I am not a writer and I don't intend being one, so please just pay attention and you will definitely understand this my life story. My life is playing out before me like a nollywood movie and am so confused right now.
I finished service late last year and got a job early this year in an oil&gas marketing firm in Port Harcourt. Everything were going fine until July this year, my immediate boss called me to his office one good day and informed me that chairman(owner of the firm) would like to see me the next day, he asked me to be in the office as early as possible. Now prior to this time, I had been opportuned to see the chairman once, can't really remember what necessitated our meeting but immediately he saw me I could see surprises written over his face. He stared at me for a while, it was as if he saw a ghost. The day we were to meet came, dressed like never before and I made sure I was smelling nice, got to the office and discovered he was already in the office. 30mins after my arrival, I was sent a message that the chairman was ready to see me,got to his office, do I need to tell you that I was scared as hell. He asked me to sit, then after staring at me for about 10 seconds, he asked me of my full name, told him, by now my armpits were already getting wet. I became apprehensive when he started asking me about my personal family background, my state of origin,local govt, grand parents and even went as far as asking me if my dad was alive. I was surprised though but in all honesty I told him everything about me. I could see a smile in his face after hearing me, he then asked me to leave that he would call me again when he needs me. 2 days later, my boss called again that Chairman was around and he wants me in his office immediately, got to his office, he was with somebody, the person sitting in his front meaning the person was backing me. I greeted him, not even minding who was with him, was probably scared of what Mr chairman wanted this time around. In a split of seconds, I saw my chairman telling the other person sitting.. "Austin see your lost brother" fellow nairalanders, immediately this man turned to me, sitting in front of me was an advance or should I say a matured version of my humble self,though he was chubby and keeps afro, unlike myself that was still growing and also keeps low cut. He was an exact replica of me, he called me by my tribal name, now nobody aside my mom calls me by that name. He asked me to come closer, he hugged me,within a twinkling of an eye, he was shedding tears. He asked me of my mom, where have I been and all sorts of questions I can't really remember now. I could not even answer any one of the questions, you sure know how I was feeling now, didn't even know what waproduct on. He thanked our chairman, with the way they were joking and talking, it was obvious they were childhood friends... I was asked to sit and I immediately turned to one sort of a new born baby the way this man was talking to me, holding my hands,rubbing my hair and telling me how grandma would be so happy to see me. Didn't even know what brought my boldness back, I immediately asked him, who are you sir and whats going on here? He paused and looked at me and told me was my late dad's brother, he was my uncle. I stood up immediately and freed myself from his grip, dashed out of the office and headed to my house immediately without even carrying my back pack from my office since my phone was in my pocket. Called my mom and explained everything to her, she ordered that I take the next available flight back to Lagos. Was getting ready when i heard a knock on my door, my colleague in the office walked in, followed by our chairman and the 'sudden uncle'.

MY CHILDHOOD STORY.
Let me quickly take you back to my story, I was a product of teenage pregnancy, mom was rejected by my dad's family, she was only supported by my dad and his immediate brother, others were against my dad accepting his responsibility, even my mom's family rejected her with the excuse that she has brought shame to the family. In all of this, my dad and his immediate brother stood by my mom, rented an apartment for her and visits her often. Long story cut short, my mom gave birth to me and her family accepted her back. According to my mom, my dad was a comfortable young man then in the early 1990s cause he was a tanker driver. Tragedy struck when I was 2months old, my dad died in an accident. My mom was left to cater for me alone, though she was being assisted by my dad's brother. In all of this, my dad's other siblings and parents did not one day pay my mom a visit or even asked of me. All of this was explained to me after my mom was embarrassed by my dad(step-dad) younger ones after a disagreement they had with my step-dad. I was 18 before I knew that the man I grew up with to know as my dad was not really my Dad, my siblings were surprised to also know that we don't share the same father. My step-dad was such a nice man that I didn't lack anything, prior to his fight with his siblings, I was regarded as the first born, he was responsible for my schooling from nursery to university level, we were nine in the family and also a one big united and happy family. Even after the fight with his siblings, nothing changed at all, aside my surname that my mom advised me to change. I started bearing my dad's family name.

