Bride price can't be stoped its part of our culture so it remains and stays forever.

The culture is being abused in some cases but not all.

madam L:

@Poster

I am sure the poster is yet to get a daughter and if he has, she is not yet in primary school not to talk of university. No amount charged is too much. Those traditions are meant to ensure that entry and exit from marriage will be very hard. Check those tribes that give out women without much ado and you will notice that exit is also very easy.

I am not even happy with my own community because the highest you pay is #1500 and a list that #60,000 can take care of. I will then proceed to expend over a million naira on buying a car and other finery for the dowry.  I am plotting a way of crafting a more reasonable list for my two very beautiful daughters. The community list reads like my girls' provision lists when they are returning to school. verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry unfair.

Madam L, it is a dangerous preceedent  to set your happiness as a function of size of bride price. Like you rightly said no amount will be too much and I agree, what would you rather have, plenty cash as bride price and be treated with scorn or take what you can get and be happy for the symbolic gesture it respresents. Yes men should continue to pay bride price but leaving some men<especially the struggling ones> with extortionist feelings will only too well have a repercursion after the money has been paid. The bride price should be symbolic. Just my opinion.

i say yes.
dont lose your culture, value it.


you dont have to PAY A TON, but its always good to keep the customes going.

who here is paying for a women?
from what i remember its giving the wife's family a GIFT or giving them idk.
but its most def NOT buying a woman.


i dont see how you guys get that from that.


and please dont say one's culture is stupid.
who are you JUDGE another person's CULTURE?? 
the last thing ill do is judge CULTURE cause thats one thing that should be respected.


it may be strange to them but the peoeple doing it may see your lifestlye as strange.
so who are you to talk and call it stupid?

getta way jor!!

I'd rather pay as custom but I think I'll appreciate and respect my wife more if I didn't pay! Guess I'll feel like I owe her!

Yes ooo.Bride price are part of our culture so it is very important, Your question is a very funny question, is like u are asking us if we should continue to eat??

anyways in my town the bride price is about #25 or so,

i like the idea of paying bride price

THE AMAKA:

who here is paying for a women?
from what i remember its giving the wife's family a GIFT or giving them idk.
but its most def NOT buying a woman.


i dont see how you guys get that from that.


and please dont say one's culture is stupid.
who are you JUDGE another person's CULTURE?? 
the last thing ill do is judge CULTURE cause thats one thing that should be respected.


it may be strange to them but the peoeple doing it may see your lifestlye as strange.
so who are you to talk and call it stupid?

getta way jor!!

I realy agree wit u, we cld xpress ourselvs witout necessarily insultin sm1 or d person's culture. I thnk the issue of payin bride price(we r all entitled 2 our own opinions) We shd respect our culture

THE AMAKA:

i say yes.
dont lose your culture, value it.

you dont have to PAY A TON, but its always good to keep the customes going.

Bullshit . . . do you know where the world would be if everyone chose to stick with the crap people used to do in the name of tradition??
Why don't we keep throwing twins into forests to die?? Shouldn't you be sending your kids to farms instead of school??
I expect Nairalanders to be educated and not throw down garbage that the random bus driver would.

The Irish used to burn women they thought were witches . . . why don't they do it anymore??
Shouldn't they be preserving their own culture too??
Maybe we should just rewind 400 years to the slave trade era too . . .

We're not selling women but the brideprice increases if she's a university graduate . . . who for Bleep's sake are you kidding??

eldee,

No amount of abuse from you will change my views on the matter. Wait until you get a daughter and let her walk away with someone without a proper traditional send off. Men rage over this matter until it is the turn of their daughter to leave the house.

How much is enough or too much? It will still be a token even if you expend a billion naira!

madam L:

No amount of abuse from you will change my views on the matter. Wait until you get a daughter and let her walk away with someone without a proper traditional send off. Men rage over this matter until it is the turn of their daughter to leave the house.

How much is enough or too much? It will still be a token even if you expend a billion naira!

A traditional sendoff is telling her to bow and give her your blessing . . . not bargaining over how much the family needs to pay.
It's disrespectful . . .

I don't see why I should be arguing with you if you've got your head stuck in the past.
Just don't come here and tell the same man that paid 'compensation' to the family about gender equality.

Eldee,
I am for equality in this matter. My people collected #2500 and spent mant times that sending me off. So who owes who now? Forget it. No amount of anger will change this trend. Whoever genuinely complained about this? It is something people just get angry about after a few beers.

It is not always good to condemn the past and lump all forms of tradition together. You are talking about a girl someone slaved around for 25years! Whether you pay #10 or a million naira is all the same to me. Did you ever hear that someone couldn't marry due to bride price? It only happens in badly-scripted films and in beer parlour talk.

There is a very carefully planned way of ensuring that someone pays what he can afford in every community. Ask questions before you jump into conclusions or wait until you are old enough to comment on this matter.

Chei, see guys desperately trying to cut expenses! LOL!  

madam L:

eldee,

No amount of abuse from you will change my views on the matter. Wait until you get a daughter and let her walk away with someone without a proper traditional send off. Men rage over this matter until it is the turn of their daughter to leave the house.

How much is enough or too much? It will still be a token even if you expend a billion naira!

what constitutes a proper traditional send off:  ''am not even happy with my own community because the highest you pay is #1500 and a list that #60,000''  something above #1500?. The belief that a man would value a woman more if he paid some perceived extortionist bride price is not necessarily true. If any thing acrimony sets in at the outset and wrongful reminder built in the event of little misunderstandings.

Vavavoom:

Sleak, I agree with your case-by-case treatment analysis but the question is should we or shouldn't we pay?  Are you saying, yes we should but moderately?

pay if u must.
if you feel d lady's family is unresonable with their demand(s),take a walk.

