ChizzyMaris:
I don laugh die for this update. This Darous sef, shey na you want die? Carry go TheBlessedMan.

Thanks my sister...

This countless
The unending story from heir of shango olukoso
Thanks to shango you didn't end your life, this story would have ended there
O ya keep it coming
But why can't you relocate instead of killing yourself?
After all you have money....I beg do something meaningful jhoor

Darous no go kill person with lafta
if you die I go miss you ooo I no go cry for you sha

Wow! Thanks for the Update Bro

[quote author=TheBlessedMAN post=69398956]Happy sunday guys. Am sorry for the delay in update. Mtn network has been funny this days. Apart from that, I flashed my phone last week and Episodes 136 and 137 were flashed alongside it. So I had to start typing again. But am back now. Countless issa go.

Thanks to everyone that voted for me. I appreciate you guys.

Bluehaven, I sight you boss. You are appreciated.

FaithUBAH70, you are an angel. Thanks for being there.

For readers of Countless, like my page on Facebook. Search on Darousmart Library. Like the page and you are online with COUNTLESS TO THE END.

Because very soon, plagiarist will have no chance to copy my story again. Thanks all.



136. COUNTLESS.


I can't really say, maybe everything that has been happening and still happening to me since a day ago are results of the oath I swore at Aunty Comfort house, seeing as the recent occurences correlates perfectly with the consequences that Aunty Comfort and Mr Akogun said will happen to us if our marriage was in anyway based on lies or a small fraction of deceit.

My total belief in the charmi-stic necklace Mr Ifa gave me was what gave me the confidence of taking that risk-ful oath in the first place. But as things are panning out now, I can't help but think about that possibility also.

Or may be they are just plain results of my own wayward life.
Someone once said everything that goes around, comes around, probably this is how am going to pay the price of everything I've done in the past.

How I wish I can take it all back. The nature of despair and depression I was experiencing at that dark moment of my life was too hard on me.

The feeling of losing my face in the midst of people that once loved me was just too depressing.

The text I got from Nike, have all but confirmed my earlier suspicion. She has find out. The content of her text reads as thus;

'I dare you to pick that call. You this ba*stard. I have always known you to be a liar and a shameless pusea slave, but I never knew you are also a murderer.
After impregnating our mother and leaving her to die, you still had the guts to come back to marry my sister? Don't you have any dignity nor shame atall? Once again, I dare you to pick that call or step foot in this place again.
If you know whats best for you, you will forget ever having a child and a wife. You will walk away and run mad or go and kill yourself or else I will kill you myself. We are all better off without your shameless presence, especially my sister. You this bast*rd son of a thousand fools.'

There's no need explaining to you how I felt after reading those text.

Her text only speed up my intention to kill myself. She doesn't have to tell me what to do, I already know that leaving my wife and child is the best thing I can do for them.

Then going by what Joke herself said to me on the day her mother died, suicide is the final answer.

Her statements are still vivid in my mind.

When I'd asked her what she will do when they eventually find Chris's father, she said and I quote, "that would be the day that bast*rd kisses this world goodbye. The day I see the face of that bast*rd that ran away after impregnating my mother? heaven will weep on that day."

So in that wise, you can understand the reason why suicide seems like the only sensible option out of this mess I got myself into.

The virus of depression have entered my life, and the only way to get rid of it is to #Japa from this world.

I sat down on the bed and began to think of how best to kill myself without much pain.

Hanging suicide was the first idea that crept into my depressed mind.

Without giving it a second thought, I rose up hastily and marched quickly towards the store room. I searched frantically around and I count myself lucky to find a strong rope.

Satisfied with the rope I found, I headed back to my room. I positioned a plastic chair under the ceiling fan and begin to attach the rope to it.

After 3mins, I'd sucessfully tie the rope to the ceiling fan's rotor.

I smiled at myself for a job well done. For finally getting the chance to bid this world a goodbye.

"shango, get yourself another child o. This child of yours is tired of this stu*id world and its moderating agents....don't cry for me o, cos na heaven I dey go. A place where my mummy's pastor once said there will be no weeping nor sorrow. No karma nor fate. A place where rolling with angels will be eternal. Am going there as a seven months old virgin.

Am going there on a Sunday. A day wey bible say Gawd dey rest. Technically, he will be too tired to sit on the judgement throne. He will be too tired to judge me.

