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HELP!!! Should I Break Off My Engagement Or Go On With My Wedding?? - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Re: HELP!!! Should I Break Off My Engagement Or Go On With My Wedding?? by baby124: 9:50pm On Mar 28, 2017
When you were dating her, you didn't look at her background abi? Or were you not trying to upgrade yourself by marrying her? If you really cared about not living a fake life, you would have gone for someone from similar background as you. By the way some people on the mainland come from very wealthy families.

You my friend cannot afford the lifestyle she is used to. I had a suitor like that and he couldn't understand. You can't go from very comfortable to managing. Especially when on her own she can probably provide better for herself. It's much worse when she is born into comfort. She will never understand or learn to cope.

Talk to her and put your foot down with the father. You guys are already traditionally married so it might be a bit late for you. Tell her the white wedding will not hold if her father pays for it. You and your family will not show up, you will do what your pocket can afford. You will earn her family's respect that way. If she cannot cope, she will run away. If she loves you she will go on with the wedding.

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Re: HELP!!! Should I Break Off My Engagement Or Go On With My Wedding?? by Shossie(f): 9:58pm On Mar 28, 2017
Plankton2017:
Good day all,

My brethen I do business and my budget for my wedding is 1.5m i stay in a comfortable 2 bed that i pay 800k. I drive a muscle still im not good enuf. My family and I picked a venue for the wedding but she and her family declined that the place is too local. My church hall on d island that agreed for us to pay 300k, now her father wants to pay for a hal in VI thats 2million. She has now been singing it to my ears that her father is doing the wedding so how am i contributing. This pains me a lot. she is always on instagram and shows me people that have benz or expensive diamond which she knows i cant afford. I always tell her not to compare lives with people on IG most of them are fake.

I have been thinking can i continue like this?We argue all the time and wishes we stayed in Lekki. Please folks I was my self before I proposed I didnt Lie or fake anything. Guys am i not good enough??I miss my ex that understood me but wasnt from my tribe and i was not given parental blessings to marry her. Please advice me cos im a very unhappy should I go on with my white wedding? Please advice. sorry for my blunders
Why are ladies like this tho? Perhaps she isn't ready, you have to stand up and be a man, do not let her family start doing things you should have done or else na story case. Sit and talk to her, if she is not ready to listen, quit the marriage ASAP. If not, you are gonna DIE out of frustration and a nagging wife, and a broke nigga. I can see your future in CHAOS with her. If she is not ready to change, break up, mind you, she might pretend to have changed till you guys get married. Do not be deceived.
Re: HELP!!! Should I Break Off My Engagement Or Go On With My Wedding?? by Nobody: 10:12pm On Mar 28, 2017
Op cannot run or breakup from his bride. They are both igbos.. He has to manage with the insults and deride remarks from his bride as long as he eventually moves to lekki.. Am not surprised jare. The op is fully aware of what he has signed for. His parents who pushed him into this dilemma are eating and laughing comfortable in their own home . And he dares not go back to his parents and say he's not marrying her again.
Op manage your wife, put a hold on the white wedding and try save money to move to lekki.. So u can buy time for peace of mind..just for some few years.
Best of luck

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Re: HELP!!! Should I Break Off My Engagement Or Go On With My Wedding?? by PrincessNazor(f): 10:30pm On Mar 28, 2017
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Re: HELP!!! Should I Break Off My Engagement Or Go On With My Wedding?? by Yankelaptops: 10:36pm On Mar 28, 2017
Let be fair when judging others... its not a crime to have a rich family. Its also better for the girl to readjust are expectation once married. Until a girl moves in to your your house, Her father is still responsible for her. No condition is permanent, the person that is poor today may become rich tomorrow and vice versa. Please ask yourself this question.

1. If you have a daughter and you happen to be blessed, are you going to support her wedding ceremony according to what you can afford or based on what husbands family think they should spend?. In most Nigerian culture, Marriages party is mostly for the bride because shes the one leaving her home. As long as they're not forcing to spend on something you can't afford, let them spend according to their means.. stop your ego.

