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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently (34126 Views)
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Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by ISTANDWITHBUHAR: 9:26am On Oct 19, 2016 |
Treasuredlove: Well am not a christian so never really listen to the sermon, But according to my own religion, it says after God it's parents and i believe the bible also say so. Ephesians 6:2 |
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by beedam(f): 9:37am On Oct 19, 2016 |
lollytk: May God bless you. My MIL came all the way from the village for omugwo. Hubby not around,he stays in another country. We retained the house I was living before I married. All through 9months, she no come check me and she knows it's just me at home and my mum is late. My father had to be moving from Lagos to Ibadan once in a week to check on me. When I was due, hubby called that MIL said I should pack my things in preparation to come for naming in their place( Osun state). He said the woman said she will come and pick me and the baby a day to naming and we can leave for Lagos 2 days after naming because the house is not their house(because I rented the place). I sent him to tell them say make I born finish o and to also tell her who will stay with me immediately I give birth till the one day to naming she is talking of. Also, I told him I am not going anywhere for naming as I don't know why someone who refused to come see me for the whole 9 months will be fighting for naming location. After I born finish, she came 2 days after and she stated her rules. She says the doctor ask her to eat breakfast by 6 am, she can't clean baby navel for the cord to disconnect because it scares her( she ha ha children o). She said she can't rock baby because she has bp and rocking is like jumping to her. She says she can't. Help me massage my body with hot water because leg is paining her. She will sleep all through the night and ignore me and baby till day break, my baby dey eat anything and the only thing that she do is to say won't you both allow her to sleep( she sleeps i? I asked her why she came to lagos if she can't do all she mentioned that she should have sent someone over and she was like in my sons house( now it's her so house o). I had serious tear that I could barely walk. This woman no care o. We didn't cook in the house for days. She buys bread and make tea for herself. The woman in the middle flat had to be bringing me food while my landlady had to be coming to clean the baby navel, just imagine! I heard when her daughter gave birth, she was there and left her husband at home saying she couldn't do anything because it's her first born. Now this is my own first born, she no wan hear. The funniest thing is my hubby is still on her side that she is my MIL an can do whatever she wants. Then I know I don enter one chance. Someone I haven't seen in th last 1yr 8 months, we went to visit them when hubby came around, we got to their place around 1pm. and we were served food almost immediately. After eating as I stood up to wash my hand, she followed me that I should come and wash some clothes, I was like we just came in now, let me rest or tomorrow morning I will wash it and she said that's the bed sheet you will use to sleep. What if my hubby came alone? Would she have done that? Some women can be devils. This woman can pretend for Africa too. Out of her 5sons, 3 are very close to her and two out of the 3 have already divorced their wives. My hubby is the third one. The remaining 2 doesn't even let her come near their house. They stylishly push her away. I know I'm the next because the drama has also begun. Let me just stop here! If I start to talk, I no go fit finish am. Let God judge me if I have ever done anything bad to deserve this from this woman. Sorry to bore you with this long epistle but I just decided to write it for those comparing all MIL to angels. And to those who never marry, watch his mum well well o. They don't change. 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by beedam(f): 9:41am On Oct 19, 2016 |
Sweetcypress: Same way I use to think when I was single. Calling DIL bad and selfish people. I have been there and now I know a lot. May God bless you with a good mother inlaw who will take you as her own daughter . 3 Likes |
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by misspatsy(f): 10:20am On Oct 19, 2016 |
beedam:Your MIL na real witch oo,I pray God keeps my mother alive so I won't depend on someone's mother 2 Likes |
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by beedam(f): 10:34am On Oct 19, 2016 |
misspatsy: Hmmmmnnnn!no be small thing o. |
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by Nobody: 10:53am On Oct 19, 2016 |
Mother inlaw wants to provide support in the other room. |
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by upuphim(m): 11:14am On Oct 19, 2016 |
Having mother-in-law on the same roof with you, is like marrying two husbands. It's not easy. Tell your friend to be prepared as much as her husband is in support. If she is a Christian, prayers will turn all hatred and hidden agenda around. When my mother in law was with us, I never corrected her for any error but I explained to my wife and she does the correction. 2 Likes |