BACK TO PRESENT
now fellow nairalanders, here's the problem, my uncle (my dad immediate brother)has suddenly found me through my office and chairman, several family meeting has been held, they(my dad's family) want me back, they said they wants me to further my academic career abroad, take full responsibility of what they didn't do when I was kid. All they need is for my mom to forgive them, and let them have access to me when they want and also be a part of their family cause that was the promise they made to my dad a year after his demise. My mom's family has also joined them in pleading with my mom, my mom has sworn not to forgive any of them for what they did to her when she was a teenager. All of this happened (my mom's ill treatment happened in my mom's village back then before she relocated to Lagos and remarried. Now my mom has threatened to disown me and lay a curse on me if I dare accept them as my uncles or aunts or have anything to do with them. They are stinkingly rich cause my dad's immediate brother is into oil business and he has promised to sponsor my siblings (step-siblings) to university level, my step-dad has declined this offer, telling them he could take care of his family and he does not need anybody's help.He (step-dad) has refused to say anything concerning my dilemma, he told me i was a grown man now and should take responsibility for my life and make the best decisions I feel suitable.
Fellow nairalanders am at a cross road here, am confused and don't know what to do, presently am in with an uncle (mom's brother) my career has been haulted, am just confused and need your advises. What should I do? My mom is on my neck, sane with dad's family members. From the numerous family meetings, I got to know that am the only grand child in the family, non of my dad's siblings has given birth despite some of them being married for up to 10years now. They are six in numbers and four are married with no kids... Am the only hope(for now) of sustaining the family name.


I just need your input, how do I come out of this?
Am a very popular commenter here, especially in politics section, just created this moniker to get unbiased public opinions so this place won't turn to a place of hearing the word zombie or wailer. Am in my mid twenties.



Pls help me.

Pls I need advises, lalasticlala, oga seun and other moderators pls help in pushing this to where it ought to be.... Mom is a regular guest here, maybe she can also get to read this and see what her son is passing through.

This is MY REAL LIFE STORY not some nollywood movie, pls help me out. lalasticlala pls help.

RoyalRoy pls help me out.

My little cent... I will advice u talk to ur mum, not because of their promises but because of your late dad and his brother so dat u can keep your father name alive since your father didn't reject you and your mother, but death caused her ordeal

Don't just view, pls help out with your advice.

bro...the only decider now is your mum. her decision could make or mar you... look for people she respects a lot and let them talk to her.. she needs to forgive thou its not easy..knowing fully well "that all things work together for good......." or else you wont be able to concentrate on your job for now

[quote author=heffem post=49292064]bro...the only decider now is your mum. her decision could make or mar you... look for people she respects a lot and let them talk to her.. she needs to forgive thou its not easy..knowing fully well "that all things work together for good......." or else you wont be able to concentrate on your job for now


Thanks bro, my mom is not even listening to her dad or any of her family members, she feel my dads people wants to reap from where they did not sow considering how she was treated during her pregnancy and eventual child birth. Bro I don't even have a job for now and having a job is not the problem again.. My former employer is actually my uncle's friend. So going back there is not an option and moreover Dad's brother also have several companies, so you see getting a job is not a problem here at all.

Wow, what a pity. How long ago did you discover your biological dad's people?
Your mom and step dad have made so many sacrifices for you.
I think you should give it some time. Stay away from your biological dad's people for a while and let your mum and step dad calm down.
It's a difficult one.
Try and start looking for another job, and just ignore everything for now. I know it's the elephant in the room, which has to be addressed sooner than later.
But kudos to your step dad. Pls make him proud, he even fought his own people because of you and your mum. Gave you his name for several years, and treated you like his own... Wow, such men are scarce.
I understand you do have a right to know your real dad's people, but it's all your choice and decision.
Things do have a way of sorting themselves out, so don't get worked up over it, and just continue your daily hustle.
Good luck in whatever decision you finally make

@LegendDrogba

Your dad's brother who supported your mom and late father when the rest of his family didn't, is your mom also angry with him?