2. If your blessed financially, will you provide to your daughter even after she's married.

3. If you truly love your wife, talk to her about her choice of words and let her improve.

As for me oo. If am blessed, i'll provide, celebrate and support my children according to how God blesses me and not how their spouses and relative thinks i should support my kids.


Most people here just comments anyhow because they're not rich today.. but they forget that no condition is permanent. Please am begging people, IF YOU ARE WELL OFF, SUPPORT YOUR CHILDREN ACCORDING TO YOUR MEANS.

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Re: HELP!!! Should I Break Off My Engagement Or Go On With My Wedding?? by MicroBox: 10:49pm On Mar 28, 2017
OP if this story is true, then you have to be very smart.
You need to know exactly what fascinated to your woman else the marriage will never last. It's allow to marry a woman because of her money. Do you want to marry her to step-up or you want to marry her because of love? If it's to step-up then you will need to patient but if it's because of love then I doubt if you can really handle her, you don't need to lie to yourself, if it's not for a profit/gain then I will advice you to let her go marry Lekki guys.
800K/year for house rent? Please don't live to worship a woman for the rest of your life in trying to please her and staying up to expectation.
Re: HELP!!! Should I Break Off My Engagement Or Go On With My Wedding?? by TheeDetective: 11:27pm On Mar 28, 2017
Why are you allowing a woman to ride all over you like this? I really pity you; as this kin woman nah to handle her with iron hand na em fit am. She currently sees you as second best and since the rich men in her class refused to marry her, she decided to hook an average guy so that the title MRS won’t leave her behind seeing that she’s getting old. Put your foot down NOW otherwise you will regret marrying her as she’s the one already wearing the trousers in your relationship. Anytime she ever compares you again to any other rich man, simply give her the choice to go be with them. Make you no play the mumu card in this your case o other wise nah sorry go be your name.

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Re: HELP!!! Should I Break Off My Engagement Or Go On With My Wedding?? by Nobody: 1:40am On Mar 29, 2017
Chei, my brother has entered one chance ooo!

Be ware of High BP of!
Re: HELP!!! Should I Break Off My Engagement Or Go On With My Wedding?? by Bism(m): 1:50am On Mar 29, 2017
BRO , you guys are not compartable.
Re: HELP!!! Should I Break Off My Engagement Or Go On With My Wedding?? by eeewise(m): 4:46am On Mar 29, 2017
Young man listen to me.I hv Been there.same issue .i ignorantly married her,daily issues and quarells

Just call off d wedding till u settle this issues

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Re: HELP!!! Should I Break Off My Engagement Or Go On With My Wedding?? by Nobody: 4:57am On Mar 29, 2017
Are you a man or a boy? You left your ex due to tribal barriers. Now you have your own and you are not up to her standard. This will not improve over time. In fact, it will worsen. I cannot tell you what to do, but it's foolish to live a life of unhappiness knowingly.

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Re: HELP!!! Should I Break Off My Engagement Or Go On With My Wedding?? by sisisioge: 5:27am On Mar 29, 2017
1. You could hold off the wedding till further notice
2. You could turn mafiian on her now to address all matters once and for all, if she survives it you can then get married

3. You could see a counsellor together before the wedding

4. You could completely break up with her

5. You could just marry her and get ready for extra ordinary war for the first 5yrs of marriage, if you two survive it then you would have completely sync into each other.
Re: HELP!!! Should I Break Off My Engagement Or Go On With My Wedding?? by automatix: 5:45am On Mar 29, 2017
Plankton2017:


I saw some attributes but I just brushed it aside thinking cos she grew up on d island she may b used to that. she was never rude 80percent of the time.
Marriage is not by force. I have always said it and I will say it again: The single factor that will keep a woman in my house is HER character. Not the amount of kids she has for me. If she messes up, she has to leave. I might sound hash or wicked but I can not trade my peace of mind and sanity for ANYTHING.


