Hurts and Pains, a likely syndrome in Relationship
_ ThaRealist

Hurts are inevitable in relationships, bound to arise in a fast-paced world of imperfect communication between people . There is no doubt, we will be hurt by our loved ones, people that are distant from us; who barely know our background , and even people ,who we hold in high esteem both intentionally and unintentionally.

Anger and hurt are common responses to emotional pain and has a way of obstructing us from seeing a bigger picture ;hence we get so emotional ,sowing a Root of bitterness for whoever we perceive hurts us . A fine line seems to separate hurt from a deep revengeful sense of bitterness. The difficulty is in knowing when we cross that line. Bitterness is an ugly gripping anger that seeks everything ugly and painful on those individuals who have hurt us.

The truth is emotional pain can make it impossible for one to enjoy life and can manifest as physical disease which orientates from psychological stress and disoder.
In reality, people that are hurt tend to drift to negative influences. We turn to anything that will help us get rid of our feelings and thence it leads to Addiction.

Addiction are basically misconstrued and are used as pain killers ; - this is largely characterized with alcohol drinking ,masturbation, drug abuse, smoking. e.t.c. this only takes away the pain in short term but the pain still remains..
An illustration is one who has worked ceaselessly for a particular company for years" and all of a sudden he gets sacked without prior notice, such person might decide to go to the bar and take bottles of alcohol and spirit in belief that it will repress the pain , the fact is the alcohol would only repress it for a short term but afterwards his retrenchment status is still unchanged ..
[i]
10 Ways to deal with HURTS, PAINS and Addiction[/i]
[b]
1. Validate your emotions[/b] : I.e accept you are hurt, but don't judge your emotions ..identifying and defining what really hurt you is the first step to getting over the pains.

2. Express your pain : The greatest relieve you can get when you feel hurt is speaking ,to one who hurt you, as this helps you a great deal. More often,people hold their feelings in, then at some minor infraction explode out of proportion.

3. Stop being the Victim : At this stage, you need to gear up and stop playing the pity/blame card ,because once you put yourself in that vantage point, you would miss the bigger picture. In every moment you have that choice- to continue to feel bad about another person's actions ,or to start feeling good ,you need to take responsibility for your own happiness, and not put such power into the hands of another person. Why would you let the person who hurt you in the past have such power.

4. Focus on the Present : At this stage, stop brooding over the past hurt ,stop re- living it because u can hardly undo the past, the memories you replay in your mind only become increasingly distressing and cause more pain. Let go of the past hurt feelings , What you have is today/present ,which remains wholly yours to make it the best of your life.

5. Forgive them ; This is the last step to dealing with pains and hurts .. This is often the most challenging of the steps mentioned above . We may not have to forget another person's bad behavior, but virtually everybody deserves our forgiveness. Sometimes we get stuck in our pains we can't imagine forgiveness. Forgiveness isn't saying " i agree with what you did,instead it is saying, I don't agree with what you did ,but I forgive you anyways"
Note: There is nothing true in the adage that says "Forgive and Forget" , because you can't forgive and forget at the same instance, you can only get over the pains and with time it begins to fade of.

Parting Shot:

Nobody's life should be defined by their pain. It's not healthy, it adds to our stress, our ability to focus, study and work and it impacts every other relationship we have (even the ones not directly affected by the hurt ) Everyday you choose to hold on to the pain,is another day everybody around you has to live with that decision and feel its consequences . So do everybody and most especially ,yourself a big favor , because if we crowd our brain with hurt feelings there is little room for anything positive - LET GO OF THE PAIN!!

When people hurt you over and over ,think of them as SANDPAPER, they scratch and hurt you, but in the end you are POLISHED, and they are all used up...

[i] I have found the paradox ,that if you love until it hurts , there can be no more hurt,only more love[/i]e.
---- Mother Theresa