Thanks to everyone for their commentary on my fiancé who is lives in ph and me who lives in US.

Here is my analysis and decisions after thinking and PRAYING.

My fiancé was motivated into a relationship with me due to my "position". He knew I was from states before he became in love.

His love is not all that genuine because he said he loved me after a meeting that was all that romaantic.

My fiancé wants the benefits of marrying me although he is not ready. Financially in particular.

It is clear he is not all that trustworthy although we all lie sometimes in relationships he hasnt proven himself. I would have passed on this but...

His wanting to stay away after marriage shows he has a decietful plan. That is the #1 nail in the coffin. No man who wants a genuine marriage according to biblical or cultural standards would ever suggest to stay back in Nigeria or away from his wife... particularly when u dont have a well earning job!

It is clear he is hiding something. And since he is not straight forward I wont know what it is. One friend told me he showed him a pic of a baby a year ago and said he was going to marry the mother? But everyone is saying he has no child. He later askes the friend why he told me all that. I recall him knowing about pregnancy very well despite he has no sisters.

I agree with the commenter who said he is immature: suggesting pipedreams and wanting to get married with no real income.

With no plans for me, no straightforward character, sketchy comments and actions its clear marriage is not an option.

He told me he prayed several times to know if I am his wife... said he knew I was his because of my age since all his friends are older... said he was in church one day and realized I am his soulmate.... He said he prayed and fasted for my temper... with this I wonder if he loved me at all.

But I have decided that even if he did, it was based on the wrong thing.

I told him him I wanted to end the engagement after so many fights and a temperamental relationship of ten months. And trying to end it. And two days later he has now sent a text to my families telling dem he wants to end it as well, as he is tired of trying to convince me!

Thanks to all!

Blessed11:


Lol! U dont even write like him! His writing insnt clear. I updated the situation with my decision!!

Yupee!!! That's great.

Well....what can I say? Only time will tell if u did d right thing!
All d same! Best of luck!
Have to say this dou......must d guy be Igbo? Other tribes nko? Y not consider them too dear!

luminouz:
Well....what can I say? Only time will tell if u did d right thing!
All d same! Best of luck!
Have to say this dou......must d guy be Igbo? Other tribes nko? Y not consider them too dear!

Igbo & Living in the states! Let me have peace of mind all around next time

Blessed11:


Igbo & Living in the states! Let me have peace of mind all around next time

Lmao! Wish u all d best dear......

luminouz:

Lmao! Wish u all d best dear......

Thanks!!!

obyrich:
YES! My inference is drawn from the information you provided. For a guy to borrow money from friends in order to put up an elaborate engagement party with the promise of clearing the way for 'men', is something that borders on fraud . He will wed you, no doubt but will he remain faithful? Will he stick through thick and thin? Use your tongue to count your teeth. Ekwu si go m.

Krak:

The bolded. Sounds like Confraternity lingo.

Not necessarily. His close friends might be encouraging him to marry her; even assisting him financially, knowing that after marriage, he would have all the necessary papers that would put him in the position to be going to & from the US & arranging for them to go to the US too; doing that for other people, for cash, as a business.

I believe that is what he meant by traveling to & fro.
This couldn't be trying to defraud her.

Blessed11:


Sorry. I dont get your point here...? R u saying I should not make plans? Its been several months & since he mentioned marriage and hasnt made mention of any serious financial, family, or spiritual plans. The most he does he push me to go to church. But he has not pressed hard on how we will be as a married couple. Esp since he has to start over here in America. He hasnt looked ingo job markets, or schools... if he has I dont know because he doesnt ask me questions. His response is always, Im moving faster than my shadow. Which I started to believe... but the final blow was when I found about his secret desire to live away which he told a friend. And of course he suggested this playfully when we first met...

Excuse me to say this : u're only seeing a reflection of ur own personality through the interactions u've been having with this guy.

To be honest, personally, I am NOT inclined to believe that this guy is trying to scam u. I believe ur own temperamental nature is actually what is complicating things.

I am not saying that u should not plan. Far from it. But I am wondering how u could be chatting 3 times a day for several months without seriously discussing his future plans, when u know very well that, after marriage, ur life would be tied up with his. This is what makes me wonder whether u are the bossy type of lady.

(BTW, bossy ladies are assertive; they tend to dominate & lead conversations. They will want to have their way, most of the time.......)

