that as an excuse to find fault in you marrying him. Instead show them respect and let them know that you have nothing against them; and I can assure you that they would have no choice than to give you the green light.

Good luck.

@Poster

I believe me, I know that what many families go through as a result of inter-tribal marriages.

What you should know is that your brother doesen't see love in that union; all he wants is that his sister must marry someone that favours them not minding whether you love him or not. And believe me, so many girls have made wrong choices simply because they wanted to please their families and I can assure you that they are regretting it now.

I won't want you to fall under that category that's why I had to post here.

Here's what you should do. I believe that you're quite matured; so you must let them know that whatever decision you make now would affect you either positively or negatively in future. You must let your brother know that you love this man; and since both of you are compatible you have on intentions of leaving him just because you want to please them.

If he still insist on you leaving him, then ask him to give you at least three genuine reasons(apart from tribalism and religious seasons) that should make you leave him. If he can't give any, then I would suggest that you go ahead with the wedding.

Finally, don't be rude to them when your bring your fiance for that visit; or else they might use that as an excuse to find fault in you marrying him. Instead show them respect and let them know that you have nothing against them; and I can assure you that they would have no choice than to give you the green light.

Good luck.

@Poster, i guess you just want to do things right, so i suggest whateva happens, remain calm. Can i ask, are you ok with your conversion?

No you should marry who is right for you, its you that has to wake up to them every morning.

The fact you are waiting for your brother to agree is telling him you are not ready to make that choice and are not happy with that choice.  If you were you would marry your guy and ignore your immediate elder brother. 

When you join with a man you leave your family to create a new family, if you can't fight for your new family to exist then it's not really love and you shouldn't be marrying the guy.

Why?
Nobody can choose for me not even my mother abeg

Choose for u like they are going to do the 'till death do us part' with u and ur husband I'ld say u should follow ur heart. Take ur man to ur bro's place. Be of ur best behaviour,don't be rude to any of ur brothers. Make ur brothers understand that u've found all u ever wanted in a man. Am sure they want u to happy with ur marriage,so,am sure everything will be ok. Also,u need to ask God to soften their hearts so that they can hear and agree.

TheSeeker:

Are you sure that your brother isn't trying to marry you? Jesus Christ help that brother who will tell me not to marry my woman, he'll have himself to blame.

Am your bro and dont marry that WOMAN !!!

follypimpi:


Am your bro and dont marry that WOMAN !!!

This is what I will do to you


Topic: There's just one thing I need you to realize and try very hard to understand me. Choosing someone to be your brother is entirely how you feel about them and how they relate with your wife, what makes the matter the more, and a host of other things but safe for the relation by blood. For instance, you might have a brother who you don't get along with very well and at the same time you'll have a friend who you can tell all of your lives and will do anything for rather than your brother.

What I'm saying in essence is, your brother has no role whatsoever to play when it comes to decision that has to do with your life. You're the main factor here and they are less concerned about it, but in some cases, they might have to be the one to watch your back, sadly, in your case it's not like that. What I see in your brother is obsession. He can't stand the fact that you're getting married. Maybe you both have been very close over time or your boyfriend had finally taken his place and he feels jealous about it, or he's just simply not wishing you well (don't rule this out). I'm not trying to plant what's bad in your mind but the truth has to be told anyways. He's either jealous someone else has taken his place or he's just being stupid not wishing you get married now.

When you go for the meeting on Sunday, please refrain from insulting any of your siblings but be prepared for the worst. Don't be surprised if he has found a way to manipulate the rest of your brothers into reasoning along with him (look out for that) but don't let that change your mind. If he's not going to be there at the wedding, who's going to be missing on the marriage photo album? Whose loss? Your brother is how old again? In his 30's? He's not thinking straight. His name is "eni je egbodo ti o n wa eni 'kunra". Don't insult him but hold your ground. You don't have to explain to anyone because I don't think you owe them any explanation. How many of them consulted you when they were about to get married? So because they are older than you, they have power over you? No! Your brothers regardless of how older they are than you, are just another human being you meet on the street; they are just another set of people you can talk back at with respect yet, making your beliefs and opinions known in the most profound manner.


Go on with your wedding plans and if for some reasons you don't have all their support, don't back out or you'll forever live to regret missing out on something that would have been the greatest life for you. Sometimes, these older brothers think they are up to something when in fact they are carcasses of disappointments themselves. Follow through your plans with your fiancee and make the most of it. I reiterate that you do not insult any of them as the whole blame will go on your guy as being your fuel to confront them, and you might end up on the blacklist of those whose support you've secured. You don't have to answer too many questions, just stay on your grind, maintain that point that you want to marry him regardless of what anyone thinks. Na today?!

[Quote author=Crazyman]If he still insist on you leaving him, then ask him to give you at least three genuine reasons(apart from tribalism and religious seasons) that should make you leave him. If he can't give any, then I would suggest that you go ahead with the wedding.[/Quote]

He shouldn't bother giving reasons. Asking him to give reasons will mean revering him more than he really is. He'll think nothing can be achieved about the marriage without his input. I think the best thing for her to do is when he keeps saying she shouldn't marry him, then she should ring into his ears that it's not his business; that way he'll get the message faster that he's not worth what he thinks he is.

Yea you have a point.

