Whether you want to admit it or not, there has to be a head for any family/relationship to work.

Finally women can make use of those rights that she has been denied of in Africa. She is now in the position to decide if she wants to stay in a shitty marriage or not.

Funny enough, family women with kids where I come from are looked on with much more respect than women here in the West. My people say, "Adi abuo gba izu, nwanyi bulu onye ato". Whatever part of Africa you're from where women are disrespected, not from my own part.

Women aren't treated with anymore decency out here unless if jumping from relationship to relationship is your definiton of decency and freedom.

Don't be fooled; some marriages of certain contemporaries have been hitting the rocks in naija as far back as 1999;these are people in late20's-early 30's!No be for only Yankee or Jand!Make una look ya backyard wella!

Interesting topic.

It's amazing to see the men blaming the breakups on the women. Donzmen and co, isn't the man supposed to be the head of the home In my book, that means he's primarily responsible for whatever happens to it.

But just my one-liner on this issue: not many women will leave a really good man who treats her with love, gentle consideration and respect.

windywendy:

Interesting topic.

It's amazing to see the men blaming the breakups on the women. Donzmen and co, isn't the man supposed to be the head of the home In my book, that means he's primarily responsible for whatever happens to it.

But just my one-liner on this issue: not many women will leave a really good man who treats her with love, gentle consideration and respect.

How can the man be the head of the house when they say it's discrimination?

Both parties are to be blamed. When the woman forgets what an African home is supposed to be like and forgets what a wife is meant to do. The husband agrees that financial responsibilities should be borne 50-50 and agree to wake up in the middle of the night to change diapers because white people do it. When you do like the West do, you'll get the same results, DIVORCE.

Sounds like your just blaming the woman.

my sister

Both parties are to be blamed. When the woman forgets what an African home is supposed to be like and forgets what a wife is meant to do. The husband agrees that financial responsibilities should be borne 50-50 and agree to wake up in the middle of the night to change diapers because white people do it. When you do like the West do, you'll get the same results, DIVORCE.

Damn, this is just plain stupid to say.


At one time Africans were not even using diapers, little baby's ran around wearing nothing or wearing something home made. It was much easier then. You are the one who is always going on about change and how good and necessary it is and how many of the white mans ways and ideas are beneficial. Now you are blaming the white man for the change in African families?


You can't have your cake and eat it to, you can't blame white people because Africans are now using diapers and the husband wakes up at night to help in the changing of the diaper.


I see many Africans in America helping each other with the responsibility of the child or children, you know why? Because the situation now cause for it. Both the man a woman are now workers who each work at least a 9-5 jobs, they are both equally tired and they both share in the responsibilities.


It is not the diaper changing that is breaking up the marriages. If it is anything, it is the added stress in America compared to the stress they had in Africa. It's not easy adapting to a foreign system, I don't care how much better or good the money is.

Hello Cocoa my sister.

lewa:

Don't be fooled; some marriages of certain contemporaries have been hitting the rocks in naija as far back as 1999;these are people in late20's-early 30's!No be for only Yankee or Jand!Make una look ya backyard wella!

not nearly as much as those abroad

michelin89:

Why are you so surprised that the rate of divorce is high? Finally women can make use of those rights that she has been denied of in Africa. She is now in the position to decide if she wants to stay in a shitty marriage or not. And talking about African values, morals and so on. I see nothing like that in Africa. I only see a continent where women are treated as inferior entities at the man's avantage. Hypocrisy suits better.

Who knows the reason why only the men are complaining about this westernization? Oh! maybe because they aren't seen as the heads anymore but just as individuals whom women also are.

if that's the way they are treated, why do so many of you still crave the African man?
make una just keep una lifestyle for where una dey no come spoil our society to become like una own wey women dey yansh around sake of say dem no get man for house.

2Legit:

if that's the way they are treated, why do so many of you still crave the African man?

Are they not same African men who are being dumped overseas?? Poor African women! They always hope these men will change but still they won't. They have no other choice than to go and find a better life!

2Legit:

make una just keep una lifestyle for where una dey no come spoil our society

Wetin you wan spoil wey nor already spoil for that society? Abeg jo.

2Legit:

if that's the way they are treated, why do so many of you still crave the African man?
make una just keep una lifestyle for where una dey no come spoil our society to become like una own wey women dey yansh around sake of say them no get man for house.

