Solobenny:
Good evening wonderful Nigerians and naira landers.
Please take your time and read cause this might be a long post.
NB: Exclusively for natured and experienced minds, your comments and are expectedly welcomed.


My cousin has complains she's tired of her marriage.

She has been married for 5yrs and have four children (a set of twin girls and another boy and girl).

She has on several/most occasions been a victim of domestic violence, the husband spends most nights outside the home, comes back drunk, easily infuriated and top of it all an egoistic being.

My cousin has been enduring without telling anyone because of her ill mother(don't want her to die of heartbreak) and for the love of her kids, not forsaking the endurance based on Christianity belief.

Now her mum is gone just some days ago, pathetic as it seems the husband didn't show any sign of pity or sympathy, he started making threats of divorce accompanied with abuses calling she and her siblings "useless orphans,your sorrow just begin" and more despite the mourning state.

Now, she is clearly confused on the decision to take.

*To proceed with the divorce , noting the expenses of child rearing on a single mother. ( She's a qualified and educated Nurse)

*To seek or perhaps accept apology if who knows her husband apologizes like he always does. ( bearing in mind the level of threat, high level of domestic violence and mental distress she'll continue to undergo.)

Help her make a decision.

Thanks as yo
u comment wisely and naturedly.

Yawns

is she financially independent

Jacksparr0w127:





May such fate befall you both. Then, people will stay away from your marriage

Who is this fellow? Jascksparrow more, Arsen Wenger ni, stay off my mention

davo90tico:

bro that pic Na lie
remember the vows for marriage
For better or worse in sickness and in health for richer for poorer till death do us part.
many of this signs of her husband might have been visible during courtship and she just ignored them cos she wanted to marry
so no say marriage is just a certificate
it's not something to be taken lightly as most peeps do spending much on wedding and using little effort for the actual marriage it actually goes both ways bro

Why do we go to court for marriage?


Why do we get certificates when getting married?

Love, trust, understanding as well as flexibility should be the criteria for marriage.

If anyone of the above mentioned got missing, I bet the union is destined for the SOUTH

Divorce him, once physical abuse sets in and isn't ending, divorce him.

adorablepepple:

Just shut up!!!

seconded.

daretodiffer:
So she took a gun held it to his head and commanded him to say ‘I do'

A lot of girls do worse; from diabolical threats to outright hired killers. More men are railroaded into marriages by force than not.

A poem for your cousin...

A poem for your cousin

Solobenny:
Good evening wonderful Nigerians and naira landers.
Please take your time and read cause this might be a long post.
NB: Exclusively for natured and experienced minds, your comments and are expectedly welcomed.


My cousin has complains she's tired of her marriage.

She has been married for 5yrs and have four children (a set of twin girls and another boy and girl).

She has on several/most occasions been a victim of domestic violence, the husband spends most nights outside the home, comes back drunk, easily infuriated and top of it all an egoistic being.


My cousin has been enduring without telling anyone because of her ill mother(don't want her to die of heartbreak) and for the love of her kids, not forsaking the endurance based on Christianity belief.

Now her mum is gone just some days ago, pathetic as it seems the husband didn't show any sign of pity or sympathy, he started making threats of divorce accompanied with abuses calling she and her siblings "useless orphans,your sorrow just begin" and more despite the mourning state.

Now, she is clearly confused on the decision to take.

*To proceed with the divorce , noting the expenses of child rearing on a single mother. ( She's a qualified and educated Nurse)

*To seek or perhaps accept apology if who knows her husband apologizes like he always does. ( bearing in mind the level of threat, high level of domestic violence and mental distress she'll continue to undergo.)

Help her make a decision.

Thanks as you comment wisely and naturedly.

your reasons are baseless

Pidgin2:


Who is this fellow? Jascksparrow more, Arsen Wenger ni, stay off my mention

And if I don't? You'll beat me?

Better divorced that be the late... walk away from an abusive man. They are a no no

Hemstone:
mumu... so after telling someone to shut up. This is the rubbish you can advise?