It takes more than semen to be a father. It takes more than blood to be family. Are you swayed simply because your biological father's family are well off? If they were rural farmers/herbalists/drug dealers/touts would the decision still have being difficult?

Where was your uncle who stood with your dad/mum when your mum was going through the trauma? No where!!!

If your dad's biological family all had kids/grandkids would they have come looking for you?

Its only when Nigerian families (the men especially) learn that you CANNOT abandon a child with their mother UNDER ANY circumstance and assume that "well she will suffer with the child and when the child grows, he/she will come looking for me".

If your stepdad hadnt trained you and shown you love as though you were his biological child, would you have thrived healthily, academically and mentally to the point of graduating and qualifying to work in an oil coy?

I find it insulting that your biological family think money answers all. Its even more insulting to your stepdad that they are saying they would train his children. Why didnt they train you? Why didnt they come looking for you all these years? At least they knew your mother and her family.

It would be very disappointing after all the heartache your mother went through, after all the sacrifices your DAD (the person you call step -dad had earned the right in every aspect to be called and respected as your dad) for you to throw all that away because of money.

When you were sick, who stood up all night supporting your mum emotionally whilst footing your bills - the man you call step dad

I suggest you go back to work. Tell your biological family that you need time and would appreciate they give you space/

Your dad has already given you the perfect answer, you are now a man. Choose wisely

Your mum is being too unforgiving. She might have gone through hell and back but she survived and that's all that matters. If forgiving these people will better the future of her son, I don't see why she can't reason towards that direction and let the past go.


Forgive your father's people, it's your life, decide what you think is best. I personally will do what's best for me without ever neglecting my step dad for once. Even if you don't accept their offers, your place is in their family.

crackhaus:
@LegendDrogba

Your dad's brother who supported your mom and late father when the rest of his family didn't, is your mom also angry with him?

She is not really angry with him, just that accepting him also mean accepting the whole of the family knowing fully well that he is now the head of the family after my dad's death.

eyinjuege:
Wow, what a pity. How long ago did you discover your biological dad's people?
Your mom and step dad have made so many sacrifices for you.
I think you should give it some time. Stay away from your biological dad's people for a while and let your mum and step dad calm down.
It's a difficult one.
Try and start looking for another job, and just ignore everything for now. I know it's the elephant in the room, which has to be addressed sooner than later.
But kudos to your step dad. Pls make him proud, he even fought his own people because of you and your mum. Gave you his name for several years, and treated you like his own... Wow, such men are scarce.
I understand you do have a right to know your real dad's people, but it's all your choice and decision.
Things do have a way of sorting themselves out, so don't get worked up over it, and just continue your daily hustle.
Good luck in whatever decision you finally make

Thanks a lot.

still processing what you just wrote. Apparently, you are between your step-dad who took care of you like his own and loved you like is own, your mother who would swear for you if you have anything to do with your late dad's family and your uncle who will do all in his power to make you part of their family because you are the only grandchild. For starters, your original family have suffered enough. It has shown because non of them have had children after your birth. The only person all of you need to keep on begging now is your mother. No matter how long it takes, your uncle and his family needs to keep on begging her. Probably buy advert space in newspaper, radio jingles, TV adverts since they have the money to pay. Your mum was really pained, you don't want to imagine the trauma she went through judging from the fact that she was a teenager. Let them keep on begging her and also let them keep on praying that she forgives them

keepingmum:
It takes more than semen to be a father. It takes more than blood to be family. Are you swayed simply because your biological father's family are well off? If they were rural farmers/herbalists/drug dealers/touts would the decision still have being difficult?

Where was your uncle who stood with your dad/mum when your mum was going through the trauma? No where!!!

If your dad's biological family all had kids/grandkids would they have come looking for you?

Its only when Nigerian families (the men especially) learn that you CANNOT abandon a child with their mother UNDER ANY circumstance and assume that "well she will suffer with the child and when the child grows, he/she will come looking for me".

If your stepdad hadnt trained you and shown you love as though you were his biological child, would you have thrived healthily, academically and mentally to the point of graduating and qualifying to work in an oil coy?

I find it insulting that your biological family think money answers all. Its even more insulting to your stepdad that they are saying they would train his children. Why didnt they train you? Why didnt they come looking for you all these years? At least they knew your mother and her family.

