eldee:

Forget that side . . . tell me, do you actually enjoy being priced??
All I need is one valid reason . . . these are supposedly educated people.

This is what sometimes make men sell their daughters to the highest bidder by putting pressure on their daughters.
Infact I'm planning to go pay your brideprice and force you to dance all day in my living room

Well guess what? We hate having to change our names to your, we hate having to be your designated cooks, we hate having to take up your identity. But isnt that what marriage is all about? The bride price is symbolic. Nobody actually collects the amount the woman is worth, cos that would be impossible to measure!

Big "Yes"
you better pay cuz if its were some tribe,surely when you die,she aint gonna mourn you.,,perhaps,it is the most thing in a marriage that God made as a responsibility for a man to do,,

It is biblical but some tribe take personal such as there sources of income
so they pray they give birth to a female child.

(Indigbo qwennu) they know what I mean

nikkykay:

Why all the noise if we should continue to pay bride price/dowry or not.Where i come from i mean south west generally, the bride's father is given the bride price and instantly ,right there and on the spot[pls permit my english],he returns the money telling the grooom that he is not selling his daughter cos no amount of money could quantify the love,care and resources he has spent on his daughter.So the money authomatically goes back to the groom no matter the amount.

So presenting the dowry is just a formalty.

Hmmmm Say that to d father-in-laws from the South-East and South-South and hear what they'll say. I think I'll head South-West for my bride

Yes, is necessary.

UBIAM is not good at all. See these boys are already plotting to run to ala Yoruba for wives. Ewuuuuu. Anyway goodluck to you all. I rather like that. It is a good idea if you are too stingy and unable to play the intricate game associated with marriage rites in ala Igbo and Ndi ofe mmiri.

yes bride price is ok,it depends on ur pocket.abeg keep igbos out of this

madam L:

UBIAM is not good at all. See these boys are already plotting to run to ala Yoruba for wives. Ewuuuuu. Anyway goodluck to you all. I rather like that. It is a good idea if you are too stingy and unable to play the intricate game associated with marriage rites in ala Igbo and Ndi ofe mmiri.

Ujujoan:

Well guess what? We hate having to change our names to your, we hate having to be your designated cooks, we hate having to take up your identity. But isnt that what marriage is all about? The bride price is symbolic. Nobody actually collects the amount the woman is worth, cos that would be impossible to measure!

That makes sense to you?? You don't like bearing my surname so I have to pay your dad for it??
Could you be any more ridiculous??

And you know what would be really symbolic?? Rejecting monetary offers on your daughter's head and saying 'Sorry mister, could you please not try to by off my daughter for £500. Why don't you just respect the fact that I spent my life raising her by loving her back'??
Then I'll accept that you're not selling your daughter. . .

This is the slave trade all over again.

@Topic

Paying of pride price is okay since the main reason why it was started in the first place was for the intending husband to show his seriousness e.g in the bible, Isaac (i think) was made to work for years to earn his wife or wives rather (Rachel and Rebecca).The thing is, in African cultures, we have turned it into another thing entirely.There are some cultures that will demand payment for the pot she broke when she was 8 years old.The mother will tell you of her clothes that got burnt sometime ago and you must pay for it.The father will tell you that she spoilt his bicycle during her teenage years.And if the lady happens to have a B.SC or worse, a masters degree, you are in for it.I don't want to be too blunt here but the worst i have seen in this category comes from the eastern part of Nigeria (most especially Owerri).To posters that might want to attack me, well. . .i am also part of the east too (Dad is Efik and Mom is from Ibusa . . .both deceased. . .RIP).So i know what i am talking about.If you happen to be a rich guy, it's worse coz the richer you are, the more bills you have to pay.Even the lady i want to marry is Efik and already they are telling me that her father will give me his list, mother will give me her list, brothers will give me their list, relations nko?Make i no begin talk too much.The main traditional marriage,church wedding and reception is not included.It's all good anyways but to some people, this seems like an outright sale of their daughters and that's why you see some immature guys treating their wives like sh*t coz they are more or less "acquired property" (let the truth be told as it is).

mccloud224:

