Christino:

Glad to see you are holding this down man, but you have to tell me what the world's most identical twins actually are!

Can you tell me who they are co's i don't really know

kellorah:

i find johnny's remark so cuteeee
'if I told you the way the teacher told me, you’ll never believe me'.

Thanks for your comment

An eight-year-old boy’s father got a job to work in the Federal Capital Territory (FCT). The father however spent most of his time away from his family. So the little boy decided to write a letter to him.
We he finished writing the letter; he gave it to his mum who after reading it began to question him.

Mum: Samuel, why did you write the letter to your dad in capital letters?

Samuel: Mum, don’t you know that dad now works in the Federal Capital Territory?

Mum: I know that.

Samuel: So that means that letters should be written to him in capital letters

na wa o, he won wound d the lady? abi which kind tin be that?

anyway, you did a gr8t job! keep it up.

@ crazykid: nice job dude. . . i also got one to share


a farmer bought a rundown farmhouse with dilapidated structures and over grown with weeds. after several weeks of hardwork and major renovation, he transformed the once ugly looking farm into a beautiful ranch.
one day he invited his pastor over for a drink, and they sat outdoors sipping their drinks and relaxing in the cool evening. the pastor, after having looked around and admiring everywhere turned to the farmer and said to him, with a pleasant smile on his face. . .

pastor: isn't it amazing what God and man can achieve when they work together?

the farmer then replies after a long pause. . .

farmer: oh sure pastor, but u should have seen this place when only God was running it!

o boy, make u no kill anybody here oooo. In fact, I dey for ground now as I dey type this remark. Na im make iiiiiii deeyy makkkkeeee ssspellling errorrrrrrrrrrs.

Jojo

@magneto

That was really cool.

keep it up

A Nigerian youngster who was visiting the United Kingdom for the first time was taken to the London zoo for sight seeing. On getting to the section where monkeys are kept, he was amazed to see other tourist giving out plenty of money to the monkeys that were hopping and doing all kinds of acrobatics.
The more acrobatics they did, the more the tourist enjoyed the show and the more money (hard currency) the monkeys got.

The young man suddenly had an idea. And when he got back to Nigeria, he started learning all kinds of acrobatics. He also visited his herbalist and asked him to prepare a concoction that would transform him into a monkey.

When the concoction was ready, and the young man had completed his acrobatic training, he took the next available flight to London. As soon as he landed, he headed for the zoo, took the concoction and was immediately transformed into a monkey.

He joined the other monkeys and started his own type of modern, systematic and attractive acrobatics. Soon he caught the attention of the entire tourist who wasted no time in showering him with plenty of pounds sterling. He was now making more money than the real monkeys.

The king of the monkeys didn’t like this and challenged the new monkey to an acrobatic duel. The contest was tough and very keen but the new monkey won. The king monkey had to go on exile in shame. But before he left, he set a trap for the intruding monkey who now became the new king.

The next day, monkey business started as usual, with money coming in from the tourist. There was this particular tourist who really enjoyed the show that he threw a lot of money into the cage. The new king pocketed his money, but to his amazement, all the other monkeys threw their earnings into what they taught was a lion’s cage.

The new king being so greedy could not allow all that money to go away like that, so he jumped into the cage to pick up the money. It was when he got there that he realized that it was a lion’s cage.

_{Unknowing to him, the lion was also a Nigerian who over heard the former king's plan against the new king}

The lion looked at him, looked at the money (pounds sterling) roared and started walking towards the monkey who was now sweating, shaking and foaming in the mouth. When the lion was half way, he stopped, looked at the monkey again and said.

“O boy, if no be say we all na Naija, I for show you”.

Immediately, the monkey left the money for the lion and ran away.

A Japanese, Saudi Arabia and a Nigerian were together in a building. They were boasting of how rich their country is. After a long discussion and arguments.

The Japanese man picked up a whole computer set and threw it out of the window.
The Saudi Arabian man asked him why he did that.

“He replied, we have lots of them in my country”.

The Saudi Arabian man didn’t want to look defeated. So he picked up a drum of crude oil and threw it out of the window.