Abeg bros which society? the one wey women don yansh around with old men when them dey school just for books and weave on? abi the one wey the woman go face ridicule because she no get bon boy?

if na so the men bad, make una go dey marry ebo.
and make sure say u come show ya face in 10yrs' time make we see where you don carry life reach

There are definately valid points to so many of the responses. Men need to know their place in the home and their responsibilities. Women need to know their place in the family and responsibilities. They are really well spelled out in the Bible. God also says that when this balance is changed, then the family will disintegrate. This is what we are seeing. People are sooooo "enlightened" and "modern" that they have forgotten what their roles are in the family to make it strong and work well. btw - I am an American woman married to a wonderful naija man, and we both know what is expected of us to make a very happy home.

so many african marraige are breaking down abroad because a lot of Nigerian men wont leave their traditional way and get with the system. Number one, the system favors women more than men generally and some men don't know how to deal with that. Some still see marriage the way their father saw it years ago in Nigeria. guys! the rule has changed.

The rule states you have to help your way in some ways not just sitting your fat ass watching TV while you expect your wife to labor away in the kitchen.

The worst part of this is guys that go to Nigeria to bring a wife to the west thinking they can still control them when they bring them here. It just doesnt happen again. There is a guy that I know that anytime he and his wife has a problem, he would threaten the wife that he would chase her outta of the house. Of course it didnt take time for the wife to know he couldnt do that and one heated situation one day the wife called 911 and he was bounced off the house. You have to be really close to the family to know what kind of verbal/emotional abuse the woman has been going through. Ordinarily people would say, "he brought her to the US, see how she treats him now". Not know the woman had no other choice but to do that.

I know someone that insisted his wife has to cook for him in the morning when the wife resumes work at like 6am and she had to leave home at around 5:15am to get to work. How unrealistic can that get. For her to get out of the house by she had to wake up like around 4am to get the kids ready while the father is sleeping away. What stops the hubby from preparing himself breakfast? for someone to wake up at around 4am, what time do u expect her to sleep to have enough rest? Of course, they started having trouble and the wife had to call police one day when it became too much for her - The people in Nigeria didnt understand too - Dont know how things work here.

md_dude:

so many african marraige are breaking down abroad because a lot of Nigerian men wont leave their traditional way and get with the system. Number one, the system favors women more than men generally and some men don't know how to deal with that. Some still see marriage the way their father saw it years ago in Nigeria. guys! the rule has changed.

The rule states you have to help your way in some ways not just sitting your fat ass watching  TV while you expect your wife to labor away in the kitchen.

The worst part of this is guys that go to Nigeria to bring a wife to the west thinking they can still control them when they bring them here. It just doesnt happen again. There is a guy that I know that anytime he and his wife has a problem, he would threaten the wife that he would chase her out of of the house. Of course it didnt take time for the wife to know he couldnt do that and one heated situation one day the wife called 911 and he was bounced off the house. You have to be really close to the family to know what kind of verbal/emotional abuse the woman has been going through. Ordinarily people would say, "he brought her to the US, see how she treats him now". Not know the woman had no other choice but to do that.

I know someone that[b] insisted his wife has to cook for him in the morning [/b] when the wife resumes work at like 6am and she had to leave home at around 5:15am to get to work. How unrealistic can that get. For her to get out of the house by she had to wake up like around 4am to get the kids ready while the father is sleeping away. What stops the hubby from preparing himself breakfast? for someone to wake up at around 4am, what time do u expect her to sleep to have enough rest? Of course, they started having trouble and the wife had to call police one day when it became too much for her - The people in Nigeria didnt understand too - Dont know how things work here.

Please are you available?  Any older brothers or uncles or nephews?  Let us talk please!  I think I might have someone for you if interested!

Donzman:

Whether you want to admit it or not, there has to be a head for any family/relationship to work.

Funny enough, family women with kids where I come from are looked on with much more respect than women here in the West. My people say, "Adi abuo gba izu, nwanyi bulu onye ato". Whatever part of Africa you're from where women are disrespected, not from my own part.

Women aren't treated with anymore decency out here unless if jumping from relationship to relationship is your definiton of decency and freedom.

New generation Vs Old generation!  New school Vs Old school of thought! 

New school= partnership, consideration, love, respect, humility, empathy, sharing and awareness!


