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My Man Thinks That The Money He Earns Is His And Not Ours - Family (5) - Nairaland

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"If You Both Make The Money & He Decides How It's Spent, You're A Doormat"- Lady / What Is The Most Annoying Punishment A Man Thinks He Can Give His Wife? / My Man Is Too Attached To His Mum, Advice Needed (2) (3) (4)

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Re: My Man Thinks That The Money He Earns Is His And Not Ours by nwabobo: 9:54am On Jan 29, 2017
uzoexcel:
I wonder where ur grandfather was from cos in the days of my own grandfather and forefathers...women engaged in selling, trading by barter and all...NOT STQYING AT HOME

There's always an exception to the rule. If you are Igbo, find out the meaning and origin of oriaku.
Re: My Man Thinks That The Money He Earns Is His And Not Ours by Excellentmind: 11:38am On Jan 29, 2017
airminem:
I am a stay at home mom, for now. I was laid off from a teaching job while pregnant and decided to use this time to care for our 8months son. In the beginning there was never an issue with one persons money being his or hers it was always ours.

Now after a year and a half anything I spend becomes an issue. When we talk about money he talks about working his a.s.s off, having nothing to show for it, because I'm spending HIS money.

Surprisingly, I don't even shop. Every once in a while I may purchase something for the home or something our kid need. I'm almost tempted to go on back to work, but I would like to stay out one more year until our son is of preschool age. I don't know if I will be able to make it that long.

It just seems like when you become a stay at home mom and don't earn an income you become less than, not equal, and nothing is truly yours because you didn't earn it. Just because we are at home doesn't mean we don't work, we just don't get paid for it.

Marriage is a union which binds parties involved in one family. It means things in the family are commonly done, ie contributing one's quota to move the family forward. Members of the family are geared towards achieving the same goal. Therefore, any income belongs to the family irrespective of who earns the income. But the problem will always sets in when one party begins to personalize his or her income. In most cases, women believe that their incomes belong to them and those of their husbands belong to all. Some crises in marriage are traceable to this particular issue and the ability of the couple to deal with it will definitely affect the success of the marriage.
As for your question, it's our money, if you believe that yours is our money.
Re: My Man Thinks That The Money He Earns Is His And Not Ours by testimonyobaoyin(f): 12:13pm On Jan 29, 2017
MabraO:


Ur way of seeing things is very wrong
No wonder ur husby see his money as his
Cos u placing too much importance on irrelevant things
Wot is wrong if he calls his money his?

A very wrong idea u ve
can't u be reasonable for ones, it is wrong I don't like it wen my man use I instead of us. That won't reduce you in anyway
Re: My Man Thinks That The Money He Earns Is His And Not Ours by Sike(m): 12:19pm On Jan 29, 2017
Get up and work

1 Like

Re: My Man Thinks That The Money He Earns Is His And Not Ours by idesylvester(m): 1:16pm On Jan 29, 2017
I think the only problem I v with Nairalanders is how they insult each other's in terms of religion and tribe but aside these " u guys r wonderfully made to encourage... God bless u all... But una Sabi cos person ooo
Re: My Man Thinks That The Money He Earns Is His And Not Ours by peacemara54(m): 1:22pm On Jan 29, 2017
ststyreal:

So how do you sell it and for how much, am interested. Thanks. Will call you
we sell in 20lits,. Ok will be waiting for your call. Will be available from 1pm-4pm 2day.
Re: My Man Thinks That The Money He Earns Is His And Not Ours by mayoor15(m): 1:27pm On Jan 29, 2017
airminem:


Are You Married?
Answer my question first but my last advice to you will be inform of a story of someone I know well, she also stopped working when she was pregnant of her 2nd child, but her husband didn't complain that his money is his money why, she isn't lazy, she cooks and does everything and her husband still finance her phd programme, and this woman will still save from the little her husband gives her, when she goes to market and there is excess fund she will save it, she saves and still send Money to her siblings from what you will call petty savings.Her husband knows when she gets her degree and get a job, she will help further their finances. What are you doing with the little he gives you, you spend everything right? Probably to the point that when you want to buy Maggi you ask for money, I tell you that way, he will see you as a liability, make yourself an asset, you are a woman, if he gives you 20k for upkeep per month, you don't need to spend everything. Spend 15k keep the 5k, if petty needs arise, you have a backup, tell him you also want to be useful to him, if you know any trade before, why not start it if you have no skill, go and learn one within 6-12 months, you can stand on your own, if you make 1k per day say for a month that Is 30k, you are no longer a liability. Those asking you to deprive him of some benefits just want to break your marriage, you are pushing your man to the wall already with the way you spend money, don't let it get worse, find a job or learn a trade, if you have a skill use it, make money for yourself so that he can appreciate you.