The Nigerian man shouted and said “why are you wasting such natural resources like that?
The Saudi Arabian replied, don’t worry; we have lots of them in my country.

Immediately, the Nigerian man took some black people and threw them out of the window. The Japanese and the Saudi Arabian shouted at him in a very horrific manner.
He however responded them saying, don’t worry, we have more than enough of them in my country.

A pastor was discussing with a lawyer how Lucifer (Satan) was thrown out from heaven by his boss (God)

Pastor: it is said that Lucifer wanted to over throw God. He also took one third of God’s angels, but God threw him away from heaven

Lawyer: So you say.

Pastor: Don’t you believe me?

Lawyer: Not really, it’s just that we haven’t heard Satan’s side of the story yet.

A chain smoker, who was diagnosed of respiratory disease, was advised by his doctor to give up smoking for treatment to be effective.

But he refused despite the series of pleas and even threats.

The doctor decided to scare him and said. You’ll vomit your lung if you continue smoking.

But the man remained stubborn and continue smoking.

Finally the doctor decided to make a plan, which he thought, would make him quit smoking for good.

The doctor then placed a fresh cow’s lung beside the smoker while he was asleep. And then returned one hour after he had woken up and asked the smoker,
Did you see your lung?

Yes the smoker responded. It was easy to vomit, but I went through hell swallowing it.

How to satisfy a woman:

Caress her,
Praise and pamper her
Trust her
Defend her
Feed and tantalize her
Beg and plea for her
And finally, steal to make her happy

How to satisfy a man

Show up naked

u r a mamalian goat and a rapatitiously kolomental individual.

Thanks i love your language

_{bows in a old fashoned style}

An artist who wasn't very good in drawing went into an artist consultation office for some advise.

when he got there, the manager began asking him questions.

Manager: Hello young man, what can i do for you?

Artist: Good afternoon sir, I came here because am not very good in drawing. but i love art.

Manager: You're so lucky, you're in the right place, and the solution lies between you

Artist: How sir

Manager: All you have to do is to eat draw soup non stop for 2 weeks and all your drawing skills would come back to you.

yeah! for more, go to http://eaglesdigestmag.com

@Salvation

What's that link all about

A father was always in the habbit of scolding his son and telling him how dull he is.

One day at school, the boy saw one of his teachers putting his battries under the sun.
The boy however was curious and asked the teacher why he kept the battries under the sun.
The teacher answered him saying, because they are dull.

When the boy got home, he went into his room took out a chair and sat under the hot sun.

The father sighting him from a distance rushed to him and asked him if all is well with his brains.
He responded .
Dad am charging my dull brains just the way my teachers did to his dull battries.

@crazykid
Indeed you are crazy. thumps up!

An aboki was coming to Lagos on a Sunday morning on getting to ogoja he bought a chicken to give to his neighbour who we knew would be so glad to see it.

When their vehicle finally got to the motor park (the final bus/stop) and the passengers were coming down from the bus, the chicken took advantage of that for an easy escape.

Immediately, the bus driver alerted the aboki that his chicken had fled. Instead of running after the chicken the aboki sat unruffled in the bus laughing at the chicken.

This made the passengers suprised. And when he was asked why he did not chase the chicken he said” kai whalahi no mind that chicken make e run, the address wey e dey go dey my pocket”

o boi, u did a gr8t job. keep it up!

A drunkard waked into a bar crying. When people at the bar noticed him, they began asking him questions.

Man: Hey, what’s the problem?

Drunkard: _Sniffs Just a few hours ago, I sold my wife for a bottle of beer.

Man: that’s awful, now she’s gone and you want her back, right?

Drunkard: Right, I want her back.

Man: You’re sorry you sold her because you realized too late how you loved her right?

Drunkard: Oh no, I want her back because am thirsty again.

Nice jokes.

You really did well to call yourself Crazkid keep it up

After a thanksgiving service service one sunday evening, a committed pastor of a church took the money donated by church members home so as to take it to bank the next morning,

Unfortunately for this pastor, some groups of hoodlumsgot to know this and visited the pastor at home that same nite.