One thing I HATE is women who quarrel over little things and will not listen to a some plea bargain.

You had better let that girl go before it is too late. You are clearly not her man. Any woman who does not listen to your voice is not yours but someone's else. Yes, they have that particular guy they fear and respect.

I detest people who are inconsiderate. A woman who does not see you as a man enough is not for you and from all indication, she isn't even planning with you. What will you and her live on after wedding? Una go open mouth for air abi? Bros, you likely allowed beauty to blind you. Let me tell, most of these pretty Nigerian girls are stupidly arrogant. The not so pretty ones are much humble in comparison.

My advice is cut your coat according to your cloth ooo. You know where the shoe pinches most. Good luck.

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Re: HELP!!! Should I Break Off My Engagement Or Go On With My Wedding?? by automatix: 5:51am On Mar 29, 2017
TheeDetective:
Why are you allowing a woman to ride all over you like this? I really pity you; as this kin woman nah to handle her with iron hand na em fit am. She currently sees you as second best and since the rich men in her class refused to marry her, she decided to hook an average guy so that the title MRS won’t leave her behind seeing that she’s getting old. Put your foot down NOW otherwise you will regret marrying her as she’s the one already wearing the trousers in your relationship. Anytime she ever compares you again to any other rich man, simply give her the choice to go be with them. Make you no play the mumu card in this your case o other wise nah sorry go be your name.

You have said it all but I wouldn't advice he continues with it. He had better let the lady go. Thinking she will change over time is a suicide mission. That woman is not for him.
Re: HELP!!! Should I Break Off My Engagement Or Go On With My Wedding?? by automatix: 5:53am On Mar 29, 2017
Yankelaptops:
Let be fair when judging others... its not a crime to have a rich family. Its also better for the girl to readjust are expectation once married. Until a girl moves in to your your house, Her father is still responsible for her. No condition is permanent, the person that is poor today may become rich tomorrow and vice versa. Please ask yourself this question.

1. If you have a daughter and you happen to be blessed, are you going to support her wedding ceremony according to what you can afford or based on what husbands family think they should spend?. In most Nigerian culture, Marriages party is mostly for the bride because shes the one leaving her home. As long as they're not forcing to spend on something you can't afford, let them spend according to their means.. stop your ego.

2. If your blessed financially, will you provide to your daughter even after she's married.

3. If you truly love your wife, talk to her about her choice of words and let her improve.

As for me oo. If am blessed, i'll provide, celebrate and support my children according to how God blesses me and not how their spouses and relative thinks i should support my kids.


Most people here just comments anyhow because they're not rich today.. but they forget that no condition is permanent. Please am begging people, IF YOU ARE WELL OFF, SUPPORT YOUR CHILDREN ACCORDING TO YOUR MEANS.


Did you read about someone who had similar experience and still went ahead to marry her? Dude, be sure you don't dig your own grave.
Re: HELP!!! Should I Break Off My Engagement Or Go On With My Wedding?? by Viking007(m): 6:45am On Mar 29, 2017
Plankton2017:
she would be 25 this year
I hope You read all the comments so far. Call off the wedding.
Re: HELP!!! Should I Break Off My Engagement Or Go On With My Wedding?? by Nobody: 7:21am On Mar 29, 2017
Hmmm smiley
Re: HELP!!! Should I Break Off My Engagement Or Go On With My Wedding?? by Nelgenius4me(m): 1:21pm On Mar 29, 2017
OP, May I remind you that a broken courtship is better than a bad marriage. From your analysis, there are pointers that you would not be happy if you go ahead with the weddings -my reasons are ;
1.Your wife will be a control freak.
2.She will be living a false life.
3.You might not be able to safe for the raining day because of her high luxurious life style.
4.Her father might be another torn in your flesh.
5.If you can't provide for her she might look elsewhere.
Finally, she might bring down your ego via her constant nagging.
Guy, stand up and be the man. Live within your budget, if she won't accept you for who you are then let her go and marry the "Joneses in Lekki"
Re: HELP!!! Should I Break Off My Engagement Or Go On With My Wedding?? by Richy4(m): 3:04pm On Mar 29, 2017
OP, you got a Y2k Compliant for a wife....This Problem occurs because you looked @ things with Rose pair of Glasses..Dismissing all those wrongdoings you know you won't tolerate in a normal day....Judging by what you wrote, You sound like a lay back person that got entangled with a high heeled senorita with lipstick..