@Topic

Paying of pride price is okay since the main reason why it was started in the first place was for the intending husband to show his seriousness e.g in the bible, Isaac (i think) was made to work for years to earn his wife or wives rather (Rachel and Rebecca).[b]The thing is, in African cultures, we have turned it into another thing entirely.There are some cultures that will demand payment for the pot she broke when she was 8 years old.The mother will tell you of her clothes that got burnt sometime ago and you must pay for it.The father will tell you that she spoilt his bicycle during her teenage years.And[/b] if the lady happens to have a B.SC or worse, a masters degree, you are in for it.I don't want to be too blunt here but the worst i have seen in this category comes from the eastern part of Nigeria (most especially Owerri).To posters that might want to attack me, well. . .i am also of the east too (Dad is Efik and Mom is from Ibusa . . .both deceased. . .RIP).So i know what i am talking about.If you happen to be a rich guy, it's worse coz the richer you are, the more bills you have to pay.Even the lady i want to marry is Efik and already they are telling me that her father will give me his list, mother will give me her list, brothers will give me their list, relations nko?Make i no begin talk too much.The main traditional marriage,church wedding and reception is not included.It's all good anyways but to some people, this seems like an outright sale of their daughters and that's why you see some immature guys treating their wives like sh*t coz they are more or less "acquired property" (let the truth be told as it is).

Lol. And yeah acquired property is more like it.

eldee:

Forget that side . . . tell me, do you actually enjoy being priced??
All I need is one valid reason . . . these are supposedly educated people.

This is what sometimes make men sell their daughters to the highest bidder by putting pressure on their daughters.
Infact I'm planning to go pay your brideprice and force you to dance all day in my living room

No I don't like the idea of being priced. And sorry you can't afford me if there's a price on my head.

@stillwater

You can't be afforded abi? Human head na less than 5k for under bridge. . .lol. Ask Clifford Orji

@ eldee
like i said before, you cant compare thos evil KILLING rituals to paying money to your soon to be wife's father.
how can you compare such evil acts to that of paying money.
its harmless!!
unless you are just being stingy and dont want to pay a kobo.
thats fine, you are free to admit it.

Abeg scrap am. Why I go continue to dey pay money in this bad economy for a wife that isn't even guaranteed to last a lifetime.

lipuka:

Over the years, it has been a tradition, that whenever a man wants to marry, then bride price must be paid. In other countries, especially in Asia, and previously in Europe, it was the other way. The family of the girl had to pay dowry.

Dowry is what the family of the girl pays to the family of the man, while bride price is what the man pays to the family of the girl.

In India, dowry has been misused, to the extent that the family of the man demand a lot. Sometimes the girl is even killed if the dowry is not enough. In Africa, bride price has been commercialised. A highly educated girl commands more. In the past, it was a girl who was of good virtue and a hard working virgin who commanded a high price. Where do we get hardworking virgins today?

I believe both bride price and dowry have outlived their useulness. We cannot talk about sex equality and still contonue with these practises.

These practises must stop, and the sooner the better

supported, i here by move for the motion to halt any further paying of bride price by any man, living or dead! 

lipuka:

Well, if women want to continue being bought, they should not complain if they are treated like property

i concur! they always want to eat their cake and have it 

C2H5OH:

Abeg scrap am. Why I go continue to dey pay money in this bad economy for a wife that isn't even guaranteed to last a lifetime.

says who, dont be a pessimist

Bride price is an age long thing. Apart from the fact and truth that the BIble supports it, it is a sign of commitment from the man.
it is not about buying the woman cos human beings(the woman is) priceless.

eldee:

Forget that side . . . tell me, do you actually enjoy being priced??
All I need is one valid reason . . . these are supposedly educated people.

This is what sometimes make men sell their daughters to the highest bidder by putting pressure on their daughters.
Infact I'm planning to go pay your brideprice and force you to dance all day in my living room

In my friends village the bride price is 25kobo so ao about that

eldee:

That makes sense to you?? You don't like bearing my surname so I have to pay your dad for it??
Could you be any more ridiculous??

