Nigerian parents and so much believe in beating, if all these decades of beatings were anything to go by why is it that there's so much decadence and lack of humanity in our society?

mikaael:


jeez...did u die?

e don tey. I no fit remember

lovat:
I will sing dirge for you

Longcucumber:
you no be sharp guy,my own be say when i day watch bluefilm nepa come take light,i go just loose the dvd,remove the plate come couple the dvd back.

just kukuma become porn star

marshalcarter:

lwkmd


..dude.....you gat me aswear.... i wonder aw the beatin go go

A friend's mother had a small 'provision' shop. I was her only friend at the time and every time I would threaten to stop being her friend unless she gave me the small sachet of cowbell milk, I think it was 3 naira back then. Her mum noticed the constant disappearance of the sachet cowbell milk, berated her about it and she confessed. She dragged my friend to my place to tell my dad about my shenanigans...Well, It's a miracle I am alive today.

Youngetskilz23:
just kukuma become porn star

i be comfirm porm star also known as longcucumber.

Took my time to go through all of the tweets and the posts here, really hilarious and still can't stop lmao.. Someone said he went to watch el clasico, got back late in the night and had to tip toe to his room, met his dad and he asked "kini scores"? Yet still beat shiiiii outta him, that really cracked me up.. Damn


Ok, I received a lot of beatings growing up, mum a strict disciplinarian and i'm the eldest of 5... Will just share 2, one by my mum and the other my dad by extension, lol..


Was in primary 6, mumci was checking my school work after school one day and she saw a different notebook she didn't buy, she asked i told her she bought it, obviously she didn't then told her again i bought myself, from which money and y didn't you tell me you needed 1? Finally i told her the truth, my grandfather gave it to me, her father actually and she had warned us never to go disturb the old man for anything, that's y i lied initially.. She came to school the following day, took excuse from my teacher, told my classmates i lied and that it's wrong to lie to ur parents, she beat me with 2 canes twisted together, flogged every part of my body, severe beating that i ended up sick afterwards. She apologized when i got home ( a mother's love), told me never to lie again, took me to the pharmacy to get medication..


The second one, I was about 15 or thereabout, dad was scolding me one sunday evening and i talked back, was actually bold to challenge him, lol.. My dad hardly beats, he was calm and didn't say much, i started feeling like a gee, lol.. The following day in the evening he came back from work with 2 mobile policemen from their office, as i went to greet him he just pointed me to them "That's the guy",ewo.. I didn't even understand on time, would've checked out oooooo.. These officers gave me the drilling of my life, when they finished i couldn't stand upright, my whole legs where shaking, my body ached for days.. I suffer sha but all na story now.

Longcucumber:
i be comfirm porm star also known as longcucumber.

lol more bitches bro

illuminaty:
I remember back in primary school wen I had started using biro....menh,i can loss biro a lot...a new biro everyday.d day the tin enter my papa head.....even dibia ofia didn't see d summer slam my papa give me!.....from dt day henceforth,if I loose my pen,i must thieft person pen b4 I go home

buhahahahaahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahhaahhahahaa. Bad fikins efferywhere

Took a hot StevenG shot kick during break tym in primary school and broke our principal's 3 louvres. He reported to my parents who paid for it, as it is d school policy. Got home, beaten to stupor by dad, mom dazed my eyes with dry grindedpepper, instantly metarmophosed to a young cyclops in d hood.

kekilika:
I noticed potential killers, rapist, sadists, psychotic, atheists, corrupt, deranged, flirts as I read through. Hope they are all normal now.

Believe me, some would normal but some are just like peak milk 'It is in you'
Those one till they die, they wouldn't stop

Abrupt:
Top Funny Tweets

•I was receiving my usual beatings then I decided to play dead & laughed, boy I wished I had died for real it was a massacre



•My aunt called me Olodo. I replied her with 'if you aren't an olodo too, why are you doing tailoring job.'
Mum screamed Yeeeeh

lolz...especially the first one. got me laughing so hard

fflamingo:
seriously the nigeria Senate should ban Omo rogun.

Pls wat is omorogun?

If I total the amount of strokes of cane I received during my childhood. I swear it will amount to more than 5000 (no kidding) .
My mum out of frustration since I am now immune to feeling pains from beating. She took razor blade to cut my back and add pepper (the scars are still there) .
Funny thing is after the " pepper medical treatment" I did not even shed any tears. She was the one even crying that I have become irredeemable.
Once received 50 strokes of the cane on my right hand and another 50 on my left hand, didn't cry it was the person that beat me that was sweating profusely.
They sha later get me sha say na punishment I fear die

Youngetskilz23:
The day I was watching Porn in the night. Nepal took light. I wait Taya. The next morning I forgot. My popc come on DVD . The rest was history .

;Dsee your life

DavidEsq:
Pls wat is omorogun?

spatula or turning stick

DavidEsq:

Pls wat is omorogun?

Stick they use it to turn gari

hamedollar:
Stick they use it to turn gari

That one no bad reach belt na

Reading various posts here from several nairalanders really made me laugh in such a way that people living around me started thinking that I must be out of my mind. You guys have really made my day.
Well, here's mine;

I remember when I was a little boy (probably around age 7 or . We had a small provisions shop (which is close to our home) that we use as a trading business. There was a day I was left alone in our shop so that my mom & dad can go & attend to other important stuffs back in our house. I was so bored that I started looking for something unimportant that I could use as a plaything to keep me pre-occupied (You know na, childish mentality). I saw what appears to look like a long rusty stick in our shop, Little did I know that I was looking at my dad's old fishing rod! In my naivety, I took the "stick", broke it into many pieces & use it to construct my own toy story game. When my dad finally came to join me in our shop, he saw what I was doing & shouted, "my fishing pole o!, The kind beating I got that day eh, it was like as if I was going to die that very moment. All thanks to our neighbour who rescued me from my raging dad. Ever since that day, if I want to play with anything, I would go outside our house & pick up used stuffs that has been discarded for fear of using anything in our house that will turn out to be dad's (or anyone's) stuff.

lovat:
Another beating i will never forget was the day we watched Domitilla and Glamour Girls secretly.