Stupid imbeciile, what advice did your rotten mouth give? Goat

goingape1:
this is their punishment!

when there are young you will see them following different preek for money.

I only blame ya cousin because she saw what is coming her way!



by the way! did you replace mature with nature or maturely with naturedly?

lol pardon my auto-correct

Suggesting to her what to do might be unfair without seeing the other side of the coin. One sidedness not my thing.

Originalsly:
Bro.... some women are trapped in marriage.... and worse if they claim to be Christian but have the Pagan belief that 'God hates divorce'.No doubt, she is trapped. The abuse will only get worse.... she will continue to suffer physically but worse... mentally and emotionally. How can she raise the children in such a state? The children are witnessing... they are suffering. .. they are learning.... they are being affected. What kind of adults would they become? If you check out the husband's history... don't be surprised to find out he grew up with an abusive father... and this is what he knows best... the cycle continues. Again... she is trapped. My advice. ... and please... I have no sugar to sugar coat it... as a male relative.... you and others should not even be up in here seeking advice. You are a big part of the problem. That guy is battering your cousin because the male members of her family allow it to happen. Have a meeting with him.... since she has been a faithful and pretty much a submissive wife.... let him know the abuse has to stop immediately or there will be repercussions. Most likely... it will stop because he will now be in fear.... if it doesn't. .. then he should be given a severe beat down. You can choose to do nothing... because it is not your business... or because what other people will say.... or you don't get involved in married people business. If .....God forbid.... she is one day beaten into a pulp.... or commits suicide... you can tell the world what you could've done if you only knew it was going to come to this. Your cousin is trapped... crying for help... free her.. and her children.

You are wise!
You're are wise!!!
What did I say?
You are indeed wise!!!
But then the male relative have according to the family's reputation called for peace ,
What does he do? He started making life threats, I wish I could upload screenshot of messages he sent. They were in all angles embarrassing considering the wife just lost her mother two days ago the only parent she has left .
There are many heartless acts of this man that would be too confidential to relate here. In all my cousin endured to avoid her late mum having a sudden heart attack considering she's the only daughter.
People are really wicked in this life.

Family palava! May God help you. The ball is in your court you can play it the way you like but remember apitation is not the antidote of headache

Was I the one that helped her make the Choice of marriage and who am I to peddle into family affair? It's high time people practised what they promise during marriage "for better, for worst, in health and in sickness, in affluence and in abject poverty till death do them part "
For the husband, I pray God to grant him grace of repentance and common sense, love and peace to enable him rebuild his family. Amen!

daretodiffer:
She did juju to him when she realised no one would marry her because of her numerous abortions

Ijiot!

Kid kid kid.... not stopping to let words sink into that head of yours before you exercise your fingers only makes you look like the proverbial youth with all the knowledge in the world and can't learn from anyone..
Continue replying to every statement as you see fit..... Wise Lady

Solobenny:

You are wise!
You're are wise!!!
What did I say?
You are indeed wise!!!
But then the male relative have according to the family's reputation called for peace ,
What does he do? He started making life threats, I wish I could upload screenshot of messages he sent. They were in all angles embarrassing considering the wife just lost her mother two days ago the only parent she has left .
There are many heartless acts of this man that would be too confidential to relate here. In all my cousin endured to avoid her late mum having a sudden heart attack considering she's the only daughter.
People are really wicked in this life.

This guy you funny o
So the poster speaks your mind and what you and your relatives ought do abi ?
So case settled, gather them relatives, speak to your In-law and in the process give him a beat down..... Yeah that should be the answer..lol
tsk tsk tsk..... Is that how the better for worse phrase in the marriage lines have gone down the drain?

What ever happened to the fact that these are difficulties that will happen and surely for each and everyone in this forum(married or single), such temptations though with a different face will surely surface..... but remember it is those that are steadfast with God-Given Wisdom that will weather the storm and peace will reign finally in their houses.

