kinkie:
I just want to pour my heart.. I don't know what to do anymore

I am 26 and my fiance is 30.. I am the first child of three children, and I am from a religious Christian home. my younger ones are in uni..so I am the only one with my parents at the moment.. till they are on vacation.

we have been dating for three years and we also did our introduction few months ago.. the wedding date has been picked for this year (very soon).

like once a month, I wash his cloth.. I also cook for him once a week, sometimes it may be lesser than that or more than that..depends on when the spirit leads.. His house is not so far from my parents, (though not of treatable distance) and coincidentally our offices are not far from each other.

One thing we have always quarrelled about is me sleeping over.. No, as a matter of fact, he wants us to live "couples life" when we are not yet married.. it doesn't stop there, he wants me to cook every damned time, like when one soup finishes, I should be there to make another and I should visit him every time.

(yeah we have sex occasionally), but he wants me to leave my parents house and stay for like a week, go home. come back again and do the same thing.

As deep Christians, my parents would not hear of it that I slept over at his place.. so I only attempted to sleep over very few times and I go back home in the morning..I had to even lie to my parent that I was somewhere else (which was difficult for me..i dont have a close friend around that I can use to lie) . Personally I am not comfortable with sleep overs (because we are not married yet) but because of love and his constant complains I had to cave in. this was the same thing with sex, before I finally agreed he complained and complained..

The problem is he is now threatening me with a break up if I don't change (that is sleep over more often and in longer days instead of one night, wash more often, cook more often, and visit more often).. we actually had a lil quarrel and it led to the whole sleep over matter again ..

I am really fed up because we are always quarrelling about this..

I feel I am doing my best enough, and is selfish of him.. We see almost everyday or at least thrice a week. Once I close from work, we go home together and I stop at his place most times before going home.. Still it's not enough..

I have a mum who has been ill (on and off) for some months now. so once I close from work, I am still the one to cook for the family and do all necessary chores.. during the weekend, I oversee her shop when if I can, sometimes I visit him if I am not going to work in the weekend (cos i work weekend sometimes) ..

but yet he feels I am not doing enough... I am so fed up

cummando:
Bad place for an advice o.



My advice break up. I know you won't.
Marriage day set and he is still fighting over this is like lightning before thunder. The fight will move to something else when you get married. And you will end up single in a married home.

Since your a christian.....pray!
It always works

GloriaNino:
Oh so sorry about this your story, that's if it true

TheSonOfMark:
What's with you folks and ruining relationships? Have you ever sacrificed or made rational compromises for a committed relationship to work? Heck! Have you ever exclusively dated a girl for two years? Here you are trying to ruin a three-year-old one.

The dude isn't a philanderer or a serial abuser - he's just a virile man who wants his woman with him and there's nothing wrong with that. Their differences can be worked on.

kinkie:
I just want to pour my heart.. I don't know what to do anymore

I am 26 and my fiance is 30.. I am the first child of three children, and I am from a religious Christian home. my younger ones are in uni..so I am the only one with my parents at the moment.. till they are on vacation.

we have been dating for three years and we also did our introduction few months ago.. the wedding date has been picked for this year (very soon).

like once a month, I wash his cloth.. I also cook for him once a week, sometimes it may be lesser than that or more than that..depends on when the spirit leads.. His house is not so far from my parents, (though not of treatable distance) and coincidentally our offices are not far from each other.

One thing we have always quarrelled about is me sleeping over.. No, as a matter of fact, he wants us to live "couples life" when we are not yet married.. it doesn't stop there, he wants me to cook every damned time, like when one soup finishes, I should be there to make another and I should visit him every time.

(yeah we have sex occasionally), but he wants me to leave my parents house and stay for like a week, go home. come back again and do the same thing.

As deep Christians, my parents would not hear of it that I slept over at his place.. so I only attempted to sleep over very few times and I go back home in the morning..I had to even lie to my parent that I was somewhere else (which was difficult for me..i dont have a close friend around that I can use to lie) . Personally I am not comfortable with sleep overs (because we are not married yet) but because of love and his constant complains I had to cave in. this was the same thing with sex, before I finally agreed he complained and complained..

The problem is he is now threatening me with a break up if I don't change (that is sleep over more often and in longer days instead of one night, wash more often, cook more often, and visit more often).. we actually had a lil quarrel and it led to the whole sleep over matter again ..

I am really fed up because we are always quarrelling about this..

I feel I am doing my best enough, and is selfish of him.. We see almost everyday or at least thrice a week. Once I close from work, we go home together and I stop at his place most times before going home.. Still it's not enough..

I have a mum who has been ill (on and off) for some months now. so once I close from work, I am still the one to cook for the family and do all necessary chores.. during the weekend, I oversee her shop when if I can, sometimes I visit him if I am not going to work in the weekend (cos i work weekend sometimes) ..

but yet he feels I am not doing enough... I am so fed up

cummando:

Don't begin a quote with questions you can't get answers to. Did I bring her here to report her life? It's a public forum and I can say whatever I want. And I just gave her the best advice she can get.
Don't go looking for trouble boy. I know more about relationships than u can ever know.
Stay off my lane. I don't troll. I attack.

TheSonOfMark:
The only relationship experience you have is with bickering voices in your head!

No male who's dated a woman and hopes to start a family with her would advice another person to ditch theirs in the flowing gutters of petty excuses.

You're nothing more than a happy-go-lucky, stick-my-dick-in-every-hole time-waster!

cummando:


Laughs in Spanish.....
I don't speak to children.
Come forth and I'm sure I'll have you as a kid. slowpoke

TheSonOfMark:
This is a written back-and-forth, not a spoken one; that renders your "speak to children" drab assumption invalid.