1 Like

Re: My Man Thinks That The Money He Earns Is His And Not Ours by Blonchilli(m): 1:29pm On Jan 29, 2017
PaperLace:
My sister, 1yr and half? it's Buhari's economy.
Everyone is getting worked up, we're not getting value for our money and hardwork.

We should be more bothered 'bout how you can make some money, while still having time for you baby.

Modified: it seems you really want us to blame the man, and we have refused...lols. Okay, his money is una money, but you have a better idea of what he earns_ less the incessant hike in prices of recurrent expenditure from it and you'll understand why he is angry.
Have you bothered to ask what he thinks he should have achieved? Maybe he planned buying a land in 2016, this is 2017, no land-no savings. Men naturally get angry when they are not meeting their target.

I didn't advise you to jump back into teaching because the average teaching jobs doesn't pay that much. It may not give your family's financial condition the required boost. There are so many things you can do from home to earn better than the average teacher. If you really want a career in teaching, you can do certification(s) while at home, that way...you'll be relevant upon your return.
I swear God will bless whoever marries you kiss kiss
No... God will bless me. I have found a good wife. Where are you let me come and marry. With you I will be confident if I get fired

Re: My Man Thinks That The Money He Earns Is His And Not Ours by mayoor15(m): 1:29pm On Jan 29, 2017
Jollymich:
I wish my wife is a nairalander
Give her the phone and let her read Now....lols
Re: My Man Thinks That The Money He Earns Is His And Not Ours by MabraO: 1:36pm On Jan 29, 2017
testimonyobaoyin:
can't u be reasonable for ones, it is wrong I don't like it wen my man use I instead of us. That won't reduce you in anyway

E be like say u nd d op be sisters
U seeing where ur own fellow woman is condemning the it is our money wen in actual sense it d husby's u still "I don't like it"

Continue...
Re: My Man Thinks That The Money He Earns Is His And Not Ours by airminem(f): 1:39pm On Jan 29, 2017
But Did You Read To Understand The Topic? Thanks Though
Re: My Man Thinks That The Money He Earns Is His And Not Ours by ABANGWABOI(m): 1:54pm On Jan 29, 2017
PaperLace:
My sister, 1yr and half? it's Buhari's economy.
Everyone is getting worked up, we're not getting value for our money and hardwork.

We should be more bothered 'bout how you can make some money, while still having time for you baby.

Modified: it seems you really want us to blame the man, and we have refused...lols. Okay, his money is una money, but you have a better idea of what he earns_ less the incessant hike in prices of recurrent expenditure from it and you'll understand why he is angry.
Have you bothered to ask what he thinks he should have achieved? Maybe he planned buying a land in 2016, this is 2017, no land-no savings. Men naturally get angry when they are not meeting their target.

I didn't advise you to jump back into teaching because the average teaching jobs doesn't pay that much. It may not give your family's financial condition the required boost. There are so many things you can do from home to earn better than the average teacher. If you really want a career in teaching, you can do certification(s) while at home, that way...you'll be relevant upon your return.
.


Well said
Re: My Man Thinks That The Money He Earns Is His And Not Ours by BigIyanga: 2:41pm On Jan 29, 2017
airminem:


Because You Are Not Seeing The Point Of View I Am Coming Okay.
Ok what was the value you brought to your hubby before marriage. If he's worth 10m before he married you, it's not your money!! Even in developed countries it's the value you brough to the marriage that is considered.
Re: My Man Thinks That The Money He Earns Is His And Not Ours by Nobody: 2:52pm On Jan 29, 2017
boiz2men:



Bros enlighten me about prepclss


I have been having the idea

Didn't know there was a name for it

A friend of mine told me about it, but here is for more information

http://prepclass.com.ng/tutor
Re: My Man Thinks That The Money He Earns Is His And Not Ours by Malawian(m): 2:59pm On Jan 29, 2017
When you go around a night market, you will see sensible women with kidz all over them, hawking one or two things to make ends meet for their family. I just sent one foolish girl packing out of my house. The fool told me point blankedly that it is my responsibility to cater for the emotional, financial, health and some other jargons of her. Just because she dey bring kpomo? This is why i sometimes love these edo men. They knock you up several times and then disappear, letting you toil and slave to raise your kids, and once they have all grown up, you see them returning to reconcile with their "family". Your problem is that you met a responsible man, who is trying his best to be there fir you, that is why you are trying to walk all over him. So if tomorrow, you look for your husband and did not see him nko? What will happen to you and your child?