Old school=

.

well this topic intrest me so i had to add a few words, many africans travell abroad with an african mind, thoughts and expectations, they want to be incharge, in control, the man of the house, they sometimes want to africanize the women forgetting she's from another race and would need a lot of time to adjust, i wouldn't want to say much, but one thing a man should know is that, what makes a man a real man, is not how strong or how in control you are, but how able you are to manage your relationship with your wife, a woman is like an egg, no matter what they are meant to be broken and and th same time taken with care, come heaven and earth a woman can never be a man. so we men should understand one fact, the day you got married, that day you have given half of your freedom to her to control, marraige is about team work.
hey if your woman is cheating on you, common! we always look younger the older we become, but for a woman no matter what someone will definetely know the hole has been tampered with,somy advice is when you get married,do it as much as ou can, make it a dialy routine, but be protective, don't go about having childen you can't keep,show the woman that despite your age, your rod is still as active as ever and even though she leaves you for another, somewhere somehow another woman will want the same service. okay men: be a man, take good care of your woman and give her all the respect she desires,

simple! bicos they got married abroad that's why?

And for the people back home, i can only say, whoever divorce his wife or husband, may thunder fire am!! sungo strike am!! they are all copy cat.

amaikama:

simple! bicos they got married abroad that's why?

And for the people back home, i can only say, whoever divorce his wife or husband, may thunder fire am!! sungo strike am!! they are all copy cat.

Even if the wife beats the husband for breakfast, lunch, dinner and midnight snack?

she no sabi say the guy go dey use am as boxing sparring partner before them marry? biko spare me tales by moonlight

Hmm. . .That's why our parents will always say 'Olorun a se yin no ore arayin pepe o' -Make God make u both friends for a v.long time.
Marriage should be based on mutual understanding.It is an institution on its own.
The reason most marriages break is due to the facts that
-They didnt get to know each other well,Some people just rush to the alter when the love is intoxicating them like palm-wine.
-Some couples are old when talking about age but aint matured at heart.
-Most marriages becomes disastrous when child-bearing comes into the picture. For Nigerians who do not believe in sending their Children back home for solid upbrining,this really affects them.Because,for example,husband and wife are both working on a full-time basis. By the time they get back home form work,they will be so tired. Children needs Parents attention,Father needs wife's attention but aint getting none. From this stage,wahala erupts and leads to something else.
-Most marriages that breaks are also due to the fact that some got married because A and B are married without knowing what A and B went through or are going through'
-Lack of communication is also a factor.
For a marriage to also be firm,the foundation should be based on spiritual belief. Imagine a believer and an unbeliever getting married. The believer tries all he/she could do try win this soul for God but all to no avail,dont u think that this unbeliever will one day do something silly.


Seriously yeah,any marriage that is not ordained from heaven tends to go down the rough lane

This is a powerful and nice thread, there are few reason why i think marriages abroad are falling apart,
1. Toughness of the couple realizing where they are, when you in rome, u behanve like rome, but that dont make u romans, what i mean is that, in abroad, nt easy for the man alone to cater for the family, one income might not be enuf, but the man wanna be a macho man, and carry all the buden alone, he is dying inside and he still remember the advice of the old grandma, that says " a real man dont cry" meanwhile, she is your wife, why dont u go to her and say, Hon, i ave tried alone, but it aint falling into place, tell her that the water don pass gari, dont suffer within for nothing, cos the man is made to process within, and after all teh processing, some men dont know how to come out again, and such men is lost forever, now he carried out his frustration on the woman fr what she never knew about, such men will have to get 2 jobs and cant stay home no more to see teh kids and the wife, and the wife wil start complaing and the man wikll get mad and one day the rope will snap.

2. The ladies wanna be a roman cos they are now in rome, forgeting that they are african, and no matter how much u try to coil your tongue to talk, no matter how much u cream ur sin to look white, u will never be one, so now when the husband is wrong, they talk to him anyhow, and threaten the husband with a phone call to the police, and a man that knows what is good for him, will mark that day as the doom of such marriage

3. The woman wanna enjoy both the good of african culture and that of western world, she wants the man to cater for all in da house and at same time for the man to wash the dishes and clean the house, i dont think that is fair, you wanna be a westerner, that is kool, then, the bill in da house, shuld be 50;50 split, and she wanna be an african, make food for your man and clean up, then, the man take care of the bill, that being said, i am not saying that men shuldnt help in da house oh, haba, help ur wife, make her feel good and appreciated.

