Lizzyangel:

is anybody in the house feeling or have felt the same way am feeling? right now i am going crazy. i have been living with them(father,mother,and siblings inlaw) for past 4yrs and things get worse……many things i cant type happens on daily basis. which i cannot type all…it is killing my self esteem…someone should advice me on what to do.as my hubby was not allowed to leave without building his own house been the.only son and family custom


please i need advice on what to do from experienced and matured minds.

This is the first time am hearing about such a custom o, please ur husband should go rent a house somewhere so u guys can live in peace n enjoy ur marriage. Truth is its only 5% of situations like us that can work out. As it stands now u will v to be watching ur every step so as not to offend ur 'almighty' inlaws n it shouldn't be so. If ur husband can afford den u guys should get a decent accommodation. There is more respect n harmony wen u go to visit once in a while. I don't know how to live in author circumstances but one thing I know for sure is that u will v to endure a lot of things

MissIndependent:
My Dear Familiarity breeds contempt you and your hubby especially you should leave that place before you loose your self respect.

All these kids giving stupidd advice. She should leave the place to where if I may ask? Are you married?

Lizzyangel:

is anybody in the house feeling or have felt the same way am feeling? right now i am going crazy. i have been living with them(father,mother,and siblings inlaw) for past 4yrs and things get worse……many things i cant type happens on daily basis. which i cannot type all…it is killing my self esteem…someone should advice me on what to do.as my hubby was not allowed to leave without building his own house been the.only son and family custom

please i need advice on what to do from experienced and matured minds.

how did you manage to keep your sanity?


My mother in law stayed in my place for a month andy marriage broke irreparably

babythug:
Unfortunately you didn't highlight the issues so I'd advice based on what I can imagine my cause issues.
You need to change and forget whatever prior biases you may have. Let all past wrongs be Immediately forgotten.

Avoid all potential quarrel triggers keep to the areas allocated to you. Even if you don't have a tv in your allocated space or room sit there and pray or read a book. Don't litter the house with your belongings as much as possible

Pick a chore and do it regularly without being forced. For eg sweeping the living room or doing dishes after all meals

Even if once a week cook a meal and serve everyone

But gifts and contribute your quota to the general upkeep Of the house even if just a few cups of rice or beans buy and drop in the general kitchen.

Study them and avoid things they don't like. Be a good guest keep the place as tidy as you can

you are somebody. Your type is rare to find, this is what bible said whoever finds a wife finds a good thing . not all this wife of nowadays I like what you wrote u are a wife material and will make a good home

ur hubby still lacks certain understanding to breakthrough or breakforth frn certain rubbish tied under d umbrella of FAMILY TRADITION.... pls aw do u guys make out without d whole family knowing?

NemzySeries:
ur hubby still lacks certain understanding to breakthrough or breakforth frn certain rubbish tied under d umbrella of FAMILY TRADITION.... pls aw do u guys make out without d whole family knowing?

I don't want to scatter the home

One day it will show

Benita27:
You don't marry a man that is still living in his parent's apartment.

Didn't your church marriage counsellor tell you that?.

Lizzyangel:

is anybody in the house feeling or have felt the same way am feeling? right now i am going crazy. i have been living with them(father,mother,and siblings inlaw) for past 4yrs and things get worse……many things i cant type happens on daily basis. which i cannot type all…it is killing my self esteem…someone should advice me on what to do.as my hubby was not allowed to leave without building his own house been the.only son and family custom

please i need advice on what to do from experienced and matured minds.

You guys need a counsellor. May be a trusted pastor would do. If you both live in your personal house and the inlaws come, it would have been different.

Benita27:
You don't marry a man that is still living in his parent's apartment.

Didn't your church marriage counsellor tell you that?.

All situations are not d same.
My wife has been living in my family house in d east for d past 3 months,for some reasons.
But I tell U most solemnly, they have bonded so much that it's them against me now.
My wife,mum n sis are so attached to each other now,that I'm d outsider in d r/ship.

dokyOloye:
All situations are not d same.
My wife has been living in my family house in d east for d past 3 months,for some reasons.
But I tell U most solemnly, they have bonded so much that it's them against me now.
My wife,mum n sis are so attached to each other now,that I'm d outsider in d r/ship.