This is my advise to you like someone earlier suggests:
Advise your cousin or your sister (as the case maybe):

1. She needs to develop a metal toughness that will not allow the actions of her husband to get to her..i.e. Ignore and stay away from issues that will get her hubby behave unruly to her
2. Always i repeat Always ensure that [b]RESPECT [/b]for her hubby is not thrown away to the bin (so it will not be use against her one day)
3. Let her constantly seek wisdom in Prayer and devote her time to her kids and work (since she is a Nurse)
4. Once she starts experiencing violence, she should take her kids and leave the house ( This is lawful since it could lead to loss of her life)
There are many more (good advises) contained within this forum which you yourself need wisdom to see and take home, but the main moral now is that your cousin/Sister now lives her life for her Kids and as such should be careful with the way she acts so as not create a new monster in them.
As for the Man sorry i meant Child, he has no excuse to hit a woman and for such words despite the death of the In-law, i will rather reserve comments since we are all trying to help your sister with advise on her marriage

Chaiii see us all wey dey give advise, we never remove the ones wey dey our ends , All same God be with you in any decision you relay to your relative

I know a very very good man who became an animal die to his wife's incessant nagging and madNess.




The good man lager became a drunkard because he couldn't face the problem at home sober. He later became a womaniser.




One day the man woke up an decided to live a healthy life again. To stop drinking and womanising. But 1st he had to send the woman who drive him mad away 1st



Perhaps the woman is just like the one in my story. Though I'm not excusing the man or indulging him.



But if the madam is truly tired she should leave

U mentioned egoistic #Pride. They husband must be the type dat doesn't need to be patronised or advised on bases of family issue, I think dat is wat must av transpired btw him n de wife siblings

Solobenny:

Admittedly, the wife is a human being, subjected to human errors, however, from I've witnessed, she's very submissive and replies him in a low tone, apologizes when due. That said, after her mum's demise, the husband didn't show any sympathy, this drove her crazy and couldn't bear it anymore.

Find out from the man
Trust me sentiments can cloud our reasoning most times

You (&we) can't be taking decisions based on one side of the story.

Meet with the husband hear his side then come back here tag us and then we will decide.

lazeal:


I am strong supporter of "Your Happiness Should Come First" If the emboldened is true, did she stop working? She should improve herself more and I don't see why she can't own a pharmacy store in a busy environment to make more money.

The illiterate husband forbid him to work. The few months she did. He would often come to the hospital and embarrass her and eventually apologize.
In a nutshell, he doesn't like working under someone, his ego blinds him

anochilar:
As a Christian, by Christ teaching, the only allowed reason for divorce is marital infidelity. (even at that, forgiveness by the innocent mate, is also an allowed option, especially for the sake of the kids) but divorce on fornication grounds (infidelity) isn't a sin.
-Matthew 19:9
but separation, from an abusive mate, (includes domestic violence, and threat to life) is very much allowed! -Please read 1corinthians 7:10,11.
(as long as the separated mates does not remarry someone else)
for as long as is necessary, so when the guilty mate has come to his senses, accepts counsel, prays for God's help, apologise, and seeks reunion of his spouse, then they can be reconciled together again, and there children can grow up in a united home.
A separation, does not have a specific duration, it may range from several days, to several years. Of living in Separate residences.
The only situations in which a divorce is valid is, 1. The guilty mate is also a cheat (unfaithful) either during the marriage, or during separation. (note: divorce on fidelity reasons must be made on hard evidence. Example, caught in the act... Not on mere suspicion)
2. During the separation, any of the mates remarry and have sex with the 3rd party spouse, (a fornication has occurred) therefore, whoever of the 2, that didn't remarry first, is now free to remarry, and it would be valid, by Christian doctrine.
-read mark 10:11,12. Malachi 2:16.
Any further questions, requiring solid answers from the bible, i may help you.