After that beating our videotape do like A sacrifice made to the gods

till this day, I never watched those home videos because of my parents. and all my classmates in primary 4 abi 5 be watch am o

these posts are just so friggin funny, I can't stop laffin........

i was about 15. Dat fateful day, d devil pushed me to use my dad's phone to call my bf and forgot to delete d number from his dialed list.. after asking me if i was d one dat exhausted his airtym and i denied even touching his phone, my dad decided to call d number himself and put it on loud speaker. d first tin d yeye boy did was to call my name "MySweetCity"... Chai, d beating and wrestle-mania24 i received dat day, dia is god ooooo... even wen my mom came bck and dad told her wat i did, she continued wit d 'summer-slam', shouting dat if i bkom pregnant she wil definitely take me to d village to stay for d rest of my mumu life kos i can't bring disgrace to d family (moms can over-exaggerate). after dat she took me to her room to lecture me about pre-marital sex as if i never spoil already.....

khalifahsparkles:




till this day, I never watched those home videos because of my parents. and all my classmates in primary 4 abi 5 be watch am o

i watched it ooo

szen:
this one time momsie was giving me a thrashing with those hardened rubber hangers.the housegirls was so scared she tried to intervene and i dunno the spirit that got into me, i pushed her away and shouted "leave her! let her kill me!" . my people...momsie went all "jason bourne" on me! beast mode shiit!! na me come dey beg house geh make she epp me lol

lol

FelicityLucita:
these posts are just so friggin funny, I can't stop laffin........

i was about 15. Dat fateful day, d devil pushed me to use my dad's phone to call my bf and forgot to delete d number from his dialed list.. after asking me if i was d one dat exhausted his airtym and i denied even touching his phone, my dad decided to call d number himself and put it on loud speaker. d first tin d yeye boy did was to call my name "MySweetCity"... Chai, d beating and wrestle-mania24 i received dat day, dia is god ooooo... even wen my mom came bck and dad told her wat i did, she continued wit d 'summer-slam', shouting dat if i bkom pregnant she wil definitely take me to d village to stay for d rest of my mumu life kos i can't bring disgrace to d family (moms can over-exaggerate). after dat she took me to her room to lecture me about pre-marital sex as if i never spoil already.....

Just negodu spoilt girl at 15 uwa mmebi

obataokenwa:
If u grew up in Kaduna those days an don't know River Kaduna, then that one no sharp. we steal mango tire and catch fish we don't even use after. Kaduna Na fine city till Sharia crisis con spoil everytin

which year were u in Kaduna? I left in 02 schooled in Ambassadors

got the beatin of my life one day like dat, mum beat me, slap me, bash my head on the wall, gave me left hook my check bone hit the fan controller... koko came out, in fact i was panel beated that day, crying was no longer helpin, i started to pray for her mummy, you will be rich,she be like "am rich already" , I'll be like mummy, you will born another child, she's like yes, after i kill you' am like ha mummy....
wot did i do? a friend snitched on me dat i have been stealing her money and been using it to buy jollof rice for my clique, dude's mad cuz i cut him out.. me nd my clique sha gave him general beatin

JeffreyJamez:


Oh so no be only my mama hahahahahaha

Anytime I hear "go to my room" na cry and "mummy please" dey follow

Lol! But I rebel small sha. Anytime she talk "Go to your room" me go exile for 1week for uncle house.

Section80:
a tri-some gone wrong with my elder bros then..

.i was like 15,he was 17 ,she ws arnd 18/19 and a family frnd too....on Doom's day ,we thought we had everything plotted out...it was on Friday.. we skipped school,others were in school...mums was at work...pops also
atleast 4pm before they return.. i don't know the Banza good face neighbor who snitched on us tho.. chic don show my bro was squeezing brezz..i was handling soft thighs..at abt 11am-ish or thr abt...pman just drove home like a fighter jet or something..no horns..didn't even drive into d compound... i and bro were seeing d stars,we did nt sense Shiiii.. pman busted into the room... with a single kick at the door
chaii.....till date those scars are still fresh...to the outside world i had a ghastly accident!!.... pops stabbed us severally with a broken bottle which he actually broke my brother's head with...tied us together like goats... Friday-monday morning..... Elders from the village had to intervene... moms thought we had died...

that didn't change shiii tho...A ho' always gon' be a ho'

Lmfao! You deserved the beating abeg

Csami:


Lol! But I rebel small sha. Anytime she talk "Go to your room" me go exile for 1week for uncle house.

Your own good na lol

lovat:
which year were u in Kaduna? I left in 02 schooled in Ambassadors

I schooled in Joy secondary school. left 2000 from the the Barack straight to villa after the crisis. if u schooled in ambassadors, u should know Ugwumbas.

obataokenwa:
I schooled in Joy secondary school. left 2000 from the the Barack straight to villa after the crisis. if u schooled in ambassadors, u should know Ugwumbas.

I'm trying to piece the name together. Pm me let's talk offline.


Please if you are a zombie i won't reply or iburu onye ewedu i won't reply