He will just tell his angels to first let me rest in the bossom of Mr Abraham before they take me to my own apartment. But wait o, that Bossom of Abraham go don full o, with the billions of people wey don dey rest there. Well, maybe its not really Abraham's chest they are referring to. Maybe The Bossom of Abraham is just a very big Hotel named after the legendary Abraham- the father of Isaac and Ismael.

Wow! Heaven will be fun! I will ask the angels to take me to the new estates in heaven. By this time tomorrow, I will no longer be eating all this toxic earthly foods. I will be eating a delicious Manna from the official kitchens of heaven! Wow! I will finally be free! My nationality will change for ever. I will no longer be a Nigerian. I will finally become a Heaven-rian.

Shango! Update! Your papa! Heaven issaa go!

Darous, May your handsome soul rest in perfect peace.

To hell with earth and its b!tches! Ahahahahahahahah!"

I laughed out hysterically at the weird thoughts that were streaming the veins of my depressed mind.
I picked my phone and switched it off. I don't want any phone call to disturb me on my memorable journey to heaven. In fact, I don't want a situation whereby the angels will tell me to go back to earth and receive my call. I don't want anything earthly to disturb me at all.

I dropped the phone and proceeded towards where the plastic chair and the rope were waiting for my neck.

I climbed the chair and grabbed the rope.

I released a long breath with my mouth and placed the round knotted rope across my neck.

I took a final survey across the room and prepared my mind for whats to come.

There's no going back. No second thoughts. No doubts. This is the moment I need to have strong faith in myself. I need to believe I can do it. Sure I can kill myself. Its my life and no one else's.

I have the right to kill myself. No one can deny me that. Not my wife, not her snitching sister, not Chioma, not Beatrice, not Lovelyn, not Bianca, not Bela, not Jessica, not Jide, not Lewis, not Efe, not Collins, not Aunt Comfort, not my mother, not....not, my mother, my...my mother! Ah, my mother! Won't I call her and tell her goodbye at all? She brought me into this world right?, isn't it right that she should know when am leaving?

I contemplated on that decision for more than three minutes while the rope was still across my neck. All that was left for me to do is just to make use of my legs for the last time and kick away the plastic chair and everything will be over.

But this thought of calling my mother is the one thing standing between me and that task.

No doubt, my mother will be destroyed when she hears the tragic news, but then I will still be saving her the eternal embarrasment of finding out about my wayward life. Nike might be crazy and all, but am sure she will never tell my mother about my relationship with Chris. Joke will not allow her. Sure they will want to protect my child from that scary truth.

Technically, my death would bring calmness and order to everyone.

This is definitely the best thing I've ever done with my head. Not calling my mother is the best decision I ever make.

But before I die, let me pay my mother my last respect.'

I removed the rope from my neck and stood at a firm attention on the plastic chair.

I started thinking of how best to respect her but couldn't find any.

I decided to take a last visit to the gawd of thunder's residence for answers and I was glad when he sent an idea to my head.

I gave him a mental thumbs up. I opened my mouth and began to sing.

"who sat and wash my infant head, when sleeping on my cradle bed, and tears of che....hun hun...hun..." I still don't know the remaining parts of that song. Even shango self no sabi am, so I just hun hun hun the remaining and ended it with "mmmyyyy motherrr!"

I saluted her three times and resumed to the task at hand.

I sighed after my neck has entered the rope.

I slammed my eyes shot with the hope of never opening it again except on the way to heaven. I started counting down from 3 and got ready to kick away the chair.

3..2..1...1 and a half.....1 and a quarter....1 and itself,.....1 standing alone,.ze....ze.....ZERO!

At the mention of Zero, I kicked away the plastic chair.
The rope tied around my neck very fast than I'd envisage.
My lungs tightened from its effect and breathing became excruciatingly difficult.

Veins appeared all over my body and coughing was calling but the rope around my neck hindered me from picking its call.

To cough? I wanted it so badly but there was no way. I didn't know hanging by rope is this agonizing.

My weight was pulling at the rope but the rope wasn't ready to let me go. The rope was probably thinking it was doing me a favour by refusing to let me fall down, but little did it know that, I would do anything to be able to fall down again.
The pain was too much. I couldn't breathe anymore. All I could do was just to gag.

At that moment, I began to regret my decision to die by hanging. Its plain stupidity.
The pain was too much.

