Mindfulness:



Your diamond analogy is screwed. The diamond has no feelings and no needs. A child has the inherent need to be autonomous and more autonomous gradually but you can mess up their childhood and youth by making your home a prison and while you are at , school them at home, get rid of the TV and the computer and never ever allow them to listen to music. They will love their life.

raumdeuter:


Let children be? Do you know some of the consequences of letting children be? Children dont know good from evil in most cases and by the time they find out it might be too late

If you are a parent wont you enforce a strict time on your kids to come back home or you just let them come home at anytime they want and make mistakes that are common with night crawlers

nowpresence:
I am talking about teenagers and young adults here.

raumdeuter:


Then this is not reasonable. You have underaged kids Do you or dont you screen what they listen to or watch on TV? If you do then why dont you allow your 7yr old daughter to watch poorn on TV or listen to curse word hardcore rap because you dont want to mess up their childhood and youth

Children need to be introduced gradually into the world as they grow older into this not just allow them permission to do anything they want from their infancy when they cannot discern right from wrong

Religion and society requires adults to protect and care for their young ones, If a judge knows under your watch a minor is drinking alcohol or exposed to adult material you can easily lose custody as being unfit to be a parent

Mindfulness:
Exactly.

raumdeuter:


And protectiveness you complain about is a means to usher them into the world gradually. When you are an adult 18yrs plus you get more freedom than you had when you were 12, when you turn 26yrs you get more freedom than when you were 18

raumdeuter:


Are you saying if you have teenagers you will allow them to do whatever they want stay out as long as they want, you wont care about the type of company they keep, dress anyhow they want, drink or smoke as they want

nowpresence:

Of course I will care about what they do and the company they keep. That's normal.
But here we are taking about over protection .
According to Macmillan dictionary over protection means "being so worried about the safety or success of your children that you do too many things for them and prevent them from being independent"

Mindfulness:

I am not complaining. I am saying that there is a difference between protection and overprotection. Too much of anything can be a curse, they say.

raumdeuter:


So whats an example of protection and whats an example of overprotection

Mindfulness:


Caring to know who their friends are and what they do together, when and where is protection. You keep an eye on them.
Not allowing them to have friends at all and play outside is overprotection. You imprison them.

raumdeuter:




So whats an example of protection and whats an example of overprotection

raumdeuter:


There is no kid who doesnt have friend since they go to school and make friends. Have you seen any parent who tell their kids when going to school not to talk to anyone nor have friends?

The only situation you described is when the child has shown judgment in choosing friends and consistently choose bad ones, At that point I see no reason why they cant be grounded

They cant play outside of the environment is dangerous, or they go beyond the prescribed play boundaries

raumdeuter:


Can you really OVER protect what is dear to you?

If you have a piece of diamond now, that everyone is trying to steal from you will you just put it under your pillow?
Most likely you will hide in very well and anyone going towards that direction you will police sharply

With the way the world is and the way media and pop culture is promoting lax sexual behavior, Wont you over protect your own from the world?

nowpresence:

If you have had such parents you won't be talking like this. You did to experience it to know what it truly is.

Mznaett:
"FEAR and TRUST ISSUE" That's all I see in your write ups

One can protect his "precious diamond" as much as he can but the girl child is worth more than that..
She needs her freedom.. She isn't a slave for crying out loud.. So parents taking this to the extreme is a total no no for me

nowpresence:

Sometimes what you are preventing them from when they get a little while opportunity they wants to explore it all. Losing their mind and self in the process.

raumdeuter:


Just like the girl child is worth more than diamond, Also people who want to steal her are more than those who want to steal diamond

Freedom is only earned when you have shown good judgment. The predators out there only need a few moments of slack before they destroy

raumdeuter:


Almost every teenager has at least one time complained about their parents. I also complained about my parents because I saw my friends who were allowed to go for all night parties at 16-17 while I had a curfew of when I must be home

I see friends who at 18 can bring their girlfriends to sleep all night and I thought what lucky kids I wished I had parents like this cos till I left my parents house no female was allowed to sleep over in my house

But when I checked what happened to most of them as a result of the freedom they were given as teenagers I was glad I was restricted as a teen

nowpresence:
Good for you.

Mznaett:
Clearly,the previous/current wave of over protectiveness from our parents had negative effects on the girl child. It has not only weakened parental authority but also left the girl child without the guidance she needs to make good choices and approach life with genuine confidence.

raumdeuter:


You think a teenage boy would be served better to allow him attend all night parties and have girlfriends sleep over or have your teenage daughter go sleepover at boyfriends

nowpresence:

OK, let me use the Nigerian context.
I will not allow my child in secondary school go to Night club and Also not bring their girlfriends home. When he goes to university or living on his own he can do whatever he likes.
Same for my daughters, no sleep overs at boyfriends when they are still in secondary school.