Oga, thank God for the relationship your wife, mum and sisters have.

It's still not advisable to move to a family house as a married man.

wow! wow! wow!!!

i have been busy at work and doing home chores that i'm just coming online.

I'm highly impressed and grateful to the mod who shifted this to frontpage………i never for once taught my write up could be seen and quote by many people.who are experienced, older, and of great value than i am.I Say GOD BLESS you all for all the quotes.

reading all the comments.i felt happy and as if a burden was lifted off my head.

sincerely speaking i am a cool headed lady,past 4yrs i have been coping and living in pains……thank GOD for my hubby who has always been there to make me happy ;o matter what. many among the comments here sound as if they were here seeing what i am really passing through,

no matter how i try to please them, they seem not to understand or appreciate…and i am not the type who keep friends else i would have seek for advices. i typed this topic on NL to pour out my heavy heart so i can bee a lil free, not knowing my voice will be heard,

i have been praying and trying not to be defensive, i just hope this all got over one day…… i wish to be happy like every other wife in their home, i miss freedom, i am loosing my self esteem, i am loosing myself trying to please everybody and not quarrel with anyone, but truth be told…… IT's eating me up

You didn't look at the other side of the fence before jumping.If you are aware that you and your hubby will live in their family house after marriage,( which is traditionally filled with trouble) and you still went ahead,then I guess you must be prepared for the trouble.You are already hooked in the imbroglio,There are two dicey issues at hand now,If you can no longer take or tolerate the insult,which means you have to leave the house,which I guess will put cracks in your marriage.The other one is that you have to develop a thick skin with s high level of tolerance to swallow any bitter pills that is thrown into your mouth,by playing thr fool always to save your marriage.Although I believe that marriage is not meant to be endured but enjoyed.

Just keep your pace(No too much story) and respect yourself. Do chores and support your husband. Respect your husband and his in-laws.
It's just a phase, it won't last forever.
Treat them the way you want your DIL to treat you.

Women sef. He can't leave his parents unless he is moving into his personal house? That is the dumbest excuse I have ever heard. The man is just keeping you under control. He has issues and your just a victim of his.
Abeg, when you are ready, pack and go live with your parents until he is ready to do as his mates do. Leave father and mother and cleave to his wife.
OP if you are married to an understanding man, tell him you can't continue to live like this. If you marry a bag of wahala, and you are afraid that the moment you talk he would pack you out, and you would not want to be packed out even if he is killing you or if your wantbto stay with him no matter how missteable his choices make you, then do what LoveWifee says. Wash their clothes, become their Jackie, swallow their insults morning afternoon night and pray harder. May God help him build his house soon. And prolly import his family to live with him after building it. You Don enter one chance

LoveWifee:
Just keep your pace(No too much story) and respect yourself. Do chores and support your husband. Respect your husband and his in-laws.
It's just a phase, it won't last forever.
Treat them the way you want your DIL to treat you.

Typical Naija advice keep calm till they kill you with heart attack.

Benita27:
You don't marry a man that is still living in his parent's apartment.

Didn't your church marriage counsellor tell you that?.

This is common with Yoruba people ,they hardly move out of there parents house ,they just stay there and continue to reproduce ..

Lizzyangel:




it is a long story. ……i am an nce graduate. i am teaching for now……so fund.raising is not an advice for me……i just want to learn from experienced people on how to cope

Be strong dear, never been in this type of situation but when they visit, they must be some sort of problem talk more of staying permanently together, I ll advise you just ignore whatever they do, while doing that start planning with your husband to relocate even if its a self con. Ur husband should have used the four years to plan about this.

tripoli007:


This is common with Yoruba people ,they hardly move out of there parents house ,they just stay there and continue to reproduce ..

Is very wrong.

Benita27:
You don't marry a man that is still living in his parent's apartment.