Grow up, ask a girl out and keep her for two years then maybe - just maybe - you'd truly understand the sacrifices the OP and her man have had to make.

Quintessential1:
Something isn't right here. I don't trust that fiance of yours. If truly your marriage is slated to hold this year, then I don't see any reason for his impatience.

My dear, you've compromised a lot. Now, it's time to stick to your guns or you'll never have your way with anything even when you get married! From your story up there, @Kinkie, your fiance is looking for a good reason to call it quits. But before then, he wants to enjoy as many privileges and possible.

ethene:

U claim ur a good Christian and 'yeah we have sex occasionally'? don't u think ur stories are contradictory? U don't want to spend longer days sleeping in his house cos ur not married but u have sex occasionally which is supposed to be for married people so I wonder what's left of u. My take is he must be very stupid and arrogant to threaten u with a break up because u don't want to come sleep more at his place as if ur life depends on him, any way I won't blame him cos to him he has nothing to loose since he had already scattered ur thing; u see why it pays to abstain from sex? Cos all thing being equal ur the one that is supposed to threaten him with a break up should he insists u come spend the night at his place.

cummando:
Bad place for an advice o.



My advice break up. I know you won't.
Marriage day set and he is still fighting over this is like lightning before thunder. The fight will move to something else when you get married. And you will end up single in a married home.

Since your a christian.....pray!
It always works

cummando:

May your sense never leave you!!!
TheSonOf.Mark come and hear somebody talk.
But first have you bought your bobo.?
If they don't have buy caprisone.
Pikin

You lurked around hoping to spin your web of ignorance on the splinters of another paranoid person's assertion(s) just to justify your earlier gaffe.

The truth hurts - you've never dated a woman exclusively for two or three years! You're immature and emotionally damaged! No sane woman would date you ; hence, your inexperience.

truthsayer007:
Lol, just calm him down & don't break up please.

Sleep over one night is OK and good enough. You have done nothing wrong. This restriction is normal in christian homes, nothing special at all.

Tell him to step up and marry you. Chikena !

kinkie:
thanks for your advice... like u said I am not sure I want to break up.. because of the fact that we have come this far.. (introduction, our families now know each other) and I love him very much.

frankly speaking I believe he doesn't really mean it too.. there are times that I am able to turn the conversation around and threaten him with breaking if he keeps asking me to sleep over, then he would start begging and doing all sort of nice things for me.. then till the next episode

iPrevail:
So cooking and washing for a partner every now and then is a big deal? Just how? Seems everything is a big deal to Nigerian girls. Does he also pay you "stipends" every now and then? Do you complain about that too.

Well, like someone suggested already, break up! Since things like this will be a problem to you in a relationship. Go, stay in your parents house and wait for a husband.

Quintessential1:
Something isn't right here. I don't trust that fiance of yours. If truly your marriage is slated to hold this year, then I don't see any reason for his impatience.

My dear, you've compromised a lot. Now, it's time to stick to your guns or you'll never have your way with anything even when you get married! From your story up there, @Kinkie, your fiance is looking for a good reason to call it quits. But before then, he wants to enjoy as many privileges and possible.

kinkie:
I just want to pour my heart.. I don't know what to do anymore

I am 26 and my fiance is 30.. I am the first child of three children, and I am from a religious Christian home. my younger ones are in uni..so I am the only one with my parents at the moment.. till they are on vacation.

we have been dating for three years and we also did our introduction few months ago.. the wedding date has been picked for this year (very soon).

like once a month, I wash his cloth.. I also cook for him once a week, sometimes it may be lesser than that or more than that..depends on when the spirit leads.. His house is not so far from my parents, (though not of treatable distance) and coincidentally our offices are not far from each other.

One thing we have always quarrelled about is me sleeping over.. No, as a matter of fact, he wants us to live "couples life" when we are not yet married.. it doesn't stop there, he wants me to cook every damned time, like when one soup finishes, I should be there to make another and I should visit him every time.

(yeah we have sex occasionally), but he wants me to leave my parents house and stay for like a week, go home. come back again and do the same thing.

As deep Christians, my parents would not hear of it that I slept over at his place.. so I only attempted to sleep over very few times and I go back home in the morning..I had to even lie to my parent that I was somewhere else (which was difficult for me..i dont have a close friend around that I can use to lie) . Personally I am not comfortable with sleep overs (because we are not married yet) but because of love and his constant complains I had to cave in. this was the same thing with sex, before I finally agreed he complained and complained..

The problem is he is now threatening me with a break up if I don't change (that is sleep over more often and in longer days instead of one night, wash more often, cook more often, and visit more often).. we actually had a lil quarrel and it led to the whole sleep over matter again ..

I am really fed up because we are always quarrelling about this..

I feel I am doing my best enough, and is selfish of him.. We see almost everyday or at least thrice a week. Once I close from work, we go home together and I stop at his place most times before going home.. Still it's not enough..

I have a mum who has been ill (on and off) for some months now. so once I close from work, I am still the one to cook for the family and do all necessary chores.. during the weekend, I oversee her shop when if I can, sometimes I visit him if I am not going to work in the weekend (cos i work weekend sometimes) ..

but yet he feels I am not doing enough... I am so fed up

ikp120:
Tell him "NO!" if you really don't want to do it. If he gets mad or annoyed, give him space. Don't try to impress anyone, not even a boyfriend or even fiance.