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by Nobody: 12:35pm On Oct 19, 2016 |
UPDATE - Thanks ppl for all your contributions to the issue. Nairaland anti-spam bot banned me since yesterday when I wanted to submit a follow up comment here. God will guide and help my friend. Its like she prayed hard cos she just told me that mama is planning to relocate to a rented place of her own now. She will not be alone but will have her single children with her. I think its a great idea as everybody including mama will be at peace and will be comfortable in their own space. Aunty Beedam, Chai. U suffer o. Its harder for those wives who have no biological mother again cos some in-laws will feel you are defenseless after all there is no other mother-like figure to help you. So they feel they are doing the wife a favour by even showing up for omugwo. Sweetcypress , its cos you have not experienced bad mother in-laws before. Even those with good mother in-laws like me prefer not to live together permanently with her. So that over-familiarity will not spoil our existing cordial relationship. I like it the way its going. We are loving each other from afar. Perfect. 1 Like |
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by comtem2011: 12:40pm On Oct 19, 2016 |
wolu4:My dear, God bless you. Living permanently with your son/daughter's matrimonial home is out of it. If the wife is eventually not in support of one unpleasant attitude of the MIL, and you gently tell mama, she will turn it to another issue. You end up stressing yourself doing what you are not suppose to do. In my house, I wake up anytime I like on weekends, cook anytime I feel like but with third party, you are no more urself. Visiting is normal but living permanently with me is a capital NO. |
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by bilulu(m): 12:44pm On Oct 19, 2016 |
beedam:U girls sounds like dis cuz u all believe mother in law re wicked forgetting ur mum also is a mother in law n u wouldn't want her to b treated badly.... Don't forget dat first point Also u will one day become a mother in law n a place Wil b rented for u too n a maid will b paid for to takia of u. Don't forget life is a circle...... Always keep dis second point in mind ............. Waiting for ur response......... |
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by bilulu(m): 12:49pm On Oct 19, 2016 |
PaperLace:Why is dat ladies always ve a negative feelings towards their mother in law? But dey always seek for advice from their own mum n wants her to b treated nicely even by their own in law...... Life is a circle 1 Like |
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by Nobody: 1:07pm On Oct 19, 2016 |
Cctv is not needed,that's rude and if found that can actually make her use her own hands to destroy herself. sisisioge: |
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by chiraqDemon(m): 2:24pm On Oct 19, 2016 |
My mom or mother in law will not live with me i dont want somebody to be telling my wife what to do in a bouse where she is the mistress If thy do visit i will let them know that i am the master n wifey is the mistress Under our roof u are under us 5 Likes |
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by Nobody: 3:20pm On Oct 19, 2016 |
Loisemm: The woman better go and live with her daughter.. There shouldn't be two women steering one house.. 2 Likes |
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by Nobody: 3:27pm On Oct 19, 2016 |
Loisemm:I understand you sis. I'm only saying there must be a way out to everything. I'm single but I'm not seeing the world for the first time. What goes around comes around. We'll all get old and become mothers-in-law someday. |
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by Nobody: 3:32pm On Oct 19, 2016 |
beedam: Amen. And turn things around for your good. |
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by Nobody: 4:11pm On Oct 19, 2016 |
Alryt Sweetcypress . For all those thinking if its my own Mum I will like the idea, you are wrong o. For me, temporary stays are my desires for both my blood Mom and my Other Mom (MIL). Safer and more peaceful in the long run. The only exceptions are in cases of ill-health and frail old age. And still the interference from both ought to be minimized (note I used the word 'minimized' cos there must surely be interference and advice/suggestions flowing to we 'children' ) I expect my children to treat me same. That is help oversee my comfort in my own home if I have one of mine. Or to kindly help rent or buy one for me and visit, call me to check up from time to time. Plus if possible, spoil me with monthly upkeep money! I prefer all these to going to live with them. I love my space na and value my self respect o. Except where I may need more medical care or serious physical support in old age. Even then, I will still prefer to live in my own house if possible.. 5 Likes |
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by Chaulay1: 5:19pm On Oct 19, 2016 |
Some men and double standard. Here is a link to how a man was told to handle his mother in law when he was in the same situation https://www.nairaland.com/3282011/mother-in-law-visits-too-often-how#48385194 . But when it comes to a woman, they will expect her to stomach everything. This one was just visit o not staying permanently. 7 Likes |