If I happens to be in your shoes, I will stick with my original plan/ budget. I will decline all help from all angle financial wise...even decline the offer from the father inlaw to pay for venue...If it is too local, they should stay at home on that day...You will find out that on the surface, the father inlaw will dislike it...But deep down, he will be saying that's the man...She has pushed you to a point u have to defend your honor.....This is the best time to show your wife how you want things to be @ home...This is marriage, not boyfriend and girlfriend pretense..

Though I feel sorry for you because you are marrying her because your parents said so...Probably the Ex was not living in Lekki....This might just be the beginning of an unhappy days..I am sorry to say...
Re: HELP!!! Should I Break Off My Engagement Or Go On With My Wedding?? by Nobody: 3:10pm On Mar 29, 2017
Oh dear... It's always disheartening wen 1 gets involved with an ununderstanding person esp a partner. Dis lady in question won't change,not today not tomorrow. Don't be surprised u will be forced to do things dats not within ur reach just to please her n d family. Am not suggesting a quit but pls make sure before walking her down the aisle. Wonder why she accepted u knowing fully well ur capabilities,she is just d insatiable type n am sure nobody wants such a person. Try communicate how u feel to her n if she still feels u don't worth it den I advice u pause d wedding preparations n get things properly cleared up
Re: HELP!!! Should I Break Off My Engagement Or Go On With My Wedding?? by emmayodata(m): 3:30pm On Mar 29, 2017
I was just about to advise you until you said you left ur ex cos of her tribe.
Re: HELP!!! Should I Break Off My Engagement Or Go On With My Wedding?? by MrHenshaw: 3:47pm On Mar 29, 2017
Plankton2017:
Good day all,

I am a young dude who just did his traditional wedding. I have been having issues with my wife lately. She always nags at the highest pitch of her voice during simple arguments. I provide for the family the best way i can but she never appreciates me. She moved from her fathers mansion in Ikoyi Lagos to stay with me here on d mainland. She always complains how she misses life in Lekki and all that.

Now we are about to start white wedding plans. she never feels am correct. I have a certain budget for things but feel its not standard and its too local.She picks high end stuff from wedding gown to decoration that i and my family cant really afford and this turns to arguments. She once told me that am i so poor? My brethen I do business and my budget for my wedding is 1.5m i stay in a comfortable 2 bed that i pay 800k. I drive a muscle still im not good enuf. My family and I picked a venue for the wedding but she and her family declined that the place is too local. My church hall on d island that agreed for us to pay 300k, now her father wants to pay for a hal in VI thats 2million. She has now been singing it to my ears that her father is doing the wedding so how am i contributing. This pains me a lot. she is always on instagram and shows me people that have benz or expensive diamond which she knows i cant afford. I always tell her not to compare lives with people on IG most of them are fake.

I have been thinking can i continue like this?We argue all the time and wishes we stayed in Lekki. Please folks I was my self before I proposed I didnt Lie or fake anything. Guys am i not good enough??I miss my ex that understood me but wasnt from my tribe and i was not given parental blessings to marry her. Please advice me cos im a very unhappy should I go on with my white wedding? Please advice. sorry for my blunders
Re: HELP!!! Should I Break Off My Engagement Or Go On With My Wedding?? by ElsonMorali: 3:53pm On Mar 29, 2017
Plankton2017:


I saw some attributes but I just brushed it aside thinking cos she grew up on d island she may b used to that. she was never rude 80percent of the time.