You're a JW right?
Funny thing. This is a JW couple.
The wife is a reputable sis in the congregation unlike the husband who hardly attends meeting

PaperLace:
Anybody asking if she is disrespectful is very stupid. Quote me and face my wrath. The bolts in your head are not there at all.
So, a disrespectful wife should be beaten?
What should we do to disrespectful husbands? Pray for them as usual, wear red pant and bra.

Some of you men think you're more important than technology. You think you don't have faults? Give your wives A4 paper to write your fuckups and you'll be amazed at what she's putting up with. She didn't beat or poison you.

Who trained these Dunderheads?!

You as a woman agreed to be the loser for your husband to always be the winner the moment you confess 'I do'. Stop nagging

Solobenny:

The illiterate husband forbid him to work. The few months she did. He would often come to the hospital and embarrass her and eventually apologize.
In a nutshell, he doesn't like working under someone, his ego blinds him

She is better off without him.

1. She should get elders from both families to speak with him, get the apology THEN provided he agrees to some sort of counseling she should stay. Counseling introduces an authority figure who can say "you are out of line". The above does not guarantee well being but if he doesn't agree to this, it's already a lost cause. Also prayer works miracles. May GOD be with her.

Go to Facebook, search FIN, (get someone who is already a member to add you to the group) and table this before them. You will receive more practical advice there.

But my own humble opinion is ; once abuse, especially physical enters a marriage it hardly stops. And most times it leads to far more worst situations. Let her leave the marriage, might not be outright divorce, just a break you know. Even unmarried couples do give themselves break sometimes. Just to recalculate and revalue.

Pidgin2:
Her husband is her cross, tell her to watch 'War Room'

EXACTLY...I PRAY IT MAKES AN IMPACT

If your cousin is a Christian, let her check this site http://www.firesprings.com and follow the instructions there.

most family matters are more of spiritual than physical or common sense ,divorce is not an option let her always pray for him, Love and cherish him. I also encourage you and family members to pray for deliverance of your cousin and her husband. please urge her to be committed to prayer and fasting and study of God word Her husband is been Manipulated.

You too make sense. . I love what you wrote. I am tired of those people, can you imagine a lady once told me that if a woman is being maltreated in her husband's house and she decides to leave that she's selfish!

keepingmum:
So the only reason she's considering a divorce is because her husband called her and her siblings orphans? NOT because of the incessant DV, emotional abuse and all?

Should a third party prevail she will be happy to remain as long as he apologises abi?

She should well done!!! The I must remain MRS crew, the god forbids divorce crew, the I don't want my Shildren 2 grow up in a broken home gang

Pls tell her 2 remain in the marriage, after all she is a working nurse, she can cater for herself and treat any injuries inflicted on her by her beloved horseband. ......the day he bangs her head on the wall and she dies, she ll get automatic ticket 2 heaven for upholding her vows as the good long suffering Christian wife that she is ......she can also serve as guiding angel 2 her 4 children who will be maltreated by their stepmum incessantly... . Shielding them from eating poisonous food as we see on nollywood

Solobenny:

You are wise!
You're are wise!!!
What did I say?
You are indeed wise!!!
But then the male relative have according to the family's reputation called for peace ,
What does he do? He started making life threats, I wish I could upload screenshot of messages he sent. They were in all angles embarrassing considering the wife just lost her mother two days ago the only parent she has left .
There are many heartless acts of this man that would be too confidential to relate here. In all my cousin endured to avoid her late mum having a sudden heart attack considering she's the only daughter.
People are really wicked in this life.

Look, I don't know what help you want for your cousin online. The man is abusive in all ramifications. Everyone's agreed on that. He was abusive before he told your cousin he wanted a divorce, abusive when he still wanted the marriage.
Now that he has told her in clear terms he wants a divorce, you can be sure the abuse will be tripled now.
What you lot should be looking for is how to get immediate accommodation for your cousin, even if its a self contained apartment for now. Let her leave the place, and leave the man with his wahala. Time to double her hustle. Any assistance she can get from you guys her family members will be welcome I'm sure.