Apparently, during that short agonizing moments, I started doing everything possible to disengage myself from the stubborn rope.
I tried lifting myself up, but the little strenght available couldn't do it. I tried wriggling myself out but the stubborn rope won't free my neck.

Calling for help is out of option. Even if my vocal cord wasn't pinched down by the pharaoh-tic rope, the nearest neighbour is kilometers away (as the house is located in a sparsely populated area).

A good thing the rope and depression hasn't squeeze out the remaining brain in my head. A brilliant idea crept into my mind.

I withdraw from fighting with the rope and was happy when I saw that the fan's blade are still within arms lenght. So I gathered the remaining strenght in me and lift myself up till my hands touched a blade. I used my right hand to hold on to the fan's rotor and used the left to disengage the rope from my neck.

You never can guess how relieved I felt after landing.


TBC
[/More Knowledge to your sangolic head]

Joshudinho:
Wow! Thanks for the Update Bro

this one no do you?

Why are u scared of dieing? Tot u're meeting the angels, abi you no wan go flex with 2pac and dagrin? Wehdone TBM, jah bless.

[quote author=Joshudinho post=69429311][/quote]

Update

solomonnyong81:


this one no do you?

You mean?
I didn't get you

iamnavy1:



Update

?

Joshudinho, have you ever wondered why people quotes a whole story?
Joshudinho, how do you feel when you find yourself scrolling/reading again a comment that quotes a whole story?
I guess you don't, or would ever, know since you're a civtim of circumstance.
TheBlessedMan, you this celestian guy. I've already thrown my advise at you. It now depends on you to be a Francis Uzoho or an Odion Ighalo.
Of course, I knew Darous would not die. It's his story of course.
I was filled with conjecture at the particular justification of the suicide un-fulfilment. Lots of random thoughts filled me. I even thought you may pick a scenario from any of the Final Destonation movies.
*Kudos*
You're really filled with wonderment and suspense TheBlessedMan!
*Kudos Again*
You better be a FRANCIS UZOHO to ma advise.
It's for a greater good o!
SmartestPopQueen or PrinceOfPrince, come and see what your Team Hero commander is doing o!!!

Bluehaven:
Joshudinho, have you ever wondered why people quotes a whole story?
Joshudinho, how do you feel when you find yourself scrolling/reading again a comment that quotes a whole story?
I guess you don't, or would ever, know since you're a civtim of circumstance.
TheBlessedMan, you this celestian guy. I've already thrown my advise at you. It now depends on you to be a Francis Uzoho or an Odion Ighalo.
Of course, I knew Darous would not die. It's his story of course.
I was filled with conjecture at the particular justification of the suicide un-fulfilment. Lots of random thoughts filled me. I even thought you may pick a scenario from any of the Final Destonation movies.
*Kudos*
You're really filled with wonderment and suspense TheBlessedMan!
*Kudos Again*
You better be a FRANCIS UZOHO to ma advise.
It's for a greater good o!
SmartestPopQueen or PrinceOfPrince, come and see what your Team Hero commander is doing o!!!

Oga, you are really something else o.

U no go kill person with lafta o jare...just love reading your comments. Thanks for always dropping something worth reading

You're still killing it theBlessedMan. The ending still eludes us in countless

Lol Heavenrian nice one. Love how you use the present memes and trending songs to spice up your write up. Kudos love you

Pinkie2018:
Lol Heavenrian nice one. Love how you use the present memes and trending songs to spice up your write up. Kudos love you

i think those are the things that makes his story and talent so unique. The guy is a genius. Much love ah gat 4a him.

I only come to Nairaland this days Just To Read Any Single Update bY THEBlessdman. The man is becoming a legend on this forum. This Last Update got me laughin real hard. Tbm is blessed. Darous, he no Easy to die...

pFolar:
Theblessedman, you have taken my feelings and emotions to a certain level that I ave never reached before. Now, am starting to feel indebted to you.

I begin to ask myself, how am I going to pay you back for making me happy without collecting a dime from me? You are the best thing that ever happened to me since I started dating my boyfriend.
You've made my days delightful on many occasions that I've already lost count. I feel indebted to you dear.

The only way I can pay you back, (since I can't see you) Is by doing this.

Send your bank details to my gmail. I will give u d little I have. Even if its just for subscription, please accept it.

Others can join me too. If u feel the same way. Nothing is too little to show appreciation.

I love u Tbm.

oh my! U guys are starting to make me feel like a deputy-JESUS o.