Didn't your church marriage counsellor tell you that?.

She has really tried for four years, me wey like privacy, I can't try it. A room is better than staying together with your in-laws, a times the man don't get to grow or strugle as he isnt paying the bills.

blesoh:

She has really tried for four years, me wey like privacy, I can't try it. A room is better than staying together with your in-laws, a times the man don't get to grow or strugle as he isnt paying the bills.

It breeds laziness and mediocrity on the man's part, he isn't paying rent so doesn't know what is like doing so.

Joavid:
There is this falsehood women carry around this days that you should focus on the man you're marrying, because you're marrying the man not his family or customs & traditions.
and I say very xtupid.

I hate to say this op, but didn't you know you'd have to live in family house pending when he builds his house before marrying him?

by the way what stone age tradition is that?

Build house ke, can't he rent a house? My dear you ve never met troublesome in-laws, those type are good only visiting.

shyling:
I don't want to scatter the home

yea but iyz scattering u.... watz ur husband's take on dis matter?

Lizzyangel:




it is a long story. ……i am an nce graduate. i am teaching for now……so fund.raising is not an advice for me……i just want to learn from experienced people on how to cope

who told you that fund raising would not be better for you, at least it should be a total contribution between you, your husband, and his people. If they really want to help

Benita27:
It breeds laziness and mediocrity on the man's part, he isn't paying rent so doesn't know what is like doing so.

don't say such because you are never for once in her husband's shoe, so you don't have to say such things at all

bobbybrown007:
don't say such because you are never for once in her husband's shoe, so you don't have to say such things at all

whether you like it or not, that's the truth!.

Joavid:
There is this falsehood women carry around this days that you should focus on the man you're marrying, because you're marrying the man not his family or customs & traditions.
and I say very xtupid.

I hate to say this op, but didn't you know you'd have to live in family house pending when he builds his house before marrying him?

by the way what stone age tradition is that?

My thought as well. The mentality of let me marry first.

Well, all you need is patience. Am presently in same situation. Learn to ignore lots of things. Dont begin to act like boss. Especially with younger inlaws they are dry fish that cant be bent. In my case, i leave home as early as 7am and get back by 9pm. So all i need to do is eat and sleep...... No time for frivolities. Get ur self busy and talk to ur man. In my case my hubby is not in same state with us. Pls pray, be patient, get angry less, talk less and u will be good

my dear u can never enjoy ur marriage until both of u park out...ur story is not different frm mine.I lived with my inlaws plus siblings for 8yrs.it was hell.talk and force ur husband to park quick.is destiny tying. .my hubby is the only son too...they won't let him go.until u do something, pray,fast for God to enter ur husband to make the moves.I feel ur pain real good

MissIndependent:
My Dear Familiarity breeds contempt you and your hubby especially you should leave that place before you loose your self respect.

there, her life she pledged in the name of d father to live with that man till death do them and u talking of her leaving. not good enough.

Benita27:
Is very wrong.

I know it is .. But yorubas see it as a normal thing,they don't believe in there kids going out to rent a house when they have a house ,they rather give them a portion of the house

satysaca:


you are somebody. Your type is rare to find, this is what bible said whoever finds a wife finds a good thing . not all this wife of nowadays I like what you wrote u are a wife material and will make a good home

u identified that former post as one if a kind likewise I .tell her to endure all hard time when everything is alright, you've story to talk about,be a good wife,u married ur man and nt ur in law!

NemzySeries:

yea but iyz scattering u.... watz ur husband's take on dis matter?

Sezwani?

searchng4love:

My dear why did you guys get married at all in the first place? The Bible says that for this reason shall a man leave his father and mother.... And cleave into his wife and they shall become one flesh..... Your husband sounds irresponsible or maybe you trapped him with marriage that he was not ready for... My dear you are not yet married.... It's in your best interest to be properly married and not just cohabiting in your in-laws house.... Build house ko .. Erect mansion ni

hmmmmmmmmm, don't be too quick to say such thing like that because if it were to be you , you would have done the same thing