Call off the wedding NOW!!! In your own best interest.
Re: HELP!!! Should I Break Off My Engagement Or Go On With My Wedding?? by Gluthatione: 4:40pm On Mar 29, 2017
Plankton2017:
Good day all,

I am a young dude who just did his traditional wedding. I have been having issues with my wife lately. She always nags at the highest pitch of her voice during simple arguments. I provide for the family the best way i can but she never appreciates me. She moved from her fathers mansion in Ikoyi Lagos to stay with me here on d mainland. She always complains how she misses life in Lekki and all that.

Now we are about to start white wedding plans. she never feels am correct. I have a certain budget for things but feel its not standard and its too local.She picks high end stuff from wedding gown to decoration that i and my family cant really afford and this turns to arguments. She once told me that am i so poor? My brethen I do business and my budget for my wedding is 1.5m i stay in a comfortable 2 bed that i pay 800k. I drive a muscle still im not good enuf. My family and I picked a venue for the wedding but she and her family declined that the place is too local. My church hall on d island that agreed for us to pay 300k, now her father wants to pay for a hal in VI thats 2million. She has now been singing it to my ears that her father is doing the wedding so how am i contributing. This pains me a lot. she is always on instagram and shows me people that have benz or expensive diamond which she knows i cant afford. I always tell her not to compare lives with people on IG most of them are fake.

I have been thinking can i continue like this?We argue all the time and wishes we stayed in Lekki. Please folks I was my self before I proposed I didnt Lie or fake anything. Guys am i not good enough??I miss my ex that understood me but wasnt from my tribe and i was not given parental blessings to marry her. Please advice me cos im a very unhappy should I go on with my white wedding? Please advice. sorry for my blunders
The marriage won't work out , if u proceed with d marriage u may end up divorcing in few months. pls call off d wedding though this may be very difficult. That's my 2cents brother.
Re: HELP!!! Should I Break Off My Engagement Or Go On With My Wedding?? by beyedew(f): 5:08pm On Mar 29, 2017
Op
The worst mistake you will ever make in this your young marriage is allowing her family pay for your wedding. I tell you, you won't hear the last of it. Stand your ground as the man of the house unless she (not her family) is willing to contribute some part of the money. Putting off the white wedding to me is not the best cos, unless you wanna break up, you must do the wedding and now that you don't have a lot of responsibilities is when you should do it. Before you know it, you have started popping out babies.

Ladies, the worst mistake you can ever make is comparing your father's wealth to that of your husband and also putting your husbands down when his pocket isn't really flowing well. You breed into them demons that you might have to fight for years to come. Please let's be wise.

4 Likes

Re: HELP!!! Should I Break Off My Engagement Or Go On With My Wedding?? by Nobody: 6:32pm On Mar 29, 2017
Plankton2017 please call off the wedding. I cannot condone such stupidity and lack of reasoning from a man let alone hear a woman say such. She cannot manage a home which is part of the primary function of a wife.
Re: HELP!!! Should I Break Off My Engagement Or Go On With My Wedding?? by Nobody: 6:36pm On Mar 29, 2017
eyinjuege:
Na wah o.

But you're married already na.

Better let your wife understand clearly now, and let her face reality that all that comparisons, kolewerk.

Abeg, didn't she know your level when you were dating? Infact, tell them you're not ready for any white wedding yet.
Let them give you a couple of years to buy a house in Lekki.
There's no point wasting more money doing an elaborate church wedding on a marriage that's dead on arrival.
Just make do with your traditional jeje, and do some "watchful waiting" as things pan out.
Please don't give this advice of he should make her see reason. How can you spoon feed a supposed adult to understand the term adaptation? He can always collect the brideprice and she can return to Lekki! Nigeria has too many problems, man need not add a nagging wife. Plankton2017 go and return the brideprice because if you come back here in the future to complain about your wife being extravagant...lemme pause here
Re: HELP!!! Should I Break Off My Engagement Or Go On With My Wedding?? by johnson232: 6:40pm On Mar 29, 2017
Homeboiy:
ur parents disallowed ur marriage to ur ex because she's not from ur tribe