Whenever love is concern, I can say lovers dont know how to control themselve. Let me ask you a question, was it this guy that changed you to be a xtian? if yes, your brothers might not like it that way but if you converted to xtian on your own then its not a big deal as the world is free for all to choose any religion of your choice (different religion, different beleifs) But it is only God who knows the right religion. Cultural difference in marriage has some things attached to it negatively, So your brothers will only advice you and I dont think they have the right to choose for you since the man is your heart desire. Frankly speaking, it very wrong for a muslim girl to marry a non muslim guy. Moreover, It is questionable if the guy was the one that converted you.

olalekan1:

Whenever love is concern, I can say lovers dont know how to control themselve. Let me ask you a question, was it this guy that changed you to be a xtian? if yes, your brothers might not like it that way but if you converted to xtian on your own then its not a big deal as the world is free for all to choose any religion of your choice (different religion, different beleifs) But it is only God who knows the right religion. Cultural difference in marriage has some things attached to it negatively, So your brothers will only advice you and I dont think they have the right to choose for you since the man is your heart desire. Frankly speaking, it very wrong for a muslim girl to marry a non muslim guy. Moreover, It is questionable if the guy was the one that converted you.

Very sad that pple like u still have this view.

@Poster, its ur life, ur man and ur decission.

olalekan1:

Whenever love is concern, I can say lovers dont know how to control themselve. Let me ask you a question, was it this guy that changed you to be a xtian? if yes, your brothers might not like it that way but if you converted to xtian on your own then its not a big deal as the world is free for all to choose any religion of your choice (different religion, different beleifs) But it is only God who knows the right religion. Cultural difference in marriage has some things attached to it negatively, So your brothers will only advice you and I dont think they have the right to choose for you since the man is your heart desire. Frankly speaking, it very wrong for a muslim girl to marry a non muslim guy. Moreover, It is questionable if the guy was the one that converted you.

Like we don't call on the same God! All u religion freaks need to slow down for real.

olalekan1:

Whenever love is concern, I can say lovers dont know how to control themselve. Let me ask you a question, was it this guy that changed you to be a xtian? if yes, your brothers might not like it that way but if you converted to xtian on your own then its not a big deal as the world is free for all to choose any religion of your choice (different religion, different beleifs) But it is only God who knows the right religion. Cultural difference in marriage has some things attached to it negatively, So your brothers will only advice you and I dont think they have the right to choose for you since the man is your heart desire. Frankly speaking, it very wrong for a muslim girl to marry a non muslim guy. Moreover, It is questionable if the guy was the one that converted you.

Says who? You? And you are?

@ all, i am very grateful for these wonderful comments, i have really learnt. u ar all wonderful pple, just like a family.

@ Ezinne , i am very much ok with my conversion, i have never ever regretted it


@ olamilekan, he did not convert me, infact, we attends differ churches for now. thank you
ones again, am very very grateful, cos with all these, i know i wont have any problem facing them on sunday, and things will sure sort itself naturally by God's grace

in addition, we were never that close to an extent that he will not want me to get married, they are in Abeokuta, am in Lagos, i have being leaving in lagos since 1997.
They never wanted me to go to school most especially this my immediate elder bro, cos they felt i was wasting time, and also felt i was going to be disturbing them financially, but as God will have it, that has never happened, cos i have my job through which i have been surviving. Infact, this immediate elder bro of mine advised that i shld go and learn how to sell cloth and when i get married and eventually have my children , they will go to school instead. of course i disagreed cos i know that that is not my portion. And am soooooo happy for where and who i am today, and also thank God for where he is taking me to. more comments are welcome please. thank you all

did ur elder bro go to school ?

not really, i will be the first graduate that family will produce God willing by next year

mafolayomi:

not really, i will be the first graduate that family will produce God willing by next year

i think that is the reason why they did not really appreciate Uni. I am really happy for you sha

FBS:

Says who? You? And you are?

I said so, What do you want to do? If you are a xtian will you be happy with your daughter's decision marrying a muslim guy? As a muslim she must respect and follow the order of the husband, so what if the husband says she should be going to church which is against her religion, if she disagreed to that, there might not be peace in the house, so as a result of that, God want peace for couples That is the reason why God said A muslim girl must not marry a non muslim guy.

nana:

Like we don't call on the same God! All u religion freaks need to slow down for real.

You seem to be a pagan to me!

justwise:

Very sad that pple like u still have this view.

@Poster, its your life, your man and your decission.

Its not a matter of having a particular view, all religions have guidelines that comes with it. As a muslim Quran and Hadith is our guidance and reference. I made reference to that before I replied to this post. I dont argue about religion matter, do your own and I do mine, dont inconvenient me and I should not inconvenient you too. That is the only way the world will be a better place for us all.

mafolayomi:

@ all, i am very grateful for these wonderful comments, i have really learnt. u ar all wonderful pple, just like a family.

@ Ezinne , i am very much ok with my conversion, i have never ever regretted it


@ olamilekan, he did not convert me, infact, we attends differ churches for now. thank you
ones again, am very very grateful, cos with all these, i know i wont have any problem facing them on sunday, and things will sure sort itself naturally by God's grace

Gud of you, May God be with you, No one is here to judge another. Invite me on your wedding day I will come.