I just hope it doesn't gets to my head too much, Before I go start to dey challenge the devil to Mortal Kombat.

Sincerely, am just happy for the fact that I have d small ability to put smile on peoples face. Its the reason why I write, the reason why am writing, and the reason why I will continue writing.

Thanks guys. Pfolar, thanx.

A very good story we have here.
Keep it up *TBM*

pFolar:
Theblessedman, you have taken my feelings and emotions to a certain level that I ave never reached before. Now, am starting to feel indebted to you.

I begin to ask myself, how am I going to pay you back for making me happy without collecting a dime from me? You are the best thing that ever happened to me since I started dating my boyfriend.
You've made my days delightful on many occasions that I've already lost count. I feel indebted to you dear.

The only way I can pay you back, (since I can't see you) Is by doing this.

Send your bank details to my gmail. I will give u d little I have. Even if its just for subscription, please accept it.

Others can join me too. If u feel the same way. Nothing is too little to show appreciation.

I love u Tbm.

wow, so mach love this.... Will surely do the same one of this days. Theblessedm.an really deserves some token of appreciation.

pFolar:
Theblessedman, you have taken my feelings and emotions to a certain level that I ave never reached before. Now, am starting to feel indebted to you.

I begin to ask myself, how am I going to pay you back for making me happy without collecting a dime from me? You are the best thing that ever happened to me since I started dating my boyfriend.
You've made my days delightful on many occasions that I've already lost count. I feel indebted to you dear.

The only way I can pay you back, (since I can't see you) Is by doing this.

Send your bank details to my gmail. I will give u d little I have. Even if its just for subscription, please accept it.

Others can join me too. If u feel the same way. Nothing is too little to show appreciation.

I love u Tbm.

sewiously? I can't believ grateful people like this still dey this world. Hope other's can emulate us. Cos am joining her soon

Its gwud to return a little smile to d giver.

TemiGURL:
i think those are the things that makes his story and talent so unique. The guy is a genius. Much love ah gat 4a him.

yes o. Writer of the year

pFolar:
Theblessedman, you have taken my feelings and emotions to a certain level that I ave never reached before. Now, am starting to feel indebted to you.

I begin to ask myself, how am I going to pay you back for making me happy without collecting a dime from me? You are the best thing that ever happened to me since I started dating my boyfriend.
You've made my days delightful on many occasions that I've already lost count. I feel indebted to you dear.

The only way I can pay you back, (since I can't see you) Is by doing this.

Send your bank details to my gmail. I will give u d little I have. Even if its just for subscription, please accept it.

Others can join me too. If u feel the same way. Nothing is too little to show appreciation.

I love u Tbm.

see better human being here. Nice on mai lady. Its a special thing

TheBlessedMAN:
Hi famz!

In rememberance of the memory of my late dad, who died today, 6years ago,

am Updating today. Am dedicating the update to his memory.

Thankz guys.

Stay strong TBM... God got you covered

TheBlessedMAN:
Hi famz!

In rememberance of the memory of my late dad, who died today, 6years ago,

am Updating today. Am dedicating the update to his memory.

Thankz guys.

May his gentle soul continue to rest in peace.

update loading ..,...........

omg.......i cant stop laughing.....so after all the imaginations of been a heaven-arian

and lodging in the best room in Abraham's bosom.................
You still didn't die?

Darous fear fear!!

Oya nah since you didn't die

Nike is still coming for you omo shango!!

U de dream of heaven u hear say shango de allow im children go heaven??



Next dearie kipirup!!

137. COUNTLESS.


'Why, why am I finding things related to my heartbeat difficult to do? Why is my heart so stubborn?'

Those were the first questions that used the Airtel free browsing plan to browse through my congested mind the moment I picked myself up from the floor.

I stared at the ceiling fan and the dangling rope in total confusion for a few seconds.

I sat myself down on the edge of the bed, place my left palm on my neck - where the rope affected - and began to think out loud.

'to faint na problem, now to die is now a hard thing again? Why is life presenting itself to me in the most unscrupulous way?

Or could this be the herald that I can't self terminate myself? Judging by how my past attempts to faint have always ended in futility, could this be a sign that am an immortal? Then it mean's I'm condemned to outlive this forked up world! A world that has nothing but saddness and sorrow to offer me? No...no way. The devil is a liar. I must die today. I must meet Gawd today. Nothing can change that arrangement. Whether by fire or by force, I must chop knuckle with death today.'