But of course, rules can be bent a little to allow on few occasions but under supervision from matured adults.

raumdeuter:


Do exactly this, And when you hear your kids open a thread or describe you to their friends they will say "My mom is the most paranoid person in the world, My gf cant even sleep over", She didnt even allow me to plait my hair like Timaya, get tattoos like Davido, go for night parties and chill with Olamide etc Or young daughter wants to be taking and posting sexxy pictures online

If this current world is like this, Imagine what their generations will be like, I am assuming you dont have teenage kids yet.

The demands of teenagers are excessive and they think they are grown up, a parent need to be enforce certain ground rules else the kid would just be lost.

WHen you are out of my house you can do as you wish, Shebi when I was in uni were my parents there to know where I was sleeping?

raumdeuter:


There is no kid who doesnt have friend since they go to school and make friends. Have you seen any parent who tell their kids when going to school not to talk to anyone nor have friends?

The only situation you described is when the child has shown judgment in choosing friends and consistently choose bad ones, At that point I see no reason why they cant be grounded

They cant play outside of the environment is dangerous, or they go beyond the prescribed play boundaries

Mindfulness:


I have seen parents who do not allow their kids to spend time with their friends in their free time when other kids are having fun in the afternoons.
These kids are more often than not weird.

toyeem:


Even me, I can not allow my children to go and play in another child's house. Their friends come to play with them in my house under my supervision and for few times in a week. They interact in school, church and birthday parties with other children so no need for aimless playing around in the neighbourhood. I taught in a private primary school for about 3yrs and I saw a lot.

bukatyne:
I would protect both my daughters and sons.

In my opinion, tit's futile to protect your daughter while leaving your sons to wander; the wandering sons invites trouble to the daughter at home.

Looking back, I am adopting a lot from my own upbringing...

No yeye friends or outing.....'Read your books! '

KillerPriest:


The topic is not on whether or not one should protect his-her child. ‘Overprotectiveness’ is the operative word. You can eat sugar, but eating excess sugar jeopardizes one's health.

When you make them read books but do not allow them to live out what they read, when you deprive them of human contact and fun and the others bells and whistles characteristic of childhood, then you might as well be raising robots, forgetting that one's childhood is like a woman's hymen — once it's gone it can never be recovered.

...

Michael Jackson was a bibliophile, the King Of Pop, a musical god, but his parents – his father Joe especially – was overprotective of Michael.
Michael was homeschooled, didn't have the luxury of friends, and was shielded from the world -- yet you wonder why he turned out to be emotionally-unbalanced and appeared to be a fourteen-year-old trapped in the body of an adult.

Overprotectiveness makes a child weak, naïve, inexperienced, to mention but a few.

Mindfulness:
I just love it!!

Children are so carefree and so fun loving but adults, who forgot that life is supposed to be fun, think that they can teach them more than they can learn from them. When in fact the little ones enjoy life so much more until we mess it up for them and make them become like the rest who complain about the world and their lives all the time and take everything far too seriously.

The simile you have used in this context is so poignant. Let the little ones be, they have so much of what you wish you still had. Don't kill their zeal for life. Look at those sulky faces around you, they are not the faces of children.

Perfect example!

Would parents rather have a genius or a happy child?
I would not want my children to end up numbing themselves like Michael did until he died because he was not allowed to be a child and enjoy it like he naturally would. Joseph Jackson wanted the best for him, too, I am sure. And he was acting with the same arrogance many parents still do.

The benefits of play time and social learning have been long underestimated. It is with other children that they learn how to compromise, how to resolve conflicts, how to win through and gain acceptance. And it is in their free time when they do not know what to do that they develop imagination and creativity. Give them some space and time to explore and develop

Not everything is learned at home and from books and you can't teach them everything. They will learn things you won't like but they will amaze you too. Just remember that you are not a perfect role model either. Guide them but also show them that you trust them.

Like dangotesmummy has perfectly said, controlling them too much, will only make them live a double life and lie to you because they were not born to be imprisoned but learn and develop within an age appropriate time frame. They will trust you as much as you trust them.

Mindfulness:
I have seen parents who do not allow their kids to spend time with their friends in their free time when other kids are having fun in the afternoons.
These kids are more often than not weird.