And you know what would be really symbolic?? Rejecting monetary offers on your daughter's head and saying 'Sorry mister, could you please not try to by off my daughter for £500. Why don't you just respect the fact that I spent my life raising her by loving her back'??
Then I'll accept that you're not selling your daughter. . .

This is the slave trade all over again.

Dont you get it? Bride price is not necessarily about Paying for the bride. If you really want to pay for your wife, how much can ever be enough? It's a symbolic action that reiterates the already established fact that a man goes to the father of the bride and 'collects' her! The money's a symbol of what he gives in return. The tradition is based on the fact that a father giving away his daughter gets something in return. As belittling as it sounds, (collecting money to give your daughter), it's one of the traditions that makes this world a Man's one!

In my place, if you pay N1,000 for bride price, the brides family collects about N20 and returns the N980 to the family of the groom. What are they saying? I'm not selling my daughter but I accept your token!

With or without the bride price, I'll still bear the man's name and perpetually be under him! Why does the bride price have to be an issue? Is it becaue it's money-related?

I'm sure most women will gladly forsake the so-called bride price if they get to keep their name, but does it work that way? No! Why dont we pay groom's price so that you guys can bear our name?

Abeg you guys should stop making a mountain out of a mole hill jor!

in europe when the dowry was still used the brides family gifted the groom linens and cookwhere and money for the home and the groom or his family provided the bride with a dower a gift of money or land. here the groom exchanges a goat/chickens and/or money and/or food for his bride and nothing is given in return by the bride or her family. i have seen a few bride lists and some are quite insulting as far as what the daughter is "worth"

\.

Ujujoan:

Dont you get it? Bride price is not necessarily about Paying for the bride. If you really want to pay for your wife, how much can ever be enough? It's a symbolic action that reiterates the already established fact that a man goes to the father of the bride and 'collects' her! The money's a symbol of what he gives in return. The tradition is based on the fact that a father giving away his daughter gets something in return. As belittling as it sounds, (collecting money to give your daughter), it's one of the traditions that makes this world a Man's one!

In my place, if you pay N1,000 for bride price, the brides family collects about N20 and returns the N980 to the family of the groom. What are they saying? I'm not selling my daughter but I accept your token!

With or without the bride price, I'll still bear the man's name and perpetually be under him! Why does the bride price have to be an issue? Is it becaue it's money-related?

I'm sure most women will gladly forsake the so-called bride price if they get to keep their name, but does it work that way? No! Why dont we pay groom's price so that you guys can bear our name?

Abeg you guys should stop making a mountain out of a mole hill jor!

This is what happens all the time . . . you talk about sumn and people come out and give slight variations.
I was talking bout child abuse and someone went, my mum pays the child's parents.

It's a symbol that used to mean sumn . . . just like the n-word, it's prolly harmless in some places right now, but the history attached to it is shameful.
It's a step at a time . . . but one thing I'm sure of is that there'll never be any gender equality in Africa till men stop paying for their women . . . 20kobo or £1mil.

The fact that many tribes still see women as an investment just goes to prove my point.
A guy just admitted on this thread that not paying it makes him feel like he owes the woman . . . you won't abuse someone you owe would you??

THE AMAKA:

@ eldee
like i said before, you cant compare thos evil KILLING rituals to paying money to your soon to be wife's father.
how can you compare such evil acts to that of paying money.
its harmless!!
unless you are just being stingy and dont want to pay a kobo.
thats fine, you are free to admit it.

It's about the fact that it's a symbol that used to and sometimes still represent the view of women as a property.
The fact that it's given to the girl's father goes to imply that she was at first a property of her father.
It's a clean trade . . . and it's been a reason for abuse against women for centuries.

To me . . . trading women is as bad as the slave trade and killing twins and every other evil practice we justify in the name of tradition.

stillwater:

No I don't like the idea of being priced. And sorry you can't afford me if there's a price on my head.

I sent my people to study this thing . . . they told me about the winter sale period.
So I'm planning to chill now and wait till February so I can get the 50% discount.

they say its our culture
so we are stuck with it
too bad

eldee:

This is what happens all the time . . . you talk about sumn and people come out and give slight variations.
I was talking bout child abuse and someone went, my mum pays the child's parents.