I rose up instantly and picked up my phone. I switched it on and before the messages or calls can get the chance of entering, I switched on the flight mode and headed out of the house.

I got inside the car and drove out of the premises.

***

After driving out of the house, I checked the time on the dashboard. It was quater to noon. 11:45am.

I was now heading towards Lafenwa bridge, where the popular Ogun river was situated.

The best and easiest way to commit suicide is by jumping off the bridge into the ocean. It provides you a chance of no going back. Once you don jump, you don die be that. Its easy and straight forward. All you have to do on your own part is just to jump. Just jump and the water below will take care of everything. Nothing seems easier than swimming your way to heaven.

I slapped my head three times for not thinking of that idea earlier, instead of the hanging by rope.

One could easily tell from the way I was driving the lexus 2018 car that I was truly ready to die. I make furious runs and reckless turns at dangerous places, but I somehow manage to drive cautiously whenever I see a coming fuel tanker.

With all the avoida-ble deaths being caused by those fuel tankers around Lagos and Ibadan, you can't blame me for not wanting to die in such an excruciating and painful way.
I no fit lose my identity before I reach heaven na. With a burnt body, Gawd might think am the devil and send me to hell. That's one thing I will do everything possible to avoid.

Again, for the second time that day, my muddled mind find the task of killing myself, fascinatingly poised and tantalizingly tasty.

Minutes of reckless driving passed and I was now on a two-lane road and the hold-up ahead demanded the need to drive slowly.

In an attempt to kill the temporary boredom invented by the heavy hold-up, I turned on the car radio and re-adjusted the driving seat.

The evergreen music of Lara George- ijoba Orun (Mu mi de 'le) blarred out of the car speakers and my aggrieved soul began to enjoy the serenity of that cool song.

It made me to fell totally in love with that place called 'HEAVEN'. The only thing standing between me and getting there is death. And it was comforting for me when I remembered that I'm already on the way to death's residence. Its only a matter of hold-up before I reach there.

"bros, help us to lafenwa I beg you." Came a voice from the owner's side of my car.
I turned my neck towards the bearer of the voice. A young man, dressed in a Nigeria world cup jersey was standing close to the car.

He was smiling at me like someone caught in awe of seeing a nak3d pusea for the first time.

I hissed and was about turning away from him when my eyes caught the half-head view of a small boy standing close to him.

The guy saw me stretching my neck towards the uncertain view and quickly added,

"sir, he's my child and I don't have any cash to take us home at all. They are starting their exam tomorrow. Please sir, I never wash his school uniform sir. Kindly help us, our house is along that way sir. " He pointed his hand towards the direction I was heading and I followed it with my gaze.

I scoffed and hesitatingly pressed the unlock button and beckoned him to hop in.

"thank you sir. May God bless you and your family sir. " He prayed after settling down with his young boy at the back seat.

"no, the prayer I want you to say is that I should meet Gawd at home when I get there..." I mumbled to myself silently. I re-ignited the engine with my eyes focused on the road as movement seems to be returning to my lane.


Just a few distance covered in 30minutes, I started noticing that the guy in the back seat have been watching me all this while. At times, our sights will meet in the rear-view mirror and he will quickly withdraw his. I caught him unawares several times as he shook his head later on and releases a long breath.

The next thing that comes to mind after studying all his actions is that he's probably jealous of my position. He probably wishes he's the one having the kind of life am having. Am sure, with the kind of look that dominated his youthful face, he will surely do anything to have my life - ironically, the same life I no longer want. The life that am about to get rid of.
He thinks having money and driving a luxury car is the answer to everything.

Perhaps, he thinks am happy with the life am having.

But oblivious to him is the bitter fact that this life has brought me nothing but misery and abject sadness.

Just imagine, yesterday was my birthday and wedding day. A day thats suppose to be the most happiest day of my life turned out to be the one that opened the door for depression and despair to enter my life.

I should be in Paris today with my wife, enjoying our honeymoon after the wedding, but where has this stupid life that this guy wants has lead me to? The unsuccessful attempt to hang myself with a rope and right away on the route to the ocean.

Where has this life lead my wife to? Lying in the hospital bed on the second day of her wedding?

Where has it lead my child to? The same hospital sick bed.

Where has it lead my wife's sister to? On the mode of destroying me.