oya enjoy the one from ur tribe nah

call it off man, u deserve ur own respect as the man

Re: HELP!!! Should I Break Off My Engagement Or Go On With My Wedding?? by johnson232: 6:43pm On Mar 29, 2017
cutecheeks:
Plankton2017 please call off the wedding. I cannot condone such stupidity and lack of reasoning from a man let alone hear a woman say such. She cannot manage a home which is part of the primary function of a wife.
kiss
Re: HELP!!! Should I Break Off My Engagement Or Go On With My Wedding?? by Nobody: 2:40am On Mar 30, 2017
Fear catch me o, with this one wey people they leap from 3MB

Cut your coat accordingly and stop letting others choose your bride.
Re: HELP!!! Should I Break Off My Engagement Or Go On With My Wedding?? by cjeriia: 8:01pm On Mar 30, 2017
Plankton2017:
Good day all,

I am a young dude who just did his traditional wedding. I have been having issues with my wife lately. She always nags at the highest pitch of her voice during simple arguments. I provide for the family the best way i can but she never appreciates me. She moved from her fathers mansion in Ikoyi Lagos to stay with me here on d mainland. She always complains how she misses life in Lekki and all that.

Now we are about to start white wedding plans. she never feels am correct. I have a certain budget for things but feel its not standard and its too local.She picks high end stuff from wedding gown to decoration that i and my family cant really afford and this turns to arguments. She once told me that am i so poor? My brethen I do business and my budget for my wedding is 1.5m i stay in a comfortable 2 bed that i pay 800k. I drive a muscle still im not good enuf. My family and I picked a venue for the wedding but she and her family declined that the place is too local. My church hall on d island that agreed for us to pay 300k, now her father wants to pay for a hal in VI thats 2million. She has now been singing it to my ears that her father is doing the wedding so how am i contributing. This pains me a lot. she is always on instagram and shows me people that have benz or expensive diamond which she knows i cant afford. I always tell her not to compare lives with people on IG most of them are fake.

I have been thinking can i continue like this?We argue all the time and wishes we stayed in Lekki. Please folks I was my self before I proposed I didnt Lie or fake anything. Guys am i not good enough??I miss my ex that understood me but wasnt from my tribe and i was not given parental blessings to marry her. Please advice me cos im a very unhappy should I go on with my white wedding? Please advice. sorry for my blunders
Run for ur life young man or live in regret for as long as d marriage will last. My 2 cents
Re: HELP!!! Should I Break Off My Engagement Or Go On With My Wedding?? by NoToPile: 8:35pm On Mar 30, 2017
First things first you are already married, doing the solemnization or not doesn't change that fact (I wonder why peeps think TM is not proper marriage , God honors it oo, white wedding is feferity but its not wrong )

Considering the fact you had someone that appreciates your "level" and you didn't get parental consent. You should have looked for someone of the same tribe that is ready to start at your "level" so you can receive parental blessings too.

You budgeted 1.5m for the whole wedding they want to take a hall of 2M , let them pay for it now.
She has started telling you she misses lekki , I suspect you may stay around surulere, I thought you should leave and cleave sebi its the same mainland you ve been living and she knows its muscle you drive, its normal to miss home as a new bride but this preference of both of you staying in lekki when she knows you possibly can't afford it is wrong.

By the time you get married for a while choice of hospital when preggy, choice of schools for kids will cause plenty wahala.

As for the saying that he shouldnr allow the brides family to pay for the wedding , where I come from culturally its the brides family that plans almost everything (with due consideration to in-laws) hosts, even pays for most things but the hubby/ family will drop something, some cow plus other stuffs , some cash, it all varies per family. The brides family can decide to spend 10million on their daughters wedding, its their money BUT the lady now doing this unnecsary comparism when you already know how he is financially doesn't sound wise.

Since you are already married (I dnt believe in that bride price returning stuff I believe its a form of divorce except in cases the marriage was not valid ) Cancel the white go to registry but bros be ready for tough times ahead.

Sighs*

Sorry OP

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