It's a symbol that used to mean sumn . . . just like the n-word, it's prolly harmless in some places right now, but the history attached to it is shameful.
It's a step at a time . . . but one thing I'm sure of is that there'll never be any gender equality in Africa till men stop paying for their women . . . 20kobo or £1mil.

The fact that many tribes still see women as an investment just goes to prove my point.
A guy just admitted on this thread that not paying it makes him feel like he owes the woman . . . you won't abuse someone you owe would you??

It's about the fact that it's a symbol that used to and sometimes still represent the view of women as a property.
The fact that it's given to the girl's father goes to imply that she was at first a property of her father.
It's a clean trade . . . and it's been a reason for abuse against women for centuries.

To me . . . trading women is as bad as the slave trade and killing twins and every other evil practice we justify in the name of tradition.

I sent my people to study this thing . . . they told me about the winter sale period.
So I'm planning to chill now and wait till February so I can get the 50% discount.

How can you even equate murder and slavery with paying of bride price? If not anything, nobody forces anybody to collect bride price. I know you are worried about us women, but dont be. We dont mind being paid for. You know why? Because we know in the end it doesent change squat. Men treat their GFs anyhow, even without paying a dime on her head! How does paying her bride price contribute or even justify you treating her like a second class citizen

Once a woman is under your roof, bears your children, cooks for you, takes care of your needs . . . there's every tendency you'll start seeing her as yours. Because a part of you is bonded to her and as the head of the home, the superiority complex is automatic.

If you want to abolish paying of bride price because it's 'shameful', then you can as well abolish taking up the man's name because it's belittling. I mean what are you telling me? My name is not good enough?

Please let's not get unnecesarily sentmental. It's kind of convineint for you guys to come up with this. I mean what's next . . traditional marriage is unnecessary (it's local), white wedding is irrelevant (the registry is enough), introduction is uncalled for (I'm marrying you not yout family) . . . . . what the heck?

agathamari:

in europe when the dowry was still used the brides family gifted the groom linens and cookwhere and money for the home and the groom or his family provided the bride with a dower a gift of money or land.  here the groom exchanges a goat/chickens and/or money and/or food for his bride and nothing is given in return by the bride or her family.  i have seen a few bride lists and some are quite insulting as far as what the daughter is "worth"

That's not true. Those things that the man gets (both from the list, as well as the bride price) go towards hosting the actual marriage ceremony, which is done by the bride's people. Of course, there are some that don't go towards the actual marriage ceremony and are just given to family members as gifts, but for the most part, the bulk of what the groom brings is put towards the actual marriage ceremony, hosted by the bride's people.

why can't we be like the indians and adopt the dowry system? it's time for these girls to pay through their nose for a husband too

With the affirmative action talk and the call for women empowerment (as though they are oppressed), I really think we need to revise our cultural practices. The payment of a fee before marriage should be stopped.

its part of our culture,but I think in the nearest future we ll outgrow it naturally cos i can say it authoritatively that there are parts of western states that take as little as 100 naira just to prove to their in-laws to be that they came to beg to marry the girl

chic2pimp:

IT'S PART OF OUR CULTURE MA FOOT. CULTURE KO CHICKEN NI . NIGERIANS AND THEIR CULTURE YARNS.

Chic make you take am izzy na. no be by force.
However, there are more people interested in bride than those those in the opposing camp.

chic2pimp:

IT'S PART OF OUR CULTURE MA FOOT. CULTURE KO CHICKEN NI . NIGERIANS AND THEIR CULTURE YARNS.

People should understand things were alot easier those days compared to nowadays like we av more virgins those days than this days. I dont undermine the fact that bride price should not be paid but what should be considered is life after paying the bride price plenty of our young men are scared because of bride price, dont change the tradition then we will continue to have countless numbers of unmarried ladies

Lets just be sincere with ourselves, if cowries can change to naira notes, farm product to cars and properties even native doctors no longer accept goats and cows for sacrifice it comes along side with naira notes or do they burn the naira notes, please there should be a little improvement on our so called tradition

why not? you think say na free our parent bring us up. they spent millions of pounds, and for the guys opposing i fear una oooo! soup wey sweet na money kill am. lol