Where has it lead my friends to? The possibility of cutting all ties with me or the inevitable herald of abandoning me once they knew about my transgressions?.

Where has it lead my mother to? On the verge of losing her first born.'

With all that possibilities, what am I suppose to do? Surely, not to continue my existence in this world. There's only one way to end all this. There's only one answer to all this and it lies beneath the river ahead.

_


While waiting for the traffic man to give our lane the green light, I glanced back at the guy that thinks money is the answer to everything and again, I caught him staring at me.

"whats your name.?" I asked him and returned my attention towards the road.

"me? Erm...am Kunle."

"what do you do for a living?" I asked him.

"am working as a security officer in the Diamond bank at Carwash sir." He replied agogly.

"whats your boy's name?"

"Sultan." He replied immediately.

"how old is he?"

"he's clocking six on the 20th of July sir."

"what! Really?" I queried suprisingly. "you mean your son was born on the same day I lost my father?" I asked him as I applied pressure on the trottle after the traffic man had passed our lane.

"oh! Am sorry sir. Yes he is..."

"hmmmm....okay." I replied and begin to think of how to help the guy and his child. The fact that his child's birthday coincidentally falls with a memorable day in my life was enough to bring out the side of me that likes helping people.

Even, apart from that, helping him will boost up my chances of making heaven.

"sir, its okay in front of that Milo sign post sir..." Kunle cuts into my thoughts. I switched on the right parking-light indicator and slowly swerved off the road to the parking lane.

"thank you sir, am very grateful sir. God bless you for your kindness." He stated appreciatively as he prepare to alight from the car.

"Kunle," I called him and turned to face him.

"sir...?" He answered with an expectant brow.

I cleared my throat and swallowed my heavy saliva before I started talking in low audible tone. "what can you do with a 2million naira?" I asked outright.

His countenance changed quickly to a suprised one. "ah! I go first run mad for three weeks....bro, two million naira ego? Bros, my mama life don better be that. My sick papa don better be that. My wife wey abandon me cos I no get money go come back be that....my friends...ah, my life don better be that o... I go instantly become a customer to my place of work...I swear..." He ranted effusively for some seconds and I was forced to cut short his excited imagination with the next thing I said.

"so, you mean a lot of people will benefit from it, and not just you alone?" I questioned him with a squinted look.

"yes sir o..."

"okay. Give me your bank details...expect the money right away..."

"what? Right now?" He asked shockingly.

"no, when am sleeping...answer me jor, I don't have all day here." Seeing the impatient look on my face, he hurriedly called out his bank details to me and he nearly ran mad the moment his phone displayed the alert of a 2million naira credit.
Without giving him the chance to say thank you, I drove off.

A funny feeling of accomplishment overwhelmed me the moment I drove off after seeing the excited look on Kunle's face.

A certain feeling of wanting to do more took over my mind as I continue the drive.

"Gawd, are you seeing this? More to follow shortly o."

With that new determination, I turned around and started heading towards another place. A place where the money in my bank account can put unending happiness to the live's of people. And hopefully, doing that will continue to boost my chances of making heaven.


T.B.C

138. COUNTLESS.


"thank you sir. Allah's infinite mercy will never leave your life sir. May you never know sorrow nor pain in your life. May the creator of heaven and earth, and the creator of the people you just extended your kindness to never desist from taking you to more greater heights. Insha allah."

All I could do, as the islamic cleric of ansar-udeen central mosque, Kobiti abeokuta continue to prophecy good things to my life after I'd finished donating the sum of 4million naira to the mosque is just to say 'amen'.

I entered my car straightaway and drove off of the premises.

The mosque I just left was the seventh place I'd visited and donated large sums of money to. I'd already paid for the discharge fees of 200 new born babies in Federal Medical center.

Paid for the surgery of another 62 patients at the general hospital.

The motherless home at Asero Estate was not left out of what I presumed to be my last humanitarian act on earth. I also made sure that the orphanage foundation built in the name of Adedoyin wasn't left out.

The cathedral of saint peter's at Ake, was the second place I visited after my visit to the ibara prison.
Huge sums in the name of naira were being donated to those two places.

I bet you will exhaust your reasoning energy if you try to imagine how elated I was feeling at that moment. I felt like a deputy pharaoh with all the things I just did. Truly, there is tremendous joy in giving.