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by Nobody: 7:28pm On Oct 19, 2016 |
ISTANDWITHBUHAR:the Bible doesn't say so. The Bible says honor your parents, it also says leave your parents also and cleave to your wife. There are boundaries. I don't think a mother is being honored by being allowed to stay permanently like a second class citizen in her son's house. Take it or leave it, that kitchen belongs to the wife, the biggest meat belongs to the husband and final decisions in the home belongs solely to the couple. The mother still sees herself as the matriarch, forgetting her son has his own family now. Then petty quarrels starts with the wife and mother....i see no honor here. He is just leaving room for the wife to disrespect his mother. Ever wondered why august visitors are treated way better than regular visitors? |
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by ISTANDWITHBUHAR: 11:52pm On Oct 19, 2016 |
Treasuredlove:So my mother cannot live in my house according to you bible? |
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by eyinjuege: 12:51am On Oct 20, 2016 |
bilulu: Bia, what's wrong in getting a maid to take care of a MIL or mother? Can you personally take care of your own aged mother by washing her clothes, sweeping her room , cooking her food, washing her toilet, keeping hospital appointments and ensuring she uses her druG's regularly and working at the same time? If you cannot personally do all these things for your mother without pushing the responsibility to your wife then you have no right to condemn getting a maid to take care of her. Pls, taking care of the elderly atimes requires full time care, some may even be suffering from dementia, and other co morbidities. It's unfair to push that responsibility to your wife, as that is what some men's idea of taking care of their parents are. And you're talking as if getting a maid for a parent is out of place. That's what most people who are working do 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by Nobody: 6:32am On Oct 20, 2016 |
ISTANDWITHBUHAR:hmm...what a thing to say. Anyway, all I will say is this; in everything, a man should deal in wisdom. |
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by sisisioge: 6:33am On Oct 20, 2016 |
Hallelujah! The dust has settled! Thank God. 2 Likes |
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by ISTANDWITHBUHAR: 7:09am On Oct 20, 2016 |
Treasuredlove: Yes you are right a man should deal in wisdom but at the same time a man should be able to have control over his home, I have seen a situation where the wife does not want any family of a her husband around, If any of them visit, She will be asking the husband when they will be leaving but always want her own family mostly her brothers/sisters around. |
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by Nobody: 9:22am On Oct 20, 2016 |
Chaulay1: meehnn... people ehh...Smh. Some sabi hypocrisy oo. Just went to look at this link you posted above. Most advised him to take measures to reduce his mother inlaw's visits/weekend stays. Come n go ooo not permanent move in. Now cos its the man's mother, these men and some women say ,'is it not her son's house?!' 'So my mother cannot live with me in my own house! 'wives are bad and wicked' 'my mother is free to move in and any wife who is not comfortable, can leave! ... bla bla bla. Chai... see double standards! 3 Likes |
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by bilulu(m): 10:34am On Oct 20, 2016 |
eyinjuege:I get u my sister but u no some maids can b terrible at times..... But she being in her child's house (son or daughter) n d maid with dem is better |
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by beedam(f): 6:11pm On Oct 21, 2016 |
bilulu: Keep deceiving yourself. |
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by bilulu(m): 8:40pm On Oct 21, 2016 |
beedam:Wat I c in u girls is dat u girls starts having problems with ur before in law even before d actual problem starts cuz u all ve a premeditated plans concluded even before getting married...... I tell u my mind to he'll with u if u can't respect my mom cuz if not for her u wouldn't ve known me |
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by miss20(f): 11:10pm On Oct 21, 2016 |
adorable29: Absolute bullshit 1 Like |
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by adorable29(f): 5:12am On Oct 22, 2016 |
miss20: Yes now, she is a furniture that was acquired and only seats pretty in the house. It isn't her house. It's only a man that has right to the house. Women are less humans. Even birds have nest but the Nigeria woman is permanently "houseless". That is why the husband will always tell the wife, "you will pack out of MY house". Patriarchal bull crap..... 2 Likes |
Re: Her Mother Inlaw Wants To Move In Permanently by repogirl(f): 5:01pm On Oct 22, 2016 |
beedam:wow wow wow, you are probably still married because your husband is not around. If he were around, your MIL might have caused confusion between you two. Hope you plan on settling with your husband outside the country later on, because this kind MIL is best avoided. Pray for your husband too that whatever hold she has on him will loosen in Jesus name! |
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