It would be very disappointing after all the heartache your mother went through, after all the sacrifices your DAD (the person you call step -dad had earned the right in every aspect to be called and respected as your dad) for you to throw all that away because of money.

When you were sick, who stood up all night supporting your mum emotionally whilst footing your bills - the man you call step dad

I suggest you go back to work. Tell your biological family that you need time and would appreciate they give you space/

Your dad has already given you the perfect answer, you are now a man. Choose wisely

Thanks for your advise, seriously I have never referred to him as my step-dad or step-siblings, I did that here just to make everybody here understand the issues very well. He is my DAD and still remains so. Thanks once again

Its a pity that lalasticlala and seun don't want to assist in pushing this thread to front page so I can get enough advise from people.. Pls lalasticlala do the needful.

LegendDrogba:
She is not really angry with him, just that accepting him also mean accepting the whole of the family knowing fully well that he is now the head of the family after my dad's death.

The idea of using money to coerce you comes off condescending, this might probably be what irks your mom the most presently.

However, your late dad's brother did support and stand by her back then and I'm assuming he only lost contact with yourself and your mom after she remarried and relocated to Lagos (correct me of I'm wrong)— and personally I feel that the line I put in bold above should really be all that matters right now.
If the world was perfect and sane, just one act of selfless love can be enough to repair a lifetime of hate.


You can accept and recognize them as your biological family, it's the least you can do...you don't have to go playing or hanging with them on that account though since your mom is now threatening to lay curses on her own child.

LegendDrogba:
Its a pity that lalasticlala and seun don't want to assist in pushing this thread to front page so I can get enough advise from people.. Pls lalasticlala do the needful.

Why do you keep mentioning the mods? Over four times now. ..

Seriously, this is a decision you alone can take... nobody here can tell you which family to accept/reject and you alone have the full details and see everything clearly. . It's totally your call.. as your (step) dad rightly said, you're a man now..

I wish you the best..

crackhaus:

The idea of them using money to coerce you comes off condescending, this might probably be what irks your mom the most presently.

However, your late dad's brother did support and stand by her back then and I'm assuming he only lost contact with yourself and your mom after she remarried and relocated to Lagos (correct me of I'm wrong)— and personally I feel that the line I put in bold above should really be all that matters right now.
If the world was perfect and sane, just one act of selfless love can be enough to repair a lifetime of hate.


You can accept and recognize them as your biological family, it's the least you can do...you don't have to go playing or hanging with them on that account though since your mom is now threatening to lay curses on her own child.

once again thank you and God bless you.

PresVA:
Why do you keep mentioning the mods? Over four times now. ..

Seriously, this is a decision you alone can take... nobody here can tell you which family to accept/reject and you alone have the full details and see everything clearly. . It's totally your call.. as your (step) dad rightly said, you're a man now..

I wish you the best..

Thanks.

Jamb question

sometin tells me the op is tonye barcanister

Long thing. Just follow pmb's que. "I belong to everybody, I belong to nobody"

your Mom does...

okay coming from me that will always pick my mom's side.

even if it kills me...I too love moms...

even if we are enemies and you post a picture of your mom on facebook...i'll still like the post..


what am I even saying..

Bro keep talking to your mom...tell her what you really want...if it's the right path..she'll surely see reason.

in this your case, her word should be Final.

The Thunder that will fire that ur father's people, it will come from the very foundation of the walls of Jerico....

Nonetheless forgive them, for the sake of your father, you need an identity. Your Mom won't place any curse on you, she's just temporaly bitter..

If I were you, Mum will decide everything next. I can never return to such family with the way my mother was treated. It would have been a different story if the rejected pregnancy became a nonentity.
Well, if they really want you back, they can pay N20m as damages to the Father that raised you

Seun

I would advice you try and talk to your mum to accept them back, and like someone commented, even if you can accept them back but be very careful with them, don't hangout or spend much time with them. In summary stand with your mother, she took pains to bring you up to this level and you have to respect that. What if something bad had happened to you along the line of brining you up, what would they have said or done.