You would think the thought and determination to kill myself would have absconded from my mind after everything I just did, but how wrong you are.

Truly, the respects and honours I got from the kindness gesture did a great job of convincing me that, this life is still worth living, but the slight thought of how my wife and friends will treat me was enough to make my determination to kill myself more stronger.

_


Remember the day is still a Sunday, its a day when religious sermons take unending turns in the radio stations. So I wasn't suprised when I got inside the car and found that a pastor was already preaching in the radio.

The intention to change the station kicked in and I was about to carry it out when what the preacher said caught my attention.

"my brother, if you die now without having Jesus in your life, eternity in hell is what awaits you..." Came from the radio.

"what is this one saying?" I lamented and slowly withdraw my hand from the turning button and decided to listen to what the preacher would say henceforth while I continue driving towards my initial destination. To the river.

"you might be thinking your wealth, position, power, fame, and reputation can save you from the eternity in hell, but I tell you brethren, those things are just material things of this world and they bear no significant meaning whatsoever before the judgement throne of the living God. Lets take an example from this verse in the bible. Am talking of Mark chapter 10 verse 17 to 21. It reads, 'and when he (Jesus) was gone forth into the way, thee came one running and kneeled to him and asked him, good master, what shall I do that I may inherit eternal life?
Verse 18 says: and Jesus said unto him, why callest thou me good? There is none good but one, that is God.

19 says, Thou knowest the commandments, do not commit adultery, do not kill, do not steal, do not bear false witness, defraud not, honour thy father and thy mother.

20 says, and he(the man) answered and said unto him, Master, all these have I observed from my youth.

21, which is the last verse says, Then Jesus beholding him, loved him and said unto him, one thing thou seekest, go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast and give to the poor and thou shalt have treasure in heaven and come, take up the cross and follow me.

You can see, this are the criterials you need to meet before you can make heaven brethren....."

'eh, trouble dey o. Wetin be this one na? Wetin concern Jhesus for this matter na? Why must I follow Jhesus to heaven? I already know how to make heaven na! Eh eh, make I reach heaven first...'

"again, in John 14 verse 6.." The preacher's voice cuts into my thoughts. "Jesus answered, I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the father except through me!...."

'you who? Who do you think you are? Must I go through all that before I can book an appointment with Gawd? Never! I will rather go to hell than do all that. After all the donations wey ah don do already? That one never do to enter heaven? Abeg, make I kuku go to hell joor. On top wetin? Dying is the first thing to do. Once am dead, then we can discuss where am going between heaven and hell. And if na hell I end up, its still okay na. Atleast, me and Shango go contribute money build a room and palour inside hell. Hell won't be that boring afterall.'

I parked the car in front of a white shopping complex. I brought out my phone and log in to a popular site called Nairaland. I registered and opened a topic on the religious section titled : The Benefits Of Hell.

Barely 30seconds later, comments have started trooping in their masses.

People like, Menwongo, rohy, tgold1, queenitee, Adesina12, damibiz, domio, donteanz, and stephengee12 commented that Hell is the best place to be once we depart from this world.

They further added that, its a place where all kinds of celebrities will end up, hence making eternity in hell more interesting and fun filled.
Stevedison and chizzymaris supported the claim that, even, great people like Michael Jackson, Tupac, Dagrin and Bob marley are the one's dictating the affairs of hell.

Elviswifey1 and youngzubi said, if the people in hell can co-operate well, they can find a way to get rid of satan once and for all.

A lot of comments dropped by people like adamsbadoo, wagazala, lekkxydinho, pinkbae, pweetygiftofGod and other Countless members of nairaland further gave me the neccessary strenght to arrive at another determination contrary to the one I had before I left home. The new determination is to go to hell.

But how do I get to hell? Its very simple. Very interesting and it entails a lot of fun.
Getting to heaven (as the preacher revealed) on the other hand is quite daunting and hard. By accepting Jhesus to one's life.

But getting to hell? *in papa Ajasco's voice, Oh jigbijigbi, its very easy. All you have to do is just to accept the devil as your master and saviour. Then start doing everything he wants.

I released a convincing smile as I prepared to head back to my former way of life. The life where my konji is the most usable part of my body. A life where my Konji is the first thing I consult whenever am in a delicate position that demands the thorough guidiance of my brain.

I returned the phone to the dashboard and drove out of the shopping complex parking lot.