4. Western culture has made marriage terrible, cos most kids cant touch the kids and the kids knows it, so that gives the man so much challenges and can ruin the home

5. The family is too busy all in da name of making money to take care of the household, and they dont send time no more, and the man start looking outside and likewise the man, so home is gone to the dogs

6. Most kids are raised by baby sitters and home is wrecked

7. Extended family back home in nigeria think money grows on apple tree and putting too much pressure on the married couple is a surety to kill the home


well, what do i know, i am just Rhino

well if men and women werent doin stupid shit like cheatin on their wives/husbands then maybe they wouldnt be getting divorces so much---and i dont think its just in the west like u put it, it could be anywhere! look at all those nigerian men cheating and messing around their wives IN nigeria, i think what you meant when u sed why are so many african marriages breaking up, u should have just put nigerian marriages b/c it seems like all nigerian couples are in a big fat mess.

Cause when some narrow-minded and foolish Nigerians
travel abroad they adopt the white people's way of thinking
and then they go and seek for a divorce.

Marriages are really c.rap anyway. There is more than 90% probability that one partner is going to wake up one day and say hey I am not enjoying this anymore. Should I spend all the rest of my life in this mess ? It might be caused by one of a hundred possible reasons . Many go into adultery and eventually towards divorce. In Nigeria the extended family, church, friends are always at hand to prevent total collapse. Outside and abroad you don't have this and so the possibility that the divorce will occur is high. I have never seen a couple who have been married long enough and not once thought of a breakup - ask your parents. Most marriages are actually held together by children , without children no amount of intervention can save a marriage on the way out.

I have a friend whose wife of more than 20 years living in US threatened him with divorce. My friend hired a lawyer to throw her out of his life permanently. She tried to retract but the harm had been done. The system abroad encourages single parents and women are actively encouraged to divorce their husbands at the least provocation especially when they are at economic advantage - or they perceive that the venture could prove lucrative in terms of alimony and related settlement. Our women living abroad need more education of the right kind. Many behave like village girls who have just ben brought to Lagos and trying exceedingly hard to look funky so that nobody will know that they are fresh from the village - and you know they always overdo it with disastrous consequences.

pafun:

I have a friend whose wife of more than 20 years living in US threatened him with divorce. My friend hired a lawyer to throw her out of his life permanently. She tried to retract but the harm had been done. The system abroad encourages single parents and women are actively encouraged to divorce their husbands at the least provocation especially when they are at economic advantage - or they perceive that the venture could prove lucrative in terms of alimony and related settlement. Our women living abroad need more education of the right kind. Many behave like village girls who have just ben brought to Lagos and trying exceedingly hard to look funky so that nobody will know that they are fresh from the village - and you know they always overdo it with disastrous consequences.

I don't thik there could be a better answer.

The response here are so funny.
I have lived here in the US for 12 years and I am married for 5. Most of my friends are married too.
A lot of us Nigerian men are so hypocritical, that is why most marriages are failing.

You want you wife to be sharing of the bills, both of you work 9-5 or work out of the house with kids and you expect your wife to still slave and do most of the work in the house. C'mon! These women are no superwoman, they are human like you. I know so many Nigerian Marriages that are on the brinks now because of the chauvinism.

You guys have to understand how the female friendly laws in the west came to be. Their society was similar to ours at one point in time until it got to the brink and the laws had to be made to protect women. Of course so many people abuse the laws but I think it generally it made their society for it. I talk to some of my childhood female friends in Nigeria, the stories I hear are too surreal. I don't rule it out that these people will not file for divorce if they have female friendly laws and supportive society like they have here.

Many women live in very abusive marriages in naija (emotionally or physically or both) and the women didnt have anywhere to go.
I don't support divorce in any way of form but I will support my sister or daughter if she is in that situation and needs to get out. It is better being single than being married and living in hell.

Wow

When a man or woman leave the way of God and start following the doctrine of men. If you dont listen to your husband and you become proud . You would end up the same.

Proud? A lot of the issues are not a matter of being proud. If you want a wife, go get one and if you need a slave, go get one too but you don't expect to have both in the same person. Submission is not surrender.
What is being proud? What is the religious injunction about marriage?
I know a lot of naija men here that expect their wife to toil and expect them not to have any say in the house because they are the men? That doesnt make sense to me. If you don't want your wife to be "proud" and have a say in the say in the house ask her to sit her asz down in the house and make all the money.

When your forefathers had domineering influence in the house, they provided for their families and the wife kept the home. How many of these men can keep their wives at home? Somethings have to give. You don't expect your wife to bring half of the money in the house and still expect to be dictating everything and how things have to work.
Yes some women have their faults too but in most cases that I have seen it is the men that wanted to have the control like they are in their village.