Nothing more annoying than a grown up liability.
Re: My Man Thinks That The Money He Earns Is His And Not Ours by WinkWrld: 3:06pm On Jan 29, 2017
The economy is bad. Very bad. Keep holding on to God while u manage. It's for better for worse.
Re: My Man Thinks That The Money He Earns Is His And Not Ours by thelish(f): 3:19pm On Jan 29, 2017
If the man was out of work, and the working wife uttered those words to him, nobody will be in support of her. But it is okay for him to tell his wife such. Madam pls look for sth to do, shebi, na him go still pay daycare money for ur son? And when he is broke,just tell him, it's ur money as well.
What is difficult in telling u to look for sth doing to assist him with d bills? Than to tell u, his money is his alone??
And I dey here dey submit salary as offering out of freewill though.

1 Like

Re: My Man Thinks That The Money He Earns Is His And Not Ours by ussy09(m): 3:50pm On Jan 29, 2017
PaperLace:
My sister, 1yr and half? it's Buhari's economy.
Everyone is getting worked up, we're not getting value for our money and hardwork.

We should be more bothered 'bout how you can make some money, while still having time for you baby.

Modified: it seems you really want us to blame the man, and we have refused...lols. Okay, his money is una money, but you have a better idea of what he earns_ less the incessant hike in prices of recurrent expenditure from it and you'll understand why he is angry.
Have you bothered to ask what he thinks he should have achieved? Maybe he planned buying a land in 2016, this is 2017, no land-no savings. Men naturally get angry when they are not meeting their target.

I didn't advise you to jump back into teaching because the average teaching jobs doesn't pay that much. It may not give your family's financial condition the required boost. There are so many things you can do from home to earn better than the average teacher. If you really want a career in teaching, you can do certification(s) while at home, that way...you'll be relevant upon your return.
u r gud
Re: My Man Thinks That The Money He Earns Is His And Not Ours by LordAdam7: 5:25pm On Jan 29, 2017
dingbang:
almost 95percent of people commenting in ur threads are confessing that you are the problem but u won't listen... Continue... U want empathy abi? No wahala.. The worst part is majority of the advice coming Ur fellow women against u.., so man up and accept that u are the problem

Hollup!

Let her woman up jare.

-Lord

1 Like

Re: My Man Thinks That The Money He Earns Is His And Not Ours by LordAdam7: 5:49pm On Jan 29, 2017
Malawian:
When you go around a night market, you will see sensible women with kidz all over them, hawking one or two things to make ends meet for their family. I just sent one foolish girl packing out of my house. The fool told me point blankedly that it is my responsibility to cater for the emotional, financial, health and some other jargons of her. Just because she dey bring kpomo? This is why i sometimes love these edo men. They knock you up several times and then disappear, letting you toil and slave to raise your kids, and once they have all grown up, you see them returning to reconcile with their "family". Your problem is that you met a responsible man, who is trying his best to be there fir you, that is why you are trying to walk all over him. So if tomorrow, you look for your husband and did not see him nko? What will happen to you and your child?

Nothing more annoying than a grown up liability.

Bros you dey vex.

But you even try allow d girl enter ur house with that mentality. Different strokes for different folks.

This marriage thing no come with manual. If a woman feels that cleaning the house, taking care of the children, cooking and having sex is her equal contribution to the marriage that means she is entitled to at least 50% of all money that come in regardless of who brings the money in, let her find a man that sees things same way right from the start. Luckily there are many guys like that.

Trouble starts brewing when you go for a man or lady who has a different mindset.

There are men who make it mandatory for their wives to stay at home. Wives with advanced degrees and probably even had paying jobs before marriage. And even go as far as paying them salaries or monthly allowance.

Personally, I can't stand skirts that view relationships or marriage as poverty alleviation programs. But it doesn't mean those who view things that way don't have matches that will tolerate or even appreciate such views.

The lady should have a sit down with her husband. This is one of those issues where they have to adopt a resolution after a thorough discourse. If she keeps trying to say it should be "our" money because someone else says so, she'll just keep feeding the friction.

-Lord
Re: My Man Thinks That The Money He Earns Is His And Not Ours by Malawian(m): 6:50pm On Jan 29, 2017
LordAdam7:


Bros you dey vex.

But you even try allow d girl enter ur house with that mentality. Different strokes for different folks.

This marriage thing no come with manual. If a woman feels that cleaning the house, taking care of the children, cooking and having sex is her equal contribution to the marriage that means she is entitled to at least 50% of all money that come in regardless of who brings the money in, let her find a man that sees things same way right from the start. Luckily there are many guys like that.

Trouble starts brewing when you go for a man or lady who has a different mindset.

There are men who make it mandatory for their wives to stay at home. Wives with advanced degrees and probably even had paying jobs before marriage. And even go as far as paying them salaries or monthly allowance.