I had only one place in mind. A place where spending just seconds in it is enough to complete my admission to hell. A place that already have 'HELL' in its pronounciation and spellings. Am on my way to a place called, Brot-hel.

***

It was around past 7pm when I got to the Love Garden brothel at Itoku area of Abeokuta. The place was already lit in its typical coloured bulbs. Different types of people were in attendance. Guys of different ages and half-claded ladies were roaming every available space in the big house.

I headed straght to the bar and ordered for 5 bottles of my favourite alcoholic drink to be brought to my table.

I head straight to the open area of the bar and started searching for a place to sit.

After glancing around for some seconds, I saw an open seat beside a ruffy looking guy who was smoking away his life with the help of a big indian hemp in his hand.

Two other haggard looking guys were sitting close to him on the big round table. They seem to be enjoying what they were talking about.

I approached the available seat and sat down beside the first guy. He glanced at me with a smoky look and returned to his smoking task.

The drinks I ordered was brought to me and within the space of thirty minutes, I'd already finish four 33cl bottles of Goldberg.

Gawd! I missed the taste of alcohol. Taking alcoholic drinks is part of the things being with my wife took away from me. As you can see, I was ready to become a better person because of her, but my past that was full of errors will not let that intention see the light of day.

Now am about to lose my 7months old virginity to this godforsaken abode.

I finished the fifth bottle of goldberg faster than how Iphone7 finishes a 10megabite subscription.

I ordered for another 3 bottles and while I was waiting for it, my ears caught a fraction of what the guys beside me were talking about.

"I tell you, this country can never be good again, our leaders dey loot our resources everyday..." The guy beside me said.

The second one dropped the glass cup in his hand on the table before he added.

"na wetin I dey talk be that, before this country can be good, we must first kill all the bad leaders..."

"especially all the A.P.C members..." The third guy added.

"and P.D.P too,.." The guy beside me added.

"na all of them jare..." The second guy chipped in. "especially that one wey dem dey call Lie Mohasomething...the guy fit lie make devil repent...."

"I even hear say na angel he be for heaven before Gawd tire for in lies and con vex send am to earth...." The guy beside me stated in his grumpy drunken voice.

"really!?" The other guys exclaimed.

"I swear with my life." The guy beside me declared firmly while hitting his chest rapidly. To further boost his claim, he added, "Them even talk say, he dey follow Gawd drag one thing sha and Gawd don dey warn am but he no hear. Later na in Gawd just vex pursue am comot for heaven go israel."

"israel ke? Abi Nigeria" The second guy queried in his drunken voice.

"no, na Israel he first go. He wan go repent for their. Na that time John they do promo baptism for river Jordan. My guy kon reach there, he jump enter the river and all the water just change colour."

"which colour?" The second guy voiced out his curiousity.

"Everything turn to black. If not because say John self quick comot for inside the water, him self go turn black...na why John the baptist vex for am be that. Because he don spoil the water, he tell am say he no fit repent. Say hin sin done too much so tey, hin river no fit wash am comot...."

"imagine, how one persin sin go change the color of a whole river...." The third guy voiced out his opinion.

"you self see am. Na why hin come Nigeria be that...he know say this country go help am mix with people wey be like am..." He ended with a convincing look that made everyone, including me to believe him.

Two minutes of silence followed as everyone seems to be affected by the gravity of this drunken revelation.

"chai, this one serious o, but why that old man no fit repent na? Shey he no know say he don dey old?" The skinny third guy asked again after some minutes.

"reeeepent? For where? He no fit o. Persin wey dem pursue comot for river jordan? Wetin wan repent am?"

At that moment, I couldn't resist the burning urge to add my own voice.
"what of that popular blood of Jhesus?" I asked and they all turned to look at me.

"blood of wetin? " The guy beside me asked and puffed out the smoke in his nostrils before he continued. "if you like, mix the blood of Jhesus with Hypo, con add Kerosine join am, you just dey waste your time. That guy na bonafide candidate of hell jare, he no fit repent...." He ended and returned his gaze towards his staring friends.

'hmm, so I still get bosses for this world. Where one man madness end, na there another man pikin start...' The exact thought that penetrated my alcoholic mind.

The 3 bottles of Goldberg was brought to me and I hurriedly finish them all.

I paid for my drinks through mobile transfer and rose up to engage in another principal act that can get me into hell.

Little did I know that it was going to land me in another branch of hell that's situated on earth.


T.B.C