When the thieves entered the pastor`s house, they gatthered every member of the family to the sitting room and told the pastor to release the money for the thanksgiving service of which the pastor refused bluntly. After so many trials by the thieves to persuade the pastor on this and failed, the hoodlums decided that the next thing was to kill the Pastor since he was not ready to yield to there request.

So the thieves told the Pastor that they were going to kill him and that he was the 1 that was going to choose the kind of death. The hoodlums gave him 2 options i.e. 1. Whether to inject him with AIDS injection or 2. Whether to kill him with their gun.

The pastor agreed to injecting him with AIDS injection but that he was going to be allowed to go into the room and after 5 mins come back again. He was allowed and after 5 mins, he came back. He was injected and the thieves went.

After the thieves left, the family members of the pastor started cryin that the Pastor was already an AIDS victim but the Pastor shouted on them that they should keep their mouth shot. He said the thieves were fools and that unknown to them, when he went intoo the room, he went to put on condom.

Who really is the fool

A little political humor on Yar'adua's Speech

Sank you, sank you, my pellow Naijurians por ze goodwill messages.

I want to sank you por not boting por me as fresident of ze Pederal
Refublic of Naijuria. But I received ze most imfortant botes prom
Fresident Obasanjo and INEC. Zis is why I have now been declared ze
winner of ze elections and ze fresident-elect of ze Pederal Refublic of
Naijuria. Nagode to Obasanjo and nagode to INEC, for zia beri beri
imfortant suffort.

Ze pirst task of my new gwament is to fray por feace and stability in
Naijuria. I will now ask all ze depeated fresidential candidates to join
me in a gwament of national unity. So I will bring back my priends like
Atiku, General Babangida and Buhari into my new gwament.

I sink Atiku will be good as ze new head of ze EFCC. Fresident Obasanjo
should not worry about my gwament frobing him, gaskiya, at least until
apter May 29. Babangida will be ze new minister por pinance, and Buhari
will be in charge of ze ministry of War Against Indiscifline.

My fipul, ze task bepore us is a great one, walahi talahi. I don't know
where to start, but I want to ashuwa you zat I will act in consultation
with all ze emirs and imams.

I am now going to Germany por treatment por exhaustion prom making zis
sfeech. I shall be back por ze swearing in ceremony, inshallah.

One Nigeria , one Fee-Di-Fee, Fower to ze fipul.

Umaru Yar'Adua

It was funny i must confess.

Crazykid,

Your name nor be coincidence at all

That Yar'adua joke got me really laughing it's so funny

A policeman at a check point was collecting money as usual. Unfortunately, he forgot it was midnight because he had no wrist watch. And as he stood there in the dark, as car pulled up.

Policeman: Hey stop there

[The car stopped]

Policeman: What time is it?

Car driver” its 12:00 midnight sir

Policeman: Did you just say 12:00 midnight

Car driver: Yes sir

Policeman: You must accompany me to the station.

Car driver: I’ve not committed any crime sir, so why should I have to accompany you to the station?

Policeman: Well, as you can see, it’s a dark and scary night and am afraid to go to the station alone because I think I could be robbed of my illegal goodies I collected form bus conductors.

A policeman came back home from work and started shouting at the top of his voice.

Policeman: Hey! Somebody help! Am finished! This is disaster! How will I pay my bills, how will I send my children to school, how will I pay my rent, how will I . . .

[His neighbours cut in]

Neighbours: Oga police wetin happen?

Policeman: it’s my new oga the acting police IG

Neighbours: what about him?

Policeman: He’s threatening to ban check points.

O.K. Mine goes like this.

3 young mothers went to see a psychiatric specialist for counselling.
On arrival the specialist said "you all have obsessions"

To the first woman, he said. "You are obsessed with eating. That's why you even named your son Candy".

To the second woman he said. " Your own obsession lies in money. You even named your son Penny".

At this point in time, the third woman whispered to her son, "Come on, Dick. Lets go."



Tell me y'all cracking ya ribs.

@felong,
u needed to report at aso rock for an
important meeting with mr president.
u r more than funny.

Crazykid, you are too much, please keep it up, i really like your jokes they quite good, hope to see more of you.