Personally, I can't stand skirts that view relationships or marriage as poverty alleviation programs. But it doesn't mean those who view things that way don't have matches that will tolerate or even appreciate such views.

The lady should have a sit down with her husband. This is one of those issues where they have to adopt a resolution after a thorough discourse. If she keeps trying to say it should be "our" money because someone else says so, she'll just keep feeding the friction.

-Lord

My Igbo people have a proverb that goes like "you have to see the weight of the goods your mum takes to the market to sell, before requesting for gifts". From her narration, it is obvious the man is struggling to stay afloat, yet a grown up person will have the mindset that the husband will also take care of her like the kids. I thought marriage and having kids is some kind of investment where you and your wife invest in your kids and hope that they will make it and take care of you in your old age. Imagine a grown up addding to the husband's financial strain? dont be surprised that the woman will even be a graduate.

1 Like

Re: My Man Thinks That The Money He Earns Is His And Not Ours by Malawian(m): 8:57pm On Jan 29, 2017
repogirl:
I can relate with you OP being a stay at home mom but ive been married for longer than you have.

Yes, his money should be both your money but the reality is he might not see it that way and forcing him to see it from your angle won't help. Just make some of your own money and be claiming this is your money also.

If you say you are not ready to go back to work then you are going to have to live with his bickering for a while. Over a few years he might get to understand that being a stay at home mom is equally a full time job but till then, as long as you have no source of income, this is what you will have to endure.
just negodu.

"His money is also your money" but "your money is only your own money"
Re: My Man Thinks That The Money He Earns Is His And Not Ours by repogirl(f): 9:02pm On Jan 29, 2017
Malawian:

just negodu.

"His money is also your money" but "your money is only your own money"
I told her to claim her own money only because he is claiming his money. Tit for tat.
Re: My Man Thinks That The Money He Earns Is His And Not Ours by Malawian(m): 9:29pm On Jan 29, 2017
repogirl:
I told her to claim her own money only because he is claiming his money. Tit for tat.
that is not what you told her. some of us can read between the lines. undecided undecided
Re: My Man Thinks That The Money He Earns Is His And Not Ours by airminem(f): 9:51am On Feb 01, 2017
Malawian:

that is not what you told her. some of us can read between the lines. undecided undecided

I Get Where You Are Coming And I Understand. Its In My Own Opinion To Leave Wit It Ok. Thanks Folks
Re: My Man Thinks That The Money He Earns Is His And Not Ours by airminem(f): 9:54am On Feb 01, 2017
MabraO:


E be like say u nd d op be sisters
U seeing where ur own fellow woman is condemning the it is our money wen in actual sense it d husby's u still "I don't like it"

Continue...

Explain More Please
Re: My Man Thinks That The Money He Earns Is His And Not Ours by klevotino: 10:37pm On Feb 03, 2017
ABANGWABOI:
.
na wife material u be jare ..ur advice is second to none ..inspiring and educating ..becos of u I created an account just to reply ur post after being anonymous for almost a decade.. don't know u from Adam bt pls if u ain't married holla at me cos I want to marry u before August.. am very serious pls
lol just passing by............. grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin grin
Re: My Man Thinks That The Money He Earns Is His And Not Ours by ogawisdom(m): 11:23am On Feb 04, 2017
airminem:
I am a stay at home mom, for now. I was laid off from a teaching job while pregnant and decided to use this time to care for our 8months son. In the beginning there was never an issue with one persons money being his or hers it was always ours.

Now after a year and a half anything I spend becomes an issue. When we talk about money he talks about working his a.s.s off, having nothing to show for it, because I'm spending HIS money.

Surprisingly, I don't even shop. Every once in a while I may purchase something for the home or something our kid need. I'm almost tempted to go on back to work, but I would like to stay out one more year until our son is of preschool age. I don't know if I will be able to make it that long.

It just seems like when you become a stay at home mom and don't earn an income you become less than, not equal, and nothing is truly yours because you didn't earn it. Just because we are at home doesn't mean we don't work, we just don't get paid for it.


U shld be helping ur man financially all these excuses of taking care of a baby is for lazy ass women. Look for sth productive to do to add to d family income tongue tongue this is d internet age who says u can't work from home, think out of d box and quit thinking like u r in the 18th century

1 Like

Re: My Man Thinks That The Money He Earns Is His And Not Ours by airminem(f): 5:41pm On Feb 04, 2017
ogawisdom:



U shld be helping ur man financially all these excuses of taking care of a baby is for lazy ass women. Look for sth productive to do to add to d family income tongue tongue this is d internet age who says u can't work from home, think out of d box and quit thinking like u r in the 18th century

Yes OgaNoWisdom

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