You want to thief the woman abi

sleak:

pay if u must.
if you feel d lady's family is unresonable with their demand(s),take a walk.

I support you.

sleak:

pay if u must.
if you feel d lady's family is unresonable with their demand(s),take a walk.

Supported. Bride price is our customary tradition and should be acknowledged, so if anyone doesn't like it, walk period. it's not by force to marry woman, you can substitute with a man where you don't have to pay a groom price 

sleak:

pay if u must.
if you feel d lady's family is unresonable with their demand(s), take a walk.

Supported, Seconded, Co-signed and Gbamed====so shall it be

sleak:

pay if u must.
if you feel d lady's family is unresonable with their demand(s),take a walk.

Yeah. I agree. In my case I found out the range of my wife's bride price tallied it with my earnings and placed before her what I could pay without incurring debt. She took my offer pre-marital rites and sold it to her people. I guess mine went well. The thing is perception is not reality and some male ego go out of their way to try to impress their prospective in-laws falsely. The silent rule for such is get enough from him now that we can. It is like a ship waiting to be stranded.

eldee:

Bullshit . . . do you know where the world would be if everyone chose to stick with the crap people used to do in the name of tradition??
Why don't we keep throwing twins into forests to die?? Shouldn't you be sending your kids to farms instead of school??
I expect Nairalanders to be educated and not throw down garbage that the random bus driver would.

The Irish used to burn women they thought were witches . . . why don't they do it anymore??
Shouldn't they be preserving their own culture too??
Maybe we should just rewind 400 years to the slave trade era too . . .

We're not selling women but the brideprice increases if she's a university graduate . . . who for mess's sake are you kidding??

you cannot compare the killing of twins or other evil acts to paying a bride price.
what is biting you in the ass?
calm down!!

no evil can be compared to PAYING A BRIDE PRICE.
what is the matter with you?
stop shouting hot air all over the place.

Hehehe, eldee wants to escape bride price. I feel you though.

madam L:

@Poster

I am sure the poster is yet to get a daughter and if he has, she is not yet in primary school not to talk of university. No amount charged is too much. Those traditions are meant to ensure that entry and exit from marriage will be very hard. Check those tribes that give out women without much ado and you will notice that exit is also very easy.

I am not even happy with my own community because the highest you pay is #1500 and a list that #60,000 can take care of. I will then proceed to expend over a million naira on buying a car and other finery for the dowry. I am plotting a way of crafting a more reasonable list for my two very beautiful daughters. The community list reads like my girls' provision lists when they are returning to school. verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry unfair.

Is that why some of them would rather kill their wives in the US so they won't leave? Abeg o.

@Madam L
I am sure the poster is yet to get a daughter and if he has, she is not yet in primary school not to talk of university.

My ribs is cracking cos i am laughing out loud.
How would a sensible person give her daughter out for free, just like a slave. What then will make the man think of, whenever he wants to misbehave.

stillwater:

Hehehe, eldee wants to escape bride price. I feel you though.

Is that why some of them would rather kill their wives in the US so they won't leave? Abeg o.

To set that as a requisite will be sheer lunacy. Hard entry, hard exit I go die  4 laff inside this NL

THE AMAKA:

you cannot compare the killing of twins or other evil acts to paying a bride price.
what is biting you in the ass?
calm down!!

no evil can be compared to PAYING A BRIDE PRICE.
what is the matter with you?
stop shouting hot air all over the place.

You really want to know what's biting my arse??
The fact that people will justify such a stupid thing as selling your daughters with the same excuse that was used to support hanging of 'witches', vigilante style murdering of 'adulterers', killing of twins and even slave trade. . . 'It's our tradition'

It's your tradition to have men pay before they can marry their patners??
No wonder marital abuse is so rampant in Africa.

It is disrespectful, uncalled for and should be phased out along with female genital mutilation.
Yeah, there might be good reasons for it, but didn't 'pro-genital mutilation' people have valid reasons too??

We need to start being independent thinkers and not just following things because some village warriors from the 1800s. . . it's flipping 2009, let's catch up with the rest of the world.

stillwater:

Hehehe, eldee wants to escape bride price. I feel you though.

Forget that side . . . tell me, do you actually enjoy being priced??
All I need is one valid reason . . . these are supposedly educated people.

This is what sometimes make men sell their daughters to the highest bidder by putting pressure on their daughters.
Infact I'm planning to go pay your brideprice and force you to dance all day in my living room

Dowry is very important especially in nigeria. Dowry is the main marriage, if a man fails to pay dowry and something happens along the line; he he he, na d woman go suffer o. Cos, no property for her,

If you are really interested in the girl, wont you pay the bride price twice huh ?

Why all the noise if we should continue to pay bride price/dowry or not.Where i come from i mean south west generally, the bride's father is given the bride price and instantly ,right there and on the spot[pls permit my english],he returns the money telling the grooom that he is not selling his daughter cos no amount of money could quantify the love,care and resources he has spent on his daughter.So the money authomatically goes back to the groom no  matter the amount.

So presenting the dowry is just a formalty.

nikkykay:

Why all the noise if we should continue to pay bride price/dowry or not.Where i come from i mean south west generally, the bride's father is given the bride price and instantly ,right there and on the spot[pls permit my english],he returns the money telling the grooom that he is not selling his daughter cos no amount of money could quantify the love,care and resources he has spent on his daughter.So the money authomatically goes back to the groom no matter the amount.

So presenting the dowry is just a formalty.

Quite rightly symbolic.

I'd rather pay as custom but I think I'll appreciate and respect my wife more if I didn't pay! Guess I'll feel like I owe her!