If u're bossy by nature, chances are that u're dominating & controlling the guy to the extent that he has somehow resigned his will in submission to urs, & thereby allowing u to be leading & doing all the planning for him. ( "moving faster than ur shadows" ).

Or it may be that he is hesitant to disclose his plans so soon (which may not necessarily be scam), for fear that u might disapprove of them.

So far, all what I can make out, is that, the expectations of this guy, considering his background & lack of money, is at variance with ur own. This is something u could sit down and discuss & narrow down or, at the worst, come to compromise. However, I am tempted to believe that ur own nature is making it difficult to do so.


I am not seeing this guy as trying to defraud u!
I align myself with the submission of sunshyne20

obadizena:


Excuse me to say this : u're only seeing a reflection of ur own personality through the interactions u've been having with this guy.

To be honest, personally, I am NOT inclined to believe that this guy is trying to scam u. I believe ur own temperamental nature is actually what is complicating things.

I am not saying that u should not plan. Far from it. But I am wondering how u could be chatting 3 times a day for several months without seriously discussing his future plans, when u know very well that, after marriage, ur life would be tied up with his. This is what makes me wonder whether u are the bossy type of lady.

(BTW, bossy ladies are assertive; they tend to dominate & lead conversations. They will want to have their way, most of the time.......)

If u're bossy by nature, chances are that u're dominating & controlling the guy to the extent that he has somehow resigned his will in submission to urs, & thereby allowing u to be leading & doing all the planning for him. ( "moving faster than ur shadows" ).

Or it may be that he is hesitant to disclose his plans so soon (which may not necessarily be scam), for fear that u might disapprove of them.

So far, all what I can make out, is that, the expectations of this guy, considering his background & lack of money, is at variance with ur own. This is something u could sit down and discuss & narrow down or, at the worst, come to compromise. However, I am tempted to believe that ur own nature is making it difficult to do so.


I am not seeing this guy as trying to defraud u!
I align myself with the submission of sunshyne20

Thanks greatly,
I am sorry to say, but she seems to be the problem not him.
If was pesting about settling in US, same would tell us he wants to use her and move abroad. Now he is not, she has an issue with it.
Thanks for being objective. I just hope she doesn't make mistakes.

Sorry heh, you don enter one chance, all he is looking for, is green card to come to America.

Fashy the nonsense he is saying. You self, you no try at all, long distant relationships sudden work.

As 4 dis guy, forget him.

obadizena:








Not necessarily. His close friends might be encouraging him to marry her; even assisting him financially, knowing that after marriage, he would have all the necessary papers that would put him in the position to be going to & from the US & arranging for them to go to the US too; doing that for other people, for cash, as a business.

I believe that is what he meant by traveling to & fro.
This couldn't be trying to defraud her.

It clearly suggests an ulterior motive which is not healthy. If I may follow your argument, clearly he is chasing after the green card/ greener pasture.

obyrich:
It clearly suggests an ulterior motive which is not healthy. If I may follow your argument, clearly he is chasing after the green card/ greener pasture.

Not necessarily! The green card is a bonus that accompanies the marriage. And in what way does he defraud her if he is using that legitimately as a job? As a Travel Agent?
I know a Travel Agent whose main business is that.

Nothing ulterior about this. Just that they're going through some difficulty communicating effectively with each other.

sunshyne20:



Thanks greatly,
I am sorry to say, but she seems to be the problem not him.
If was pesting about settling in US, same would tell us he wants to use her and move abroad. Now he is not, she has an issue with it.
Thanks for being objective. I just hope she doesn't make mistakes.

Thanks for the compliment, bro.
My thoughts too!


She has to take into account that she grew up from environment In a society different from his. Just as she's trying to understand him, I believe he too is struggling to understand her. These initial complaints, although crude, are ways of bridging the gap between them so that they would come to terms with each other, eventually.

obadizena:


Thanks for the compliment, bro.
My thoughts too!


She has to take into account that she grew up from environment In a society different from his. Just as she's trying to understand him, I believe he too is struggling to understand her. These initial complaints, although crude, are ways of bridging the gap between them so that they would come to terms with each other, eventually.

Yea. Wish half the folks here think like you.

Anyways we just have to pray and hope she doesn't chase him away with her suspiciousness, then later claim he was originally bad.

sunshyne20:

Yea. Wish half the folks here think like you.
...........................

Thanks bro!