I am a 29 year old man who has been dating my current 31 year old girlfriend for close to a year. I met her last October at a mutual friend’s wedding and asked for her number. We began going out, and in January, we agreed to be in a committed relationship. We share many hobbies and interests, have stimulating conversations and love spending time with each other. She is beautiful (she was a former model), and is practicing as a lawyer now. Income wise, she earns more than me, but that has never been an issue and she is always happy to chip in whenever we go out. I knew I was in love with her, but I didn’t know just how much she meant to me until I nearly lost her recently. Please allow me to explain.

Prior to meeting my current girlfriend, I was notoriously known as being a player, with weekends filled with clubbing and picking up random girls. I hadn’t had a serious girlfriend for over 3 years. After committing to my girlfriend, I began missing my single lifestyle. Although my girlfriend always told me to have fun at my boys’ nights, she always wanted to know when I was home. She always wanted to know who I was with and where I was. I suppose I resented having to “check in” with her.

In March, I was having a boozy night out with some guy friends when I bumped into my friend, who I will call Katy. I always knew Katy liked me, and I was flattered at the attention she was giving me. My friend Gary, who doesn’t have much respect for monogamy, egged me on. Drunk and encouraged by Gary, I ended up sleeping with Katy at her place that night. After the event, I immediately regretted it, and messaged Gary saying that I felt like a complete jerk for cheating. I stopped contacting Katy afterwards and cut her out of my life, and resolved to be a good boyfriend from then on.

I had almost completely forgotten about this event until one day, I was napping at my girlfriend’s house and she woke me by slapping me across the face. It turns out that she had gone through my phone and discovered the messages between me and Gary where I was confessing to Gary what had happened with Katy. My girlfriend told me she suspected I had never really given up my playboy ways which is why she went through my phone to find proof. She broke up with me and kicked me out of the house.

The following week, I sent her flowers and called every day begging for forgiveness. I told her I would do absolutely anything to regain her trust and give me a second chance. She finally decided to forgive me conditional upon the following: (i) No more boys’ nights; (ii) To install a GPS tracker on my phone; and (iii) To remove Gary from my life. I agreed to all conditions; the last one was the most difficult for me to do as I had known Gary since high school, but my girlfriend believed he was a bad influence to our relationship, so I agreed and told Gary I could not to see him anymore.

It’s been a month since she decided to give me a second chance. I am grateful to have her back in my life, as I now know that I cannot live without her. However, I can’t help but feel stifled as I have no freedom or control over my life anymore. She doesn’t allow me to see female friends she doesn’t trust, even in the company of others. She watches my every move on the GPS tracker, and flips out if I forget to “check in” or report who I am with. I know I deserve this, but I miss seeing my friends and miss my freedom too. Would I be unreasonable if I asked her to loosen the leash around my neck a little? Or is her behavior now completely rational?

James

Let’s start at the end and work backwards, shall we?

Trust is the underpinning of any relationship.

You have a girlfriend who doesn’t trust you.

Therefore, your relationship is doomed and you should probably get out and start over.
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Ok

I can never be in a relationship with a girl who is a super detective.



I broke up with every single last one of dem..


Ah mean, how can I be in a relationship with someone who doesn't trust me? It's fifty shades of nonsense

Well, all these conditions were handed over to you because of your actions. The question will be "for how long will all these continue?" . At 29 you aren't a teenager anymore I expect you to live more responsibly. If you have buddies who push you into doing the wrong thing I feel you should either cut or limit ties with them. I will further advise that your woman should limit her control over you or you renegotiate your relationship with her. Young man, I will add that you should step up you financial independence - create financial niche for yourself. Finally, define your relationship with your lady-is it a fling, marriage or friends with benefit?

The relationship is dead already oga so break up now or prepare for more 'regrets' btw how can you call a 31yr old lady your girlfriend?

This is not a nigerian love story sha, all these kate, gary, gps, track etc no make sense here.

She implants a GPS tracker on your phone and you say you deserve it?
Why even cut Gary out of your life since you're old enough to take decisions amidst lots of interest?
All because she said so abi?

Bro stand up and be the boss of your r/ship before you lose grounds.